uncle don's first ski trip

Of course I could talk about my first 'ski' trip: "Marlene and Leo and Anna and Roy and assorted children, I'm so pleased to have you staying in Calgary with me but I'm not going skiing, Gail quit hanging on my leg". "we love you uncle don" "when do we leave?".

I should never have fallen for those words but I did, thank goodness, although not that day. May I add that I had never donned a pair of skis in my life while my dearest rest of the family (drotf) had several trillion times: 'uncle don this is going to be fun, don't be angst-ridden, we will look after you'. 'I need to be looked after?'

After waiting in line for skis and boots for two or three hours, oh and poles, I'm ready: 'aahh this isn't bad, my back isn't hurting that bad, and why are those chairs moving?'. "we have to sit on them to get on top of the ski hill" "what's this run called Roy?" "Strawberry" "sounds dangerous" "Leo do you love me?" "of course" "so it's the three of us on that moving chair going up to that great divide?" "yes"

So somehow I managed to get on the chair with Roy and Leo and I felt some comfort in that. In fact we chatted a little while I was trying to get comfortable: 'don, look yonder, look at that person doing the moguls" "moguls?" "bumps, gawd your stupid" "I know" "we are getting off soon so tips up" "my tips have been up since we left" "put them more up" "I can't put them more up, if I put them more up they would be touching my forehead" "By the way Roy and Leo, my life is flashing before my eyes, but I see Gail and Julie and Marlene and Robin up there and they seem happy" "of course" "I've forgotten words to the Lords Prayer" "you'll be okay".

The one great thing about ski lifts that hold three persons is that the person in the middle (moi) can usually survive: "ooh sorry Leo, I'm sorry you fell and the ski pole is imbedded in your innards. Agh Roy, I didn't mean to throw you over that cliff, you will rejoin us soon won't you"

The whole family was completely patient with me for quiet a while. Jim, Robin, Ger, Neil, and Kev stopped by for a moment or two whilst I was thinking I'm dead. Leo and Roy were somewhat less friendly having just recovered there spills. I assumed that Marlene and Anna would spend a few hours with me while I contemplated the beautiful surroundings before I moved a muscle: "we have to join our family don, and we paid for this" That was Anna. From Marlene of course I expected better: 'don, you can move' 'down?' Eventually Marlene even gave up. I was the worst fucking speciman of a skiier that ever hit the slopes. Ever. By a thousand times. Eventually two little cuties by the name of Gail and Julie showed up and got me down the hill. I could have been there until the snow melted. They took charge of me and got me down.

I don't remember anything after that, I was just so pleased to be at the bottom. It worked out well, I didn't die.