So why do I care that Kevin caught a fish? Hello. So I'm down there and Kevin says "my brothers don't love me" "whom?" "my brothers, they don't love me" "why?" "I wasn't invited on their fishing trip" "they have assumed you'd want to spend the last weekend with me" "but they didn't ask" "so maybe you should kill them and me too while your at it and gawd you are spoiled" "whom?" "youm, Ger takes you out on a special trip just so your ego won't be bruised and you catch fish, and what size is your neck, I'm purchasing a noose" "a whom?" "a noose, one of those things that wrap around your neck and you slowly, and hopefully painfully die from" "Moi?" "vous, and then when you are still writhing I'm going to wrap your body in swadling clothes and put you on a raft and set fire to it, we'll have a moment of silence, believe me it will only be a moment".

You had to get on the blog. If I would have known the background on this, the pic of you and fish would not have been on the blog. Jim was fishing two days and no pics of him. You go out for an hour and you're on the blog. With dolly's. "what size is your ankle?" "why?" "because I want to drag you beneath a boat across Kootenay Lake and back" "I'm not spoiled" "true, true, I know, what size is your forehead, a dart is going to be entering it very shortly".

It will be a coincidence when Kevin dies the moment I arrive in Creston. I wouldn't attach any blame to me. Although I'll volunteer to make his lunch. I phoned Comforts yeserday. I had to hear Delorus. I'm repeating myself I know but bear with me. "this is uncle don calling from toronto, is Ger and/or Kevin there?" in my most officious tone. I didn't want to talk to them and I didn't but I did hear a squeal and a dropping of the phone. Please don't tell her I did this on purpose, but I had to.

If one can't have a little fun why bother. We only have so much time on this planet. I hope I can bring some levity to Creston. I'm very serious but I have my moments. I've never yet figured out why people like me. Even at work, as I mentioned before, someone said "gawd its nice to have Don back". I don't get it and I mean that truly, I don't. I'm not complaining. I have never changed, I'm just me. If people like me more now, it's because they've changed.

I'm starting to notice my age though. At Market Probe there is so many young people. They are all nice, but some of the things they come out with make me cringe because they haven't lived life yet. I don't know if it's like this in Calgary, Cranbrook and Creston but so many people in Toronto seem to be so driven by the current fads, the current movies, the current teck stuff. Human nature, although I do slightly keep track of current authors. Actually I kind of do keep current otherwise I wouldn't have anything to talk about at work. I've never been able to shake the being crabby in the morning thing. And I'm not even that crabby, I just don't want to talk to anyone in the morn. I can be cynical but normally the glass is half full for me.

By the way, the Leafs beat the Senators in a shoot-out last night. Ask me if I'm happy. And let me see here, oops the Flames beat the Nucks, I'm glad I didn't phone Kevin. Take care everyone, thank you all for being so good to me. I've got my ass in gear I think, tomorrow I go to the doctor and we will see what happens there: "you've got six months to live" "great, I thought it was a couple of weeks, whew". I have to come home from work to get my cane before I go to the doctor. I don't have to pretend I'm on death's doorstep, I'm often nauseous, six or seven times a day I get dizzy, and the headaches, but it doesn't hurt to look like I'm about to pass away at any moment. Using a cane is actually quite funny, both of my legs are bad, which one should I choose to limp on. Two crutches would be more appropriate, maybe I won't bother taking a cane. He'll probably notice I can't walk. I do some funny things. So I buy these shoes at Goodwill and little do I suspect they are steel toed. Until I get to the airport and set off every alarm in Terminal One. And by the time I got to Calgary, I was dragging my ass because I couldn't lift my feet anymore. Thank good gawd Bob had some extra shoes, which are now my favourite ones. How I've survived this long I'll never know. And I bike down Bloor Street everyday to work (except in winter), the most dangerous place to bike in Canada. But I was heartened to hear about the exploits of other Storm Clan members when I was out there for a week. At least I'm not completely alone in my clutziness and dizziness and stupidity and brainlessness (okay I'm done).

Take care everyone. Love you all. Without you all I couldn't nor would I want to survive.

Probably no one knows how good this picture makes me feel. And it's not the fish. I got a smile a mile wide at the moment. Of course I'm supposed to impressed with the fish, I'm not. I'm impressed with the persons holding them. Although probably the fish have more brains. I would presume so. The fishes are stupid to be caught one must admit, but the fishers are even more stupid trying to impress me. Sorry, it doesn't work. I know I should be impressed but I'm not, show me a bike or something that doesn't need gasoline to be powered by, then I will be impressed.

You see baby's, get mad at me all you want. I don't care, but I'm coming out there to write and bike. Don't I sound huffy. I will do anything, but really if I don't do those two things then I don't exist. I don't do otherwise. Perhaps I need Creston to do it. I don't know. I just don't know. But I just don't get it now, just to sip a coffee and watch Kev go to work will inspire me as I'm looking at the flowers Anita will plant. In others words I have to be spoiled completely, which, when you think about it, should be the way it happens.

The life is strange dept.

I have a friend who writes plays for children. He has been fairly successful at it and he's moving up in the world as far as being a writer, performer, stage director, etc. Last year he handed me a rough draft of something and I did a few edits on it, nothing consequential, I was timid in my edits, being the first time I'd done something like that.

So now he's adapted Hans Christian Anderson's 'The Snow Queen' to a more modern approach (no I've never read any Hans Christian Anderson myself, nor do I intend to). He handed me his first daft today and said 'edit please'. Hello. Moi, what do I know? I can't identify with children, I'm sixty-one. So I got on the subway, opened the manuscript and was enthralled and started making edits immediately. I said to myself: 'this will be fun, I can change a few lines here and there to capture the children's imagination even more'.

Nothing to do with my nine nieces and nephews of course, when they were little. Some of them were inquisitive, some were awe-inspiring, some hurt my fragile bod a little, but gawd they were all cute. And if I may digress I a bit, they wouldn't forget what Marlene and Leo and Roy and Anna went through to provide the best possible home-life for their kids in spite of a lot of obstacles. In my humble opinion, Roy and Leo are heroes to me for many reasons. One of the main ones is that they are still alive.

Weekend weather forecast

Whatever is it, let's not complain. We could live in Winnipeg.

It's February. It's a short month. We will survive. Some people like winter. I envy them. I don't think Jim minds winter since I hear him complain about the heat all the time. And Neil enjoy winter. But of course as we all know, they aren't of the human species so I guess it's not surprising.

This pic from Ger is posted so the rest of us can draw a little comfort in the knowledge that spring is not that far away.

Ger's family pics

I guess I don't mind this pic. Not bad really. I just wish I could look more in tune with life. Note how every else looks so natural. Colin is quite cute.

Ger's fishing pics

A picture taken at Kuskanook in the morning when Jim, Ger and Rocky went fishing (Jan. 20/21), plus pictures of Kevin and Ger and Rocky and Ger with fish. Of course I'm quite pleased to see Kevin with a dolly. A tear might come to my eye actually. Thank you Ger. Thank you.

I've posted this picture before, but I have to again. Note that evey person looks completely natural but me. Actually this is the only picture ever taken where I don't look like a zombie.

I don't know why the general public goes out of there way to be nice to me. One of the unanswerable questions that I will never get. When I got back to work to work last Tuesday, one of the supervisors said: "it's nice to have Don back". I'm so quiet I didn't think they noticed. As angst-ridden as I am, I guess I'm okay.

And I just impressed a writer for the New York Times completely. I do have my moments. I can write, oh I can write. But I have yet to figure out how to come up with an original thought. That is why I only read sci-fi, those guys have so much imagination and good writing skills too. That is the challenge for me in the years ahead. It's all up there in my brain, I just have to figure out how to unscramble it. Sorry, but everyone has underestimated me for a long time. Everyone. Actually I'm pleased with that. I don't mind that at all, I prefer that. Maybe I need B.C., perhaps. There is a clog in my brain right now and Toronto isn't doing it. Maybe when I'm surrounded by family it will be better. Creativity is an elusive thing. It doesn't just happen.

If anyone expects a normal uncle to arrive in June, you'd better stop me at the B.C./Alberta border. It's not going to happen. Probably the only thing I will have is my guitar and clothes. I think that is good thing, many others wouldn't.

As you know, I love you all. That is the most important thing in the history of mankind.

Karri sent me this picture a long time ago and the words pretty well sum me up. Completely. I don't suffer fools gladly. So far my family is within the boundary, but that could change at any moment. Will anyone notice when Kevin is missing? I'm sure Comforts Welding won't. Anita might but not for long. I'm thinking of burying his body under the pot plant, at least his nutrients will do some good. If he looks at me with raised eyebrow as I've hit the wall with my dart one more time his life is in jeopardy.

Prediction

All my family is going to be normal this week as usual. I talked to Gail and she is even normal. A wee bit I was encouraged by Kevin going to the seven-eleven in Cranbrook and leaving me high and dry: 'where is he going? he doesn't care if I live or die" Most of my family would at least see me off. A wave, perhaps even a hug. A little something. Not Kevin. And do you know what his last words were? "I'll make sure you are on the bus before I leave". I'm encouraged and feel somewhat positive about the whole thing. I'm the one who has to get on the bus and planes for eighteen hours and I feel sorry for him? Kevin doesn't cope well with life. I'm going to kill him. If his death upsets you, too bad, get over it. So I'm freezing to death, waiting perphaps to get a ticket and guess who drives by at 100 miles an hour. No hug, not even a handshake? Kevin. Ger and Jim would have waited with me. I hate long goodbyes but I didn't even get a short one with Kevin, which was fine with me.

I felt a little renewed this week. I'm pretty sure it wasn't because I was with family for a week, I think it was the Budweiser. Oh I imagine it was being with family if one insists.
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Spending time with Bob and Lorraine is so enjoyable. They make me feel so comfortable instantly even though I don't see them often. Travelling up to Bob and Lorraine's 'summer estate' and back was amazing for me because I saw the country roads again that I used to travel over so much when I worked for HBOG. This may be over-dramatizing it a bit, but after all, the Storm family has a lot of history in Saskatchewan and Lorraine grew up in Saskatchewan, so the lure of the prairies can running pretty deep. It certainly does with me. Bob and Lorraine have got it exactly right, a condo just outside of Calgary, spend a lot of time by the lake in the summer and travel wherever they want to in their motor home. And Bob is getting the travel bug. And not just within Canada. My heart warms.

And Jim wasn't bad. I had a pretty good time at Jim's upon my arrival in Cranbrook. Ignore the fact that he offered me licorice after I opened my first beer when I arrived at his and Brenda's abode. no canapes? crackers and cheese? a peanut butter and jam sandwich? licorice. I wasn't hungry actually, I'd eaten twelve or thirteen hours before so I was okay. And of course I suggested this: let's eat on the road, that didn't work out, I won't go into the gory details, suffice to say we had a great meal at Grannies. Before I went to bathroom I said to Jim: "I'll have whatever you have". He ordered one egg with the bacon and eggs. I'm so hungry I could eat my utensils and he orders one egg? But spending those hours with Jim when I arrived in Cranbrook was special. You know that the oldest nephew and me are going to have a good time talking about just about everything in the history of mankind (we've been through it). In my little brain, I was thinking, well Jim expect's to go to bed at 4am. I'll let him go to bed at 4:05am, as long as he knows I rule in my humble way.


After Grannies me and Jim stopped at Comforts. To see Gerald. That was rather a nice thing. Not to see Ger, but to experience the whole welding experience. I've always thought I was as one with a welding torch and I love those helmets welders wear. Although it was nice to see Ger. Looking at the array of Ger's creations at the shop, I was thinking to myself: maybe I should be nicer to Ger, he's going to be famous. But after a quick calculation I realized that is not a prob. I loved him the most when he a very large baby, other than Roy and Anna. Everyone loved Ger, he was a little cranky too. Oh probably, aye, aye, aye. He was special. And at Ger and Karri's, sitting with Roy and Justin and Shayna (with a baby on the way) was a delight to me.

Now you have to remember I'm sixty-one. That is old, elderly, past my prime by several years. So I get to Roys' place and Julie, Logan, and Shaun (and Tyler) along with Miles (who I didn't know) are there. No one can tell me I wasn't pleased to see Logan, who I hadn't seen for quite a while and Shaun, who I'd never seen in my lifetime. It was good.

When I was around the table at Kevin's watching Ger (be funny) do his thing and with Robin and Karen on each side of me, I was fairly happy. Probably in my glory. It's not me, it's nothing to do with me, you guys are the special ones, I just observe. Hello: I observe, I don't get involved.

I really miss Donna and Gail. Other than Roy and Leo, I guess I'm the last one left who has seen you all in diapers (actually I think Bob has too). It wasn't a pretty sight. I talked to Gail last night, I'm a writer and she charmed me. Not easy to do. Of course I remember Gail in a different light: She's pooped again? Marlene you just changed her diapers, will you survive? Laurie and Robin and Neil are running around, perhaps I could change Gail's diapers. Marlene was the greatest Mother in the history of mankind in my opinion.

Anna was there too. I guarantee you they no idea at the time though on raising a family. None, nil. I could have given them directions on motherhood at that time and I was twelve. Mom somehow put up with Roy and Anna and Marlene and Leo, of which she should be awarded a medal: "mom, I"m tired, I'm going to bed" "good Donny, me too" Oops its saturday night, here come the kids from Porthill. I loved it. And then you guys arrived on the scene. Wow, it was nice. Mom loved every moment of it.

Weekend weather forecast

This morning in Toronto it's -16, but with the windchill it's -92. I'm not looking to see what the forecast is for the weekend, I'll get depressed.

For the wimps in Calgary, today is getting up to -6 and on Sunday the high will be -1, without a cloud in the sky all weekend. Isn't this supposed to be January? Hello. And for my fair-weather friends in B.C., Cranbrook will get up to 0 today and up to -5 both Saturday and Sunday, also with sunny weather. And Creston: plus 2 today and all the way down to -1 on Saturday and Sunday with sunny skies of course. Why couldn't it have been like this when I was there? Even the weather gods are against me.

Northern Norway

Here are two of six pictures Arne Ulriksen sent me yesterday of Northern Norway. I met him at the airport in Toronto when I was flying to Calgary and he was coming from Saskatoon and going back home to Norway. I can see why.

I'm back in Toronto, yippee (hello). That was an enjoyable week seeing everyone. It was fairly uneventful which is a good thing (although I'll probably be able to come up with a few highlights this friday). Lorraine, Bob and I had a snack and a beer at Cheers Pub at the airport in Calgary before I left for Toronto. Wow it felt good to crawl into bed at 2am Monday morning. The subway was working at that time of the day, although I did have to walk home from the subway.

Later

The baby and friends

I've got the greatest family in the history of mankind. Some of them may be odd, strange and/or wierd but they are great. Of course I'm thinking about the nine nieces and nephews I have and the two brothers. And wives. And kids. Kinda special every one of them.

I was crabby last week at work. It felt good. I don't think anyone noticed which made me even more crabby. I expect the world to notice when I'm crabby, but normally it doesn't. But, in the remote chance I live in Creston, I'll know Ger is crabby twelve miles away: 'Ger's crabby' 'how do you know that uncle don' 'I can tell' 'how?' 'think about virgos: 9999999.99% of the time we are either thinking about being crabby, are crabby, or are just getting over being crabby. Do the math, he's crabby'

'when can we approach Ger to ask him for a donation to the Creston Library Charitable Fund for Aged Uncles (CLCFAU)?' 'he doesn't read' 'he doesn't read?' 'not that I've noticed' 'everyone reads' 'not Ger' 'we shouldn't go to his door for contributions?' 'I wouldn't' 'but he's the only one left in Creston to ask, we need another $16.96' 'that is a problem, we could hide behind his spa and talk about Shakepeare' 'he'd dump hot water on us' 'we could recite parts of the Da Vince Code to him while he's having a shower' no we can't, I hate that book, let's do Homer's Iliad' 'whom?' 'quiet, the CFCFAU is thinking' (Roy should we storm his place and just take the $16.96 or should we just kill him, I'm for the killing, but he's your son, your option). 'we've come up with a plan' 'give us $10,000 for the fund' 'huh?' 'you don't have to, but one our CLCFAU members (not mentioning any names) has volunteered to torture Ger for seventeen days. And after that he will be dipped in a fat free vat and be served at McDonald's as wholesome food' 'okay, okay here's the $16.96'.

Yay, Roy now we can read again.

Theo, Olivia and Zack

To everyone: Bob has got a great blog. www.bobstorm.com. It's my favourite. And where else will you see the cutest of kids.

I amended to the 'my first ski trip' below.

These are pics of Neil and Kara from a few years ago. Neil titled them 'high ropes'. Has anyone noticed but me that his pics tend towards the death defying? Hello. You can't tell in this pic that Neil is cute, but trust me his.