Jimmy's 50th birthday

What can I say? I respect no one more on this planet than Jim. And fifty isn't that old really. Jim's only eight in dog years, three in cat years, and two hours old in gerbil years.

And he'd better be in his fifties for twenty or thirty years because when he turns sixty I'm outta here. I will just barely be able to withstand my eight other nieces and nephews turning fifty after Jim in the years to come: "Gail's turning fifty." "whom?" "Gail" "Gail Whom?" "Gail Douvillm" "could you excuse me for a moment?" "certainly, where are you going?" "I'm going to bike to New South Wales, Australia and back, don't wait up".

"Everything's relative, Uncle Don" "I know, Jim's relatively old which means I'm relatively ancient, and there is no relatively about it, one is either ancient or one is not". "Should we not celebrate Jim's 50th birthday Uncle Don, he's alive and doing amazingly well, health-wise". "he hides his pain well and on April 3rd his pancreas will give out along with a few other internal organs" "how can you tell?" "because it almost happened to me" "what prevented it?" "pure, unadulterated luck".

"Uncle Don, as Jimmy looks back on his first fifty years what should he be proud of?" "surviving". "surviving?" "no further words need be spoke". "what does jim have to look forward to in his next fifty years, uncle don?" "really good times I hope, I think for all of us it has been somewhat of a dark period losing Marlene and now maybe Roy, of course overlayed by the ups and downs of getting on with life and enjoying family and friends and work, but for Jim it's been particularly tough with the fire and having to live at either Brenda's moms and a little while at a hotel for so long, it must have been a nightmare" "he survived that pretty good didn't he uncle don?" "he did, and now Roy"

"uncle don?" "yes" "take a deep breath and don't worry about family anymore, they will survive without you, what's with you anyway, get a life". "but..." "they know you love them by now" "..but" "bye"

Two famous virgos

"With an acute attention to detail, the Virgo is the sign in the zodiac most dedicated to serving. Their deep sense of the humanity leads them to caregiving like no other....the Virgo is often gentle and delicate.


"ger?" "what uncle don?" "we are gentle and delicate" "whom?" "us" "and we have a deep sense of humanity" "we have?" "yes, and we are humane" "to whom?" "I don't know, I'd like to shoot something" "I'll aim and you can pull the trigger"

So Donna, Robin, Colleen, Jim, Tyler and Bob are Aries. And Marlene. I'm sure there's more, because I always felt I was an outcast because I wasn't born at this of time year.

I happened to check out a few 'experts' on the subject and noticed that there is absolutely no grounds in thinking that astrology has any foundation in modern scientific knowledge.

Example 1: "Ariens are always overflowing with ideas, schemes and plans to conquer the world, for a well-aspected sun in Aries radiates power and vitality."

Rebuke: I don't see it, although Jimmy and Robin were both overflowing with annoying schemes, plans and ideas.

Example 2: "Ariens are great organisers, full of flair and originality, although usually lacking discipline and the capacity for prolonged effort (minions must be found to do the slog work!)."

Rebuke: I don't know about organizing, but Donna, Jim, Bob, and Robin certainly lacked discipline: maybe they grew into it but they didn't when they were little. I can't talk about Colleen and Tyler of course but as a minion, I do think Bob, Donna, Jim and Robin could have been nicer to me as they were organizing their flair for originality. Colleen and Tyler are just innocent bystanders. Maybe not Tyler, Ill kill him one of these days. I'm thinking of using his body as a launch pad for the next lunar mission. And after it's been fried, I'm going to scatter his ashes on my chrysanthemums.

And then I checked out the compatibility between Virgos and Aries: "Virgo, the Virgin, and Aries, the Ram make a rather odd couple". Hello. "Impulsive Aries makes split-second decisions and acts on them instantly, while you are inclined to agonize over details until the opportune moment has long passed."

Now I'm angst-ridden. My moment has passed. A long time ago apparently. Who brought up this stupid astrology stuff?

Yay hah, I hope Donna had a nice birthday and I hope Robin, Jim, Bob, Tyler, and Colleen will have a nice birthday.

Have a great birthday tomorrow Robin, you still look twenty to me. Well, close. Fairly. Within a decade or three. You probably feel twenty. All the aches and pains are just in your head.
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Oh face it you're old.

Have a great one!

From Robin

E-mail from Robin:

"Neil was hiking around in the wilderness while I was up in Burns Lake with Marcel at the hockey provincials. Our team placed second and got silver medals. We beat Vanderhoof last year, but they were a determined team this year and beat us 4-0 in the final. We were plannin to drive home thru Jasper, but they closed the road for avalanche control and we had to drive home thru ALberta. We went thru one of your old haunts - Rocky Mountain House. You can almost smell the oil money oozing out of the ground there. Really busy with rig trucks, platforms, etc. 14-1/2 hour drive from McBride thru Jasper, Hinton, Edson, Rocky, Caroline, Cochrane, Canmore, Banff, Radium, Fairmont, Cranbrook and Creston."

More of Neil's ski trip

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To see more of Neil's pics, go to :

http://photoshare.shaw.ca/view/7922240888-1174602242-23049/20

Outhouse

Neil is cute and he doesn't attach names to his pics often. But he did attach a name to this pic: Outhouse. I kind of feel sorry for Stanley Mitchell having had to plod to this building every morning in the spring.

So the Loafs won but so did everyone else. Again, they are not going to make the playoffs. And no one will get fired. It's beyond me how come they allow modiocrity to reign year after year. I'm not a fan of John Ferguson, Jr. And the 905 (the area code of the suburbs of Toronto) persons just sit in front of their sports bar televisions and let let it happen without complaining. If there is one organization I hate more than life itself, it is Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment. They have not a brain. Nil. And of course in the playoffs I'll see nothing but the Ottawa Senators. Never the Canucks, and when the Canucks are on television in the playoffs, the game will start too late for me me to stay up. I don't watch the Senators. Anyone else but not them: I hope they get eliminated early but they won't, they'll win several series, so I won't be seeing much hockey this spring. I'd rather watch Bowling for Dollars than watch Ottawa play. I imagine the expectations are high in Creston regarding the Canucks. For Colin and Robin's sake, I hope the Canucks do well.

In spite of having a good day yesterday with biking to work and all, I did go through hell once during the day. Yesterday I was conducting surveys on catfood. Everything was moving along nicely and I just needed one more survey to complete the study. Just one more. So I dialled a number at 12:57 pm (three minutes before my lunch break): ringy, ringy, hello? "hi mrs. Hildebrandt, have you got three minutes to spare, I'm conducting a survey on cat food" "yes?" "I have a qualifying question, do you have a cat?" "yes (yay, I'm thinking)" "what brand of cat food do you serve it?" "Well, it depends really, I've got 25 cats and they are all fussy" "can you name any brand of cat food?" "not really, I have the grocery store mix and match".

"But what brand do you buy most often?" "are you asking about holistic or natural?" "I'm asking about cat food". "boxed, tinned or bagged?" "tinned" "I don't normally buy canned cat food except if Fritz is in his take-out mood" "whom?" "Fritz" "I mean what brand?" "you'd have to ask Cleo" "whom?" Cleo" "whom and/or what is Cleo?" "the parakeet (oncoming headache)" "how would Cleo know what brand of cat food Fritz ate?" "because Cleo watches Theo spoon the cat food into the cat food dish" "whom?" "Theo" "is Theo your budgie?" "don't be so silly, she's my meditation instructor" "as in zen?" "no, zen is the name of my turkish angora" "where was I?" "you were asking me about cat food young man, do you have a cat?" "no, I have a migraine" "I only feed my cats certain brands" "(ears perk up) aha, and what brands would those be?" "I import them from the middle east"

"Mrs Hildebrandt could you look at a can and tell me if it's in the Armenian, Kurdish or the Hebrew language, I can finish the survey in those languages" "Coptic" "Coptic?" "Coptic, it's got a picture of a pharaonic temple on it" "Mrs Hildebrandt, that's your priceless art, look for a picture of a cat" "aha here it is, IAMNOT" "whom?" "IAMNOT" "if I said IAMS would that set off bells and whistles?"

"No but IAMNOT is what I feed chu chu" "whom?" "chu chu" "Yayhah, so on a scale where one means yucccchhh and 10 means purrrrrr, how would chu chu rate the texture of the Primo Select IAMNOT cat food?" "actually I've been eating Primo Select lately" "whom?" "meam" "what about chu chu, she's probably starving" "my cook does the Porterhouse pretty good, I don't think chu chu is going to starve". "(sigh) Okay Mrs. Hildebrandt how would you rate IAMNOT Primo Select on taste" "two" "whom?" "two" "may I ask a question mrs hildebrandt?" "certainly" "you are passing up a porterhouse steak for IAMNOT Primo Select cat food and you are giving it a rating of two?" "can I say one?" "how about the texture mrs Hildebrandt, what number?" "ten" "aroma?" "ten" "palette?" "ten" "color?" "ten" "taste?" "one".

Mrs. hildebrandt, if I threatened to hang you from a rafter, upside down, and pour phosphoric acid through your vericose veins would I be able talk you into a "five' for taste, I only get paid if I get at least a five" "two" "hydroflouric acid?" "three" "hexacosanoic acid?" "four" "a double bacon cheeseburger with fries?" "ten"

"Thank you Mrs. Hildebrandt, it's now five o'clock but I wish to thank you for your time, IAMNOT thanks you for your time, by the way we've never interviewed a cat so we will send you our free booklet: Why would you not eat cat food, they like it"

Isn't Laurie cute? And intelligent. The Douvilles are up there in IQ's. It didn't bother me to notice they were far smarter than me when they were kids: "uncle don?" "yes Donna?" "the tractomety is somewhat off tract" "is that important?" "only if one is having a seizure" Let's talk to Gail. "gail?" "yes uncle don?" "do the hospital records indicate that I'm normal?" "there is a blip" "a blip?" "a big blip" "which means?" "pretend you are healthy" On to Neil. "Neil?" "yes uncle don?" "I don't feel well" "I've got sonar and I'll map out your progress and we'll get you back on your feet in no time, where do you want your ashes sent?" "ashes?" "Robin, help" "yes uncle don?" "I'm having a trectotomery, a seizure and my hospital records show a big blip and my ashes may be sent to Siberia" "you came to the right place uncle don, I'll flush them down the water system" "whom?" "don't worry, your ashes won't clog up the system".

Whoever took this picture deserves an award.

Friday night at last

I'm having my first beer, listening to Allison Krauss and Emmylou Harris, watching an old movie and writing on the blog......and above all relaxing. Today I biked all the way to work for the first time since last November. Surprisingly it wasn't that bad except for my derriere. I guess it's like getting used to playing the guitar again and having to break in ones fingertips, it takes a little practice. I'm sitting on a pillow at the moment. But it's nice to be 'back in the saddle again'. So nice.

"Uncle don?" "yes twin brother, uncle funk?" "you forgot to mention the near-collision at Bay and Bloor" "I was dragged for only half a block before someone noticed, not really serious" "by the way uncle don, there is conspiracy going on" "a whom?" "a conspiracy" "by whom?" "Anita" "Anita?" "how many pristine pairs of socks did you take with you to Calgary/Cranbrook/ Creston in January?" "eight or nine" "how many did you come back with?" "I came back with six lousy pairs of socks and every one of them had holes in them, and I don't wear woollen, black and or any sock that has an emblem on them" "Kev can't afford socks?" "apparently not" "and another thing Uncle Funk, I have a grey pullover that I absolutely love wearing and it's at Kevin's, I'm not unpacking when I get anywhere near Anita anymore". "she's cute uncle don" "I know but she has a crazed sense of proprietorship, she thinks everything nice belongs to Kevin" "It could be a conspiracy, or maybe not"

"Uncle don, I note you are musing about mountains, especially after seeing Neil pics and they are only geological formations that have arisen over trillions of years" "are you talking?" "and what is the big deal, they consist of rock and trees and quite often they have snow on them, you like them don't you?" "yes, long before quads and skiiing, I looked around me in awe. Even biking down to Porthill to get candy with Ron Potts and John Oleshko I always looked around" "how do you remember their names?" "

I love all the pictures I get sent, more than life itself. But no one should be surprised that I enjoy seeing Neil's pics quite a lot. "no pain, no gain" On the other hand I'd love to spend time in Mexico and Hawaii and on a cruise. I just want to get through the next five minutes. Yay.

Pictures from Neil

These are just a few of the pics from his and Devon's last back-country ski trip, March 10th to 14th from Field to Takkakkaw Falls and then to Stanley Mitchell Hut. I will post more pictures in the next few days.

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Just look at the beautiful country they were skiing through. I can't even imagine how much I would enjoy doing something like that if I could.

The old man taking it easy in the Stanley Mitchell Hut. Neil looks 'quainter' than the furniture. The stove behind Neil looks awfully comforting after a long trek.

Isn't Devon cute.

Spring?

I may have jumped the gun a bit yesterday when I biked part way to work. I didn't realize it was -15 with the windchill. And of course the windchill was blowing directly into my face. That is the first time in my lifetime that my eyeballs were cold. I couldn't pry my fingers apart until about noon. And the white spot on the end of my nose didn't return to normal colour (red) until 3pm.

E-mail from Bob

We're in New York! Cool here, but the sun's shining. We're going out today to see the city. We have a great hotel...morning breakfast, complimentary coffee, and I hear there's free wine in the evening for a couple of hours. Will update you later...we board the boat on Wednesday.

Spring arrives today

It's time to celebrate! Spring arrives this evening. I guess it was appropriate that yesterday, the last full day of winter, it snowed, there was a howling wind, and the subway broke down on my way to work because of ice on the tracks. Today is better (it couldn't be any worse) with a sunny day forecast. I'll ride my bike at least part way to work for the first time since last fall.