If anyone wants to be bored to tears, I have started a new blog. It's on science fiction writing so don't expect funny. Don't expect science either, I failed science in high school. I resent that by the way. If I would have had a decent teacher I would have been okay. I had a teacher called Mr. Gautier. He was eventually fired and run out of town but, unfortunately, not before he turned me off of science.
Actually thinking about it now, some of the teachers I had at PCSS were not good. I had one great one. A Mr. Robinson (not Adam Robertson). I had him for geography. I was in the front desk and I sat rapt listening to him. Unfortunately he died one summer and I missed him a lot. The only blot on that class was when we were required to make a facsimile of a raft that Thor Hyerdahl sailed on: The Kon Tiki. Mine fell apart before I got it to school. I was in tears but Mr. Robinson was kind enough not to put it out for display.
May I continue a wee bit here? It's funny what people remember. The Vancouver Philharmonic Orchestra came to Creston once and so even the kids from the elementary school got to attend. I was sitting up in the bleachers with friends and I wondered if I would see Bobby walking in. Actually it may have been Jim and Ger. It's a long time ago. When I started at school I always got asked by the teachers: 'are you related to Roy and Marlene?' 'yes' "hmmm'
Continuing on, so I was a clutz in physical education. Why do they call it education? Hello. For a young, fairly nerdy person like me it was hell. Tumbling was really hell. Run up to a springboard and do what over that thing? A sumersault? Hello. Of course I could swim almost before I could walk. And so the very odd time we were able to swim during phys ed, I wowed them.
And I played the trumpet in the high school band. Hello. I was no good. Why I chose the trumpet I'll never know. I should have chose the tambourines. But I got to travel to Trail (where we won the music festival competition, we were on that weekend) and of course I marched in the Kimberley and Creston parades a few times. Thinking back on it, I may have been the first nerd in the history of mankind. And I may have almost been the first 'hippy'. When one is born in 1945, one is going to go through several stages.
By the way, I'm replacing Ger as one my fave people in lieu of Justin. And definitely replacing Kev in lieu of Colin. Jim I can't replace although I'd like to. Kevin took me to the airport and saw me off? Hello. And Ger was sleeping on Jim's couch when I got up Sunday morn? Hello. I sure appreciated that.
By the way, as well as new items being added, existing items will change or be deleted on this blog from week to week. If you miss it, you miss it.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Hot or what
I've never seen a hot spell like this before. Ever. It's only 30 above (49 counting humidity probably). As I always do on Sunday morning, I went out biking. That lasted about six minutes. Even I can't bike in that.
I'm imagining a conversation with Jim if he lived in Toronto: "Uncle Don?" "yes Jim" "I'm moving, bye"
I'm imagining a conversation with Jim if he lived in Toronto: "Uncle Don?" "yes Jim" "I'm moving, bye"
David Letterman's Top Ten
Top ten reasons why Uncle Don shouldn't be allowed to live in Creston:
10. He will get lost and a major search party, costing millions of dolars, will have to be arranged.
9. Six minutes after moving to Creston he will be bored.
8. I'm there for a week and I leave Kev notes on his seat to cheer him up in the morning. If I lived there for a while, I would leave a bomb and so he wouldn't last long.
7. I'd drop in at Creston Optometric Eye Centre every day and annoy Karri.
6. I'd hitchhike to Jim's and be so unshaven, unbathed and rude.
5. When and if I was invited, I'd critizice Anita's food. That would be after I ate her delicious cabbage rolls.
4. I'd embarrass everyone by being normal.
3. I'd impress Jim with my cooking.
2. Wherever she is working, I will meet Jen for a ciggy.
1. I'll die the second day I get there because I will be too happy.
10. He will get lost and a major search party, costing millions of dolars, will have to be arranged.
9. Six minutes after moving to Creston he will be bored.
8. I'm there for a week and I leave Kev notes on his seat to cheer him up in the morning. If I lived there for a while, I would leave a bomb and so he wouldn't last long.
7. I'd drop in at Creston Optometric Eye Centre every day and annoy Karri.
6. I'd hitchhike to Jim's and be so unshaven, unbathed and rude.
5. When and if I was invited, I'd critizice Anita's food. That would be after I ate her delicious cabbage rolls.
4. I'd embarrass everyone by being normal.
3. I'd impress Jim with my cooking.
2. Wherever she is working, I will meet Jen for a ciggy.
1. I'll die the second day I get there because I will be too happy.
Sunday Morning Musings
Yesterday I paid $150 for a headset so I can listen to my music with clarity. I can no more afford that than fly from here to Toledo. Music is the most important part of my life so I'm not all down on myself for doing that.
This week has been a killer as far weather is concerned here in Toronto. Counting humidity over 40 every day. You think it is bad in Cranbrook Jim. Not even remotely close. I actually biked to work one day last week. I didn't collapse so I can't be in that bad shape.
Julie sent me pics. Great pictures actually. Julie seems to be the only one in the family whom realizes that I love receiving pictures. I can here it now, in unison: "we are too busy, we don't have time" I thought that excuse went out with the Edsel but I guess not. And of course the reason I like to get pics is so I can post them on the blog. I don't think though that anyone can send better pics than what Julie sent me.
I don't know if anyone noticed but I'm not really normal. I sent Bob a short e-mail telling him I was mad at him. So he sends me back an e-mail: "what did I do now?" Someone should take me behind a barn and shoot me. And I phone Kev's place just to check up on him. Not to talk, just to make sure he is okay. I assume by now you all know my quirks and if you don't you are stupid.
I must admit, even I was somewhat taken aback with the great reception I received. Certainly not when I arrived but family seemed to warm to me. Although that may not be true either. Do we really need the hiding under a tire, zooming up a side of a mountain, bickering back and forth between family members? Oh yeah, I forgot it is the Storm Clan. If possible try to be a little more creative next year. I mean really, if I've seen Col zip up a hil trying to fix his bumper once I've seen it a thousand times. And Karri falling into the river was rather passe. And Kev looking at me in the canoe all alone. For gawds sakes I said I need to take a pee as a joke because the rock wall was sheer and I assumed Kev took it as a joke. Hello. But it was boring really. And then Justin jumping off of it. I didn't even know he was up on the sheer wall. And Col doing the rope thing. If any of that was done to impress me, it did. But the problem being is that next year Justin and Col will pretty well have to drown to impress me.
Thousands of time in the past, I have pretended to be shocked by the antics of The Storm Clan, especially Kev. I'm not doing that anymore. Actually Colin did impress me. He did something (although silly and uncalled for). He forgot to let go of the rope. I would have done that
too, but unforunately The Storm Clan is getting rather conservative and so I didn't.
In some ways I want to live at Kev's but I don't want to be bored. So difficult even thinking about it. One thing that has always beem a factor in my life is that it happens. If it happens, it happens. Egad, don't underestimate me out there. Just don't do that. I underestimate me so I don't need others doing it.
This week has been a killer as far weather is concerned here in Toronto. Counting humidity over 40 every day. You think it is bad in Cranbrook Jim. Not even remotely close. I actually biked to work one day last week. I didn't collapse so I can't be in that bad shape.
Julie sent me pics. Great pictures actually. Julie seems to be the only one in the family whom realizes that I love receiving pictures. I can here it now, in unison: "we are too busy, we don't have time" I thought that excuse went out with the Edsel but I guess not. And of course the reason I like to get pics is so I can post them on the blog. I don't think though that anyone can send better pics than what Julie sent me.
I don't know if anyone noticed but I'm not really normal. I sent Bob a short e-mail telling him I was mad at him. So he sends me back an e-mail: "what did I do now?" Someone should take me behind a barn and shoot me. And I phone Kev's place just to check up on him. Not to talk, just to make sure he is okay. I assume by now you all know my quirks and if you don't you are stupid.
I must admit, even I was somewhat taken aback with the great reception I received. Certainly not when I arrived but family seemed to warm to me. Although that may not be true either. Do we really need the hiding under a tire, zooming up a side of a mountain, bickering back and forth between family members? Oh yeah, I forgot it is the Storm Clan. If possible try to be a little more creative next year. I mean really, if I've seen Col zip up a hil trying to fix his bumper once I've seen it a thousand times. And Karri falling into the river was rather passe. And Kev looking at me in the canoe all alone. For gawds sakes I said I need to take a pee as a joke because the rock wall was sheer and I assumed Kev took it as a joke. Hello. But it was boring really. And then Justin jumping off of it. I didn't even know he was up on the sheer wall. And Col doing the rope thing. If any of that was done to impress me, it did. But the problem being is that next year Justin and Col will pretty well have to drown to impress me.
Thousands of time in the past, I have pretended to be shocked by the antics of The Storm Clan, especially Kev. I'm not doing that anymore. Actually Colin did impress me. He did something (although silly and uncalled for). He forgot to let go of the rope. I would have done that
too, but unforunately The Storm Clan is getting rather conservative and so I didn't.
In some ways I want to live at Kev's but I don't want to be bored. So difficult even thinking about it. One thing that has always beem a factor in my life is that it happens. If it happens, it happens. Egad, don't underestimate me out there. Just don't do that. I underestimate me so I don't need others doing it.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Hi
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I can't get pics from Jim, Ger and Kev. Julie sent me these. Thank so much Julie. I have Max forever. That is more appreciated than you will ever imagine.
The Grand Poobah
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Uncle Poobah loves this pic. This is why Uncle Poobah writes The Storm Blog and why he loves Jim, Ger, Kev and Julie so much.
sheesh
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Note that umbrella. Pretend I'm not here but guess who got it? tick, tick, tick, tick, ah an umbrella. tick, tick, oh i'm tired. tick, tick tick back to the deck. Hello, I'm exhausted. Look at these people. I did all the work and they have no idea. I had to dig for it and look around and wave to Terry. It was a big deal. And look at this idyllic scene. They have no idea what I went through.
agh
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This is the conversation between father and son: "dad?" "what" "you've gotta get over it" "what?" "staring at that ant that does the triple axel and why are you protecting your crotch?" "because""Dad?" "what?" "if i could explain this to you, people don't comb their hair that way anymore, they used to". "what way?" "dad how old are you?" "why?" "because you are cool, really cool".
The Gathering
Uncle Poobah won't be there next weekend. But I will expect every Storm Clan member to be there. Life is all about fun. Anyone complains about fun then they aren't a Storm. I'd give my right arm to be there so I don't want to hear any complaints. I'm sure the Storm Clan will act accordingly (subtly giving out the aura of being a little better than everyone else but pretending to be comfortable amongst the riff-faff). I've made a top ten list of do's and don't's for that weekend as a Storm Clan guideline.
ten: If possible, don't throw up in front of anyone.
Nine: When walking, try to go from point A to point B in a straight line.
Eight: This refers mainly to Kev. Don't sing around the campfire.
Seven: If in doubt, nod and say things like: absolutely, I agree, amazing, is that right?, I've noticed that.
Six: Eat a lot.
Five: Mainly referring to Ger: don't talk.
Four: Mainly referring to Jim: if you must talk about the navy, keep it under six thousand words.
Three: Mainly referring to Justin, Col, Ty and Jen and Shayna: don't attend, I mean really whom would want to (I'm kidding of course). But when you do, stick together.
Two: Mainly referring To Roy: commit suicide if possible, or have twelve thousand naps.
One: Have fun and enjoy, I know I would.
ten: If possible, don't throw up in front of anyone.
Nine: When walking, try to go from point A to point B in a straight line.
Eight: This refers mainly to Kev. Don't sing around the campfire.
Seven: If in doubt, nod and say things like: absolutely, I agree, amazing, is that right?, I've noticed that.
Six: Eat a lot.
Five: Mainly referring to Ger: don't talk.
Four: Mainly referring to Jim: if you must talk about the navy, keep it under six thousand words.
Three: Mainly referring to Justin, Col, Ty and Jen and Shayna: don't attend, I mean really whom would want to (I'm kidding of course). But when you do, stick together.
Two: Mainly referring To Roy: commit suicide if possible, or have twelve thousand naps.
One: Have fun and enjoy, I know I would.
The Power of Women
I'm not sure if words can stop a war. Words can certainly start one. Words can be used to make someone happy. And they can cause someone to be so sad. And words don't have to be spoken to have an impact. And sometimes words can make someone happy, while making someone else sad. Or words can be ignored.
Case in point: "Shut the fuck up, I came 5000 kilos to hear a loon or a spotted owl or a moose. Can I have ten seconds of silence to hear silence? I don't need to hear anything, I just don't want to hear anything" Tick tock. "Uncle Don?" "yes Jen" "was that enough?" "that was one second, I hardly think so" "we'll start over" tick "uncle don?" "yes jen" not enough?" "Jen, if you would shut up then it might work". Uncle?" "yes Jen?" "you see whom I'm surrounded with?" "Storms?" "want some baby duck?"
Case in point: I look over yonder and see Jim and Brenda. Idyllic. What harm can come to me? Not possible. Hello. Who knew? Brenda, the one whom I thought would not want to harm a flea. Hello. It took a long a long time before we knew whom caused every mishap. "Kev?" "yes uncle don" "we aren't moving and neither are others but look at Brenda and Jim just powering down that river, I may have to reassess my once positive thoughts of Brenda" "you had positive thoughts about Brenda?" "Briefly"
Case in point: I'm going to go back a bit. First time I met Karri: "Uncle Don, where did you come from and why do you hate us and really, how the hell can you come back and I want to hear every moment of your life since Grade six" I was warned about Karri but I was taken aback. "uncle don?" "yes ger" "when karri gets home you are going to the Creston Optometric Eye Centre" "in my life" "you are" Of course Ger was correct in his assumption. Everything about Karri that week was fun and she took time out to make my life better. And I love her.
Case in point: Anita. Thank good gawd Neet didn't have to work that week. Anita seems to be able read my mind. When I look at Anita I'm just comfortable. The more I come down to Creston, the more I notice that Anita is happy and she has life together. Kev is a lucky man and he realizes it completely.
The Storm Clan is powered by great women. Every great clan is.
Case in point: "Shut the fuck up, I came 5000 kilos to hear a loon or a spotted owl or a moose. Can I have ten seconds of silence to hear silence? I don't need to hear anything, I just don't want to hear anything" Tick tock. "Uncle Don?" "yes Jen" "was that enough?" "that was one second, I hardly think so" "we'll start over" tick "uncle don?" "yes jen" not enough?" "Jen, if you would shut up then it might work". Uncle?" "yes Jen?" "you see whom I'm surrounded with?" "Storms?" "want some baby duck?"
Case in point: I look over yonder and see Jim and Brenda. Idyllic. What harm can come to me? Not possible. Hello. Who knew? Brenda, the one whom I thought would not want to harm a flea. Hello. It took a long a long time before we knew whom caused every mishap. "Kev?" "yes uncle don" "we aren't moving and neither are others but look at Brenda and Jim just powering down that river, I may have to reassess my once positive thoughts of Brenda" "you had positive thoughts about Brenda?" "Briefly"
Case in point: I'm going to go back a bit. First time I met Karri: "Uncle Don, where did you come from and why do you hate us and really, how the hell can you come back and I want to hear every moment of your life since Grade six" I was warned about Karri but I was taken aback. "uncle don?" "yes ger" "when karri gets home you are going to the Creston Optometric Eye Centre" "in my life" "you are" Of course Ger was correct in his assumption. Everything about Karri that week was fun and she took time out to make my life better. And I love her.
Case in point: Anita. Thank good gawd Neet didn't have to work that week. Anita seems to be able read my mind. When I look at Anita I'm just comfortable. The more I come down to Creston, the more I notice that Anita is happy and she has life together. Kev is a lucky man and he realizes it completely.
The Storm Clan is powered by great women. Every great clan is.
Throw No Rocks at Others
"Ger?" "yes my esteemed uncle" "I just came back from the beer store" So?" "I note the makeup of the lineup for alcohol in downtown Toronto is somewhat different than Creston" "how so?" "well, when I was in Creston I didn't notice a bag lady twitching on the floor beside me while I was waiting in line" "true, I haven't noticed that in Creston" "or the person in front of me trying to pay for his beer with a blatantly counterfeit twenty and not get arrested" "well, actually Kev tried it once years ago" "really?" "we have bag ladies too uncle don" "what!?" "but they don't twitch, ours are more sophisticated"
"Ger?" "yes?" "some of the persons in line today looked pretty wretched" "have you looked in a mirror lately?" "but really Ger it was kind of depressing to see these persons in the throes of wretchedness" "did they look happy?" "yes" "your point being?" "pretend I'm not here" "but I get your meaning uncle don, but it is not up to us to judge whether others are happy or not, for example I often look at Kev and see him in the front doing nothing but doing a good job of looking like he is doing something, and he doesn't look really happy" "he might be the heart of the front just like you are the heart of the back, Ger?" "yes?" "if Comfort left you and Kev could run that place like a fined-tuned guitar, you are both brilliant in your own way, although both of you are extraordinarily odd" "what do you mean odd uncle, we are normal"
"well yes I suppose if one thinks that someone who complains about a bad back and carries five thousand one and two ton rocks from the summit and makes a beautiful walkway is normal" "and Kev, whom Robert Louis Stevenson based his book Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde on but who got it wrong because Kev is Dr Jekyll during the day and Mr Hyde at night, is normal"
"uncle don?" "yes my esteemed nephew?" "I'm never talking to you again" "I don't blame you"
"Ger?" "yes?" "some of the persons in line today looked pretty wretched" "have you looked in a mirror lately?" "but really Ger it was kind of depressing to see these persons in the throes of wretchedness" "did they look happy?" "yes" "your point being?" "pretend I'm not here" "but I get your meaning uncle don, but it is not up to us to judge whether others are happy or not, for example I often look at Kev and see him in the front doing nothing but doing a good job of looking like he is doing something, and he doesn't look really happy" "he might be the heart of the front just like you are the heart of the back, Ger?" "yes?" "if Comfort left you and Kev could run that place like a fined-tuned guitar, you are both brilliant in your own way, although both of you are extraordinarily odd" "what do you mean odd uncle, we are normal"
"well yes I suppose if one thinks that someone who complains about a bad back and carries five thousand one and two ton rocks from the summit and makes a beautiful walkway is normal" "and Kev, whom Robert Louis Stevenson based his book Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde on but who got it wrong because Kev is Dr Jekyll during the day and Mr Hyde at night, is normal"
"uncle don?" "yes my esteemed nephew?" "I'm never talking to you again" "I don't blame you"
To the Doctor I go.
I actually have a Doctors appointment next Thursday. I have a number of issues with her. She hasn't seen me for a year. I've lost weight (a plus). Due to worrying (a minus). She is cute (a plus), but unfortunatley she has no idea (a minus).
"Donald" "yes" "you are still alive?" "yes, I've managed to hang on" "statistically you should be six feet under" "I resent that, can you cure me?" "of what" "my neurotisism" "your whom?" "some people think that I think the world revolves me, whereas I think I'm just clutzy"
"where does your clutziness hurt?" "everywhere" "give me a few specific examples" "yesterday I went to work without my glasses" "I meant on your body, where does it hurt?". "in my heart"
"I note that it is beating fairly regularly" "why wouldn't it, I'm a clutz, maybe I need a brain scan" "we don't do that here" "can you refer me to a Doctor?" "I am a Doctor" "A brain Doctor" "I could, but you don't qualify" "why" "because you aren't crazy" "I'm naked, I'm balancing a life of working and writing and I'm delusional and this parrot on my shoulder talks to me, and I'm not crazy?" "not in downtown Toronto or Scarborough, if you move to Mississauga they would think you are crazy"
"Donald" "yes" "you are still alive?" "yes, I've managed to hang on" "statistically you should be six feet under" "I resent that, can you cure me?" "of what" "my neurotisism" "your whom?" "some people think that I think the world revolves me, whereas I think I'm just clutzy"
"where does your clutziness hurt?" "everywhere" "give me a few specific examples" "yesterday I went to work without my glasses" "I meant on your body, where does it hurt?". "in my heart"
"I note that it is beating fairly regularly" "why wouldn't it, I'm a clutz, maybe I need a brain scan" "we don't do that here" "can you refer me to a Doctor?" "I am a Doctor" "A brain Doctor" "I could, but you don't qualify" "why" "because you aren't crazy" "I'm naked, I'm balancing a life of working and writing and I'm delusional and this parrot on my shoulder talks to me, and I'm not crazy?" "not in downtown Toronto or Scarborough, if you move to Mississauga they would think you are crazy"
Friday, July 28, 2006
Hello
I rather doubt that anyone want's to hear about my life but funny things happen. I happened to swerve a bit last night on my bike on the way home from having sixteen beers at a friends in Etobicoke. This car with rap music blaring from it pulls up along beside me: "Mista you fine, you cool, you drive?" "yes, I'm actually almost home, I should be walking but I'm in a hurry". "Yeh, we gots ya, we know, but you lose some skin and the mutha might worry, ya know, how miles ya got to go?". "Parliament and Wellesley Street". "We going that way, jump in, the bike there, you are and old man, what you doin' out here?" "I would have made it easily all the way the home, how are you are you guys doing, you got it cool, thanks for the lift, but I would have made it"
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
Hello
Next year no fun allowed. This aged and decrepit body won't survive. I can survive the canoeing and staying at Kev's without a prob, it's the writing about it that is the killer. I don't think I slept this last weekend and if I ate I'd be surprised. I'm not a spring chicken anymore. Imbed that thought in your minds. Be boring for my sake if not yours.
Of course being out in Creston for just a week is probably not long enough to judge. I'm sure if I spent a week plus one minute out there I'd be be bored to tears. Maybe not. Thank you all out there. This person felt completely honoured to write about you all.
And don't worry, I've still got lots of thoughts running through my head. I'm not finished writing about that week yet. I'll probably bore all you to tears. I'm slightly worried because I'm not sure we can top that week. I sure can't imagine how.
Of course being out in Creston for just a week is probably not long enough to judge. I'm sure if I spent a week plus one minute out there I'd be be bored to tears. Maybe not. Thank you all out there. This person felt completely honoured to write about you all.
And don't worry, I've still got lots of thoughts running through my head. I'm not finished writing about that week yet. I'll probably bore all you to tears. I'm slightly worried because I'm not sure we can top that week. I sure can't imagine how.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Hi
That was the greatest trip and the time of my life. I hear others say it was pretty good. You guys should have been me. I was expecting good. I presumed that. But great? I never presume great. I wasn't feeling that well leading up to that week. I thought to myself oh gawd lord, Ger, Kev and Jim will be impressed with me won't they when you throw up in their face upon your arrival. Jim will have to put me and Kodiak down. Boing!! I fly over the mountains and land in Cranbrook and I'm a new, old man. I feel better instantly and felt great the whole week.
Sunday Musings
I wish Tiger would smile. I would like to thank the following persons for making that week a good one: Uncle Don: what can I say. Uncle Jim: the canoe trip wouldn't have happened without him. I don't mind him really. He reminds me of my great, great, great, great, great, great, great Aunt Bea. Although Aunt Bea was a little more active. Actually a lot more active. Uncle Don loved Uncle Jim's bacon. No one can do bacon better. Aunt Brenda: the silent but deadly one. Did anyone notice that Aunt Brenda did not receive any blame for anything? Nuttin. Nil. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Shouldn't there be some blame attached? Who knew? Aunt Brenda should worry because Uncle Don is going to make Aunt Brenda's life hell next year. Cackle, cackle. Uncle Ger: there is not enough space. But I'm in a good mood so I will choose only the positive aspects of Uncle Ger (long pause). I need help here. Hello. Fill in the blanks. I've seen many grouses happier than Uncle Ger. He's not that bad really. Yes he is. Worse. He did complain about Karri-woman just a bit. A bit? Aunt Karri: There is definitely not enough space. If one actually listened to Uncle Ger one would think Aunt Karri is strange. I didn't think so. To me dangling a fish and then plopping in the water is normal. And jumping from one canoe to another. And no one else could have done this if they tried a thousand times: my glasses are safe. I have a blue ribbon attached to them so that if I drown at least my glasses will still be attached to my head. Swish, what is that noise? I wasn't even surprised. Oh yeah that is just Aunt Karri fishing and my blue glass attachments are gone. There is not enough space. So the canoe weekend is over. Whew, I survived Karri. Hello. I had a beautiful dinner at Ger and Karri's. I look forward to that more than one would ever know. "Uncle Don?" "yes Karri". "ask Anita if we could pop over tomorrow night". "really?" This is Wednesday. Actually I don't remember a thing about Thursday other than Ger grousing. Has anyone noticed other than me that he could be the funniest person alive when he's grousing about Karri? Whew, I survived Thursday with Karri. Yay. And while I have a dart in hand ready to throw I hear someone say (out loud): "we are going to have a fondue tomorrow night" hello. Thank good gawd I had Ger sitting next to me during the fondue. I'm not sure I would have been able to eat otherwise. Everything was too far away but Ger's plate was handy. One great thing about being the eldest uncle is that one can pretty well get away with anything. And of course Karri took me in hand and we went to her place of business on the Wednesday. (I'm sorry about the mishmash of time, I just type what I think). If anyone want's to get on my good side it is to fix my glasses. I think it is fate. Almost every time I've ever gone down to Creston I've pretty well had my glasses broken. Now I don't have to worry about it anymore. And yes, I was impressed when I talked to Karri on the phone at Comforts. Thank you Karri.
Uncle Kevin: I hope Kev isn't staying up at night waiting for a good review. He's lost his edge. Although when I saw him after Colin drove up the hill to fix his bumper it came back. I said to myself aah, this is going to be interesting. This may not be a boring night after all. Hello. And I completely agree with Justin. No long goodbys are permitted. So vroom Justin and Shayna and Colin and Jennifer leave. "Uncle Don?" "yes" "we know what to expect now don't we?" "oh yeah, the sons are completely in the wrong and the fathers will feel guilty" "yes, you could pretty well set your watch to this happening" Back to Uncle Kev. Is he aging? He doesn't seem to like danger any more. If he wants to canoe with me next he'd better smarten up. Although I love Jim dearly and I'm so glad he is alive and well and I bow to him always, I don't need an Aunt Bea II. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, Saturday before I left for Toronto was good. Other than Karri falling into the river, that could have been the funniest thing I've ever seen (actually every day of that week was the funniest). I'm gonna repeat myself but I can't help it. It's 5 am and I have to catch a plane in a few hours. But I didn't care about that. I cared about Jim's home. "Kev, see that building yonder?, we have to go there fairly soon" Hello. We made though and I was impressed with Kev that week (see the heading up top: musings?, well I'm musing: I've never been treated so well by so many, I can't even explain it to Bob or anyone, no one would believe it)
Aunt Anita: I love Aunt Anita. If I'm going to have a good time in Creston, Anita is a key. For me, her smile is worth a trillion dollars. I completely feel relaxed around her and I think she enjoys my company. We get along so well. Anita is the sane person in that family and gawd anyone who could put up with Kev should be given a Medal of Honour. I think I can read people and I have to in order to write. I think the world of Anita.
Have I finished describing the old persons now? That was a chore (I'm kidding).
Colin: Pretty well my favourite person in the history of mankind. All Sunday night, people were wondering if Colin would come back Monday morn. Not a single person asked me for an opinion but I tried to tell everyone that yes he would be. I may have been the only one that had 100% confidence in him. My memory isn't that great but I don't think there was a day I didn't see Colin. And I was just about to run out of Bud one time and guess who showed up with six cold ones.
Tyler: I didn't see much of Tyler that week. Except I think Sunday night. Another amazing event that no one was witness to. "Ty?" "yes Uncle Don" "the fire is going out" So while I relaxed Ty pretty well cleaned out the campground of kindling. "Ty" "yes uncle Don" "that fire is making a lot of noise, won't Karri get up and yell at us?" "she will and we will ignore her" "good plan". "Ty?" "yes Uncle Don" "the world revolves, I haven't dared to say that this weekend, but you I can tell tell that to, do you think I'm strange?"
Justin: I will only say one or two things about Justin. The weekend wouldn't have been great without him. How does one quantify greatness? Justin was there in the canoe next to me and we had to listen to you people, the second-class citizens. And Karri was to my right. Not a bad combo. Justin and Shayna were there for the fondue. I was secretly ogling Shayna, I hope that is not a prob.
I Save the Best for the Last:
Jen: I apologize for this right off the bat. So far I'm red-blooded. Baby Duck. There we go. I don't mind Jen. I think she is the cutest person in the history of mankind but I can't say that can I? (a little aside: obviously because I live in Toronto I notice this. I see the persons who work at Overwaitea and Mr. Sub and the liquor store and they are happy in Creston. They aren't happy here. People are really, really nice to me here because I'm old and decrepid. But I really notice the difference though. Every time I go to Creston, it is really a cultural shock. And the Overwaitea is a prime example. In more ways than one it is a shock to my system. If you guys care or not I don't know. But I'm ready to move out there. It's getting near the time I did that. I don't know where I will live (I will only live near Kev's but not with him). Although living in Creston would be okay I guess. I take everything back. I could live in downtown Creston. I will be able to bike. It would be tough to bike up that hill. Yes so Jen is cute.
Shayna: I envy Justin. Did I mention that Justin is great? I was completely impressed. Too bad his father is so annoying. I don't think anyone noticed (and by the way, is Creston the only place where stupid people hang out?) I wanted to hug Shayna a thousand times but I was only able to get a furtive glance in once in a while. That won't happen again, I'll do the full fledged hug next time. Justin could have introduced us but he never did.
Did I miss anyone? Life changes a lot. I don't think I will ever live in Creston really. I've got a few things going on that may work. Or mostly may not. The only way I will ever move to Creston is in a shack on Kev's property with computer hook-up. and there is no shack so I'm not too worried.
Yay hah.
Uncle Kevin: I hope Kev isn't staying up at night waiting for a good review. He's lost his edge. Although when I saw him after Colin drove up the hill to fix his bumper it came back. I said to myself aah, this is going to be interesting. This may not be a boring night after all. Hello. And I completely agree with Justin. No long goodbys are permitted. So vroom Justin and Shayna and Colin and Jennifer leave. "Uncle Don?" "yes" "we know what to expect now don't we?" "oh yeah, the sons are completely in the wrong and the fathers will feel guilty" "yes, you could pretty well set your watch to this happening" Back to Uncle Kev. Is he aging? He doesn't seem to like danger any more. If he wants to canoe with me next he'd better smarten up. Although I love Jim dearly and I'm so glad he is alive and well and I bow to him always, I don't need an Aunt Bea II. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, Saturday before I left for Toronto was good. Other than Karri falling into the river, that could have been the funniest thing I've ever seen (actually every day of that week was the funniest). I'm gonna repeat myself but I can't help it. It's 5 am and I have to catch a plane in a few hours. But I didn't care about that. I cared about Jim's home. "Kev, see that building yonder?, we have to go there fairly soon" Hello. We made though and I was impressed with Kev that week (see the heading up top: musings?, well I'm musing: I've never been treated so well by so many, I can't even explain it to Bob or anyone, no one would believe it)
Aunt Anita: I love Aunt Anita. If I'm going to have a good time in Creston, Anita is a key. For me, her smile is worth a trillion dollars. I completely feel relaxed around her and I think she enjoys my company. We get along so well. Anita is the sane person in that family and gawd anyone who could put up with Kev should be given a Medal of Honour. I think I can read people and I have to in order to write. I think the world of Anita.
Have I finished describing the old persons now? That was a chore (I'm kidding).
Colin: Pretty well my favourite person in the history of mankind. All Sunday night, people were wondering if Colin would come back Monday morn. Not a single person asked me for an opinion but I tried to tell everyone that yes he would be. I may have been the only one that had 100% confidence in him. My memory isn't that great but I don't think there was a day I didn't see Colin. And I was just about to run out of Bud one time and guess who showed up with six cold ones.
Tyler: I didn't see much of Tyler that week. Except I think Sunday night. Another amazing event that no one was witness to. "Ty?" "yes Uncle Don" "the fire is going out" So while I relaxed Ty pretty well cleaned out the campground of kindling. "Ty" "yes uncle Don" "that fire is making a lot of noise, won't Karri get up and yell at us?" "she will and we will ignore her" "good plan". "Ty?" "yes Uncle Don" "the world revolves, I haven't dared to say that this weekend, but you I can tell tell that to, do you think I'm strange?"
Justin: I will only say one or two things about Justin. The weekend wouldn't have been great without him. How does one quantify greatness? Justin was there in the canoe next to me and we had to listen to you people, the second-class citizens. And Karri was to my right. Not a bad combo. Justin and Shayna were there for the fondue. I was secretly ogling Shayna, I hope that is not a prob.
I Save the Best for the Last:
Jen: I apologize for this right off the bat. So far I'm red-blooded. Baby Duck. There we go. I don't mind Jen. I think she is the cutest person in the history of mankind but I can't say that can I? (a little aside: obviously because I live in Toronto I notice this. I see the persons who work at Overwaitea and Mr. Sub and the liquor store and they are happy in Creston. They aren't happy here. People are really, really nice to me here because I'm old and decrepid. But I really notice the difference though. Every time I go to Creston, it is really a cultural shock. And the Overwaitea is a prime example. In more ways than one it is a shock to my system. If you guys care or not I don't know. But I'm ready to move out there. It's getting near the time I did that. I don't know where I will live (I will only live near Kev's but not with him). Although living in Creston would be okay I guess. I take everything back. I could live in downtown Creston. I will be able to bike. It would be tough to bike up that hill. Yes so Jen is cute.
Shayna: I envy Justin. Did I mention that Justin is great? I was completely impressed. Too bad his father is so annoying. I don't think anyone noticed (and by the way, is Creston the only place where stupid people hang out?) I wanted to hug Shayna a thousand times but I was only able to get a furtive glance in once in a while. That won't happen again, I'll do the full fledged hug next time. Justin could have introduced us but he never did.
Did I miss anyone? Life changes a lot. I don't think I will ever live in Creston really. I've got a few things going on that may work. Or mostly may not. The only way I will ever move to Creston is in a shack on Kev's property with computer hook-up. and there is no shack so I'm not too worried.
Yay hah.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Canoe Trip - Day Two
Hang on to your seatbelts on this one. I have no idea what I'm going write but I have a feeling it will be interesting. And hopefully I will edit it at some point in time.
First though, someone e-mailed me and said I was overdoing the boringness of Jim, Ger and Kev. In order to correct that, I've decided to call them Batman (Jim), The Penguin (Ger), and The Joker (Kev).
So guess what? I get up and look forward to breakfast. Of course I am fully clothed with shoes on so it doesn't take me long to get out and about. I'm starved. And guess what? The Penguin's son and The Joker's son are going to make breakfast. Batman was nowhere to be seen except when he accidently tripped over The Caped Crusader. Breakfast was delish. I don't know what Tyler and Justin did to those hash browns but they were really good. And the eggs. Breakfast is my big meal of the day and so I notice these things. Up to that point in time, Batman made my favourite breakfast of all time, but Tyler and Justin did pretty good. And I can't over-emphasize my love of coffee when camping.
Aah no driving, just get in the canoe and paddle. No motors today and the sun is shining. The Penguin is grousing around and under his breath he's complaining about something or another (something about Karri I presume). Ger is the only one I know who must have coffee, baby duck, beer, whiskey, and herbal tea at hand. At the same time. Of course what does the boring person do (I mean The Joker)? Warns me that this is going to be a treacherous voyage. For just a few minutes I ceded to his alert and I was okay and anyway my breakfast was still getting digested. And I know Batman that I should respect the river and I do but when one has The Joker with one it's tough. And Batman don't worry, The Joker is a joke. The highlight was of canoeing under that tree. That was the highlight of the canoe trip: looking at this huge tree coming at me and wondering if I can duck down enough. Yah I guess Kev isn't that bad really. A small warning: Next year will be my third time and I will be a lot more careless next year. A lot more. One bikes in Toronto every day and one loses ones fear. If The Joker can't take it, fine he'll hold me back.
Lunch. Of course having the previous years lunch that Karri and Gerry made which was the highlight of my canoe trip that year I was expecting something quite good. But Batjim put it the best and I agree. It was still okay. We are canoeing for gawds sakes. We don't need to eat like kings every meal. Maybe The Storm Clan does but really. When you guys get carried away in the evening, it's nice to have a second party to talk to: "Karri-man?" "yes Don" "is that my family getting carried away and pretty well making fools of themselves and making me wonder if I'm adopted or not?" "yes it seems to be them Don" "if I left now would they miss me?" "no, in the morning maybe Don but not now". "gawd I'm glad you are here". I really enjoy having Karri-man around. What would be ideal would be having them supply the chips and dip or something during canoe trip. Just no meals.
The afternoon. None of us wanted it to end. Did I mention The Penguin grousing? Hopefully next year Ger will realize that Karri is going to have a good time and just go with the flow. It was actually kind of nice being with The Joker that afternoon. I think Kev would agree we did well as far as canoeing that weekend. I knew what to do when. So here is the two persons who like to party the most (I think) and we come across this noise from the shore. Karri-women is going from one canoe to another. We both say "wow, I couldn't do that in a million years". And then, agh, we get to this rock bluff. And The Joker says I have to pee. Hello. This is a wall that is sheer. Oh good I'm alone in a canoe, which is not a prob. And he's standing looking at me wondering if I will take off (note: if Kev is with me next year, I'm gone, I'm gonna put some grey hairs on his head). But really, it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. To see Justin, Anita, Col, Tyler, Karri, Jen and others having a party on the shore and me and Kev saying: "let's just go by them, I don't think it's safe to go in there".
And of course we decided we should hide. The Joker wasn't content on just hiding. "Kev?" "yes" "why are we among the frogs and fronds?" "because we are hiding". "guess what, that party upriver is not going to notice that we are among the fronds, in fact I'm not sure they know they are on a river". "okay don, check it out, do you see any civilization?" "they've gone around the bend". "whom?" "civilization".
This a little bit of a highlight of my weekend. We got int0 shore and Kev jumped out and I was slightly worried about the canoe. And Shayna was there holding it for me. An angel. For me of course everything is about hoping Jen and Col and Tyler and Shayna and Justin have a good time. And they seemed to. I hope they did. I wouldn't mind canoeing next year again with The Joker. He's kinda boring but he's okay. I never thought I would say that. Some day I've got to write about Kev and Jim and Ger. They were crazy. Sitting around a suppertime table with Julie too and my Dad. Hello Dolly. It was unique. May I say this? The combination of Roy and Anna made some good kids somehow. Amazing really, they loved me right from the get-go and perhaps there are thousands of uncles as lucky as me. But I don't think so. I do what I do and hopefully live my life the way I like it and hopefuly don't annoy too many people. And to have Jim, Ger and Kev and Julie part of it is God's way of saying: "you didn't quite do it, you tried but it didn't work, good try though but even I didn't realize how annoying they would be, don't break the news to them that they are pretty well useless. I've talked to the person downstairs and he is getting ready for them, he has expanded Hell quite a bit, although he is not sure he's got room for the four of them". "Exactly God, I see where you are coming from and with me here, I take up a lot space, will they ever be allowed up to Heaven?" "Jim is on the borderline, we have a panel judging him at the moment, if he kills another elk then he is staying in Hell forever" "What about Ger God?" "I've got a migraine". "Ger should be here God, but just make sure he's not on any cloud I'm on and we can't leave Julie in hell" "why not?" "well because Heaven is boring, and it really should be spiced up" "who are you by the way, I don't need advice". "God?" "yes" "I have one more request" "this had better be good" "God, I need to bring up one more relative, his name is Kevin" "I'm familiar with him, he doesn't want to come up" "really?" "apparentely he's taken over Hell and Satan is knocking on my door to get in" "God can I go to hell?"
First though, someone e-mailed me and said I was overdoing the boringness of Jim, Ger and Kev. In order to correct that, I've decided to call them Batman (Jim), The Penguin (Ger), and The Joker (Kev).
So guess what? I get up and look forward to breakfast. Of course I am fully clothed with shoes on so it doesn't take me long to get out and about. I'm starved. And guess what? The Penguin's son and The Joker's son are going to make breakfast. Batman was nowhere to be seen except when he accidently tripped over The Caped Crusader. Breakfast was delish. I don't know what Tyler and Justin did to those hash browns but they were really good. And the eggs. Breakfast is my big meal of the day and so I notice these things. Up to that point in time, Batman made my favourite breakfast of all time, but Tyler and Justin did pretty good. And I can't over-emphasize my love of coffee when camping.
Aah no driving, just get in the canoe and paddle. No motors today and the sun is shining. The Penguin is grousing around and under his breath he's complaining about something or another (something about Karri I presume). Ger is the only one I know who must have coffee, baby duck, beer, whiskey, and herbal tea at hand. At the same time. Of course what does the boring person do (I mean The Joker)? Warns me that this is going to be a treacherous voyage. For just a few minutes I ceded to his alert and I was okay and anyway my breakfast was still getting digested. And I know Batman that I should respect the river and I do but when one has The Joker with one it's tough. And Batman don't worry, The Joker is a joke. The highlight was of canoeing under that tree. That was the highlight of the canoe trip: looking at this huge tree coming at me and wondering if I can duck down enough. Yah I guess Kev isn't that bad really. A small warning: Next year will be my third time and I will be a lot more careless next year. A lot more. One bikes in Toronto every day and one loses ones fear. If The Joker can't take it, fine he'll hold me back.
Lunch. Of course having the previous years lunch that Karri and Gerry made which was the highlight of my canoe trip that year I was expecting something quite good. But Batjim put it the best and I agree. It was still okay. We are canoeing for gawds sakes. We don't need to eat like kings every meal. Maybe The Storm Clan does but really. When you guys get carried away in the evening, it's nice to have a second party to talk to: "Karri-man?" "yes Don" "is that my family getting carried away and pretty well making fools of themselves and making me wonder if I'm adopted or not?" "yes it seems to be them Don" "if I left now would they miss me?" "no, in the morning maybe Don but not now". "gawd I'm glad you are here". I really enjoy having Karri-man around. What would be ideal would be having them supply the chips and dip or something during canoe trip. Just no meals.
The afternoon. None of us wanted it to end. Did I mention The Penguin grousing? Hopefully next year Ger will realize that Karri is going to have a good time and just go with the flow. It was actually kind of nice being with The Joker that afternoon. I think Kev would agree we did well as far as canoeing that weekend. I knew what to do when. So here is the two persons who like to party the most (I think) and we come across this noise from the shore. Karri-women is going from one canoe to another. We both say "wow, I couldn't do that in a million years". And then, agh, we get to this rock bluff. And The Joker says I have to pee. Hello. This is a wall that is sheer. Oh good I'm alone in a canoe, which is not a prob. And he's standing looking at me wondering if I will take off (note: if Kev is with me next year, I'm gone, I'm gonna put some grey hairs on his head). But really, it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. To see Justin, Anita, Col, Tyler, Karri, Jen and others having a party on the shore and me and Kev saying: "let's just go by them, I don't think it's safe to go in there".
And of course we decided we should hide. The Joker wasn't content on just hiding. "Kev?" "yes" "why are we among the frogs and fronds?" "because we are hiding". "guess what, that party upriver is not going to notice that we are among the fronds, in fact I'm not sure they know they are on a river". "okay don, check it out, do you see any civilization?" "they've gone around the bend". "whom?" "civilization".
This a little bit of a highlight of my weekend. We got int0 shore and Kev jumped out and I was slightly worried about the canoe. And Shayna was there holding it for me. An angel. For me of course everything is about hoping Jen and Col and Tyler and Shayna and Justin have a good time. And they seemed to. I hope they did. I wouldn't mind canoeing next year again with The Joker. He's kinda boring but he's okay. I never thought I would say that. Some day I've got to write about Kev and Jim and Ger. They were crazy. Sitting around a suppertime table with Julie too and my Dad. Hello Dolly. It was unique. May I say this? The combination of Roy and Anna made some good kids somehow. Amazing really, they loved me right from the get-go and perhaps there are thousands of uncles as lucky as me. But I don't think so. I do what I do and hopefully live my life the way I like it and hopefuly don't annoy too many people. And to have Jim, Ger and Kev and Julie part of it is God's way of saying: "you didn't quite do it, you tried but it didn't work, good try though but even I didn't realize how annoying they would be, don't break the news to them that they are pretty well useless. I've talked to the person downstairs and he is getting ready for them, he has expanded Hell quite a bit, although he is not sure he's got room for the four of them". "Exactly God, I see where you are coming from and with me here, I take up a lot space, will they ever be allowed up to Heaven?" "Jim is on the borderline, we have a panel judging him at the moment, if he kills another elk then he is staying in Hell forever" "What about Ger God?" "I've got a migraine". "Ger should be here God, but just make sure he's not on any cloud I'm on and we can't leave Julie in hell" "why not?" "well because Heaven is boring, and it really should be spiced up" "who are you by the way, I don't need advice". "God?" "yes" "I have one more request" "this had better be good" "God, I need to bring up one more relative, his name is Kevin" "I'm familiar with him, he doesn't want to come up" "really?" "apparentely he's taken over Hell and Satan is knocking on my door to get in" "God can I go to hell?"
yay
So I mentioned to Kev that I could eventually move out there. If and when I do, I will not be in Creston, it will in the general vicinity of Kev's. "You can't move here". "where" "here" "Kev you may be surprised to hear this but I'd pretty well kill myself before I'd live under the same roof as you and Anita". "what can it take to build me a shack with plumbing?" "plumbing?" "okay forget the plumbing, how about a bed" "a bed?" "would it work if I slept in Max's doghouse and howled at midnight?" "no" "too close?" "yes" "and you would shoot me accidently if I snored while you are naked in the morning" "possibly, yes, for sure".
And so it's a work in progress. I have to figure out how to be invisible and be very, very quiet. What's wrong with a shack with a computer hook-up somewhere on Kev's property? I'd build it of course. I could. A tree house perhaps. I really am quite a builder. I resent that Kev and Anita don't want me there, I would tend their graves quite regularly after I've slit their throats. No they are very nice people I'm sure. I could write. No probably not but gawd it would be fun driving Kev crazy. No, I guess I shouldn't move out there really. Because every single moment of my life when I'm not writing will be spent on making Kev's life hell. And that certainly came to fore at the canoe trip, what a boring person he is. And Ger: cackle, his life will take a sudden veer for the worst. And I have a lot of respect for Jim. And so it will take a little bit of planning to make sure he is comfortable when is gasping for breath while I hang him from his fingernails.
Of course I'm kidding. Everyone just gave off such good vibes that week. The canoe trip was great, but really for me it was about family and I was not disappointed.
And I must tip my hat to Colin. He was amazing. I knew this but it was nice to see again. First up, last to bed. And at Kev's he was there every day after work and even though he was broke he brought six cold Bud. And Justin and Tyler were amazing. I don't know if the boring persons (Jim, Ger and Kev) realize it but the Storm Clan is in good shape. I've met Brandy too, it would be nice if she was at the canoe trip next year.
I guess I love family. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed that.
And so it's a work in progress. I have to figure out how to be invisible and be very, very quiet. What's wrong with a shack with a computer hook-up somewhere on Kev's property? I'd build it of course. I could. A tree house perhaps. I really am quite a builder. I resent that Kev and Anita don't want me there, I would tend their graves quite regularly after I've slit their throats. No they are very nice people I'm sure. I could write. No probably not but gawd it would be fun driving Kev crazy. No, I guess I shouldn't move out there really. Because every single moment of my life when I'm not writing will be spent on making Kev's life hell. And that certainly came to fore at the canoe trip, what a boring person he is. And Ger: cackle, his life will take a sudden veer for the worst. And I have a lot of respect for Jim. And so it will take a little bit of planning to make sure he is comfortable when is gasping for breath while I hang him from his fingernails.
Of course I'm kidding. Everyone just gave off such good vibes that week. The canoe trip was great, but really for me it was about family and I was not disappointed.
And I must tip my hat to Colin. He was amazing. I knew this but it was nice to see again. First up, last to bed. And at Kev's he was there every day after work and even though he was broke he brought six cold Bud. And Justin and Tyler were amazing. I don't know if the boring persons (Jim, Ger and Kev) realize it but the Storm Clan is in good shape. I've met Brandy too, it would be nice if she was at the canoe trip next year.
I guess I love family. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed that.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Hi Justin
I"m doing well. Well not that bad. I enjoyed hugging you in a broad, relatively relative kind of way. I have no idea but you and Col seem to be my kind of people. Although if I must pick and choose I would choose others. You guys get me which you should completely worry about.
May I muse and/or speculate? That was silly, stupid and/or rather inane about trying to fix Colin's bumper that way. I was slightly agog but certainly not surprised. Guess what? They born you. They didn't do anything like that. Now that they are middle-aged they forget what they did. What really annoyed me was canoeing down a river with Kev whom seemed rather conservative. I'm afraid. I'm really afraid. You and Col gotta uphold the Storm Clan mystique because obviously Kev, Ger and Jim are getting too old to do that. Very disappointed in Kev. I remember when he was game for anything, in his prime he was the numero uno. But he doesn't have it any more unfortunately. It's tragic really to see a great one collapse. Be nice to him if you can Justin, pat him on the back and pretend to sympathize. And then there is Ger. Well, ignore him if you can. I've only got a few people left. I assume when I move down there you and Col will keep me remotely interested in life. Which should be interesting because you guys have no idea about life in general.
I'm kidding of course, but I am not kidding about Kev. All my life I've looked up to him and he's boring now. If my bod will allow me, I'm not finished with the thought of biking across Canada. No one should underestimate me.
May I muse and/or speculate? That was silly, stupid and/or rather inane about trying to fix Colin's bumper that way. I was slightly agog but certainly not surprised. Guess what? They born you. They didn't do anything like that. Now that they are middle-aged they forget what they did. What really annoyed me was canoeing down a river with Kev whom seemed rather conservative. I'm afraid. I'm really afraid. You and Col gotta uphold the Storm Clan mystique because obviously Kev, Ger and Jim are getting too old to do that. Very disappointed in Kev. I remember when he was game for anything, in his prime he was the numero uno. But he doesn't have it any more unfortunately. It's tragic really to see a great one collapse. Be nice to him if you can Justin, pat him on the back and pretend to sympathize. And then there is Ger. Well, ignore him if you can. I've only got a few people left. I assume when I move down there you and Col will keep me remotely interested in life. Which should be interesting because you guys have no idea about life in general.
I'm kidding of course, but I am not kidding about Kev. All my life I've looked up to him and he's boring now. If my bod will allow me, I'm not finished with the thought of biking across Canada. No one should underestimate me.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
My trip to Creston - Part 1
THE CANOE TRIP WEEKEND
Where do I start? The beginning? My (true) version of the weekend is not going to coincide with anyone else's but Friday night was pretty good I think. I remember arriving at the camp, sitting down in a comfortable camp chair, someone handing me a beer and Ger pushing me over backwards with great force, resulting in a squashed beer can and receiving a look from Roy that conveyed to me his gratitude that he was happier than hell that he was going back to Creston that evening. Of course I was plotting revenge upon Ger instananeously but hey, revenge isn't that sweet really, I'm above that.
Ah, it was nice walking into camp with Roy. That and Ger pushing me over on the chair are the only things I remember about that evening. My back still hurts and my chiropractor says my spine should heal within the next year or two.
Saturday morning was great. Really great. Although I woke up with all my clothes including my shoes, I slept well. The first thing I thought of was coffee and food. I love the way Jim cooks bacon. Normally I like to be up for a while before I eat. Not this year. Someone could have handed me breakfast as I got out of the tent and I would have gulped it down. I can't think of anything better than drinking coffee in the morn. on a camping trip. It tastes better. And what I like about the canoe trip is that no one rushes around in the morning getting ready to canoe. A nice, leisurely pace suits me to a tee. I do feel guilty just flying out there and everything is ready. All the preparation involved. I arrive, someone hands me a beer, Ger knocks me over, eat, another beer or two, someone escorts me to my tent, and sleep. Ooh, except for the getting pushed over, that's pretty good.
Finally getting into the canoe on Saturday was exquisite. Looking around and seeing every person that I love the most around me brought a tear to my eye. But I got over that fast. The only bad thing about sitting in the front of the canoe with Kev is that I can't keep my eye on him. But as it turned my fears were unfounded. He's a little boring actually but that's probably a good thing. It was so nice to see Tyler and Justin there. Understatement of the century. And of course Shayna and Jen. And Colin. Colin is always the first one up in the morning and quite often the last one to bed while he escorts the various and sundry members of his family to bed. And Anita. She's game for anything and everything and she never complains. I love her smile. And Jim and Brenda. I think they were on the river. Well they were there in the morning so I assume they were canoeing. I did actually see them once on the first day of canoeing. Although they were far away I did recognize Jim's gut and Brenda lying on her stomach. And of course it wasn't hard to miss Ger and Karri. I just followed the sound. I was trying to listen to the flora and fauna. All I heard was Ger grumbling and the sound of Karri's fishing line swishing through the air just above my head.
The eagle was good, apparentely it was bald. I can't the remember the details of the first part of canoeing on Saturday other than things happening around me that totally amazed me. Within the first hour I had already laughed so hard that I said to myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "this isn't bad, this family get's it" "they do don't they" "this could be fun" "probably, yes I think so, I've got a crazy, loony, beautiful family". So continuing on down the Moyie, Kev and I and Ger and Kerri hook up. And Kerri catches a fish. Relatively speaking it wasn't such a small one. Well at least it was apprentely big enough for Karri to stand up, dangle it in front my face, and fall backwards into the river. I rather enjoyed the look on Karri's face as she was about to go under. I would classify it as full-fledged shock. I'm sixty. I've seen a lot of funny things. Maybe I've seen funnier things but I don't think so. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "what did we just see?" "I'm not sure, that didn't happen did it, I'm dreaming right?" "no" "I didn't think so".
First Intermission: It's 40 above here with humidity. And I'm not really too hot. I biked today but had to quit because my heart was palpatating wildly. There was a breeze. It felt like it was coming off the Sahara Desert.
So continuing on down the Moyie, we all hook up, except for the phantom canoes of Jim and Brenda and Karri-man and Loretta. Admiral Chicken Legs had the motor even though he had it in reverse most of the time. Justin was to my immediate left and Karri was to the right. Heaven. The noise coming from behind us. Din actually. I've already bought a roll of duct tape to affix over Ger's mouth for next year. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "what's Ger talking to Kev about?" "it's complicated but the bottom line is that he thinks it's important" "who's that singing back there?" "oh that's just Jen singing Patsy Kline doing the Beach Boys doing Dr Dre while drinking her fifth bottle of Baby Duck" "isn't she cute" "yep and she is having fun" "I don't hear any flora and fauna" "no, I came 5000 miles to hear flora and fauna and I'm in the midst of a party on water". "what do you think Shayna thinks of us?" "all I know is if I was in her shoes I'd be having seconds thoughts about the Storm Clan" "I think she is us" "me to"
Second Intermission: I don't think any other family in the world has an uncle like me. And for sure no other uncle has a family like you guys. I feel blessed. Something changed in me when I was out there this time. Sitting in the back seat of Ger's truck and seeing him and Kev talking on the way to Cranbrook was amazing. And having Ger and Karri come over to Kev's two nights in a row and having Justin there and Colin and Tyler. And Jen and Shayna. For me that is what life is all about. I guess you all figured that out by now. On the Saturday night before I left, I sat out on Kev's deck for an hour or two and just enjoyed the quietitude and peace. Where I in live in Toronto I can get that too, but it's not the same.
Aah, camp. I'm not good at details but I assume we ate. I'm sure it was good whoever made it. I'd remember it if it wasn't. I tried to keep a distance from Kev. What. The moment he's among trees he can't walk? And of course as is the norm Anita goes for a walk and ends up in bed and Kev disappears. But at least, after all these years he's learned not to go too far. And hiding under Justin's truck behind a tire? I didn't say I was I normal but even I wouldn't do that. I kind of enjoy it when there is a little conflict among the Storm Clan. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes?" "do you see what's going on around us?" "I do" "Tyler is missing" "yes, that is a worry but what can happen, he won't freeze to death" "Kev is doing his thing but we don't worry about him at all" "nope" "remember we can't get involved because we'll break our glasses and so we'll sit here watch all the activity from afar" "exactly, we are above it all". "note that Colin and Jen have discovered Tyler in a bush and Kev has fallen down beside him" "I see that but we can't get involved" "we should help Colin and Jen shouldn't we?" "no" Plod, plod, plod, hello Kev is standing up. He's taking me with him downwards. My glasses are gone. Nobody move, ahh there they are, broken but there. "Colin" "yes Uncle Don" " "I can't possibly move, could you take me to bed first, I can't move, I don't how you are gotting me on my feet, I've lost every facility that I've ever had, why are Kev and Tyler laying here too?" "Col" "yes Uncle Don" "my feet aren't cooperating" So I get into the tent and remember I have to pee. So I get up and do that and yell to the flora and fauna: "thank you Colin and Jen" Of course they were busy taking Kev and Tyler home at the time.
I don't know when I'll do day two of the canoe trip (the greatest day in my lifetime) but I will. I just wanted to say that the Saturday night before I left B.C. was good. It could have been 5 am. And me and Kev were the last ones standing (sitting actually). From Jim's fire to his trailer is quite a rocky road. So we hang on to each other's arms as we embark on the treacherous journey to the trailer. Somewhere around the trampoline, Kev let's go of my arm and does three sommersault's and then lands on the ground and does three more. "Kev are you okay?" "yes, give me a minute and I'll be up there to help you to bed in a minute" "I'm in no rush, I can wait" "okay don, we can do it now" "are you going fall again Kev??" "no" Guess what? he does. "kev" "what" "I thought you were helping me to bed" "I am as long you aren't in any rush" "I know this is a shock but you have to stand before you can help me to bed" "uncle don where are we?" "somewhere in the bowels of Jim's trailer" "this is a big trailer" "it is isn't it" We made it. Thank you Kev for taking me to the airport. I wish I would have awoken Ger before I left but with two hours sleep I wasn't thinking too clearly. I hope you will forgive me for that Ger. And you looked so comfy.
That was the most amazing week. And no one should wonder why I devote time to the Storm Clan blog. I'm just a mouthpiece for the family. You all out there are the stars.
Where do I start? The beginning? My (true) version of the weekend is not going to coincide with anyone else's but Friday night was pretty good I think. I remember arriving at the camp, sitting down in a comfortable camp chair, someone handing me a beer and Ger pushing me over backwards with great force, resulting in a squashed beer can and receiving a look from Roy that conveyed to me his gratitude that he was happier than hell that he was going back to Creston that evening. Of course I was plotting revenge upon Ger instananeously but hey, revenge isn't that sweet really, I'm above that.
Ah, it was nice walking into camp with Roy. That and Ger pushing me over on the chair are the only things I remember about that evening. My back still hurts and my chiropractor says my spine should heal within the next year or two.
Saturday morning was great. Really great. Although I woke up with all my clothes including my shoes, I slept well. The first thing I thought of was coffee and food. I love the way Jim cooks bacon. Normally I like to be up for a while before I eat. Not this year. Someone could have handed me breakfast as I got out of the tent and I would have gulped it down. I can't think of anything better than drinking coffee in the morn. on a camping trip. It tastes better. And what I like about the canoe trip is that no one rushes around in the morning getting ready to canoe. A nice, leisurely pace suits me to a tee. I do feel guilty just flying out there and everything is ready. All the preparation involved. I arrive, someone hands me a beer, Ger knocks me over, eat, another beer or two, someone escorts me to my tent, and sleep. Ooh, except for the getting pushed over, that's pretty good.
Finally getting into the canoe on Saturday was exquisite. Looking around and seeing every person that I love the most around me brought a tear to my eye. But I got over that fast. The only bad thing about sitting in the front of the canoe with Kev is that I can't keep my eye on him. But as it turned my fears were unfounded. He's a little boring actually but that's probably a good thing. It was so nice to see Tyler and Justin there. Understatement of the century. And of course Shayna and Jen. And Colin. Colin is always the first one up in the morning and quite often the last one to bed while he escorts the various and sundry members of his family to bed. And Anita. She's game for anything and everything and she never complains. I love her smile. And Jim and Brenda. I think they were on the river. Well they were there in the morning so I assume they were canoeing. I did actually see them once on the first day of canoeing. Although they were far away I did recognize Jim's gut and Brenda lying on her stomach. And of course it wasn't hard to miss Ger and Karri. I just followed the sound. I was trying to listen to the flora and fauna. All I heard was Ger grumbling and the sound of Karri's fishing line swishing through the air just above my head.
The eagle was good, apparentely it was bald. I can't the remember the details of the first part of canoeing on Saturday other than things happening around me that totally amazed me. Within the first hour I had already laughed so hard that I said to myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "this isn't bad, this family get's it" "they do don't they" "this could be fun" "probably, yes I think so, I've got a crazy, loony, beautiful family". So continuing on down the Moyie, Kev and I and Ger and Kerri hook up. And Kerri catches a fish. Relatively speaking it wasn't such a small one. Well at least it was apprentely big enough for Karri to stand up, dangle it in front my face, and fall backwards into the river. I rather enjoyed the look on Karri's face as she was about to go under. I would classify it as full-fledged shock. I'm sixty. I've seen a lot of funny things. Maybe I've seen funnier things but I don't think so. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "what did we just see?" "I'm not sure, that didn't happen did it, I'm dreaming right?" "no" "I didn't think so".
First Intermission: It's 40 above here with humidity. And I'm not really too hot. I biked today but had to quit because my heart was palpatating wildly. There was a breeze. It felt like it was coming off the Sahara Desert.
So continuing on down the Moyie, we all hook up, except for the phantom canoes of Jim and Brenda and Karri-man and Loretta. Admiral Chicken Legs had the motor even though he had it in reverse most of the time. Justin was to my immediate left and Karri was to the right. Heaven. The noise coming from behind us. Din actually. I've already bought a roll of duct tape to affix over Ger's mouth for next year. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "what's Ger talking to Kev about?" "it's complicated but the bottom line is that he thinks it's important" "who's that singing back there?" "oh that's just Jen singing Patsy Kline doing the Beach Boys doing Dr Dre while drinking her fifth bottle of Baby Duck" "isn't she cute" "yep and she is having fun" "I don't hear any flora and fauna" "no, I came 5000 miles to hear flora and fauna and I'm in the midst of a party on water". "what do you think Shayna thinks of us?" "all I know is if I was in her shoes I'd be having seconds thoughts about the Storm Clan" "I think she is us" "me to"
Second Intermission: I don't think any other family in the world has an uncle like me. And for sure no other uncle has a family like you guys. I feel blessed. Something changed in me when I was out there this time. Sitting in the back seat of Ger's truck and seeing him and Kev talking on the way to Cranbrook was amazing. And having Ger and Karri come over to Kev's two nights in a row and having Justin there and Colin and Tyler. And Jen and Shayna. For me that is what life is all about. I guess you all figured that out by now. On the Saturday night before I left, I sat out on Kev's deck for an hour or two and just enjoyed the quietitude and peace. Where I in live in Toronto I can get that too, but it's not the same.
Aah, camp. I'm not good at details but I assume we ate. I'm sure it was good whoever made it. I'd remember it if it wasn't. I tried to keep a distance from Kev. What. The moment he's among trees he can't walk? And of course as is the norm Anita goes for a walk and ends up in bed and Kev disappears. But at least, after all these years he's learned not to go too far. And hiding under Justin's truck behind a tire? I didn't say I was I normal but even I wouldn't do that. I kind of enjoy it when there is a little conflict among the Storm Clan. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes?" "do you see what's going on around us?" "I do" "Tyler is missing" "yes, that is a worry but what can happen, he won't freeze to death" "Kev is doing his thing but we don't worry about him at all" "nope" "remember we can't get involved because we'll break our glasses and so we'll sit here watch all the activity from afar" "exactly, we are above it all". "note that Colin and Jen have discovered Tyler in a bush and Kev has fallen down beside him" "I see that but we can't get involved" "we should help Colin and Jen shouldn't we?" "no" Plod, plod, plod, hello Kev is standing up. He's taking me with him downwards. My glasses are gone. Nobody move, ahh there they are, broken but there. "Colin" "yes Uncle Don" " "I can't possibly move, could you take me to bed first, I can't move, I don't how you are gotting me on my feet, I've lost every facility that I've ever had, why are Kev and Tyler laying here too?" "Col" "yes Uncle Don" "my feet aren't cooperating" So I get into the tent and remember I have to pee. So I get up and do that and yell to the flora and fauna: "thank you Colin and Jen" Of course they were busy taking Kev and Tyler home at the time.
I don't know when I'll do day two of the canoe trip (the greatest day in my lifetime) but I will. I just wanted to say that the Saturday night before I left B.C. was good. It could have been 5 am. And me and Kev were the last ones standing (sitting actually). From Jim's fire to his trailer is quite a rocky road. So we hang on to each other's arms as we embark on the treacherous journey to the trailer. Somewhere around the trampoline, Kev let's go of my arm and does three sommersault's and then lands on the ground and does three more. "Kev are you okay?" "yes, give me a minute and I'll be up there to help you to bed in a minute" "I'm in no rush, I can wait" "okay don, we can do it now" "are you going fall again Kev??" "no" Guess what? he does. "kev" "what" "I thought you were helping me to bed" "I am as long you aren't in any rush" "I know this is a shock but you have to stand before you can help me to bed" "uncle don where are we?" "somewhere in the bowels of Jim's trailer" "this is a big trailer" "it is isn't it" We made it. Thank you Kev for taking me to the airport. I wish I would have awoken Ger before I left but with two hours sleep I wasn't thinking too clearly. I hope you will forgive me for that Ger. And you looked so comfy.
That was the most amazing week. And no one should wonder why I devote time to the Storm Clan blog. I'm just a mouthpiece for the family. You all out there are the stars.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Life
I won't get into the gory details. But my biking to work last week was quite something. I've never seen Bruce at work crack a smile but I had him chortling. The most outrageous things happen to me.
And so it will be nice to get in the hands of Jim, Ger and Kev. What can happen? I've come within a hair's breath of death a thousand times while biking in Toronto so I can't imagine them doing anything to me that I haven't already been through. In fact I'll probably be bored to tears. At least camping there won't be a round table to have them sit around while talking about the same story six hundred times. But that won't stop them will it.
I'm starting to practice my pretending to be interested routine: "hhm", "wow", "isn't that something". "is that right?" as my eyes glaze over. In the first fifteen minutes I will be up-to-date in their lives and then I will have to spend the next three days listening to them repeat it. One good thing about canoeing: When Kev gets annoying I'll just hit him in the back of the head with my oar. And if Jim is in a good mood in the morning, I'll just douse him with gasoline and set him on fire. And if Ger mentions how nice nice the sleeping quarters he's made for me are more than a hundred times, I'll put a rat in his sleeping bag.
And so it will be nice to get in the hands of Jim, Ger and Kev. What can happen? I've come within a hair's breath of death a thousand times while biking in Toronto so I can't imagine them doing anything to me that I haven't already been through. In fact I'll probably be bored to tears. At least camping there won't be a round table to have them sit around while talking about the same story six hundred times. But that won't stop them will it.
I'm starting to practice my pretending to be interested routine: "hhm", "wow", "isn't that something". "is that right?" as my eyes glaze over. In the first fifteen minutes I will be up-to-date in their lives and then I will have to spend the next three days listening to them repeat it. One good thing about canoeing: When Kev gets annoying I'll just hit him in the back of the head with my oar. And if Jim is in a good mood in the morning, I'll just douse him with gasoline and set him on fire. And if Ger mentions how nice nice the sleeping quarters he's made for me are more than a hundred times, I'll put a rat in his sleeping bag.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Remember, their are two Uncle Don's. One whom posts here and cackles when he thinks of his strange family. And another one whom bikes and pets small children, dogs, old people and rodunts.
Spotlight of the Week
This picture will go down in history as being one of my favourite ones. First of all, one has the cutest child in the history of mankind. And one of my favourite nephews. And one of my favourite brothers, although if he could grow his hair longer, I'd be happier. But he is cute too isn't he? I remember Bob being spoiled as a child and I can see why. He's sometimes mistaken for a banker, real estate agent and/or piano player. This is what being a memeber of the Storm Clan is all about.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
The First Storm Clan Blog Reunion
In the summer of 2007, the Storm Clan is getting together. They don't know it yet but they are. Roy, Bob, Don, Jim, Ger, Julie and Kev and all family thereof. In 2008 we'll ask the Douvilles, maybe. One step at a time.
It could be at Kevin's, I think that would be good. It would be a long weekend where Kevin could see how cute Olivia is and Graig and Latka (sp) and the baby is. And just to have Lorraine there would be blessing. And to see Julie and Julies' boys.
I'll go down there for a week and someone will say fuck off Uncle Don because I don't like him/her. If that happens, I will come back to Toronto and not a soul will hear from me again.
I think it is a special family. I'm reaching out to Bob and Julie because if they can't make it then there is no use having a reunion.
It could be at Kevin's, I think that would be good. It would be a long weekend where Kevin could see how cute Olivia is and Graig and Latka (sp) and the baby is. And just to have Lorraine there would be blessing. And to see Julie and Julies' boys.
I'll go down there for a week and someone will say fuck off Uncle Don because I don't like him/her. If that happens, I will come back to Toronto and not a soul will hear from me again.
I think it is a special family. I'm reaching out to Bob and Julie because if they can't make it then there is no use having a reunion.
Predictions for the Canoe Trip
First the facts:
Jim and Ger will have everything under control while Kevin and Anita will fret all week and will both wish I wasn't coming down because it's too much pressure on them. And because they really have nothing to do with anything because Jim and Ger will have done it all, they'll forget something really important. It's a given.
Colin will smile and make me happy.
I will look at the women and lust after them (I'm approaching 61 so I can do that).
The liquer will be gone when I get up in the morning.
Food:
Pretty well anything will please me. Spagghetti, cheeseburgers, shrimp (and I'm not talking about Kev), chilli. Wow.
Predictions:
Saturday morning (1:07am, sitting around the campfire): "wow, where am i, who are you and does life have any meaning, oh hi Ger, am I dreaming?" "this is for real this time Uncle Don, I hope you won't annoy the Storm Clan this year". "ger?". "yes uncle don?" "why is that river babbling?". "because it likes you". "really, will I kill Kev tomorrow?" "it depends". "on what?". "on whether you go to bed" "oh, true, well just one more ger and then off to bed, how come you are still up?" "because I'm the designated uncle watcher". "which uncle are you referring to?". "vous". "moi?" "oui". "I resent that".
Sunday morning: "hey tyler, I feel so good this morning, I'm glad Jim appointed us to make breakfast this glorious Sunday morning, do you know where the spatula is?". "uncle don we need to find the eggs first and the stove". "that is important, any idea about the bacon?" "no uncle don but shouldn't we make coffee?" "where's the liquer ty, we'll have a shot of that and go from there". "I found it uncle don". "Yay, and of course you know this and I know this, so when uncle jim gets up we must pretend we are trying to make breakfast". "yes I know uncle don, jim would no more let us make breakfast than us flying from here to Toledo". "ssh, he might hear us, here he comes". "where's breakfast, where is coffee?". "uncle jim we were going to ask everyone how they liked their eggs, sunny side up, or easy over?". "give me that spatula Ty, you are holding it wrong". "uncle don?" "yes ty". "we will get credit for this won't we". "of course, isn't nature grand when Uncle Jim is in charge of it"
Monday morning: "Kev?" "yes" "where are we?" "in B.C.". "I"m getting hungry and I need a campfire, why did you take that turn when no one else did?" "because I'm cute". "Kev that excuse is not gonna do it, you have to get us out of this aquarium". "aquarium?" "yes, we've been followed by oricinus orcas (killer whales) while we go around in circles, and you said to paddle left with vigour and so I did". "uncle don?" "yes". "I didn't mean with that much vigour". "oh".
Jim and Ger will have everything under control while Kevin and Anita will fret all week and will both wish I wasn't coming down because it's too much pressure on them. And because they really have nothing to do with anything because Jim and Ger will have done it all, they'll forget something really important. It's a given.
Colin will smile and make me happy.
I will look at the women and lust after them (I'm approaching 61 so I can do that).
The liquer will be gone when I get up in the morning.
Food:
Pretty well anything will please me. Spagghetti, cheeseburgers, shrimp (and I'm not talking about Kev), chilli. Wow.
Predictions:
Saturday morning (1:07am, sitting around the campfire): "wow, where am i, who are you and does life have any meaning, oh hi Ger, am I dreaming?" "this is for real this time Uncle Don, I hope you won't annoy the Storm Clan this year". "ger?". "yes uncle don?" "why is that river babbling?". "because it likes you". "really, will I kill Kev tomorrow?" "it depends". "on what?". "on whether you go to bed" "oh, true, well just one more ger and then off to bed, how come you are still up?" "because I'm the designated uncle watcher". "which uncle are you referring to?". "vous". "moi?" "oui". "I resent that".
Sunday morning: "hey tyler, I feel so good this morning, I'm glad Jim appointed us to make breakfast this glorious Sunday morning, do you know where the spatula is?". "uncle don we need to find the eggs first and the stove". "that is important, any idea about the bacon?" "no uncle don but shouldn't we make coffee?" "where's the liquer ty, we'll have a shot of that and go from there". "I found it uncle don". "Yay, and of course you know this and I know this, so when uncle jim gets up we must pretend we are trying to make breakfast". "yes I know uncle don, jim would no more let us make breakfast than us flying from here to Toledo". "ssh, he might hear us, here he comes". "where's breakfast, where is coffee?". "uncle jim we were going to ask everyone how they liked their eggs, sunny side up, or easy over?". "give me that spatula Ty, you are holding it wrong". "uncle don?" "yes ty". "we will get credit for this won't we". "of course, isn't nature grand when Uncle Jim is in charge of it"
Monday morning: "Kev?" "yes" "where are we?" "in B.C.". "I"m getting hungry and I need a campfire, why did you take that turn when no one else did?" "because I'm cute". "Kev that excuse is not gonna do it, you have to get us out of this aquarium". "aquarium?" "yes, we've been followed by oricinus orcas (killer whales) while we go around in circles, and you said to paddle left with vigour and so I did". "uncle don?" "yes". "I didn't mean with that much vigour". "oh".
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Eek
No one is allowed to read this blog anymore. Pretend I'm not here. Thank goodness I renewed my subscriptions to Psychiatry Today and Nut-House News. Is it too late to make amends with all the family members whom I have insulted? And the problem is I'm probably going to get worse. So I would suggest you drown me when I'm out there: a golden opportunity like that doesn't arise too often.
Anita
I'm glad this isn't a pic of Anita. Anita is too nice to be shallow. I've been around the block several times and met billions of people in my life and Anita is one hell of a good person.
The Storm Clan doesn't deserve people like Anita but thank good gawd they are part of the family. And when I think of Lorraine, Brenda and Karri a smile comes to my face. Amazing really, how some (not mentioning any names) members of the Storm clan can be so lucky. Just think of Bob, Jim, Ger and Kev (mentioning names) and remember they are fairly clueless. And I'm trying to be nice.
The Storm Clan was blessed. With the exception of Ger and Justin. And I just eek out a living. I'll paddle I guarantee you. Will I be in a canoe with Kev? If that happens I will have a good time. That wouldn't be a bad thing. I don't mind him actually. I"m sorry to say he is my favourite person in the history of mankind. Which is saying something because he does not deserve that distinction. Actually he does. He understands me and he gets all my jokes and I get his. By the way I don't do tokes. I get carried away and forget who I am. It's important that I know who I am. I'll kill Tyler and Colin who will smile at me while going down the river. Anita and Tyler may be the first ones rammed.
Can I reiterate again. I don't do tokes. I could but then I'll forget Jennifers name and look at Jim and think he can cook. And god only knows what Ger and Kerri will be up to. I presume Karri will be taking off her clothes which I won't complain about one iota. And don't let Karri-man have a toke. To this day, I've never had so much fun watching someone be so funny who isn't trying to. That is what life is all about.
I can paddle. I'm old but I can paddle. If Kev tells me to paddle, I'll paddle. Kev took me through some good rapids last year and I've never been so happy in my life. Ever. If Kevin will put up with me, that weekend will be good. And to see Anita and Tyler and Jim and Brenda and Ger and Karri. But don't give me a toke. I'm listening to a song by Ralph Stanley: Don't mess with me baby. Oh god, I can paddle and toke too. I have in the past not been very good at toking up. Hopefully I won't wonder off into the wilderness never to be seen again.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
surviving toronto's heat and humidity
I enjoy the heat and humidity of the Toronto summers. (to be continued when I have enough energy to actually write something when I'm not sweating my ass off).
By the way I'm above it all. But Jim and Ger continue to ignore me. It's beyond me what they are trying to accomplish. I'll kill Jim and his accomplice Ger. I thought I was their favourite uncle but they must have dredged up another one from somewhere and they are probably showering their love and devotion on him now. I rue the day I changed their diapers when I was babysitting them a long, long time ago. Although I may not have, I can't imagine me doing something like that.
I wasn't a bad uncle. Neither one of them could have survived without me. When they were little they really were bohunks (in the nicest sense of the word). Although cute, Jimmy really was annoying when he was a child. And Ger: he may not have been cute, but he made up for it in heft. I've seen smaller elephants. As a child, Jim was devious. Actually so was Ger come to think of it. And that was the good thing about them.
I won't catch the plane. I did once swear that I'll get back at them. Maybe I will catch the plane and pretend I'm not there. The top ten reasons why Jim and Ger are ignoring me:
10. They have nothing better to do.
09. After Brenda drove me to the airport last year, she was hoping that it would be the last time she saw me.
08. I wasn't sincere enough about how nice Anita's flowers are.
07. I should have been more animated about Karri's gravy.
06. Jimmy hasn't bagged a moose for years so he's taking it out on me.
05. Ger hasn't got over the idea that I might be slightly smarter than him.
04. 'my' family in general are all too busy to care.
03. I'm annoying.
02. They are annoying.
01. I'm disruptive of their lives. I've only just begun baby's. Whether it is with Jim, Ger and Kev or Julie or not. If my health will allow me, I'm gonna 'kick ass'. Get used to it. And don't underestimate me, don't ever do that.
By the way I'm above it all. But Jim and Ger continue to ignore me. It's beyond me what they are trying to accomplish. I'll kill Jim and his accomplice Ger. I thought I was their favourite uncle but they must have dredged up another one from somewhere and they are probably showering their love and devotion on him now. I rue the day I changed their diapers when I was babysitting them a long, long time ago. Although I may not have, I can't imagine me doing something like that.
I wasn't a bad uncle. Neither one of them could have survived without me. When they were little they really were bohunks (in the nicest sense of the word). Although cute, Jimmy really was annoying when he was a child. And Ger: he may not have been cute, but he made up for it in heft. I've seen smaller elephants. As a child, Jim was devious. Actually so was Ger come to think of it. And that was the good thing about them.
I won't catch the plane. I did once swear that I'll get back at them. Maybe I will catch the plane and pretend I'm not there. The top ten reasons why Jim and Ger are ignoring me:
10. They have nothing better to do.
09. After Brenda drove me to the airport last year, she was hoping that it would be the last time she saw me.
08. I wasn't sincere enough about how nice Anita's flowers are.
07. I should have been more animated about Karri's gravy.
06. Jimmy hasn't bagged a moose for years so he's taking it out on me.
05. Ger hasn't got over the idea that I might be slightly smarter than him.
04. 'my' family in general are all too busy to care.
03. I'm annoying.
02. They are annoying.
01. I'm disruptive of their lives. I've only just begun baby's. Whether it is with Jim, Ger and Kev or Julie or not. If my health will allow me, I'm gonna 'kick ass'. Get used to it. And don't underestimate me, don't ever do that.
An Ode to Max
This person doesn't actually associate with the Hells' Angels too often but he does feel comfortable around them. He was raised by a wolf in the wilds of B.C. and learned to hunt small game at an early age. His early hunting expeditions often took him to Creston whereupon he was afraid of Max the Wonder Dog. All he tried to do was pick up a round object 459 yards from Kevin and Anitas. He was playful but Max was not.
But then he became human and grew to love Max. I think Max loves Don the Wolfman more than anyone else but Roy and Kevin may dispute that. Max loves people and I must agree with him there. And to be raised by Anita, Kev and the boys must have been dog heaven. Even with the cat killing grounds of Kevin, Max knew he was safe. Some little kitty would come up to Max and look at him playfully. Max would just rest his head on his paws and think: you are gone, kaput, enjoy life while it lasts because your life is going to be a very short one. And of course the next day at 7am another kitty would bite the dust.
And after all these years Max knows Kevin. He prefers Anita and the boys but he knows once in a while that Kevin will even love him. And when Kevin is is in that special mood, Max knows he will have the most fun. And both Max and Kevin love very moment of the playfull dog/owner relationship. And Jimmy knows that too. Probably more than anyone else. Unfortunately I've been away too long to describe Kodiak. But I know that that was special.
Uncle Don's Favourite Nieces and Nephews
People Magazine recently asked Uncle Don to rate his favourite nephews and nieces. We go to him now:
"my favourite? can we start with the annoying ones first?". "No Uncle Don, you have to rate them in order of preference". "I don't prefer any of them" " "Try to rate them, this is a big magazine". "Okay, Jimmy was up there, the first one, and Laurie was so lovable and Robin and Ger were beyond me in cuteness, and Donna made me proud, and Julie was extraordinary, and Kevin and Neil were amazing and Gail was special". "Oh that is nice, who are your heroes?".
"jim and Ger" "why". "because I'm going to kill them". "you cant' kill your heroes Uncle Don they are special". "they completely think they are, but don't ask them about their life, they will tell you and you will be bored to tears, hint to all future unlcle: they normally don't make any sense whatsoever and if you say 'interesting' or 'I didn't know that', or 'wow' they will usually want to talk to you for six or seven days. And especially beware: If you get Jim talking about his navy days then your days are numbered because it's impossible to live long enought for his stories. When I'm there try to steer him away from that subject. These old persons love to digress.
"What about Kev?". "what about him?". "Isn't he a little bit your hero?". "Is this on camera?" "yes" "Kev is okay, he'll bring his game face to the game and I'm pleased he's on my team, even though I can make a better fire than him if I put my mind to it". "what if this wasn't on camera Unle Don?". "annoying". "annoying?". "he might be the only person I look up to re funny". "oh uncle don your scared of him". "only his mind, his body I'll kill with the greatest of ease".
"Uncle Don, do you have any regrets?". "Yes just one". "Oh you wanted to spend more time family?" "That too, but no I would have loved to have seen Vesuvious erupt and now I'd like to see most of mankind wiped out by a catastrophe.". "you mean floods and forest fires?". "Those too".
"my favourite? can we start with the annoying ones first?". "No Uncle Don, you have to rate them in order of preference". "I don't prefer any of them" " "Try to rate them, this is a big magazine". "Okay, Jimmy was up there, the first one, and Laurie was so lovable and Robin and Ger were beyond me in cuteness, and Donna made me proud, and Julie was extraordinary, and Kevin and Neil were amazing and Gail was special". "Oh that is nice, who are your heroes?".
"jim and Ger" "why". "because I'm going to kill them". "you cant' kill your heroes Uncle Don they are special". "they completely think they are, but don't ask them about their life, they will tell you and you will be bored to tears, hint to all future unlcle: they normally don't make any sense whatsoever and if you say 'interesting' or 'I didn't know that', or 'wow' they will usually want to talk to you for six or seven days. And especially beware: If you get Jim talking about his navy days then your days are numbered because it's impossible to live long enought for his stories. When I'm there try to steer him away from that subject. These old persons love to digress.
"What about Kev?". "what about him?". "Isn't he a little bit your hero?". "Is this on camera?" "yes" "Kev is okay, he'll bring his game face to the game and I'm pleased he's on my team, even though I can make a better fire than him if I put my mind to it". "what if this wasn't on camera Unle Don?". "annoying". "annoying?". "he might be the only person I look up to re funny". "oh uncle don your scared of him". "only his mind, his body I'll kill with the greatest of ease".
"Uncle Don, do you have any regrets?". "Yes just one". "Oh you wanted to spend more time family?" "That too, but no I would have loved to have seen Vesuvious erupt and now I'd like to see most of mankind wiped out by a catastrophe.". "you mean floods and forest fires?". "Those too".
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Surviving
Yes, being at Julies and Harold's place a few New Years ago was a highlight. The food was great, the wine was greater and the weed was the greatest. The dart game posed a problem for me: "Uncle Don?". "yes Julie". "that projectile has to be thrown". "where?". "at that round thing on the wall". "really, my shoe laces look funny". "uncle don you don't have any shoes on". "I'm trying to find them"
"Julie who is that odd person over there who keeps staring at me?" "The christmas geranium". "really, wow, a trillion years ago plants were us". "Are you throwing that dart or what?". "Kev and Ger are really serious, which forehead should I aim at?". "Uncle Don, you have to aim at the bullseye". "not Jim?". "unlcle Don?" "yes Julie". "you are a weirdo". "thanks Julie"
"Julie who is that odd person over there who keeps staring at me?" "The christmas geranium". "really, wow, a trillion years ago plants were us". "Are you throwing that dart or what?". "Kev and Ger are really serious, which forehead should I aim at?". "Uncle Don, you have to aim at the bullseye". "not Jim?". "unlcle Don?" "yes Julie". "you are a weirdo". "thanks Julie"
Colin
No this isn't a pic of Colin and Jennifer coming across a fried egg on the Moyie River. Colin's life is much more odd. Tell me about it.I think the Pickle has been officially retired now but once I bore the brunt of Colin having a driver's licence for one day: we get in the pickle and my head slams into the dashboard when he turned on the cd. Loud? And then as we are going six hundred miles per hour towards town I'm wondering to myself: hello, uncle Don, this won't be a boring time will it. Yay.
I was't too taken aback when Colin drove into the car wash. What can happen? This place is a den of normalcy. I'm okay here. I may get wet so big deal.
Unfortunately the pickle decided to die that day. I assumed Colin knew how to get it going so I wondered around and had a ciggy. "Uncle Don". "yes Colin have you got the pickle fixed yet?". "no, uncle don, we have to push it". "push it?". "Yes and Hal here is going to help you push the pickle". "Whom?". "Hal".
With only slight reservations I shook hands with Hal and got ready to push the pickle out of the car wash stall. It was downhill and so even to me the idea of pushing it sounded okay. Nineteen times me and Hal pushed the pickle while Colin steered (I won't even get into that). On the twentieth push (when boredom and exhaustion had set in) the pickle started! I wasn't prepared and so I got dragged along behind the pickle for 600 or 700 hundred yards because Colin wanted to ensure the pickle was getting the gas. Colin jumped lively and exuberantely out of the pickle (he hadn't done anything, of course he would) and noticed a trail of blood and then looked at me and asked: "Uncle Don, are you okay?". As I woozily got to my feet and brushed the blood off my knees and put the internal organs back where they belong I said: "not a prob Col, not a prob". So we get up to Kev's and I stagger to the couch and Anita and Kev asked in unison: "Don you look terrible, are you okay?". "I'm dying for gawds sakes but it was fun having a nice day with my favourite person, he's cute but deadly".
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The Storm Blog Highlight of the Week
After much discussion and bickering back and forth, the judges decided that Don's phone call to Jim at (hold it we have to go look at the jacket) Mister Tire was his highlight of the week. The runner-ups, Kev and Ger, were rather blase about it all. So was Jim but at least he had the decency to tell me that me that I'm special.
James
At the time, I really thought I was being too harsh on Jimmy when I posted this pic next to his bio.
Obviously not. He could be trying to annoy me but I doubt it. His most recent e-mail indicates that even the Supremo Puba (in-waiting) gets a little testy when hung over.
Now what happens? It takes The Supremo Puba Of All Time six or seven weeks to get over a hangover. Gawd knows how long it will take his eldest son to recover from a hangover when he reaches the throne.
Has The Storm Clan ever had a palace coup? I personally think it's time we did. We need new blood. And lots of of it. Where is the Red Cross when one needs them? Actually Jimmy is okay, he just noticed he's getting old. In unison: Aaaw. I've never received an ounce of sympathy in my life so anyone whom gives Jim any is dead.
My Week
I try, I really, really try to lead an uneventful life. Get up, make breakfast, bike to work, work, bike home, have dinner, read, go to bed. Boring I know, but I enjoy it completely. It seems though, that for the last few months or more, things haven't been quite as boring as I want them to be. Some of the things that happen to me are because I'm forgetful and I'm not that aware of what is happening around me. But other events are beyond my control.
So, Monday morn. A beautiful day by the way, the birds are chirping, the smog has temporarily disappeared and I've only thought about how decrepit my bod is a little. I'm fairly happily biking to work along Bloor Street and a car pulls out to turn left and it's in my way. A regular occurance and so I am quite prepared to bike behind the car and continue on my way. Unfortunately the driver is a nice guy and so he backs up...into the car behind him. And let me explain: anyone who bikes in Toronto will tell you that at least once a week he/she comes close to death's door because of drivers who talk on cellphones or just plain don't know how to drive. So hearing the crunch of two vehicles colliding would normally be music to my ears. But I don't get the satisfaction because this driver was being nice. That never happens in Toronto. So I stopped, which I should never have done. Thank good gawd I'm sixty. If I was any younger they would have torn me to pieces.
So on Tuesday I casually mention to a person at work that I must find a better route to get to work. And so Bruce (one of the nicest persons in the history of mankind by the way) tells me that his son loves to bike too and gets him on the phone and his son describes a new route to me. I'm not that great at writing down details but I managed to do it. So after work that day I follow the instructions and I'm quite impressed. I actually stopped at a pond and watched Canada Geese frolic. But unfortunately, I eventually ended up at a City of Toronto waste management site. Thank good gawd for the CN Tower (actually it's saved me many times) so I knew which I had to go. So I backtracked and by a fluke of all flukes I found a bike path that was headed east. I got home by nine o'clock exhausted and too tired to eat.
And Wednesday was uneventful even though I did nod off at work a few times.
Thursday: No prob.
Friday: I didn't heed the forecast. It said 60 kilometre winds by the afternoon. I've biked through that a thousand times. The *&))&%$ forecaster didn't mention the 453 kilometre gusts. As I finally limped into the beer store parking lot near home with bike, life, and limb somehow still intact, I bought one extra king size beer in celebration of me surviving the week.
I loved every single moment of it. And then this morn I was walking back from Tim Hortons and a cute, young gal on a bike smiled at me as she was biking by. It made my day. Hint to the Rest of the World: Life is way too short, enjoy it while it's here.
So, Monday morn. A beautiful day by the way, the birds are chirping, the smog has temporarily disappeared and I've only thought about how decrepit my bod is a little. I'm fairly happily biking to work along Bloor Street and a car pulls out to turn left and it's in my way. A regular occurance and so I am quite prepared to bike behind the car and continue on my way. Unfortunately the driver is a nice guy and so he backs up...into the car behind him. And let me explain: anyone who bikes in Toronto will tell you that at least once a week he/she comes close to death's door because of drivers who talk on cellphones or just plain don't know how to drive. So hearing the crunch of two vehicles colliding would normally be music to my ears. But I don't get the satisfaction because this driver was being nice. That never happens in Toronto. So I stopped, which I should never have done. Thank good gawd I'm sixty. If I was any younger they would have torn me to pieces.
So on Tuesday I casually mention to a person at work that I must find a better route to get to work. And so Bruce (one of the nicest persons in the history of mankind by the way) tells me that his son loves to bike too and gets him on the phone and his son describes a new route to me. I'm not that great at writing down details but I managed to do it. So after work that day I follow the instructions and I'm quite impressed. I actually stopped at a pond and watched Canada Geese frolic. But unfortunately, I eventually ended up at a City of Toronto waste management site. Thank good gawd for the CN Tower (actually it's saved me many times) so I knew which I had to go. So I backtracked and by a fluke of all flukes I found a bike path that was headed east. I got home by nine o'clock exhausted and too tired to eat.
And Wednesday was uneventful even though I did nod off at work a few times.
Thursday: No prob.
Friday: I didn't heed the forecast. It said 60 kilometre winds by the afternoon. I've biked through that a thousand times. The *&))&%$ forecaster didn't mention the 453 kilometre gusts. As I finally limped into the beer store parking lot near home with bike, life, and limb somehow still intact, I bought one extra king size beer in celebration of me surviving the week.
I loved every single moment of it. And then this morn I was walking back from Tim Hortons and a cute, young gal on a bike smiled at me as she was biking by. It made my day. Hint to the Rest of the World: Life is way too short, enjoy it while it's here.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Cute
You can tell that is Bob by his short hair. He is the only person in the history of mankind who wishes he was bald. When he enters his second childhood he will be well-prepared.
Lots of cuteness in this picture (except for the bald guy and his son Hairy).
Sunday Morning Editorial, Part II
Eek. Jim and Ger have e-mailed me, Kev doesn't think I'm that bad, Bob thinks I'm okay and Jesse of the New York Times has even decided that I'm worthy. This all could go to my head and I might think I'm special.
I'm not at all used to this and so I'll need a come-downance soon. I won't go so far as to say I should put up a tent or make breakfast, but I could pour my own coffee. I still feel hard-done by, by the way. After unsuccessfully trying to throw up last year and staggering to get a coffee, all the liquer was gone.
And the first day hint: It will take me a little while to acclimatize myself from being in downtown Toronto to downtown bush so if I seem weird just ignore it. Since most of you ignore me anyway that shouldn't be too difficult. And put me to bed very early, I'll have a couple of beer perhaps but don't let me get carried away. I'll take after Brenda and Karri-woman, although that may be difficult since they will probably be in bed before I get there.
And last year Karri-man was disruptive. He kept us up all night. Thank gawd I've got two old fogies (Jim and Ger) to look after me. I don't know if it's possible to hitchhike in the middle of nowhere but with those two looking after me, I might have to try it. And can I have lunch on the Saturday without having one foot in the grave? It really is difficult to eat Anita's shrimp with one leg in a foxhole.
I'm done, yay hah. You probably figured out by now I love you all. I'm so completely and utterly lucky.
I'm not at all used to this and so I'll need a come-downance soon. I won't go so far as to say I should put up a tent or make breakfast, but I could pour my own coffee. I still feel hard-done by, by the way. After unsuccessfully trying to throw up last year and staggering to get a coffee, all the liquer was gone.
And the first day hint: It will take me a little while to acclimatize myself from being in downtown Toronto to downtown bush so if I seem weird just ignore it. Since most of you ignore me anyway that shouldn't be too difficult. And put me to bed very early, I'll have a couple of beer perhaps but don't let me get carried away. I'll take after Brenda and Karri-woman, although that may be difficult since they will probably be in bed before I get there.
And last year Karri-man was disruptive. He kept us up all night. Thank gawd I've got two old fogies (Jim and Ger) to look after me. I don't know if it's possible to hitchhike in the middle of nowhere but with those two looking after me, I might have to try it. And can I have lunch on the Saturday without having one foot in the grave? It really is difficult to eat Anita's shrimp with one leg in a foxhole.
I'm done, yay hah. You probably figured out by now I love you all. I'm so completely and utterly lucky.
A Sunday Morning Editorial
The Storm Clan has finally someone whom I actually love. Anyone who would send me a an e-mail to wit: "(I) put down plastic and then wheel(ed) 70 wheelbarrow loads of rock up from the driveway to the side of the house --now finally i am putting down some terrific looking rock that i found up the Summit and which i hauled 5 loads home and probably need 3 more."
Me biking sounds lame in comparison. And especially since I just plugged in the frying pan and not the coffee pot and smoke is billowing around me. But I am a Virgo too somehow.
Although Ger is annoying, he has got an amazing, creative streak in him that makes me proud. And actully, when I think about it, so do Kev, Jim and Julie. I guess that is why I have stuck with them all these years, I completely feel comfortable around each and every one of them.
Although Jim can be really annoying. Don't get him talking about his navy days. And Ger is okay except don't get him and Justin together unless one has headphones on so one can tune them out. And Julie is not that bad. Other than being completely cute and having a mind like mine (which must be difficult), Julie can be annoying too. Kev is not a member of the family I don't think. Roy won't admit it but I'm pretty sure Kev was adopted. Someone put this little bundle of something on Roy and Anna's doorstep and they felt obligated to take it in. Too bad really.
One final comment: I was kind of thrilled yesterday when Bob couldn't get his Blackberry or whatever it's called to work. He tries to do the the Messenger thing with me and it hasn't really worked for him so far. Can anyone imagine Bob sitting at a campsite, sitting around a campfire, with birds tweeting around him, and having his latest toy not working? There is a God in heaven after all. But don't tell Bob that. Sssh.
Me biking sounds lame in comparison. And especially since I just plugged in the frying pan and not the coffee pot and smoke is billowing around me. But I am a Virgo too somehow.
Although Ger is annoying, he has got an amazing, creative streak in him that makes me proud. And actully, when I think about it, so do Kev, Jim and Julie. I guess that is why I have stuck with them all these years, I completely feel comfortable around each and every one of them.
Although Jim can be really annoying. Don't get him talking about his navy days. And Ger is okay except don't get him and Justin together unless one has headphones on so one can tune them out. And Julie is not that bad. Other than being completely cute and having a mind like mine (which must be difficult), Julie can be annoying too. Kev is not a member of the family I don't think. Roy won't admit it but I'm pretty sure Kev was adopted. Someone put this little bundle of something on Roy and Anna's doorstep and they felt obligated to take it in. Too bad really.
One final comment: I was kind of thrilled yesterday when Bob couldn't get his Blackberry or whatever it's called to work. He tries to do the the Messenger thing with me and it hasn't really worked for him so far. Can anyone imagine Bob sitting at a campsite, sitting around a campfire, with birds tweeting around him, and having his latest toy not working? There is a God in heaven after all. But don't tell Bob that. Sssh.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
The Green Bum Award
Many families enjoy gardening. Anita really loves it. I try to stay awake while she describes her yard. And it is pretty good.
So to Anita the Green Bum Award goes to you ths month. With your dedication, I'm sure the Green Thumb Award is soon to follow.
It's never been clear to me what these birds have to do with anything in Creston. Tyler, after noting my wallet was bereft, gave me his wallet with the inscription NWTF on it. I presumed that meant No Way The Fowl.
No Uncle Don, it is a celebration. "of what". "turkeys". "turkeys?" "so why aren't we out on the lawn killing them". "Because it is federation and they have door prizes and they eat roast beef" "roast beef?". "yes" "not turkey?". "nope". "So Jim and Ger are attending the Turkey Federation and are going to eat roast beef?" "yes uncle". "why is the turkey federation meeting being held in Cranbrook Tyler?" "because there is too many turkeys in Creston and none there". "I've got it now, so that means the lack of turkey is good?". "uncle don don't be stupid, they are trying to grow them there". "turkeys?". "Uncle Jim calls them fowl". "fowl?" "Uncle jim wants the name changed to the Federation of Fowl". "not the federation of turkeys?". "no uncle Don, Uncle Jim likes the word fowl". "But it's a turkey". "Uncle Jim told me it was a fowl and I believe him".
"how is uncle Jim, Tyler?". "not bad". "has he got big stomach?" "yes". "what about Ger?" "cool". "would you want to eat beef at a fowl party with Ger and Jim Ty?". "I'm not that stupid Uncle Don".
Britney
Jim hasn't sent me a photo of the 'real' Britney so I substituted a phoney one. The real Britney is cute and now is a young lady. I could be wrong but the bird and Max loved me the most.
At least they used to, after a year they probably have forgotten about me by now. But when one comes from afar and see's the love in their eyes it's tough to ignore.
Perhaps the 'real' Britney has forgotten that I will never jump on the trampoline. Eek, maybe I will this one time. But I will watch her forever.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Serenity
A pic of Roy gazing at a mesa while watching the sun set. Has anyone noticed he looks better from behind? Roy's brother Don also gazes once in a while, although usually it's just into space.
I don't know what it is about Don. He's obviously not normal. He somehow figures out he can write, actually gets an article or two published, has a New York Times writer as a mentor and then decides that his life is not so bad as it is: a job that isn't that bad, people at work whom he cares about, a family who is far away but who he thinks doesn't mind him, a bike he can ride where he feels almost equal to anyone because he doesn't have to walk much.
And he is enjoying himself a wee touch. He's in that particular time in life where he can look at family and think: that's Kev, that's Jim, that's Ger, that's Julie, that's Roy, that's Bob: what weird persons to be related to. They are kind of kooky.
Next week: How to interpret the Storm language: The Myths.
A recent addition
This is Theo Storm, courtesy of Craig and Lidka. Like all Storms, he is cute. Welcome to our world Theo.
Father and Daughter
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After fifty years, Roy still looks handsome to me. It must be the three weeks he needs to recover from a hangover. Julie, on the other hand, only needs five or six minutes, tops. It must be a Miller thing because I myself need at least a day, although I can sometimes have a beer the next day with 19 hours sleep under my belt.
Although Julie looks very beguiling and cute in this picture, don't be fooled. Under that precocious exterier dwells a caring person. I don't know why this incident has stayed with me all these years, but I remember my first experience with downhill skiing at Sunshine Village. I was so bad that everyone finally left me to my own devices except Julie and Gail. They got me down the Strawberry run somehow. I think there is a picture somewhere that shows me wiping out Roy and Leo getting off the lift. After that day, how I ever kept on skiing I'll never know.
And one day at a ski hill that I can't now remember the name of, I achieved perfection (in my mind). I did the moguls and I was good, Kev and Jim saw me come down that run and even they were impressed. Gawd did I have a good time with Jim and Kev in the lounge after. And the ride back to Calgary in Jim's white van was so nice. Jim driving, Kev in the middle nodding off and me in the passenger seat telling Jim that the day had been the greatest day of my life. And I remember Switzer, watching Ger, Kev, Robin and Neil hot dogging it and skiing with Marlene (she was a better skiier than me by far at the time).
One good thing though is that it takes Roy six weeks to get over his hangover
Friday, May 26, 2006
The Family Tree
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No, this isn't a picture of Brad and Angelina. These two are much cuter. Look at Roy, if that isn't movie star handsome I don't know what is. And Anna just oozes cuteness and appeal.
Unfortunatey they decided to have children. I remember someone mentioning this to Roy and Leo (presumably it was God) at the time: Don't. Children will only cause problems and you don't really need nine migraines. And the migraines, I mean children, are sure to annoy your beloved bro Don, whom has enough problems trying to cope with his younger brother Bob.
Of course no one listened and presto!! Nine kids in four years. Marlene was leaving the hospital with a new bundle of joy in her arms while Anna was going in. The bedsheets in the hospital never got a chance to get cold.
It all worked out to my complete amazement. Marlene and Leo lived in the strangest places while raising a family and Roy and Anna lived in a shack. The song: Okie From Muskokee comes to mind.
The Millers and The Douvilles. I must admit both Roy and Marlene married into great families. Odd, but great. To little old shy me, Leo's family seemed so wonderful because they were so exuberant and typically French-Canadian. As an example, when I think of Armand, I think of someone who has a nice smile and who can talk about anything and one can't feel anything but comfortable in his presence. And the Millers. Jack Miller had that Irish glint in his eye that I can't define it but it was like a little leprechaun was hidden inside his body.
And so as one might expect, the nine little kids were all different in so many ways. And I saw my mother's eyes light up every time she held and caressed every one of them. And dad, although outwardly gruff, was putty in their hands.
So many members of the Miller, Douville and Storm family tree have left us and none of us really stop grieving. But the tree blossoms and their are more stories, so many more, to be told. I think all of us can look back and say: "jeezus gawd lord I'm glad I was born, life is good and bad, but I like it and mostly I enjoy being along for the ride, and just perhaps, although the odds are maybe slim and none, I'm going to meet up with all our family members who are no longer on this earth and I am going to have one big fucking huge party with them" (pardon the language).
Sunday, May 21, 2006
The San Andreas Fault
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Kev is the only family member whose face will adorn The Storm Clan blog twice. There is not enough space in one comment to cover all his faults.
Has anyone but me noticed that he doesn't actually know the correct way to start a fire. I'm sitting quietly and patiently with beer in hand waiting for him to unload the pallets off the pickle and he just takes his sweet old time getting the fire started.
And he cheats in darts for gawds sakes. How low is that? He has a homing device in each of his darts. The only reason why he loses once in a while is because he looks at Anita with loving eyes and gives her his darts. That is true love.
And he doesn't bike. He wouldn't know one if he saw one. I will broach the subject of him purchasing a mountain bike and biking with me when I move out there someday. I will be looked at with complete and utter disdain. But if my past history in Toronto is any indication, he will do it. It will be a challenge but I'm quite confident I can talk him into it.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Mother and son
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A nice picture isn't it. So Julie is holding a beer. We can't expect miracles, it's The Storm Clan remember. Whatever silly words I can write, a picture like this is worth a thousand of them. Every picture I just posted today is worth more than all of the tea in China to me.
The scenery
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Note the beautiful mountains and the way the clouds are scudding across the sky and the water has got a nice hue. I wish the person pictured holding the fish would get out out of the way so I could tell exactly what hue the water is.
People will do anything nowadays to get their picture taken. For example, this person just wondered in camera range with a couple of fish expecting a picture to be taken. And survival caps and jackets are out this year. If he didn't have such a cute smile and dimpled cheeks and not a bad mustache, I would've thrown him overboard so I get the perfect scenic view.
A Mexicali Babe
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Who knew Ger liked women who smoke cigars? Many, if not most, members of The Storm Clan look at the bod first. And what is even odder is that Ger likes his babes holding a blue glass with a straw in it. Ger doesn't really care about....you know...those things. The rest of The Storm Clan are beneath him, he has principles to uphold. The cigar, the blue glass, what else is there to behold? I'm two crass. I'm a pair of crassness.
The Storm Clan Guru
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Jim, the self-appointed guru of the Storm clan decided to fish. He caught fish. He had fun. He had a toke and a drink. He slept.End of story.
Old time religion
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It had to happen. Roy, The Supreme Old Fart Of All Time, turned religious. I was hoping he would wait until he passed on but no he has to do it now. He is pictured here after he made the twenty-five minute, arduous trek to the hidden cross which is situated due west of Kev's marijuana garden.
We are all behind you Old Supremo.
A hostage taking incident
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Although the family pictured here appears completely normal, it isn't. You'll note that the person pictured on the far right seems to be under some discomfort. Who wouldn't be disconcerted after being abducted and being forced to have a great visit with Justin and Kristin and then having a gourmet meal after? I'm hoping to be abducted by Jamal, I mean Ger, again and forced to sit in their hot tub for a while with a glass of vino in hand. But of course I've never known any Storm clan member to truly enjoy the good things in life, as in hot tubs. Normally they are used once and then ignored forever thereafter. Whereas I would be in it everyday, but I'm not normal.
Not to forget, the person pictured on the far left is the noted mafia don, Dino. Dino is the only person who actually knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. And his sister Myheldafred, pictured next to Dino, has been indicted for, to quote the rap sheet: 'coyness while not being caught for stealing the hearts of others".
Friday, May 19, 2006
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
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Some members of the Storm clan tend to have noticeable mood swings on a daily basis. Case in point: Kev. One time when I was in Creston, I tiptoed around when he came home for lunch while poor, deprived Anita was at work trying keep the family afloat. I spent hours making him soup and a bacon and cheese sandwich. And of course I tried to keep the sandwich warm for him and what he does do? He spoons the soup down in an instant and then falls asleep. I was crushed he didn't want the sandwich at that point in time. Just because he wanted to eat it as an afternoon snack didn't allay my feeling of ineptitude as a chef. And then he woke up, stomped around a bit and grunted something that I took to mean 'later'.
And later that evening, me, Max, the boys and Anita and Roy are watching the Canucks. Kev literally walked over me and Roy to get to his seat and generally caused an upheaval and/or uproar throughout the game (of course I loved every moment of it). And so this is a picture of Dr Jekyll. Mr Hyde we don't really want to see a picture of. It's a good thing Mr Hyde exists though. A really good thing.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
editorial
It has come to my attention that I'm on an e-mail list of several unidentified (Kerri and Julie) sources who continue to send me "cute" pics and perportedly 'funny' jokes. The Crabbyshack doesn't appreciate these.
Karri doesn't do it often and besides she looks awfully cute in a bikini so I'll forgive her just this once. But Julie has confirmed to me that she is either adopted or being held hostage in her own mind.
No true Storm clan member would send "cute" pics to another Storm clan member. It's not done. The Storm family has values to uphold. And referring to my STORM FAMILY VALUES manual (which was written by our dearest and oldest Storm family member Claudius the Noxious) I note a clause that says, quote: a member of the Storm clan can do anything in the world except send 'cute" and/or perportedly 'funny' jokes to another member of the Storm clan. The clause goes on to say that is perfectly okay to dismember them, maim them, hang them above a hot fire by the ankles for seven days, etc, etc. The normal things.
A Storm tribunal is discussing the matter. Julie (aka specimen X) may have to submit to a DNA test. The tribunal may take all the blood out of specimen X and remove any 'cute' chromozomes and replace them with the required 'crabby' chromozones.
Until then specimen X, I mean Julie, is under watch. Any more cute behaviour on her part will be reported to Donald The Crabby IV.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
The art and collected works of Jim, Ger, Julie and Kev
I can't find any but I'm searching. I'll find it. Jim was the first born. Everyone clap. And Ger came about because Roy and Anna were bored. And none of us actually know why Julie was born. And Kevin. An act of desperation.
Refer all questions to Roy, the last living fossil. Uncle Don is probably not the one to turn to since he hasn't figured out how to tie shoe laces.
Refer all questions to Roy, the last living fossil. Uncle Don is probably not the one to turn to since he hasn't figured out how to tie shoe laces.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Atonement, or Not?
As the sun sets on another day in Santa Barbara, it has come to the attention of this blogger that the bloggees are getting concerned about the updates on my blog.
In the interests of my self-preservation, this blogger should, in the future, only portray the life and times of Ger and Jim in terms of the way they think it should be portrayed. They truly believe that their lives consist of being God's gift to everyone, being downtrodden but yet rising above all the flotsam and jetsom of life and thus being heroes to those lucky enough to know them and, of course, having the complete confidence in themselves to know they are right all the time.
But I've never heard Brenda or Karri mention those being Ger and Jim's good traits. In fact, I've never heard Brenda or Karri mention Jim and Ger having any good traits at all. When I'm in doubt, I always side with the women, it's always worked for me.
So I will continue to tell the 'truth" as painful as it might be.
(Editor's note: This ad payed for by the Karri/Brenda Fund for Assisting Annoying Husbands Whom Think They Are Meaningful (KBFAAHWTTAM)).
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Upcoming Events
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Jim and Ger have become quite active in the aged community since they found out that they are going to be granddads.
Jim and Ger have become quite active in the aged community since they found out that they are going to be granddads.
Jim was appointed Chairman of the National Committe of Old Farts. Ger is the First Vice-President-elect.
Normally, the convention is held Biennially on the Wednesday following the anniversary of Lawrence Welk's death. But Ger talked Jim into holding it annually on the Saturday preceding the birth of Methuselah. A dance contest, held in conjunction with the convention, was discontinued in 1985 because Guy Lombardo passed away.
Jim and Ger are quite progressive as far as old farts go. They decided to hire a consultant to encourage more old farts to join the old farts association. Roy, The Supreme Old Fart Of All Time was chosen to pick the consultant. He didn't have to go far: he chose Don, the Current Old Fart Supremo. "Don, Old Fart Supremo, how do we get more members?" Ger asked. "who are you, young fart are you a member of the farts association?" Supremo Don asked. "yes oh supremo I am and I have question, how do we get more farts?" "Ah, yes, well I have been training a young fart to take over my throne: The Iron Fart Throne" Supremo Don said. "Oh Sepremo Fartness, whom would that beith". Ger asked. A roll of drums: "Funny you ask". "it will beith Kevin The Regurgitation Fart on the Fifth Behafth". Ger and Jim in unison: "We have a young fart to take over an old fart and he will bring many fart members in".
"Yes", Roy The Supreme Fart Of All Time said "Yay", Don the Supremo Fart said, "ooh" Ger and Jim The Up And Coming Farts sighed. "all hail Kevin The Regurgitation Fart".
From the Archives - A Weekend Camping Trip
Last May, while Kev, Ger Colin and Jim decided to stay at the campground, the fairer sex decided to drive into Yahk to buy beer, whiskey and cigarettes. Of course the girls were talking a mile a minute and Anita, the driver, didn't notice the Moyie River had risen so much that it was flowing across the highway.
Pictured here, from left to right, are Anita, Karri, Jennifer and Brenda. Note that Anita was doing all the work, Karri, Jennifer and Brenda were just trying to warm their hands.
Alf, the Greyhound bus driver volunteered to take them in to his motel room to warm up, but Tyler drove up just in time to rescue them. The four of them went back to Creston and bar-hopped, while Kev, Ger, Colin and Jim stewed around the campfire. Finally, after the whiskey ran out they jumped into Ger's truck and headed to Yahk. And of course there was even more b.s. going on and so Ger drove right into the water. They had to pay Alf, the Greyhound bus driver $500 to pull the truck out.
A good time was had by all, especially the women and Tyler.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
The B.C. Water
Grandfathers-to-be are popping up all over. There seems to a problem. We don't know yet whether Jim and Ger are granddad material. They will of course have to change their lifestyle. No more booze and tokes.
This is a "before" pic taken years ago on a Saturday night when they were celebrating Father's Day (that's Jim on the right). When Brandy and Kristin have their children, Jim and Ger are going to celebrate by attending the Old People Anonymous dance at the Legion Hall. It's held every other Monday afternoon to accomodate those that need to be in bed my seven o'clock. They will have a mentor to confide in, namely their aged Uncle Don. Unfortunately he won't be much help because he'll be drinking beer, having a toke and biking around Yahk as he continues his quest of finding the source of the Goat River.
(editor's note: the above was written by Dan, Don's evil twin. Don of course isn't stupid and he looks forward to having the tent made for him, and whom hopefully won't throw up before he goes canoing this year)
Saturday, March 25, 2006
The Canoe Trip
It was actually Kev's idea but I was certainly quite willing to participate. Kev said: "would an exploding nuclear warhead draw anyone's attention on this canoe trip?". As I sipped my beer and toked my toke I lazily asked: "what megatonne is it?" "19". "is that celcius or fehrenheit?". "celcius". "well then it can't hurt". "hey Kev, that's not bad can we do this every year?".
(editor's note: the ash you see include particles of the funny hats (thank good gawd), jim, ger, Engineer Bob (a freight train happened to be going by) , Anita, Brenda, Karri, Tyler, Jennifer, Colin and all of our campground.
Friday, March 17, 2006
From the Recent Archives
We all know Colin has had his up and downs. This was not one of his better days. He meant well...he was just trying to pilfer the best Christmas tree in the history of mankind. What happened was that him, Tyler and Kevin decided to get up really early on December 19 of 2002 and drive around the flats to find a really good one. Kevin saw this beautiful tree farm and so they decided to really get up close so he wouldn't have to walk much. And so they did. Unfortunately the tree farmer had alarms placed on a scarecrow dressed up as Santa. It was quite an exciting pursuit and Colin missed the owner by inches but did hit the Santa head on.
Tyler took this picture of Colin just before the RCMP were due to arrive and just after Kevin caught a ride home from Huscroft.
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