A warning

On the outside, it may look like I am calm, cool and collected, but I'm actually a roiling cauldren. The hammer, by the way, is the greatest invention of all time. If I can't open something (a bottle, a can, and/or a carton) almost immediately, I take a hammer to it. A child's-proof bottle of dino vitamins is child's play to me. Whack! It's open. Not that I take kid's vitamins, I take one-a-day vitamins for those over 50. I presume when one is 49, one can't handle the molybdutti. Why isn't there vitamins for those over 60? The bottle would be wrapped in a noose and contain arsenic.

So Environment Canada has come out with statistics. Toronto had less hours of sunshine this fall than any other year in recorded history. Thank gawd, I now have a reason for my inexplicable urge to jump off the nearest tall building. If it wasn't for my acrophobia (fear of heights) and agliophobia (fear of pain) I would have been deceased a long time ago. I also suffer from brontophobia (fear of thunder and lightning), febriphobia (fear of fever), ophidiophobia (fear of snakes) motorphobia (fear of cars) and jimophobia (fear of jim).

So I phoned Kev and asked him "for Jim's phone number: "I can't give it you" "why?" "it's secret" "what's a secret?" "why I can't give it you" "he doesn't want to talk to me, I understand" "no, he thinks you should remember it by now" "I still look up yours, I'm not good with numbers" "but he doesn't want to talk to you" "that is a relief, good, I don't mind" "what, you should mind uncle don". "why would I mind, I wouldn't particularly want to talk to me either, and it took you years to understand that talking to me on the phone is not worst thing in the world, and why are you being nice to me, I don't like it, when you are nice to me that means you are plotting something". "me'm?" "you'm" "I just talked to Ger and he was nice to me too. "He'm?" "he'm, so I've been through it all, I've seen everything worth seeing so it's hardly worth mentioning that you aren't going to surprise me, the only one so far has been Kev". May I mention this one more time. To see Roy's home coming in and picking me up was more than amazing. Roy didn't look happy, but Bob and Lorraine and I were completely shocked. And going back to Creston was so amazing. And God made sure we had a flat so we had to stop and see Jim. And I think we played mini-golf. Impossible to top that one. I was in the co-pilot's seat and I turned around and there was everyone I loved. That one is impossible to top.

I have one other actually. Being with Ger and Kev taking me to Cranbrook. It was brothers together whom felt comfortable with each other. But none of you have any idea about me. Nil. You three are too tame for me. I'm better than you guys by a thousand times. You guys wouldn't do what I do in a trillion years. 'no pain, no gain': Jim, Kev, Ger and Rob are not up to my standards. You guys can do all you want but you will never, ever be up to me. You have no idea about me, I guarantee you there. I'm so much better than you will ever realize.

Monday morning I'm going to be hitting the road again. And you guys will just jump in the truck and go to work: "no pain, no gain" Just be careful. To me you all seem to be indistructable but if I ever lost one of you I'd have to kill myself.