Ger (revised)

If anyone cares to look, that landscape behind Ger is amazing. The light was perfect and it looks like a painting not a photo. I've never seen Kootenay Lake and the mountains look like that before. Which is an appropriate lead-in to wish Ger a happy birthday. A talented person who should be put away, I mean honoured.

In honour of Ger and the family I wrote the following. As I've said before, even I think I'm strange:

Which heritage your sperm doth evolve? The angelic side of your spermeth dids't evolve because a crazy swede set sail to North America and ended up in Saskatchewan. Thereby meeting a Darling person (get it?) who entwined to produce three boys and a girl. The eldest of the boys (King Roy The Twelfth) met a dasterdly family in Creston who were run out of Ireland because they couldn't run a grain mill quite right. But somehow the eldest son met the sweetest damsel (Queen Anna The Only) and they settled down into a life of bliss. Short lived, alas, James The First arrived and storm clouds arrived. A decree was bespoken and no more children would be allowed to populate the kingdom. Eek, another child was born, Gerald The Gellyroll. This child was larger than life, and caused a great deal of pain to the township far and wide. It took eight horses and a biiiig wagon to just transport the child to the potty. The call went out to the citizens of the estate. The Lord and Lady have finished with the family thingst. Eek. Her ladyness was with another child? The exhausted mid-wife trudged through the snow to deliver the cutest little bundle of pink. They named him Sir Kevin The Cute. The celebration was short-lived however when it was discovered that Sir Kevin The Cute was borne at 12:01 on Hallowed-Ween. Hello. Discussions were held around the round table. Sir Galahad suggested moving Hallowed-Ween to September fourth and calling it Labour Day in honour of the serfs. But Sir Lancelot prevailed and said to King Roy The Twelfth, what can happen? Hello. So thanks to Sir Kevin The Cute we have ten billion little Elvis impersonators knocking on doors asking for candy on October 31st.

Aah, as the bells pealed in town it was announced another childe was expected, the crowd roared: "not another boy: no more, we are done, finito, ". Hallejuhah, blessed be thy name. After the town crier lost his voice, the milkmaid turned religious, the blacksmith turned white, and the mid-wife died of exhaustion, a girl was borne to the kingdom. They named her Dame Julie in memory of Mother Julie of Gwynhennach. But Hail Mary, unlike her brothren, the youngest childe wast quiet and subdued. The townfolk rushed to praise His and her Highness for such an act of worthiness upon their village green. The air was joyous, the celebrations were raucous and Dame Julie was given a welcome fit for a very small and very poor kingdom (they couldn't even afford a moat).

Bonnie and Clyde (revised)

I've decided there are too many pics of His Great, Grand Poobah (in waiting) on my blog. People get bored. Hello. Yussee, the Great Grand Poobah (in waiting) unfortunately has to look off in the distance and has to look like he know's something about something, that's what Grand Poobah's do (or they wouldn't be a Grand Poobah).

But Brenda, on the other hand, doesn't have to do that. Let me tell you a bit about Brenda from my observations. She is evil. Cute, but eeeeviiiiilllll. In a good way. There ain't no good way, Brenda is evil. We all fell for Brendas' evil ways, I don't think I fell for her evil innocence so much as others. I wouldn't of course. But my evil eye will shift from poor, innocent, cherubic Justin (I never thought I would write that down in my life) to Brenda. One can't take relatives at face value anymore. Justin looks like Al Capone and Brenda could be mistaken for Snow White (well maybe not, how about Bonnie of Bonnie and Clyde).

Love you Brenda
It's goes without saying I love you

An Odd Bicycle Repair Shop

I try to take my bike into Aaron's at least once a week if not sooner. Aaron's younger sister, Diptheria has a new concept of fixing bikes. Fix the owner and the bike will follow. I'm gonna argue with that?

I've never met Aaron actually. There well could be. Diptheria tells me he has expertise in chains, tattooes and know's Charles Manson personally.

And so I've gone down to the the B's in the phone book to find a new bicycle repair shop: Bibble Bratwurst's Bike Emporium.

Max in a Bad Mood

Even the nicest dog in the history of mankind can have off days. It could have been due to the antlers he was wearing during Christmas '03. He didn't think they suited him, he would have preferred the red nose. Max's top ten list of annoying things:

10. Okay already, I don't mind a fire. But do they have to put the aerosol cans in it?

09. I don't mind thunder, but why does it have have to be noisy?

08. Who the hell came up with the seven dog years for every one human year. I don't remember being consulted on this. Shouldn't it be the other way around? We don't start wars.

07. My favourite hockey team has always been the Maple Leafs. Does anyone know how annoying it has been to pretend I like the Canucks? Of course the food and shelter thing comes into play here.

06. No one asked of course, no one ever does. Yes I enjoy retrieving balls, and yes I enjoy hiding them. But those little white ones with dimples in them can be awfully painful. Who asked the elderly wierd one to visit? He has hit me several times. If he actually lived here I'd be dead a long time ago.

05. I wasn't consulted on this either. Shouldn't 'pets' have rights? A pet bill of rights? We could choose who owns us. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have chosen the skinny guy. He's subject to wild mood swings. Try to get a little attention from him in the morning. Or at lunch. Hello.

04. If someone would have asked me, and we know that isn't going to happen, the silly game of throwing projectiles at a wall would be outlawed. How can I cozy up under someone's feet if they keep getting up every 45 seconds? It's rediculous.

03. Not that I was asked, but in the unlikely event that I was, I'd recommend that persons above the age of sixty should be knighted and given 12 million dollars so they could treat me with the respect and dignity I deserve.

02. It's not up me, because nobody asked, but I hear dog heaven is going to be populated by dogs. That could be boring. But maybe not. Maybe not.

01. Not an annoyance, just a muse, it's been all about me. As it should have been. I heard the skinny guy telling the weird elderly person that I can't be replaced. Of course not, are you kidding? But there will be another dog to take my place. Not for a while, but there will be. That place is meant for a dog.

I just see all these dogs in apartments in Toronto, what would they think of Kevin's? With all the space. And these people work. One thing I can't get my mind around is why own a dog if you live in an apartment. Obviously it works, but I don't get it.

Reprobates and musings

It's rather nice to have these three reprobates as friends (as well as relatives). Not a bad thing.

When I turn sixty-three, I'm going to get crabby again. I keep thinking that biking has no influence on my life (other than the physical effort put into it). Maybe it does. For the fourth or fifth time I have put off seeing the Doctor. I don't see what good can come from it. But I will go this time. If you don't hear from me for six or seven months, it means I'm under sedation and on whatever life support systems the hospital has to offer. I've already got my hospital room picked out.

I hear Anita talk about how much time she has to spend in a room washing it down, depending on whether the person died from a communicable disease or not. Hello. They will have to torch my room. I wonder what they will do with my brain? I do not want it to be pickled (anyone who's lip even comes close to turning upward in a smile, I will come down there and drive a blunt-edged sword through their sternum).

Sci-fi

One of my passions is science-fiction. To me, that is where good writing is at. And of course it gives my mind a little exercise (which is a good thing).

And it seems sci-fi writers don't mind me. Hello. We connect. But the bad thing is I can never find enough books good sci-fi books at my local library. The bike comes in handy, I have sci-fi books out from across the GTA (greater toronto area).

Yay

We all knew Karen and Colleen are cute but Robin? In a round-a-bout, stretch ones imagination to the limit kind of way he might be. It wouldn't hurt to be blind either.

I think he's cute, The Rest of the World (TROTW) may not.

Nice

A picture of Marcel and Coleen during Marcel's graduation this last May. Today Robin and Karen are leaving for the coast to drive Coleen back to university.

Wow

Wow, Bob sent me this picture before I had a blog. Aren't Lorraine, Jen, Anita, Jen, Col, and Ty cute. As regards Bob and Roy.....they'd make great sumo wrestlers, and they look like they are from Saskatchewan. Not that their is anything wrong with that. And Kev is lying low. That is when I am afraid.

Hi

Several great sites/blogs everyone should visit:

www.bobstorm.com

and

nearlyperfectstorm.blogspot.com

I added to the don-book today. Scary. My mind has more in it than I thought. It is so nice to write about my past. Much of it is even beyond Roy because he wasn't there at the time. Interesting, I could write about the era of living on Goat River bottom for a long time. Even then I kept my mind open and observed (sub-conciounsly).

Thank you

Hi Kev

Could you get Ty or Julie to take some pictures of all you guys and send them to me. Make sure every is in it, individually and as a group. Especially you, Anita, Roy, Ty and Col and Jen. If you can, I would appreciate it.

And Ger, I need pics of Justin and you and Karri. Pics of Creston with you guys in them would be great. This is crazy but if someone could take a pic of the house that I lived in next to Centennial Park, wow. Next time I come down there, I'm going to get Roy to take me out and I'll take pictures of all the parts of Creston Valley that were important to me when I was growing up. Some of them aren't even there any more (the sawmill, the high school).

An Eulogy to Max (revised)

How to find the words to describe Max is not easy for me. I've never before had man nor beast want to follow me around and look at me with so much love and so much trust. Max did not have reservations when he loved someone, he just loved them.

A huge part of the 'life' of Kev, Anita, Col and Ty has been spent with Max and they loved every moment of being with Max.

Although Max may have had a different opinion. Has anyone spent an evening with Col, Ty, Kev and Anita watching the Vancouver Canucks?. And how many of these evenings must there have been? At the beginning Max is thinking: 'Yay hah, wow, I'm in love with these people, they are fun, they are exuberiant'. Even after a year or two Max is thinking: 'Not a prob, I'm here, I'll get fed good if go along with it, keep it cool Max and go with the flow, I'll bark at the proper time' At year three Max is thinking: 'I've gotta come up wth a hobby or I'll go crazy, chasing balls and hiding them seems appropriate, they'll think I'm a dog and it's a good excuse to get away from them for awhile". Year Four: 'I'm settling into a routine, every cat that comes near me gets killed within a day or two by the skinny guy who runs around naked at night with a rifle in hand, maybe I'll stay'. Year five: 'These two kids whom have annoyed me for so long are getting big, but the chick whom still feeds me is still nice so I'll stay'. Year six: 'I'm being ignored. I get fed but everyone is going this way and that, hello.' Year seven: 'whom is this elderly person? He seems to be nice. I like elderly persons, they call him grandpa, I call him sweet.' Year eight: 'Another elderly person. This world is getting to be worth living. But he's wierd. He talks to me in a language I can understand.' Year nine: ''here's the wierd old guy again to visit me, he's not bad, looking back on it it's been a good life, with my brown eyes and being able to bend the family at will it was okay, it was a great 'dog's' life and I had a great family (I'm getting maudlin, I didn't know dogs could get maudlin)'. Year ten: It's time.

I will miss Max. Animals aren't supposed to be people, and he wasn't a people, he was much better than that.

Our Own Woodnymph(ette)

A picture of our favourite (and only) woodnymph(ette). She doesn't like close-ups obviously and she apparently shies away from the camera.

Most woodnymph(ettes) like to cavort among the flora and fauna twenty-fours hours a day, seven days a week but ours likes to work for an eye centre during the day, and only likes to cavort on weekends and vacations.

But she makes up for it. Yay haw!!!!

The Exalted One

This is a picture of The Exalted One fly fishing. He was looking for flying fish. Jim had just spent five days camped at Next Creek communing with nature so maybe he was just looking for civilization. Who knows really.

This is an amazing picture. Jim will age won't he? He's the Storm Clan concience in some ways (of course no ways that I wanna know about). But really, we should all listen to him and follow his example (if we want to lead exceedingly boring lives).

I'm kidding of course. He's a beacon. Ah, now I 'get' this picture of The Exalted One. He is looking towards the future and is thinking: "if they follow me, they will be okay, I will lead them to good food".

Jim and Ger (I think)

I got out my magnifying glass, and it's them. This picture is them on Next Creek. So-called, I imagine because it's next to Tye. Where Ger and Kerri have a cabin, which they didn't use, but camped next to Next Creek. I think they must be next in line for the looney bin myself.

Ger (revised August 25)

I love Ger. I have to take run and a jump just to get in his truck. But not a prob.

So I get dropped off at Comforts to meet Ger for dinner. Yay. After I've somehow got into his truck he starts talking. I wanted to tell Ger about my life, but he wouldn't let me. Jabber, jabber, jabber, hello, jabber, jabber, jabber, help, jabber, jabber, I have six hours to live before I succumb to cancer, jabber, jabber, jabber. And this was before he even put the key in the ignition.

Jabber, jabber, jabber, ger take a breath, jabber, jabber, jabber: "ger" yes uncle don?" "start the truck". It was good though, it's always nice to know that I'm not the most insane member of the Storm Clan: "Justin?" "yes uncle don" "your dad is weird, well not really weird, insane, and completely out of it" "he's a virgo" "oh yeah, he's weird and insane in a good way, isn't he, I've always admired him".

So Ger left me a phone message last night wishing me a happy birthday. With the accent, I thought it was Chief Sitting Bull (speaking of b.s. and he was probably sitting down at the time).

Top Ten Perks of Turning 61

David Letterman's Top Ten List of Perks of Turning 61.

10. I no longer have to help old ladies across the street.
09. I've already learned everything the hard way.
08. No one bothers to phone me after 9 pm anymore.
07. My joints can predict the weather better than any meteorologist.
06. Spandex doesn't suit me (not that it ever did mind you).
05. I can flirt with the cute gals at work and they never take offence (this very well could be numero uno or even higher, hello). I could go on here, but suffice to say they all treat me good.
04. See above.
03. I'm finally starting to ignore those speedo-clad cyclists whom pass me on the street as I'm biking to work in the morning. And they have these stupid caps on. They are a perfect example of the lower life form. Where are they rushing to? And obviously they don't have jobs. Where do they get the money to buy their great bikes and the stupid clothes they wear? It's a good thing I'm not a cab driver because if I was, they wouldn't exist (at least not in Toronto). And they never smile. I think their spandex must be too tight. I pulled alongside one last week on Bloor: 'hi, nice day aye?' 'huh?' 'nice day' 'huh?' 'do you have a brain?' 'huh?' "it's been nice chatting with you, wherever are you going I wish you would get there'. 'duh'.
02. In my elderly age I'm finally (more or less) able to ignore my neighbours who own dogs. I'm old-fashioned, but I wouldn't mind it if there was a Max or Kodiak among them. I'm never sure who is more uppity, the dogs or the owners. It's normal in my neighbourhood for me to say: 'what breed is that?" And typically I get an answer like"it's a Sheershorn Tibitan Wimpletwit" "whom?" "it's very rare" "does it bark?" "no, not anymore" "does it sniff?" "no" "does it retrieve?" "not that I know of" "What the hell good is it then?" "I can walk it at 4:30 am" "let me get this straight, you have a Sheershorn Tibitan Wimpletwit and it doesn't bark, sniff and/or retrieve and you get up at 4:15 am to walk it?" "someone has to" "you have money to burn don't you?" "scads"
01. Having a mind that still works (knock on wood a thousand times).

The Esteemed Great Grand Poobah

The Great, Esteemed, His Highness, Grand Poobah in a contemplative mood. He's thinking: 'I've only got sixteen more days before I drink again. I'm almost over the hangover from twelve days ago.' And of course: 'why is my house moving?'. Not to mention: 'it's time for my 59th nap of the day'.

It's hard to believe a person of his stature would want to raise Jim, Ger, Kev and Julie.

(editor's note: I've been trying to upload this picture for months but it wouldn't work for some reason. I love this picture. Thank you Julie)

Hi

Not feeling so great this weekend. I will survive. I can pretty well take life as it comes but now my left leg is making it rather difficult to bike. I'm starting to feel like the person in the Monty Python movie. He's only got his head and torso left but he is still ready for the battle.

God's Country

This is a pic that Robin sent me that he took when he was quading. It continues to amaze me how beautiful that part of the world is.

Here in Toronto, I try to explain to persons at work how nice it is, but I can't do it justice. How does one tell someone that that part of B.C. is far more scenic and varied in it's geography than anywhere else. From Radium to say Riondel, one can see so many different 'kinds' of countryside.

I was impressed with the Cabot Trail, the drive from Banff to Jasper, the drive through Switzerland way back when, going through parts of Oregon and Washington state, but nothing can compare with 'God's Country'.

Relatively speaking, it is still untouched. I personally don't like to see new golf courses opening up, housing developments being built, and new businesses establishing roots (even though new jobs keep the graduating kids at home and/or going to university and then returning home to work productive lives). Let that happen elsewhere (as in the Okanagan). Why does it have to happen there?