Canoe Trip - Day Two

Hang on to your seatbelts on this one. I have no idea what I'm going write but I have a feeling it will be interesting. And hopefully I will edit it at some point in time.

First though, someone e-mailed me and said I was overdoing the boringness of Jim, Ger and Kev. In order to correct that, I've decided to call them Batman (Jim), The Penguin (Ger), and The Joker (Kev).

So guess what? I get up and look forward to breakfast. Of course I am fully clothed with shoes on so it doesn't take me long to get out and about. I'm starved. And guess what? The Penguin's son and The Joker's son are going to make breakfast. Batman was nowhere to be seen except when he accidently tripped over The Caped Crusader. Breakfast was delish. I don't know what Tyler and Justin did to those hash browns but they were really good. And the eggs. Breakfast is my big meal of the day and so I notice these things. Up to that point in time, Batman made my favourite breakfast of all time, but Tyler and Justin did pretty good. And I can't over-emphasize my love of coffee when camping.

Aah no driving, just get in the canoe and paddle. No motors today and the sun is shining. The Penguin is grousing around and under his breath he's complaining about something or another (something about Karri I presume). Ger is the only one I know who must have coffee, baby duck, beer, whiskey, and herbal tea at hand. At the same time. Of course what does the boring person do (I mean The Joker)? Warns me that this is going to be a treacherous voyage. For just a few minutes I ceded to his alert and I was okay and anyway my breakfast was still getting digested. And I know Batman that I should respect the river and I do but when one has The Joker with one it's tough. And Batman don't worry, The Joker is a joke. The highlight was of canoeing under that tree. That was the highlight of the canoe trip: looking at this huge tree coming at me and wondering if I can duck down enough. Yah I guess Kev isn't that bad really. A small warning: Next year will be my third time and I will be a lot more careless next year. A lot more. One bikes in Toronto every day and one loses ones fear. If The Joker can't take it, fine he'll hold me back.

Lunch. Of course having the previous years lunch that Karri and Gerry made which was the highlight of my canoe trip that year I was expecting something quite good. But Batjim put it the best and I agree. It was still okay. We are canoeing for gawds sakes. We don't need to eat like kings every meal. Maybe The Storm Clan does but really. When you guys get carried away in the evening, it's nice to have a second party to talk to: "Karri-man?" "yes Don" "is that my family getting carried away and pretty well making fools of themselves and making me wonder if I'm adopted or not?" "yes it seems to be them Don" "if I left now would they miss me?" "no, in the morning maybe Don but not now". "gawd I'm glad you are here". I really enjoy having Karri-man around. What would be ideal would be having them supply the chips and dip or something during canoe trip. Just no meals.


The afternoon. None of us wanted it to end. Did I mention The Penguin grousing? Hopefully next year Ger will realize that Karri is going to have a good time and just go with the flow. It was actually kind of nice being with The Joker that afternoon. I think Kev would agree we did well as far as canoeing that weekend. I knew what to do when. So here is the two persons who like to party the most (I think) and we come across this noise from the shore. Karri-women is going from one canoe to another. We both say "wow, I couldn't do that in a million years". And then, agh, we get to this rock bluff. And The Joker says I have to pee. Hello. This is a wall that is sheer. Oh good I'm alone in a canoe, which is not a prob. And he's standing looking at me wondering if I will take off (note: if Kev is with me next year, I'm gone, I'm gonna put some grey hairs on his head). But really, it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. To see Justin, Anita, Col, Tyler, Karri, Jen and others having a party on the shore and me and Kev saying: "let's just go by them, I don't think it's safe to go in there".

And of course we decided we should hide. The Joker wasn't content on just hiding. "Kev?" "yes" "why are we among the frogs and fronds?" "because we are hiding". "guess what, that party upriver is not going to notice that we are among the fronds, in fact I'm not sure they know they are on a river". "okay don, check it out, do you see any civilization?" "they've gone around the bend". "whom?" "civilization".

This a little bit of a highlight of my weekend. We got int0 shore and Kev jumped out and I was slightly worried about the canoe. And Shayna was there holding it for me. An angel. For me of course everything is about hoping Jen and Col and Tyler and Shayna and Justin have a good time. And they seemed to. I hope they did. I wouldn't mind canoeing next year again with The Joker. He's kinda boring but he's okay. I never thought I would say that. Some day I've got to write about Kev and Jim and Ger. They were crazy. Sitting around a suppertime table with Julie too and my Dad. Hello Dolly. It was unique. May I say this? The combination of Roy and Anna made some good kids somehow. Amazing really, they loved me right from the get-go and perhaps there are thousands of uncles as lucky as me. But I don't think so. I do what I do and hopefully live my life the way I like it and hopefuly don't annoy too many people. And to have Jim, Ger and Kev and Julie part of it is God's way of saying: "you didn't quite do it, you tried but it didn't work, good try though but even I didn't realize how annoying they would be, don't break the news to them that they are pretty well useless. I've talked to the person downstairs and he is getting ready for them, he has expanded Hell quite a bit, although he is not sure he's got room for the four of them". "Exactly God, I see where you are coming from and with me here, I take up a lot space, will they ever be allowed up to Heaven?" "Jim is on the borderline, we have a panel judging him at the moment, if he kills another elk then he is staying in Hell forever" "What about Ger God?" "I've got a migraine". "Ger should be here God, but just make sure he's not on any cloud I'm on and we can't leave Julie in hell" "why not?" "well because Heaven is boring, and it really should be spiced up" "who are you by the way, I don't need advice". "God?" "yes" "I have one more request" "this had better be good" "God, I need to bring up one more relative, his name is Kevin" "I'm familiar with him, he doesn't want to come up" "really?" "apparentely he's taken over Hell and Satan is knocking on my door to get in" "God can I go to hell?"

yay

So I mentioned to Kev that I could eventually move out there. If and when I do, I will not be in Creston, it will in the general vicinity of Kev's. "You can't move here". "where" "here" "Kev you may be surprised to hear this but I'd pretty well kill myself before I'd live under the same roof as you and Anita". "what can it take to build me a shack with plumbing?" "plumbing?" "okay forget the plumbing, how about a bed" "a bed?" "would it work if I slept in Max's doghouse and howled at midnight?" "no" "too close?" "yes" "and you would shoot me accidently if I snored while you are naked in the morning" "possibly, yes, for sure".

And so it's a work in progress. I have to figure out how to be invisible and be very, very quiet. What's wrong with a shack with a computer hook-up somewhere on Kev's property? I'd build it of course. I could. A tree house perhaps. I really am quite a builder. I resent that Kev and Anita don't want me there, I would tend their graves quite regularly after I've slit their throats. No they are very nice people I'm sure. I could write. No probably not but gawd it would be fun driving Kev crazy. No, I guess I shouldn't move out there really. Because every single moment of my life when I'm not writing will be spent on making Kev's life hell. And that certainly came to fore at the canoe trip, what a boring person he is. And Ger: cackle, his life will take a sudden veer for the worst. And I have a lot of respect for Jim. And so it will take a little bit of planning to make sure he is comfortable when is gasping for breath while I hang him from his fingernails.

Of course I'm kidding. Everyone just gave off such good vibes that week. The canoe trip was great, but really for me it was about family and I was not disappointed.

And I must tip my hat to Colin. He was amazing. I knew this but it was nice to see again. First up, last to bed. And at Kev's he was there every day after work and even though he was broke he brought six cold Bud. And Justin and Tyler were amazing. I don't know if the boring persons (Jim, Ger and Kev) realize it but the Storm Clan is in good shape. I've met Brandy too, it would be nice if she was at the canoe trip next year.

I guess I love family. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed that.

Hi Justin

I"m doing well. Well not that bad. I enjoyed hugging you in a broad, relatively relative kind of way. I have no idea but you and Col seem to be my kind of people. Although if I must pick and choose I would choose others. You guys get me which you should completely worry about.

May I muse and/or speculate? That was silly, stupid and/or rather inane about trying to fix Colin's bumper that way. I was slightly agog but certainly not surprised. Guess what? They born you. They didn't do anything like that. Now that they are middle-aged they forget what they did. What really annoyed me was canoeing down a river with Kev whom seemed rather conservative. I'm afraid. I'm really afraid. You and Col gotta uphold the Storm Clan mystique because obviously Kev, Ger and Jim are getting too old to do that. Very disappointed in Kev. I remember when he was game for anything, in his prime he was the numero uno. But he doesn't have it any more unfortunately. It's tragic really to see a great one collapse. Be nice to him if you can Justin, pat him on the back and pretend to sympathize. And then there is Ger. Well, ignore him if you can. I've only got a few people left. I assume when I move down there you and Col will keep me remotely interested in life. Which should be interesting because you guys have no idea about life in general.

I'm kidding of course, but I am not kidding about Kev. All my life I've looked up to him and he's boring now. If my bod will allow me, I'm not finished with the thought of biking across Canada. No one should underestimate me.

Pictures of the Canoe Trip

Hopefully someone will send some to me.

My trip to Creston - Part 1

THE CANOE TRIP WEEKEND

Where do I start? The beginning? My (true) version of the weekend is not going to coincide with anyone else's but Friday night was pretty good I think. I remember arriving at the camp, sitting down in a comfortable camp chair, someone handing me a beer and Ger pushing me over backwards with great force, resulting in a squashed beer can and receiving a look from Roy that conveyed to me his gratitude that he was happier than hell that he was going back to Creston that evening. Of course I was plotting revenge upon Ger instananeously but hey, revenge isn't that sweet really, I'm above that.

Ah, it was nice walking into camp with Roy. That and Ger pushing me over on the chair are the only things I remember about that evening. My back still hurts and my chiropractor says my spine should heal within the next year or two.

Saturday morning was great. Really great. Although I woke up with all my clothes including my shoes, I slept well. The first thing I thought of was coffee and food. I love the way Jim cooks bacon. Normally I like to be up for a while before I eat. Not this year. Someone could have handed me breakfast as I got out of the tent and I would have gulped it down. I can't think of anything better than drinking coffee in the morn. on a camping trip. It tastes better. And what I like about the canoe trip is that no one rushes around in the morning getting ready to canoe. A nice, leisurely pace suits me to a tee. I do feel guilty just flying out there and everything is ready. All the preparation involved. I arrive, someone hands me a beer, Ger knocks me over, eat, another beer or two, someone escorts me to my tent, and sleep. Ooh, except for the getting pushed over, that's pretty good.

Finally getting into the canoe on Saturday was exquisite. Looking around and seeing every person that I love the most around me brought a tear to my eye. But I got over that fast. The only bad thing about sitting in the front of the canoe with Kev is that I can't keep my eye on him. But as it turned my fears were unfounded. He's a little boring actually but that's probably a good thing. It was so nice to see Tyler and Justin there. Understatement of the century. And of course Shayna and Jen. And Colin. Colin is always the first one up in the morning and quite often the last one to bed while he escorts the various and sundry members of his family to bed. And Anita. She's game for anything and everything and she never complains. I love her smile. And Jim and Brenda. I think they were on the river. Well they were there in the morning so I assume they were canoeing. I did actually see them once on the first day of canoeing. Although they were far away I did recognize Jim's gut and Brenda lying on her stomach. And of course it wasn't hard to miss Ger and Karri. I just followed the sound. I was trying to listen to the flora and fauna. All I heard was Ger grumbling and the sound of Karri's fishing line swishing through the air just above my head.

The eagle was good, apparentely it was bald. I can't the remember the details of the first part of canoeing on Saturday other than things happening around me that totally amazed me. Within the first hour I had already laughed so hard that I said to myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "this isn't bad, this family get's it" "they do don't they" "this could be fun" "probably, yes I think so, I've got a crazy, loony, beautiful family". So continuing on down the Moyie, Kev and I and Ger and Kerri hook up. And Kerri catches a fish. Relatively speaking it wasn't such a small one. Well at least it was apprentely big enough for Karri to stand up, dangle it in front my face, and fall backwards into the river. I rather enjoyed the look on Karri's face as she was about to go under. I would classify it as full-fledged shock. I'm sixty. I've seen a lot of funny things. Maybe I've seen funnier things but I don't think so. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "what did we just see?" "I'm not sure, that didn't happen did it, I'm dreaming right?" "no" "I didn't think so".

First Intermission: It's 40 above here with humidity. And I'm not really too hot. I biked today but had to quit because my heart was palpatating wildly. There was a breeze. It felt like it was coming off the Sahara Desert.

So continuing on down the Moyie, we all hook up, except for the phantom canoes of Jim and Brenda and Karri-man and Loretta. Admiral Chicken Legs had the motor even though he had it in reverse most of the time. Justin was to my immediate left and Karri was to the right. Heaven. The noise coming from behind us. Din actually. I've already bought a roll of duct tape to affix over Ger's mouth for next year. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "what's Ger talking to Kev about?" "it's complicated but the bottom line is that he thinks it's important" "who's that singing back there?" "oh that's just Jen singing Patsy Kline doing the Beach Boys doing Dr Dre while drinking her fifth bottle of Baby Duck" "isn't she cute" "yep and she is having fun" "I don't hear any flora and fauna" "no, I came 5000 miles to hear flora and fauna and I'm in the midst of a party on water". "what do you think Shayna thinks of us?" "all I know is if I was in her shoes I'd be having seconds thoughts about the Storm Clan" "I think she is us" "me to"

Second Intermission: I don't think any other family in the world has an uncle like me. And for sure no other uncle has a family like you guys. I feel blessed. Something changed in me when I was out there this time. Sitting in the back seat of Ger's truck and seeing him and Kev talking on the way to Cranbrook was amazing. And having Ger and Karri come over to Kev's two nights in a row and having Justin there and Colin and Tyler. And Jen and Shayna. For me that is what life is all about. I guess you all figured that out by now. On the Saturday night before I left, I sat out on Kev's deck for an hour or two and just enjoyed the quietitude and peace. Where I in live in Toronto I can get that too, but it's not the same.

Aah, camp. I'm not good at details but I assume we ate. I'm sure it was good whoever made it. I'd remember it if it wasn't. I tried to keep a distance from Kev. What. The moment he's among trees he can't walk? And of course as is the norm Anita goes for a walk and ends up in bed and Kev disappears. But at least, after all these years he's learned not to go too far. And hiding under Justin's truck behind a tire? I didn't say I was I normal but even I wouldn't do that. I kind of enjoy it when there is a little conflict among the Storm Clan. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes?" "do you see what's going on around us?" "I do" "Tyler is missing" "yes, that is a worry but what can happen, he won't freeze to death" "Kev is doing his thing but we don't worry about him at all" "nope" "remember we can't get involved because we'll break our glasses and so we'll sit here watch all the activity from afar" "exactly, we are above it all". "note that Colin and Jen have discovered Tyler in a bush and Kev has fallen down beside him" "I see that but we can't get involved" "we should help Colin and Jen shouldn't we?" "no" Plod, plod, plod, hello Kev is standing up. He's taking me with him downwards. My glasses are gone. Nobody move, ahh there they are, broken but there. "Colin" "yes Uncle Don" " "I can't possibly move, could you take me to bed first, I can't move, I don't how you are gotting me on my feet, I've lost every facility that I've ever had, why are Kev and Tyler laying here too?" "Col" "yes Uncle Don" "my feet aren't cooperating" So I get into the tent and remember I have to pee. So I get up and do that and yell to the flora and fauna: "thank you Colin and Jen" Of course they were busy taking Kev and Tyler home at the time.

I don't know when I'll do day two of the canoe trip (the greatest day in my lifetime) but I will. I just wanted to say that the Saturday night before I left B.C. was good. It could have been 5 am. And me and Kev were the last ones standing (sitting actually). From Jim's fire to his trailer is quite a rocky road. So we hang on to each other's arms as we embark on the treacherous journey to the trailer. Somewhere around the trampoline, Kev let's go of my arm and does three sommersault's and then lands on the ground and does three more. "Kev are you okay?" "yes, give me a minute and I'll be up there to help you to bed in a minute" "I'm in no rush, I can wait" "okay don, we can do it now" "are you going fall again Kev??" "no" Guess what? he does. "kev" "what" "I thought you were helping me to bed" "I am as long you aren't in any rush" "I know this is a shock but you have to stand before you can help me to bed" "uncle don where are we?" "somewhere in the bowels of Jim's trailer" "this is a big trailer" "it is isn't it" We made it. Thank you Kev for taking me to the airport. I wish I would have awoken Ger before I left but with two hours sleep I wasn't thinking too clearly. I hope you will forgive me for that Ger. And you looked so comfy.

That was the most amazing week. And no one should wonder why I devote time to the Storm Clan blog. I'm just a mouthpiece for the family. You all out there are the stars.

Life

I won't get into the gory details. But my biking to work last week was quite something. I've never seen Bruce at work crack a smile but I had him chortling. The most outrageous things happen to me.

And so it will be nice to get in the hands of Jim, Ger and Kev. What can happen? I've come within a hair's breath of death a thousand times while biking in Toronto so I can't imagine them doing anything to me that I haven't already been through. In fact I'll probably be bored to tears. At least camping there won't be a round table to have them sit around while talking about the same story six hundred times. But that won't stop them will it.

I'm starting to practice my pretending to be interested routine: "hhm", "wow", "isn't that something". "is that right?" as my eyes glaze over. In the first fifteen minutes I will be up-to-date in their lives and then I will have to spend the next three days listening to them repeat it. One good thing about canoeing: When Kev gets annoying I'll just hit him in the back of the head with my oar. And if Jim is in a good mood in the morning, I'll just douse him with gasoline and set him on fire. And if Ger mentions how nice nice the sleeping quarters he's made for me are more than a hundred times, I'll put a rat in his sleeping bag.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Remember, their are two Uncle Don's. One whom posts here and cackles when he thinks of his strange family. And another one whom bikes and pets small children, dogs, old people and rodunts.

Spotlight of the Week

This picture will go down in history as being one of my favourite ones. First of all, one has the cutest child in the history of mankind. And one of my favourite nephews. And one of my favourite brothers, although if he could grow his hair longer, I'd be happier. But he is cute too isn't he? I remember Bob being spoiled as a child and I can see why. He's sometimes mistaken for a banker, real estate agent and/or piano player. This is what being a memeber of the Storm Clan is all about.

The First Storm Clan Blog Reunion

In the summer of 2007, the Storm Clan is getting together. They don't know it yet but they are. Roy, Bob, Don, Jim, Ger, Julie and Kev and all family thereof. In 2008 we'll ask the Douvilles, maybe. One step at a time.

It could be at Kevin's, I think that would be good. It would be a long weekend where Kevin could see how cute Olivia is and Graig and Latka (sp) and the baby is. And just to have Lorraine there would be blessing. And to see Julie and Julies' boys.

I'll go down there for a week and someone will say fuck off Uncle Don because I don't like him/her. If that happens, I will come back to Toronto and not a soul will hear from me again.

I think it is a special family. I'm reaching out to Bob and Julie because if they can't make it then there is no use having a reunion.

Predictions for the Canoe Trip

First the facts:

Jim and Ger will have everything under control while Kevin and Anita will fret all week and will both wish I wasn't coming down because it's too much pressure on them. And because they really have nothing to do with anything because Jim and Ger will have done it all, they'll forget something really important. It's a given.

Colin will smile and make me happy.

I will look at the women and lust after them (I'm approaching 61 so I can do that).

The liquer will be gone when I get up in the morning.

Food:

Pretty well anything will please me. Spagghetti, cheeseburgers, shrimp (and I'm not talking about Kev), chilli. Wow.

Predictions:

Saturday morning (1:07am, sitting around the campfire): "wow, where am i, who are you and does life have any meaning, oh hi Ger, am I dreaming?" "this is for real this time Uncle Don, I hope you won't annoy the Storm Clan this year". "ger?". "yes uncle don?" "why is that river babbling?". "because it likes you". "really, will I kill Kev tomorrow?" "it depends". "on what?". "on whether you go to bed" "oh, true, well just one more ger and then off to bed, how come you are still up?" "because I'm the designated uncle watcher". "which uncle are you referring to?". "vous". "moi?" "oui". "I resent that".

Sunday morning: "hey tyler, I feel so good this morning, I'm glad Jim appointed us to make breakfast this glorious Sunday morning, do you know where the spatula is?". "uncle don we need to find the eggs first and the stove". "that is important, any idea about the bacon?" "no uncle don but shouldn't we make coffee?" "where's the liquer ty, we'll have a shot of that and go from there". "I found it uncle don". "Yay, and of course you know this and I know this, so when uncle jim gets up we must pretend we are trying to make breakfast". "yes I know uncle don, jim would no more let us make breakfast than us flying from here to Toledo". "ssh, he might hear us, here he comes". "where's breakfast, where is coffee?". "uncle jim we were going to ask everyone how they liked their eggs, sunny side up, or easy over?". "give me that spatula Ty, you are holding it wrong". "uncle don?" "yes ty". "we will get credit for this won't we". "of course, isn't nature grand when Uncle Jim is in charge of it"

Monday morning: "Kev?" "yes" "where are we?" "in B.C.". "I"m getting hungry and I need a campfire, why did you take that turn when no one else did?" "because I'm cute". "Kev that excuse is not gonna do it, you have to get us out of this aquarium". "aquarium?" "yes, we've been followed by oricinus orcas (killer whales) while we go around in circles, and you said to paddle left with vigour and so I did". "uncle don?" "yes". "I didn't mean with that much vigour". "oh".

Eek

No one is allowed to read this blog anymore. Pretend I'm not here. Thank goodness I renewed my subscriptions to Psychiatry Today and Nut-House News. Is it too late to make amends with all the family members whom I have insulted? And the problem is I'm probably going to get worse. So I would suggest you drown me when I'm out there: a golden opportunity like that doesn't arise too often.

Anita

I'm glad this isn't a pic of Anita. Anita is too nice to be shallow. I've been around the block several times and met billions of people in my life and Anita is one hell of a good person.

The Storm Clan doesn't deserve people like Anita but thank good gawd they are part of the family. And when I think of Lorraine, Brenda and Karri a smile comes to my face. Amazing really, how some (not mentioning any names) members of the Storm clan can be so lucky. Just think of Bob, Jim, Ger and Kev (mentioning names) and remember they are fairly clueless. And I'm trying to be nice.

The Storm Clan was blessed. With the exception of Ger and Justin. And I just eek out a living. I'll paddle I guarantee you. Will I be in a canoe with Kev? If that happens I will have a good time. That wouldn't be a bad thing. I don't mind him actually. I"m sorry to say he is my favourite person in the history of mankind. Which is saying something because he does not deserve that distinction. Actually he does. He understands me and he gets all my jokes and I get his. By the way I don't do tokes. I get carried away and forget who I am. It's important that I know who I am. I'll kill Tyler and Colin who will smile at me while going down the river. Anita and Tyler may be the first ones rammed.

Can I reiterate again. I don't do tokes. I could but then I'll forget Jennifers name and look at Jim and think he can cook. And god only knows what Ger and Kerri will be up to. I presume Karri will be taking off her clothes which I won't complain about one iota. And don't let Karri-man have a toke. To this day, I've never had so much fun watching someone be so funny who isn't trying to. That is what life is all about.

I can paddle. I'm old but I can paddle. If Kev tells me to paddle, I'll paddle. Kev took me through some good rapids last year and I've never been so happy in my life. Ever. If Kevin will put up with me, that weekend will be good. And to see Anita and Tyler and Jim and Brenda and Ger and Karri. But don't give me a toke. I'm listening to a song by Ralph Stanley: Don't mess with me baby. Oh god, I can paddle and toke too. I have in the past not been very good at toking up. Hopefully I won't wonder off into the wilderness never to be seen again.

Happy Fathers Day Jim, Ger, Kev and Bob!!

surviving toronto's heat and humidity

I enjoy the heat and humidity of the Toronto summers. (to be continued when I have enough energy to actually write something when I'm not sweating my ass off).

By the way I'm above it all. But Jim and Ger continue to ignore me. It's beyond me what they are trying to accomplish. I'll kill Jim and his accomplice Ger. I thought I was their favourite uncle but they must have dredged up another one from somewhere and they are probably showering their love and devotion on him now. I rue the day I changed their diapers when I was babysitting them a long, long time ago. Although I may not have, I can't imagine me doing something like that.

I wasn't a bad uncle. Neither one of them could have survived without me. When they were little they really were bohunks (in the nicest sense of the word). Although cute, Jimmy really was annoying when he was a child. And Ger: he may not have been cute, but he made up for it in heft. I've seen smaller elephants. As a child, Jim was devious. Actually so was Ger come to think of it. And that was the good thing about them.

I won't catch the plane. I did once swear that I'll get back at them. Maybe I will catch the plane and pretend I'm not there. The top ten reasons why Jim and Ger are ignoring me:

10. They have nothing better to do.

09. After Brenda drove me to the airport last year, she was hoping that it would be the last time she saw me.

08. I wasn't sincere enough about how nice Anita's flowers are.

07. I should have been more animated about Karri's gravy.

06. Jimmy hasn't bagged a moose for years so he's taking it out on me.

05. Ger hasn't got over the idea that I might be slightly smarter than him.

04. 'my' family in general are all too busy to care.

03. I'm annoying.

02. They are annoying.

01. I'm disruptive of their lives. I've only just begun baby's. Whether it is with Jim, Ger and Kev or Julie or not. If my health will allow me, I'm gonna 'kick ass'. Get used to it. And don't underestimate me, don't ever do that.

An Ode to Max

This person doesn't actually associate with the Hells' Angels too often but he does feel comfortable around them. He was raised by a wolf in the wilds of B.C. and learned to hunt small game at an early age. His early hunting expeditions often took him to Creston whereupon he was afraid of Max the Wonder Dog. All he tried to do was pick up a round object 459 yards from Kevin and Anitas. He was playful but Max was not.

But then he became human and grew to love Max. I think Max loves Don the Wolfman more than anyone else but Roy and Kevin may dispute that. Max loves people and I must agree with him there. And to be raised by Anita, Kev and the boys must have been dog heaven. Even with the cat killing grounds of Kevin, Max knew he was safe. Some little kitty would come up to Max and look at him playfully. Max would just rest his head on his paws and think: you are gone, kaput, enjoy life while it lasts because your life is going to be a very short one. And of course the next day at 7am another kitty would bite the dust.

And after all these years Max knows Kevin. He prefers Anita and the boys but he knows once in a while that Kevin will even love him. And when Kevin is is in that special mood, Max knows he will have the most fun. And both Max and Kevin love very moment of the playfull dog/owner relationship. And Jimmy knows that too. Probably more than anyone else. Unfortunately I've been away too long to describe Kodiak. But I know that that was special.

Uncle Don's Favourite Nieces and Nephews

People Magazine recently asked Uncle Don to rate his favourite nephews and nieces. We go to him now:

"my favourite? can we start with the annoying ones first?". "No Uncle Don, you have to rate them in order of preference". "I don't prefer any of them" " "Try to rate them, this is a big magazine". "Okay, Jimmy was up there, the first one, and Laurie was so lovable and Robin and Ger were beyond me in cuteness, and Donna made me proud, and Julie was extraordinary, and Kevin and Neil were amazing and Gail was special". "Oh that is nice, who are your heroes?".

"jim and Ger" "why". "because I'm going to kill them". "you cant' kill your heroes Uncle Don they are special". "they completely think they are, but don't ask them about their life, they will tell you and you will be bored to tears, hint to all future unlcle: they normally don't make any sense whatsoever and if you say 'interesting' or 'I didn't know that', or 'wow' they will usually want to talk to you for six or seven days. And especially beware: If you get Jim talking about his navy days then your days are numbered because it's impossible to live long enought for his stories. When I'm there try to steer him away from that subject. These old persons love to digress.

"What about Kev?". "what about him?". "Isn't he a little bit your hero?". "Is this on camera?" "yes" "Kev is okay, he'll bring his game face to the game and I'm pleased he's on my team, even though I can make a better fire than him if I put my mind to it". "what if this wasn't on camera Unle Don?". "annoying". "annoying?". "he might be the only person I look up to re funny". "oh uncle don your scared of him". "only his mind, his body I'll kill with the greatest of ease".

"Uncle Don, do you have any regrets?". "Yes just one". "Oh you wanted to spend more time family?" "That too, but no I would have loved to have seen Vesuvious erupt and now I'd like to see most of mankind wiped out by a catastrophe.". "you mean floods and forest fires?". "Those too".

Surviving

Yes, being at Julies and Harold's place a few New Years ago was a highlight. The food was great, the wine was greater and the weed was the greatest. The dart game posed a problem for me: "Uncle Don?". "yes Julie". "that projectile has to be thrown". "where?". "at that round thing on the wall". "really, my shoe laces look funny". "uncle don you don't have any shoes on". "I'm trying to find them"

"Julie who is that odd person over there who keeps staring at me?" "The christmas geranium". "really, wow, a trillion years ago plants were us". "Are you throwing that dart or what?". "Kev and Ger are really serious, which forehead should I aim at?". "Uncle Don, you have to aim at the bullseye". "not Jim?". "unlcle Don?" "yes Julie". "you are a weirdo". "thanks Julie"

Colin

No this isn't a pic of Colin and Jennifer coming across a fried egg on the Moyie River. Colin's life is much more odd. Tell me about it.

I think the Pickle has been officially retired now but once I bore the brunt of Colin having a driver's licence for one day: we get in the pickle and my head slams into the dashboard when he turned on the cd. Loud? And then as we are going six hundred miles per hour towards town I'm wondering to myself: hello, uncle Don, this won't be a boring time will it. Yay.
I was't too taken aback when Colin drove into the car wash. What can happen? This place is a den of normalcy. I'm okay here. I may get wet so big deal.

Unfortunately the pickle decided to die that day. I assumed Colin knew how to get it going so I wondered around and had a ciggy. "Uncle Don". "yes Colin have you got the pickle fixed yet?". "no, uncle don, we have to push it". "push it?". "Yes and Hal here is going to help you push the pickle". "Whom?". "Hal".

With only slight reservations I shook hands with Hal and got ready to push the pickle out of the car wash stall. It was downhill and so even to me the idea of pushing it sounded okay. Nineteen times me and Hal pushed the pickle while Colin steered (I won't even get into that). On the twentieth push (when boredom and exhaustion had set in) the pickle started! I wasn't prepared and so I got dragged along behind the pickle for 600 or 700 hundred yards because Colin wanted to ensure the pickle was getting the gas. Colin jumped lively and exuberantely out of the pickle (he hadn't done anything, of course he would) and noticed a trail of blood and then looked at me and asked: "Uncle Don, are you okay?". As I woozily got to my feet and brushed the blood off my knees and put the internal organs back where they belong I said: "not a prob Col, not a prob". So we get up to Kev's and I stagger to the couch and Anita and Kev asked in unison: "Don you look terrible, are you okay?". "I'm dying for gawds sakes but it was fun having a nice day with my favourite person, he's cute but deadly".

The Storm Blog Highlight of the Week

After much discussion and bickering back and forth, the judges decided that Don's phone call to Jim at (hold it we have to go look at the jacket) Mister Tire was his highlight of the week. The runner-ups, Kev and Ger, were rather blase about it all. So was Jim but at least he had the decency to tell me that me that I'm special.

James

At the time, I really thought I was being too harsh on Jimmy when I posted this pic next to his bio.

Obviously not. He could be trying to annoy me but I doubt it. His most recent e-mail indicates that even the Supremo Puba (in-waiting) gets a little testy when hung over.

Now what happens? It takes The Supremo Puba Of All Time six or seven weeks to get over a hangover. Gawd knows how long it will take his eldest son to recover from a hangover when he reaches the throne.

Has The Storm Clan ever had a palace coup? I personally think it's time we did. We need new blood. And lots of of it. Where is the Red Cross when one needs them? Actually Jimmy is okay, he just noticed he's getting old. In unison: Aaaw. I've never received an ounce of sympathy in my life so anyone whom gives Jim any is dead.