Golfing with Ger

Although Ger looks like he is going to wrestle a steer when he steps up to the golf ball, he gets surprisingly good results: "ger?" "yes uncle don" "how did you hit that ball so good when you appeared to be ready to ride a bull bareback when you unlimbered?" "technique" "technique?" "and mind over matter" "mind over matter?" "I focus" "you focus......on what?" "the little white thingy with dimples in it" "it's a golf ball....g o l f b a l l, try to remember that".

Of course Ger is alledgedly the one with the bad back. Whenever I see him I usually ask him how his back is. Has anyone noticed that he is spryer than a spring chicken when he walks down the fairway after hitting the golf ball three hundred yards? He actually isn't pompous about it even though thoughts of breaking his knee caps with a sledgehammer cross my mind. "uncle don?" "what?" "how far is it to the green?" "two hundred and forty-one yards, use a two wood" "I don't have a two wood so I will use this trusty seven iron" "seven iron, you will be way short of the green" Boink, soar, plop, and roll six inches from the cup: "ger?" "yes uncle don?" "it's a good thing the death penalty has been abolished in Canada, if we were in Texas I'd have you hung from a rafter and watch you writhe, there is a law in physics that says it is not possible to hit a seven iron that far, Newton was wrong I guess, and so much for Einstein's theory although your time/space continuum is definitely warped"

Has anyone noticed but me that Ger is sneaky on the green. He pretends to check out the contour of the green: "ger?" "yes uncle don" "you've got six inches, tap the &*^(% ball in the hole" "I have to take note of the swale" "how can you have a swale when you are within six inches of the hole, do you enjoy excruciating pain?"

And so of course I'm fuming when we are walking to the next hole. A water hole. It ain't the Pacific Ocean but it looks like it to me. "Time for the long clubs Ger, we have to drive over that vast expanse of water" "time for my seven iron" "your whom?" "okay maybe my five iron" "your whom?" Not only does Ger hit the ball over the water, he lands in the fairway. "ger?" "yes uncle don" "I have a pounding headache and my knees feel weak and I feel nauseous" Plop, plop, plop, plop. Four of my balls land in the water. "ger?" "yes uncle don" "I'm out of golfballs" "would you like to borrow one of mine?" "I'd like to string you up and have army ants eat your eyeballs out but yes please"

But I managed to beat him by one stroke. And this was only at Canyon Meadows but it was a delight for me. I also partnered with Ger at Kokanee Springs once. We are competitive and don't like to lose. Why would one play any game if one doesn't want to win badly?