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It is amazing what one can find on the Internet. I live in the only white building in this picture, on the second floor. All the houses on this street are Victorian and it's very quiet. Six trillion dogs but I've never yet heard one bark. I guess dogs that cost an arm and a leg don't bark. And the other picture is taken at Riverdale Park which is only a few blocks from where I live. And I live smack dab in downtown Toronto. Five or six blocks from Bay Street. In Riverdale Park is the Riverdale Farm which has all the farm animals one could want to see. One can wander around the place for free and check out the horses, pigs, llamas, cows, chickens, etc. And it's never crowded, even in the summer. And it's a five minute walk from my place. Maybe ten for me.

I've lived in this general area for over twenty-five years and I wouldn't live anywhere else in Toronto. I live a block from Parliament Street which is kind of similar to Creston's Canyon Street. Even the buildings are similar. One gets to know the local merchants and it has quite a small-town atmosphere about it. This area is called Cabbagetown and I do believe it is one of the oldest areas in all of Canada. One unique thing about Cabbagetown is that it has both the poorest and wealthiest people living in it. Three blocks from where I live, there is a huge, ugly apartment complex where a lot of immigrants live. But it works more or less. I'm not afraid of walking down the street over there at 2am. Of course, I've never tested the theory out, since I'm in bed by 9pm. And of course there are gangs and violence erupts sometimes, but it's not that bad. My library is in St. Jametown which is where the ugly apartment complexes are and it is also a community centre and it works. They have a gym there and I see all these kids having fun. They are loud but they are having fun. Maybe my glasses are too rose-coloured but I kind of think that having that library/community centre in the middle of the poorest section of town is a good idea.

However, what is the population of Toronto? Three or four or five million? It gets tiresome just to live here, I have nothing to complain about but it's closing in on me. I need to see real mountains, not like Banff, but those that surround Creston. I remember living at Dad's when I was growing up and thinking: "I love those mountains, they aren't too imposing, they suit me" Even then I was strange.

One could ask: "how good will uncle don be at living in Creston?" A question that begs for an answer. He has no idea. He won't unpack for the first couple of months. And almost everyone will annoy him he assumes. What's the tallest building in Creston? Whatever it is he will be jumping off it. He hopes it will be tall enough so that pain won't be involved when he lands. Do you know what uncle don wants more than anything? I'm going to regret this. BBQ'ing on Kev and Anita's deck surrounded by family. Not my family, Lindsay Lohan's family.

I sometimes wonder if you all ever get me. Perhaps everyone at work comes to me to finish their crosswords. The truth is that I have spent so much time doing them, nothing to do with brains. I have a different kind of brain that's all. Roy and Me are similar (I'm the nice one who doesn't need a nap every five minutes). Roy is more overt than I am in his quest for quietude. Bob needs his solitude. And I definitely do. But all three of us need family. I'm slightly beyond that but maybe not. This Storm Blog is probably the proof of the pudding that I need family too.

And of course ger comes into the fore again. Being with Roy and Justin and Shawna and Karri was quite nice.

And of course when I move out there, things will change: "uncle don, you are quite annoying, we didn't know that before you moved here" "I haven't uttered a word yet" "and we've decided that you can't gaze into the sunset" "can I breathe?" "see, it's all about you" "ger?" "what?" "I'm going to spread your body parts across southern B.C. and sever your head from your bod and then look at your brain under a miscroscope and analyze it for life formation" "what will you do with Jim's brain?" "I'm glad you asked, do you think he'll notice when his head is missing?" "probably not" "I'll put his head in a shrine" "a jitsui shrine?" "whatever, it will be in a shrine" "what about Kev?" "whom?" "Kev" "you mean the person who is going to cry out in agony while I transplant his liver to his left inner ear drum?" "that would be the one" "I'm hoping his screams won't wake up the neighbours"

"Uncle Don, why are you carrying that noose around?" "I'm looking for a rafter to hang myself from" "why?" "to kill myself" "why do you want to kill yourself?" "because it's February and I find fault with everything and everybody" "everybody?" "yes, If Mother Teresa was alive I'd give her a piece of my mind" "anyone else your annoyed at?" "my family" "I thought you loved your family" "normally but even they can be annoying in the last few weeks of February" "even Gail?" "maybe not Gail, although if she lost her curling game, then maybe even her" "Donna?" "okay Donna is exempt from my ire" "Robin?" "he's exempt" "Kevin?" "exempt" "Ger" "exempt" "I thought you were mad at your family" "Well maybe not, but I am getting tired of this cold weather and I think my bod needs warmth" "do you miss biking?" "perhaps....a little bit" "uncle don, remember that day in May last year when there was no wind, there was not a cloud in the sky and the birds were chirping and you felt alive and you wanted to hug the world?" "yes" "it'll never happen again, I see a rafter yonder"

"I think I told Jimmy that I'm never going canoeing in my lifetime or anyone else's" "he understands that you tend to go insane at this time of year" "I told him that his body is going to be strung from the mountaintops" "he understands" "and I think I mentioned he's not the greatest cook in the world" "you went overboard uncle don" "do you think he'll forgive me?" "this could take a while". "I didn't mean it"

"you know uncle don, several (if not all) of your nieces and nephews think you are crazy" "yay, they don't know the half of it, I'm a lot more crazy than they realize" "you keep it well hidden" "I must" "I think they detect something" "they are on to me?" "perhaps" "I like to be mysterious" "mysterious?" "a touch above it all" "are you crazy?" "someone has to be" "in Creston, that's not going to work baby" "it will be a challenge" "hello, uncle don meet ger" "I said it would be a challenge". "uncle don meet kevin" "a challenge is good" "uncle don meet jim" "it's not insurmountable" "uncle don meet justin" "okay so I'll be swept up in the maelstrom". "I'll retain my dignity somehow" "Tyler will pass you a toke and you will eventually accept it and make a fool of yourself for quite some time" "will my dignity be intact?" "no, not even close." "hmm, I have to think about this, I have the Storm clan dignity to uphold, so I must be careful" "within a month when you move out there I guarantee you, you will be strumming your guitar and singing to a tree" "where will my dignity be?" "lost" "kaput" "gonzo" "invisible" "no, I'm above that, ger will look after me" "whom?" "ger" "perhaps" "jim?" "perhaps" "kev" "perhaps" "I will need someone to look after me a little, just a wee touch" "and where are you going?" "Creston" "good luck".

Of course I'm kidding about all the above. I've spent thirty years in downtown Toronto, I should be okay. That is a long time, I've got a lot of memories.

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I got these pics off the crestonvalley.com website. These are, of course, pictures of Canyon Street, circa 1950. One can see Mawson's sign, amazing really. I would have been five at the time, in Grade One I presume. That is a Studebaker, a very strange looking car indeed, even then. I notice the telephone poles going up main street, I don't remember them at all. Approximately, Roy would have fifteen or sixteen, Marlene would have been ten and Bob would have one.
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My focus at the time was trying to survive my first year in school while getting used to a new addition to the family. A cute one, but nevertheless, a new one. Everyone else's focus was on Bob. I was washed up when I was five. I could have ran away from home and no one would have noticed. I think I had my bags packed once or twice or three times but having only just learned about Dick and Jane and Spot, my vision of the outside world was rather limited so I didn't know where I should run off to.

Based on my observations at the time, I quickly learned how to fake illness: "I'm not well" "what Donny?" "I feel convulsions coming on, in fact I may not survive for more than another twenty-four hours". "don't worry Donny, as soon as me and Anna change Bobby's diapers we'll come to your aid". So that didn't work. Thank goodness I had a back-up plan: "I'm going to tell Mom on you, it can't be good, whatever it is, she'll make you take me to a movie uptown" And she did.

There was a period of time there where, before television, it was a 'golden age' of playing games inside and outside. Marlene and Roy's friends from the neighbourhood were there and Anna and Leo I'm sure. No boredom it seemed to me. But of course Roy would know more than I. I have only these 'snatches' of memories from back then and I hold them dear and I wasn't very old at the time.

I would think that someone from the Storm/Douville clan should get every ounce of information from Roy and Leo that they can about the past, somehow. That is what we are, that is why we are the way we are. We lost Marlene too soon, so we lost so much. So much. And Anna, the memories she had that are lost forever. I'm just so proud of the family, but if we don't honour our past, maybe we aren't worthy after all.

Of course, no one will ever know my past. If you asked, I wouldn't tell: 'uncle don, we have a school project and we want to know about your past life" "a whom?" "a school project" "what do you want to know?" "how many times were you mugged in Vancouver in the early '80's?" "twice" "did you actually see Jimi Hendrix in Amsterdam?" "yes" "what was the street like in Toronto when you arrived from the west in the early 1980's?" "not bad" "did you go through one harrowing experience after another?" "perhaps" "would you go through it again?" "What?!!??", probably.

Weekend weather forecast

I'm not looking it up. It's *))%##@ cold and windy here in Toronto and warmer everywhere else. Are we happy now?

Wednesday morning

Wow, the Leafs and the Canucks won last night. Looking good. And the Leafs are doing it on the road and Sundin is playing well. And the Canucks defeated Edmonton (yay!) with Daniel Sedin getting a career-high three goals and two assists and Henrik Sedin adding four assists. That's what I like to see when I read the hockey summaries in the morning. Way to go teams.
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And Mike Vernon's jersey was retired last night. I remember him very well, he was the goalie when Calgary won the Stanley Cup in 1989 and Calgary was the first and only visiting team to hoist the Stanley Cup in Montreal. Good memories.

So why do I care that Kevin caught a fish? Hello. So I'm down there and Kevin says "my brothers don't love me" "whom?" "my brothers, they don't love me" "why?" "I wasn't invited on their fishing trip" "they have assumed you'd want to spend the last weekend with me" "but they didn't ask" "so maybe you should kill them and me too while your at it and gawd you are spoiled" "whom?" "youm, Ger takes you out on a special trip just so your ego won't be bruised and you catch fish, and what size is your neck, I'm purchasing a noose" "a whom?" "a noose, one of those things that wrap around your neck and you slowly, and hopefully painfully die from" "Moi?" "vous, and then when you are still writhing I'm going to wrap your body in swadling clothes and put you on a raft and set fire to it, we'll have a moment of silence, believe me it will only be a moment".

You had to get on the blog. If I would have known the background on this, the pic of you and fish would not have been on the blog. Jim was fishing two days and no pics of him. You go out for an hour and you're on the blog. With dolly's. "what size is your ankle?" "why?" "because I want to drag you beneath a boat across Kootenay Lake and back" "I'm not spoiled" "true, true, I know, what size is your forehead, a dart is going to be entering it very shortly".

It will be a coincidence when Kevin dies the moment I arrive in Creston. I wouldn't attach any blame to me. Although I'll volunteer to make his lunch. I phoned Comforts yeserday. I had to hear Delorus. I'm repeating myself I know but bear with me. "this is uncle don calling from toronto, is Ger and/or Kevin there?" in my most officious tone. I didn't want to talk to them and I didn't but I did hear a squeal and a dropping of the phone. Please don't tell her I did this on purpose, but I had to.

If one can't have a little fun why bother. We only have so much time on this planet. I hope I can bring some levity to Creston. I'm very serious but I have my moments. I've never yet figured out why people like me. Even at work, as I mentioned before, someone said "gawd its nice to have Don back". I don't get it and I mean that truly, I don't. I'm not complaining. I have never changed, I'm just me. If people like me more now, it's because they've changed.

I'm starting to notice my age though. At Market Probe there is so many young people. They are all nice, but some of the things they come out with make me cringe because they haven't lived life yet. I don't know if it's like this in Calgary, Cranbrook and Creston but so many people in Toronto seem to be so driven by the current fads, the current movies, the current teck stuff. Human nature, although I do slightly keep track of current authors. Actually I kind of do keep current otherwise I wouldn't have anything to talk about at work. I've never been able to shake the being crabby in the morning thing. And I'm not even that crabby, I just don't want to talk to anyone in the morn. I can be cynical but normally the glass is half full for me.

By the way, the Leafs beat the Senators in a shoot-out last night. Ask me if I'm happy. And let me see here, oops the Flames beat the Nucks, I'm glad I didn't phone Kevin. Take care everyone, thank you all for being so good to me. I've got my ass in gear I think, tomorrow I go to the doctor and we will see what happens there: "you've got six months to live" "great, I thought it was a couple of weeks, whew". I have to come home from work to get my cane before I go to the doctor. I don't have to pretend I'm on death's doorstep, I'm often nauseous, six or seven times a day I get dizzy, and the headaches, but it doesn't hurt to look like I'm about to pass away at any moment. Using a cane is actually quite funny, both of my legs are bad, which one should I choose to limp on. Two crutches would be more appropriate, maybe I won't bother taking a cane. He'll probably notice I can't walk. I do some funny things. So I buy these shoes at Goodwill and little do I suspect they are steel toed. Until I get to the airport and set off every alarm in Terminal One. And by the time I got to Calgary, I was dragging my ass because I couldn't lift my feet anymore. Thank good gawd Bob had some extra shoes, which are now my favourite ones. How I've survived this long I'll never know. And I bike down Bloor Street everyday to work (except in winter), the most dangerous place to bike in Canada. But I was heartened to hear about the exploits of other Storm Clan members when I was out there for a week. At least I'm not completely alone in my clutziness and dizziness and stupidity and brainlessness (okay I'm done).

Take care everyone. Love you all. Without you all I couldn't nor would I want to survive.

Probably no one knows how good this picture makes me feel. And it's not the fish. I got a smile a mile wide at the moment. Of course I'm supposed to impressed with the fish, I'm not. I'm impressed with the persons holding them. Although probably the fish have more brains. I would presume so. The fishes are stupid to be caught one must admit, but the fishers are even more stupid trying to impress me. Sorry, it doesn't work. I know I should be impressed but I'm not, show me a bike or something that doesn't need gasoline to be powered by, then I will be impressed.

You see baby's, get mad at me all you want. I don't care, but I'm coming out there to write and bike. Don't I sound huffy. I will do anything, but really if I don't do those two things then I don't exist. I don't do otherwise. Perhaps I need Creston to do it. I don't know. I just don't know. But I just don't get it now, just to sip a coffee and watch Kev go to work will inspire me as I'm looking at the flowers Anita will plant. In others words I have to be spoiled completely, which, when you think about it, should be the way it happens.

The life is strange dept.

I have a friend who writes plays for children. He has been fairly successful at it and he's moving up in the world as far as being a writer, performer, stage director, etc. Last year he handed me a rough draft of something and I did a few edits on it, nothing consequential, I was timid in my edits, being the first time I'd done something like that.

So now he's adapted Hans Christian Anderson's 'The Snow Queen' to a more modern approach (no I've never read any Hans Christian Anderson myself, nor do I intend to). He handed me his first daft today and said 'edit please'. Hello. Moi, what do I know? I can't identify with children, I'm sixty-one. So I got on the subway, opened the manuscript and was enthralled and started making edits immediately. I said to myself: 'this will be fun, I can change a few lines here and there to capture the children's imagination even more'.

Nothing to do with my nine nieces and nephews of course, when they were little. Some of them were inquisitive, some were awe-inspiring, some hurt my fragile bod a little, but gawd they were all cute. And if I may digress I a bit, they wouldn't forget what Marlene and Leo and Roy and Anna went through to provide the best possible home-life for their kids in spite of a lot of obstacles. In my humble opinion, Roy and Leo are heroes to me for many reasons. One of the main ones is that they are still alive.

Weekend weather forecast

Whatever is it, let's not complain. We could live in Winnipeg.

It's February. It's a short month. We will survive. Some people like winter. I envy them. I don't think Jim minds winter since I hear him complain about the heat all the time. And Neil enjoy winter. But of course as we all know, they aren't of the human species so I guess it's not surprising.

This pic from Ger is posted so the rest of us can draw a little comfort in the knowledge that spring is not that far away.

Ger's family pics

I guess I don't mind this pic. Not bad really. I just wish I could look more in tune with life. Note how every else looks so natural. Colin is quite cute.

Ger's fishing pics

A picture taken at Kuskanook in the morning when Jim, Ger and Rocky went fishing (Jan. 20/21), plus pictures of Kevin and Ger and Rocky and Ger with fish. Of course I'm quite pleased to see Kevin with a dolly. A tear might come to my eye actually. Thank you Ger. Thank you.

I've posted this picture before, but I have to again. Note that evey person looks completely natural but me. Actually this is the only picture ever taken where I don't look like a zombie.

I don't know why the general public goes out of there way to be nice to me. One of the unanswerable questions that I will never get. When I got back to work to work last Tuesday, one of the supervisors said: "it's nice to have Don back". I'm so quiet I didn't think they noticed. As angst-ridden as I am, I guess I'm okay.

And I just impressed a writer for the New York Times completely. I do have my moments. I can write, oh I can write. But I have yet to figure out how to come up with an original thought. That is why I only read sci-fi, those guys have so much imagination and good writing skills too. That is the challenge for me in the years ahead. It's all up there in my brain, I just have to figure out how to unscramble it. Sorry, but everyone has underestimated me for a long time. Everyone. Actually I'm pleased with that. I don't mind that at all, I prefer that. Maybe I need B.C., perhaps. There is a clog in my brain right now and Toronto isn't doing it. Maybe when I'm surrounded by family it will be better. Creativity is an elusive thing. It doesn't just happen.

If anyone expects a normal uncle to arrive in June, you'd better stop me at the B.C./Alberta border. It's not going to happen. Probably the only thing I will have is my guitar and clothes. I think that is good thing, many others wouldn't.

As you know, I love you all. That is the most important thing in the history of mankind.

Karri sent me this picture a long time ago and the words pretty well sum me up. Completely. I don't suffer fools gladly. So far my family is within the boundary, but that could change at any moment. Will anyone notice when Kevin is missing? I'm sure Comforts Welding won't. Anita might but not for long. I'm thinking of burying his body under the pot plant, at least his nutrients will do some good. If he looks at me with raised eyebrow as I've hit the wall with my dart one more time his life is in jeopardy.

Prediction

All my family is going to be normal this week as usual. I talked to Gail and she is even normal. A wee bit I was encouraged by Kevin going to the seven-eleven in Cranbrook and leaving me high and dry: 'where is he going? he doesn't care if I live or die" Most of my family would at least see me off. A wave, perhaps even a hug. A little something. Not Kevin. And do you know what his last words were? "I'll make sure you are on the bus before I leave". I'm encouraged and feel somewhat positive about the whole thing. I'm the one who has to get on the bus and planes for eighteen hours and I feel sorry for him? Kevin doesn't cope well with life. I'm going to kill him. If his death upsets you, too bad, get over it. So I'm freezing to death, waiting perphaps to get a ticket and guess who drives by at 100 miles an hour. No hug, not even a handshake? Kevin. Ger and Jim would have waited with me. I hate long goodbyes but I didn't even get a short one with Kevin, which was fine with me.

I felt a little renewed this week. I'm pretty sure it wasn't because I was with family for a week, I think it was the Budweiser. Oh I imagine it was being with family if one insists.
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Spending time with Bob and Lorraine is so enjoyable. They make me feel so comfortable instantly even though I don't see them often. Travelling up to Bob and Lorraine's 'summer estate' and back was amazing for me because I saw the country roads again that I used to travel over so much when I worked for HBOG. This may be over-dramatizing it a bit, but after all, the Storm family has a lot of history in Saskatchewan and Lorraine grew up in Saskatchewan, so the lure of the prairies can running pretty deep. It certainly does with me. Bob and Lorraine have got it exactly right, a condo just outside of Calgary, spend a lot of time by the lake in the summer and travel wherever they want to in their motor home. And Bob is getting the travel bug. And not just within Canada. My heart warms.

And Jim wasn't bad. I had a pretty good time at Jim's upon my arrival in Cranbrook. Ignore the fact that he offered me licorice after I opened my first beer when I arrived at his and Brenda's abode. no canapes? crackers and cheese? a peanut butter and jam sandwich? licorice. I wasn't hungry actually, I'd eaten twelve or thirteen hours before so I was okay. And of course I suggested this: let's eat on the road, that didn't work out, I won't go into the gory details, suffice to say we had a great meal at Grannies. Before I went to bathroom I said to Jim: "I'll have whatever you have". He ordered one egg with the bacon and eggs. I'm so hungry I could eat my utensils and he orders one egg? But spending those hours with Jim when I arrived in Cranbrook was special. You know that the oldest nephew and me are going to have a good time talking about just about everything in the history of mankind (we've been through it). In my little brain, I was thinking, well Jim expect's to go to bed at 4am. I'll let him go to bed at 4:05am, as long as he knows I rule in my humble way.


After Grannies me and Jim stopped at Comforts. To see Gerald. That was rather a nice thing. Not to see Ger, but to experience the whole welding experience. I've always thought I was as one with a welding torch and I love those helmets welders wear. Although it was nice to see Ger. Looking at the array of Ger's creations at the shop, I was thinking to myself: maybe I should be nicer to Ger, he's going to be famous. But after a quick calculation I realized that is not a prob. I loved him the most when he a very large baby, other than Roy and Anna. Everyone loved Ger, he was a little cranky too. Oh probably, aye, aye, aye. He was special. And at Ger and Karri's, sitting with Roy and Justin and Shayna (with a baby on the way) was a delight to me.

Now you have to remember I'm sixty-one. That is old, elderly, past my prime by several years. So I get to Roys' place and Julie, Logan, and Shaun (and Tyler) along with Miles (who I didn't know) are there. No one can tell me I wasn't pleased to see Logan, who I hadn't seen for quite a while and Shaun, who I'd never seen in my lifetime. It was good.

When I was around the table at Kevin's watching Ger (be funny) do his thing and with Robin and Karen on each side of me, I was fairly happy. Probably in my glory. It's not me, it's nothing to do with me, you guys are the special ones, I just observe. Hello: I observe, I don't get involved.

I really miss Donna and Gail. Other than Roy and Leo, I guess I'm the last one left who has seen you all in diapers (actually I think Bob has too). It wasn't a pretty sight. I talked to Gail last night, I'm a writer and she charmed me. Not easy to do. Of course I remember Gail in a different light: She's pooped again? Marlene you just changed her diapers, will you survive? Laurie and Robin and Neil are running around, perhaps I could change Gail's diapers. Marlene was the greatest Mother in the history of mankind in my opinion.

Anna was there too. I guarantee you they no idea at the time though on raising a family. None, nil. I could have given them directions on motherhood at that time and I was twelve. Mom somehow put up with Roy and Anna and Marlene and Leo, of which she should be awarded a medal: "mom, I"m tired, I'm going to bed" "good Donny, me too" Oops its saturday night, here come the kids from Porthill. I loved it. And then you guys arrived on the scene. Wow, it was nice. Mom loved every moment of it.

Weekend weather forecast

This morning in Toronto it's -16, but with the windchill it's -92. I'm not looking to see what the forecast is for the weekend, I'll get depressed.

For the wimps in Calgary, today is getting up to -6 and on Sunday the high will be -1, without a cloud in the sky all weekend. Isn't this supposed to be January? Hello. And for my fair-weather friends in B.C., Cranbrook will get up to 0 today and up to -5 both Saturday and Sunday, also with sunny weather. And Creston: plus 2 today and all the way down to -1 on Saturday and Sunday with sunny skies of course. Why couldn't it have been like this when I was there? Even the weather gods are against me.

Northern Norway

Here are two of six pictures Arne Ulriksen sent me yesterday of Northern Norway. I met him at the airport in Toronto when I was flying to Calgary and he was coming from Saskatoon and going back home to Norway. I can see why.

I'm back in Toronto, yippee (hello). That was an enjoyable week seeing everyone. It was fairly uneventful which is a good thing (although I'll probably be able to come up with a few highlights this friday). Lorraine, Bob and I had a snack and a beer at Cheers Pub at the airport in Calgary before I left for Toronto. Wow it felt good to crawl into bed at 2am Monday morning. The subway was working at that time of the day, although I did have to walk home from the subway.

Later

The baby and friends

I've got the greatest family in the history of mankind. Some of them may be odd, strange and/or wierd but they are great. Of course I'm thinking about the nine nieces and nephews I have and the two brothers. And wives. And kids. Kinda special every one of them.

I was crabby last week at work. It felt good. I don't think anyone noticed which made me even more crabby. I expect the world to notice when I'm crabby, but normally it doesn't. But, in the remote chance I live in Creston, I'll know Ger is crabby twelve miles away: 'Ger's crabby' 'how do you know that uncle don' 'I can tell' 'how?' 'think about virgos: 9999999.99% of the time we are either thinking about being crabby, are crabby, or are just getting over being crabby. Do the math, he's crabby'

'when can we approach Ger to ask him for a donation to the Creston Library Charitable Fund for Aged Uncles (CLCFAU)?' 'he doesn't read' 'he doesn't read?' 'not that I've noticed' 'everyone reads' 'not Ger' 'we shouldn't go to his door for contributions?' 'I wouldn't' 'but he's the only one left in Creston to ask, we need another $16.96' 'that is a problem, we could hide behind his spa and talk about Shakepeare' 'he'd dump hot water on us' 'we could recite parts of the Da Vince Code to him while he's having a shower' no we can't, I hate that book, let's do Homer's Iliad' 'whom?' 'quiet, the CFCFAU is thinking' (Roy should we storm his place and just take the $16.96 or should we just kill him, I'm for the killing, but he's your son, your option). 'we've come up with a plan' 'give us $10,000 for the fund' 'huh?' 'you don't have to, but one our CLCFAU members (not mentioning any names) has volunteered to torture Ger for seventeen days. And after that he will be dipped in a fat free vat and be served at McDonald's as wholesome food' 'okay, okay here's the $16.96'.

Yay, Roy now we can read again.

Theo, Olivia and Zack

To everyone: Bob has got a great blog. www.bobstorm.com. It's my favourite. And where else will you see the cutest of kids.

I amended to the 'my first ski trip' below.

These are pics of Neil and Kara from a few years ago. Neil titled them 'high ropes'. Has anyone noticed but me that his pics tend towards the death defying? Hello. You can't tell in this pic that Neil is cute, but trust me his.

Egad, that was quite a day. Shouldn't life get easier, at least slightly? Stop this world I gotta get off. And I need protection from myself. How I managed to live this long I'll never know; pure, unadulterated luck. Today was more or less typical, although maybe a little worse. It didn't start out too good. I always measure out the coffee, pour water into the percolator and then push the start button just before I step into the shower. Unfortunately I didn't put the coffee pot under the spout. Thank good gawd I have a small coffee maker so it wasn't a terrible mess when I returned from the shower. At least I had something to do (clean up) while waiting for the next pot of coffee to finish percolating. Boy that's not a good way to start a day. I was skittish for the rest of the day, in fact my nerves were shot.

And the day didn't improve after that. The other big lowlight of the day was having two of those young men dressed in suits get on my subway car on the way home and one of them sitting next to me and asking me if I've seen the light: 'the whom?' 'the light that will shine on you if you take the right path' 'the only light I see is the one at the end of the tunnel and that is pretty dim at the moment' 'aha sir, well you can be saved' 'from what?' 'hell' 'I'm in hell right now, I'm talking to you and could you possibly just try to save someone else's soul today, I'm just not really in the mood, meet me here this upcoming Monday morning and we'll discuss Hell in detail' 'thank you sir, it's been nice talking to you sir, be well sir (they are polite)' 'thank you'.

The only small highlight of the day was talking to a woman in Vancouver: 'sorry Don I don't have time to talk to you, I'm doing year-end and it's snowing' 'you are in Vancouver it can't be snowing' 'what's the temperature in Toronto, ten above?' 'thirteen' 'what's going on Don, is the world coming to end?' "no, relax it's just evens out once in a while, Toronto always suffers, year after year, but this year Vancouver is suffering, remember the ice storm we had a couple of years ago?' 'but we've been hit bad this year Don, the trees in Stanley Park are flattened, I haven't been able to bike for weeks on end and my crocuses are wiped out' 'I'm in deep in sympathy, take care and I'll get back to you in a month or two'. Weather bonded two Canadians together for a few moments who were geographically far apart. I talk to persons every day, all day on the phone and it is amazing to me how much Canadians love this country, from coast-to-coast. It can be very subtle, or not. Of course during the World Cup soccer which is held every four years, it's obvious that all people love their country but Canadians, it seems to me, are more subtle but yet more compassionate in a way that others don't get.

We are completely unique, we have a lot of land and not so many people. We are the second largest country in the world after Russia by area, and the 36th largest by population. Russia has 142 million people, we have 33 million. Wherever we are in Canada, we should be pleased, from the mountains of B.C. to the prairies of Saskatchewan to the Canadian Shield and the Niagara Region of Ontario. From the Gatineau region of Quebec to the shores of the Atlantic Ocean. Think about it.

I don't know where that came from, but if one hasn't seen it, one should. It's an amazing country, to me at least.

As another year is closing, may this blog thank a few persons: Ger, his pics were unreal; Bob, he sent pics that touched me; Robin, wow; Neil, wow. Julie, wow. Thank you, you made my year and I appreciate you guys taking the time. And I got to write which I needed to do.

This is probably a unique blog, it's one that is based on family and letting an uncle write to his hearts content. A win-win situation if there ever was one.

I did not want to bring this up. But I must. This was at the time that Jim was working with Ken and Glen. And me and him skiied all the time. This little cute person moved up to Calgary. I chose that day to somehow ski without fear: "whom is that?" "your uncle" "He's rockin'" Me and Jim and Kev sat in the apres ski bar and while they played pool I basked in the feeling of contentment.

That is one day everything came together. To me, I only had it once, you get the knees and mind in sync and It's an amazing thing. I get that on my bike all the time. That is why I bike. One is on the edge and you bike along and the wind and everything is with you. Skiing is so good that way, and so is biking, at least for me. And especially in Toronto. Biking along the lakeshore is unreal. It's flat and the bike path is perfect. I grumble that Toronto doesn't do enough for cyclists but it's pretty good.

uncle don's first ski trip

Of course I could talk about my first 'ski' trip: "Marlene and Leo and Anna and Roy and assorted children, I'm so pleased to have you staying in Calgary with me but I'm not going skiing, Gail quit hanging on my leg". "we love you uncle don" "when do we leave?".

I should never have fallen for those words but I did, thank goodness, although not that day. May I add that I had never donned a pair of skis in my life while my dearest rest of the family (drotf) had several trillion times: 'uncle don this is going to be fun, don't be angst-ridden, we will look after you'. 'I need to be looked after?'

After waiting in line for skis and boots for two or three hours, oh and poles, I'm ready: 'aahh this isn't bad, my back isn't hurting that bad, and why are those chairs moving?'. "we have to sit on them to get on top of the ski hill" "what's this run called Roy?" "Strawberry" "sounds dangerous" "Leo do you love me?" "of course" "so it's the three of us on that moving chair going up to that great divide?" "yes"

So somehow I managed to get on the chair with Roy and Leo and I felt some comfort in that. In fact we chatted a little while I was trying to get comfortable: 'don, look yonder, look at that person doing the moguls" "moguls?" "bumps, gawd your stupid" "I know" "we are getting off soon so tips up" "my tips have been up since we left" "put them more up" "I can't put them more up, if I put them more up they would be touching my forehead" "By the way Roy and Leo, my life is flashing before my eyes, but I see Gail and Julie and Marlene and Robin up there and they seem happy" "of course" "I've forgotten words to the Lords Prayer" "you'll be okay".

The one great thing about ski lifts that hold three persons is that the person in the middle (moi) can usually survive: "ooh sorry Leo, I'm sorry you fell and the ski pole is imbedded in your innards. Agh Roy, I didn't mean to throw you over that cliff, you will rejoin us soon won't you"

The whole family was completely patient with me for quiet a while. Jim, Robin, Ger, Neil, and Kev stopped by for a moment or two whilst I was thinking I'm dead. Leo and Roy were somewhat less friendly having just recovered there spills. I assumed that Marlene and Anna would spend a few hours with me while I contemplated the beautiful surroundings before I moved a muscle: "we have to join our family don, and we paid for this" That was Anna. From Marlene of course I expected better: 'don, you can move' 'down?' Eventually Marlene even gave up. I was the worst fucking speciman of a skiier that ever hit the slopes. Ever. By a thousand times. Eventually two little cuties by the name of Gail and Julie showed up and got me down the hill. I could have been there until the snow melted. They took charge of me and got me down.

I don't remember anything after that, I was just so pleased to be at the bottom. It worked out well, I didn't die.

I personally think this a great, great pic. I never made it to Red Mountain. Look in the background. That is amazing. This is what life all about. As regards his guitar playing...we will see.

'We had Dad and Carol over and Karens parents and Chris and Donna and their kids. 13 around one table - lots of work, but it was a good visit with everyone. I got a really cool guitar book from Colleens boyfriend so now there's no looking back. Also, my buddy from Nelson is going to give me some help. He's an accomplished player - used to play in a band.
We went skiing over at Red Mountain in Rossland on Friday and Saturday with Colleen and her boyfriend Cody, and Marcel and his girlfriend Kyla. We had a couple of inches of new snow and sunshine all day on Friday, and then about 5 inches of fresh on Saturday and snow all day. Excellent skiing! I'll try to attach a pic.
Have a happy new year.'
Robin'

I'm slightly starting to get worried. Robin doesn't mind the Canucks (did anyone notice they went from eleventh to first place in one game?). The thing is that his midrift is getting large. I hope that's the sweater and not his rotund bod.

Of course Karen is as cute as ever. I've always noticed she has long arms. With Robin she can only get them half way around his bod.

Even though one can't see them anymore, his dimples are still there. These two are cuties.

If this isn't the cutest family in the history of mankind I don't what is. Wow.

I do hope no one is looking here for a forecast of any sort. I've got a headache. If I had to forecast something I'd say that most of my family will annoy me at some point in 2007. I've got serveral new years resolutions. The first one is I'm okay, however annoying Kevin is, I will not kill him. I will throw him over the deck and drop hot barbecue coals on him but I won't actually slit his throat. Oh yes, I will laugh at Ger's jokes even if it kills me which they may. Let's not talk about Jim. Not while his war wounds are still healing.

Give me a day or two before I give a forecast for 1997. I'm thinking about it. Obviously it won't be good. Roy phoned me and asked me phone him. I have no idea what his phone number might be. Hello, I can't remember what he looks like and I'm going remember his phone number? I don't write things down. Well I do, but I seem to throw them out almost immediately. I pretty well phone Kevin every weekend and I still have to look up his phone number. Please don't put me down, I've already done it a thousand times. I'm beloved by some in Toronto: the homeless, I don't give them money, I spout Proust to them and they usually move on.

So I parked my bike for the season. So my defences are down. So am I good at anything? Greg brought down the greatest meal in the history of mankind. Turkey with all trimmings, I've family there that loves me: thank you Greg, the stuffing and gravy and mashed potatatoes travelled well. Greg lives about three blocks from me and his Mom and Dad in the "far burbs". I think he's got the cutest mom in the history of mankind other than my own. She is Aboriginal and she was born in the same year and month as me. Can older persons be beautiful? Yes. Jean at work is my age too. She has silvery hair and she is beautiful. What is the word: Classy. When I first started at Market Probe I was afraid to approach her because of her 'statleliness" if that makes sense. Now we are so close. And she is just as forgetful as me, if not more so. We could be twins.

Next Friday morning I will do the 2007 forecast. 2007? I've got to kill myself. I was born in 1945. I'm not doing the math but agh that is a few years ago. Hello. I want to be preserved in amber. Scientists discovered fossils and plant life that formed trillions of years ago preserved in amber. Why not me? It wouldn't be bad thing. I'll actually wear a suit so I'm presentable. "Uncle Don we are not preserving you in amber" "why not?" "because you jumped off a tall building and your remains are spread around the block and your dna is lost" "I like riverbeds, I won't jump, I'll go to a riverbed and slowly rot" "you have to be near a tree" "why?" "because the sap in the tree turns into amber after a billion years" "can we speed it up a bit?" "and then the sap in the tree has to engulf your bod which take centuries, if not millenia.

I'm a weirdo, I guess you all know that by now. Take care everyone. Life isn't bad at all.

Dad's retirement from the sawmill and a picture at Christmas. These pictures would bring a tear to my eye. I miss him.

This is an amazing picture. I took this one I think (obviously). Down at the farm. One can sure tell Dawn is Bob's daughter in this picture.

Dad

Pretty classy looking guy to me. Of course I'm slightly biased. I don't think the world will ever see me and Bob putting Dad down. He had his faults of course. He might have been slightly cheap. We had to share tv dinners. And we may have had the worst lunch in the world when we went to school (toast with peanut butter). And we won't talk about his snuff. And he read the paper from front to back but yet he never talked about current events. He loved being in a car and watching the scenery go by.

And mom who was totally different. And they had a child every four or five years or so. Me and Bob could have had the strangest upbringing in the history of mankind. When we were down at the 'farm' we had to walk miles just to get to the nearest school bus stop. We must have loved Mom dearly. And it was tough on me because sometimes I didn't know where Bob was. It was confusing. I worried. Someone had to.

I'm not sure where my angst-ridden self comes from. I might have been adopted. In Pincher Creek it's easy to mix up babies: "Mrs. Storm, we have this child whom is threatening to jump off the hospital roof, would you take him?" "is he cute?" "a little" "is he pink?" "yes" "why is he threatening to jump?" "his pablum wasn't room temperature." "that's a problem?" "he thinks so".

Bobby

I talked to Bob on the phone last night. I asked him whom the baby was and he said it's got 'Bobby' written on the back of the picture. I imagine it does.

Note the forehead. There may have been cuter children in the world at that time but I can't imagine how that is possible. There was a lineup to spoil him. Marlene and Anna were particularly bad. They didn't mind me either. The mothering instincts of those two were quite evident.

"Anna is pregnant" "I hope to gawd it's a girl" "no, it's Jim" "whom?" "Jim" "Marlene is pregnant" "it's a boy right?" "no, it's Laurie" "she is fairly cute" "fairly?" "amazingly"

We forgave Marlene and Anna until Neil and Kevin were born: "cute aren't they, why are they eyeing me with that evil stare? these two persons may not turn out well. Can we drown them and get on with life?" "they are slightly cute Uncle Don" "I suppose, but note the satanic aura around them, I can dectect me being annoyed at them quite readily, they won't amount to much, in fact they may turn out to be serial killers" "Neil and Kevin?" "it could happen, the good ones are often the bad ones although there are exceptions" "they are pink and cute, how can you tell that they might be serial killers when they are still in diapers?" "I have this anate sense" "of what" "doom"

In this picture, Dad looks like the only normal person. And at least if Bob combed his hair different and took off those glasses he would almost look normal (and be the spitting image of Neil). But the person on the right is beyond help. No wonder stray cats and miscreants didn't mind him. He's not great at coping with five days off, hopefully he'll never be allowed to retire. He broke his coffee percolator on Friday and walked through rain and sleet in the darkness to the nearest Home Hardware to buy a new one. He's cold and wet and thinking: "this is better than being at work" And of course when he gets back from buying a Black and Decker "Brew N'Go" coffee maker he doesn't read the fine print: 'even if you are the stupidest person in the history of mankind, you will remove all stickers and packing material'. He didn't and it was not a tasty first cup of coffee.

Coffee is important to me. I'm not a tea person. Believe it or not I bought some herbal tea. I'm thinking no caffeine, I'll sleep better. I bought the Rosehip and Hibiscus Flowers herbal tea. Not only did I not sleep better I had the bitter taste of herbs in my mouth throughout the night. So I gave that up. I don't know why I periodically think I should improve my lifestyle. This bod of mine is beyond repair but I never give up hope. So I haven't biked for a while now. I can see old age creeping in. Not really. I'm worried that I still feel good. I don't take feeling good for granted, it's a slippery slope between feeling okay and not feeling okay. Feeling okay is better. I pulled a muscle in my back a while back. I'm over it now but it sure gave me empathy towards Bob and Ger: "don you can't sleep in the fetal position for a while" "but I like it" "not only that, you have to sleep on your back" "and whenever you move your screams will wake the neighbourhood". I survived but it was hell. I don't know if anyone cares but my bed is surrounded by books. I have seven or eight books (a conservative estimate) on the go and sixteen or seventeen New Yorker magazine articles in the midst of being read.

I'm weird. I look forward to going to bed. I read a sentence (if I'm lucky) and I fall asleep. I have read a full paragraph but it doesn't happen often. But of course I wake up every two hours so I do have time to read. I used to fret about my sleeping habits but not any more. I've been this way since I was born so why bother. Of course my sleeping habits changed once. I visited Kev and Anita once and they confined me to a camper. I wasn't allowed to sleep in the house itself. Thank gawd I brought my guitar with me, on a bus across Canada, with two earaches. It was a cultural shock and a painful one. But anyway I slept so good and I don't think I got up before noon once. And I got to see Colin and Tyler. I don't mind them. They could be my favourite persons. Everyone is my favourite persons but they aren't bad.

Except Kevin. He is annoying. If I ever move out there, he has got to go. I don't do the 'walk softly around Kevin thing'. Hello. 'Kevin will be home for lunch at any moment, we have to be quiet' Hello. May I expound? First of all he's got the easiest job in the history of mankind. And if he drank too much the night before, too bad. So he's cute. Big deal. When I move out there his life will change drastically: I'm using this couch and your soup isn't ready and I've hogtied Anita so she can't wait on you hand and foot. In fact I may kill you. Is that a prob? "no grilled cheese sandwich?""nope" "no campbells tomato soup" "nope" "no couch to have a nap on?" "nil" And when I was out there a few years ago I contributed to his being spoiled. I made him a ham and cheese sandwich which I took great care to make while Anita was working: 'how is it?' 'not bad' 'it's not great?' 'not bad' 'do you like intense pain because I'm going to stab you".

And Kev knows how to ruin my weekend: so you write only when you have beer in hand? He actually said you are a drunk and you can't write without a beer in hand. Maybe. I don't think so. I just have so much in my mind that has to get out and having a beer helps. And I have such a good time, I don't know how anyone can put me down for that. My physical life is not that great but I think perhaps you could all take a page from my book and it wouldn't be a bad thing. I have the genes of Dad and Mom in me and I think that is greatest thing in the history of mankind. We all do. Not a family member can tell me they don't feel special. We are special.

Mom

I remember this picture being taken. Still working, always working. I remember it as if it was yesterday. Down in Goat River Bottom. She had to nap so she could get back to work for the next shift. Although not in the picture, there is a blue 1958 Chevrolet Impala not far away. Me and Bob kind of loved Mom. When one has been loved by Mom, one has been loved by the best. The numero uno. Although Grandma Darling was amazing. And Marlene was unbelievable. The three of them were on a par. Watch them with children. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

Mom was the nicest person in the history of mankind. I wish I could tell you why. Some things are obvious. Honest to gawd it was tough on us. And Bob was the youngest child. To my recollection we never saw Mom that much. She was always working. But she gave me 15 cents every day in the summer to swim. She knew that was my passion. Me and Bob actually fought a lot as brothers do. We survived. I remember when Roy and Anna got married. I wanted to so bad go down for there wedding. It was tough time for me. And Gordie Wilson. And Terry, and Donna Mae. Good people. I presume they are dead by now but they sure made my life better. And Della. I enjoyed going to the Jehovah Witness gatherings. Not for a moment did I think that my soul was being saved and never will. Probably some persons like George Bush and Stephen Harper. This is where me and Bob aren't quite in sync. I don't get religion and I don't want to. Not my cup of tea to say the least. For those whom think it a is cure-all it is good thing. I don't get it but that not so bad. I'm not perfect.

Wow

That is Erling Adlebert Darling with the hat. Uncle Bert was pretty good. I do not remember seeing this picture in my life before. That is Marlene. I presume that is me and Bob. That is Nelda standing in front of Marlene. She was wierd, but okay. And as Bob has correctly pointed out, my britches were hitched pretty high. I remember thinking: I'm a nerd, I might as well look like one. I remember that tricycle. This picture of course puts to rest why Bob was spoiled. The cutest kid in the history of mankind. Even then I was thinking: "this is too idyllic, a bolt of lightning should hit us at any moment, where's my bike?, I have a headache, does anyone care?, I'm gonna climb the tallest tree and jump off it"

Uncle Don

I actually like that haircut. Those glasses have got to go.

I just have to say thank you again to Bob for sending me these pictures. Not this picture in particular but the old ones are so good. The picture with Uncle Bert in it is just beyond words. And Mom and Dad. Bob knows what I like.

I never thought the Storm Blog would amount to much. With these pictures for all to see, and with the new arrivals I think it is a good thing.

The Christmas forecast

First the good news. If you live in Denver you will have a white Christmas. Well I assume so since they've received two feet of snow. But for Canada, well maybe next year:

Toronto: Sunday will have a high of +4 with a chance of showers and Christmas Day will be sunny with a high of +3. Some golf courses are still open. I of course am thrilled. If I could control the weather I would like a dusting of snow Christmas Eve and a dusting of snow Christmas Day and then adios, see ya next year at this time. There are ski resorts within a few hours drive of Toronto and of course they can't even make snow because it is too warm. I dropped in at a cycle and ski shop last week and overheard a conversation: "my bike needs a tune-up, when can I bring it in?" "April" "April?" "our bike people are gone and our ski people are here now" "their is no snow within a thousand miles" "would you like a wax?" "on my bike?" "no, on your skis" Needless to say this ski/bike shop is not doing a roaring business.

Calgary: I'm not sure if there is snow in Calgary now but I do know on Christmas Day it will be sunny with a high of +6. Which really isn't terribly surprising I guess, it just never happened when I lived there. As far I can remember Calgarians are much more positive about the cold weather than those in Toronto. "hey Bob, nice weather aye, it's only 41 below, maybe a chinook tomorrow, how's your block heater?" "it died Neil, my battery is dead and our cat froze to death when we let it out last night but I'm pleased we have a dry cold".

Cranbrook: We have hope. Although Cranbrookians don't have a hope in hell of seeing snow on Christmas Eve with it being sunny all day with a high of -4, they could see two or three flakes of snow on Christmas Day. It's a strange world indeed. A few years ago Jim, Roy and myself go ice fishing on a gloriously sunny day in the middle of winter. It was cold but Jim had it all figured out and I enjoyed it immensly. I should have remembered that even though it's cold the sun shining off the snow can be deadly. Which it was for me: "Jim don't spend too much on crab and lobster for supper at this SuperStore, I'm starting to feel ill" "ill?" "getting there, the migraine and the shivers and shakes are starting to engulf my body" "any nausea yet Uncle Don?" "only if you count the dry heaves behind the canned goods section".

Creston: Close but no cigar. On Saturday in Creston it says snow and a high of zero. With a high of zero on Sunday with a mix of sun and clouds, there will no little wee flurries coming down in Creston on Christmas Eve. Robin and Karen might care: "yo Robin, quit with the guitar and look at the flakes of snow, they are coming down" "I"m practicing jingle bells Karen, for the kids, they will enjoy it" Which makes Ger an oddity, not because he's flakey, he is just odd: "would you quit with the decorating of the tree for a moment Karri, I need to take a pic of each stage of the progress made and by the way the hot tub has got to go, I'm having a good time aren't you".

And Kevin. If the Storms and Douvilles could control the weather (which I'm very disappointed we can't by the way), we would all want a little snow on Christmas eve and wake up to a glorious sunny Christmas with the sugar plum fairies having done their thing. Except for Kev: "oh gawd, please tell me it didn't snow overnight, okay I'll get up, I have to think about this, I'm still in one piece, all parts of my body are still attached to each other, I did it, Merry Christmas everyone"

The curmudgeon cadre club

I got this e-mail from a friend. It made my weekend because I always think I'm alone in dissing current culture. I guess I'm not.

'who the #$%# is Lindsay Lohan ? and who the #%$# cares ?
all I know is she's been in A.A. for a year ...., and she's probably ~ 17 ?
am I losing touch with popular culture ? good !
sign me up in your club Don .... "the curmudgeon cadre" ; guess I'm getting old.

greg'

How-to book

It sometimes is nice to talk to Kevin. Once or twice in one's lifetime one gets him in a good mood on the phone and he is okay. But he puts up with his uncle: "Kevin you have a deranged uncle" "I know" "he should be put away" "I know" "have you noticed he has suicidel tendencies?" "I know" "and he thinks you are annoying" "I know" "not to mention he doesn't think you are that great, in fact his expectations of you are not that high" "I know" "what is your threshold of pain?" "low" "what are your dreams?" "high" "when an uncle, whom shall remain nameless, beats you in cards and darts what will you do?" "kill" kill?" "kill" "not maim?" "kill" "can the unnamed uncle protest?" "no" "can he have a last meal?" "yes"

And of course I worry about Ger. I worry about his back. Maybe I shouldn't but I do. By the way, if anyone wants to have the three greatest persons in the history of mankind on their side, I'm writing a how-t0 book. In the remote chance you might run into them (you are walking through a jungle and Kevin/Jim/Ger should appear) this guide is for youm. I'm kind of an expert. Kind of an expert? Hello. This may not sell a lot but I think the world needs a "how-to" book on Kev/Jim/Ger.

But not today, my mind is working though. Take care everyone.

Love you all.

It's going to be 13 above tomorrow here in the big smoke. Hello. That can't be good. Oh gawd we are going to pay for this good weather in January and/or February. And today it's sunny and six above. I just got back from downtown. There are a few people. I walked by Dundas and Yonge Street and you can't actually walk, it's wall-to-wall persons. I wanted to buy a cd at HMV and it was no use. And of course it's the same in any mall in Calgary and Cranbrook. I can imagine the Overwaitea parking lot in Creston. And there is still a week to go until Christmas.

I don't work next Friday so I will do my 'christmas weather forecast' on Thursday morn. By the way I'm okay. I won't jump. I've never felt better in my life. Normally at this time of the year I'm suicidel but not this year. I've finally mellowed out. I'm sixty-one and I've mellowed out. I'm a slow learner I guess. I love listening to Christmas carols in the mall, especially with kids bawling their heads off in the background. Guess how many harried mothers I saw? 343,542. Guesss how how bawling kids I saw? 343,544. Obviously a couple of mothers dropped their kids off and then drove into Lake Ontario.

How would one like to be a Santa in a department store today? "Santa?" "yes my sweetness" "I"m growing up in a grow-op" "in a whom?" "a grow-op and my Dad knows Osama bin Laden" "whom" "Osama bin Laden and my mother works for M15, the British spy agency" "what would you like for Christmas my..ahem....sweetness?" "A BlackBerry" "I can give you boisenberries" "Santa" "yes my annoying, I mean sweet one" "I need a BlackBerry so I can access my boyfriend" "boyfriend?" "he's in Taiwan at the moment" "how old are you?"

Can anyone remember the exact time they realized the Easter Bunny and/or Santa Claus didn't exist? (don't let any young children read this) I don't either but it must have been traumatic for me. Hello. So I'm happily going along and someone says "no Easter Bunny" "no whom?" "easter bunny, nil, forget it, doesn't exist " "my chocolate rabbit and colourful eggs were there" "you really are naive aren't, no that was not the Easter Bunny whom hid them" This is late March so I've got several months to get over the depression of losing a dear friend. "mom?" when is Santa coming?" "soon dear" "can I get a bike?" "of course, Santa will bring you one" Mom was good, how she hid the gifts from me and Bob I'll never know. We go to bed and we get up and wow. To say we were excited was an understatement of all time. And of course as all parents are, she was completely pleased by our reaction. And Dad was there, that is a long, long time ago.

I remember decorating the tree, and Marlene was there too. After Mom and Marlene did the main decorating, me and Bob got to do the tinsel. It was a tradition. If there is anything I remember from those days is that both Mom and Marlene were completely happy at that time, they knew that me and Bob were going to pleased with the results and they just loved Christmas. Sometimes Mom and Marlene didn't along so well (as mothers and daughters are wont to do) but at Christmas they did.

From Uncle don:

Wow, as one may have noticed I like this family. It could be the cutest one of all time. There could be cuter persons than Gail and Donna in the history of mankind but I can't see it. There could be cuter persons than Neil and Robin, it wouldn't take much. Although I shouldn't say that. Under Neil's cute bod is a person whom likes to ski and loves the outdoors. I am so impressed with him. And Robin. For me, the nicest person in the history of mankind. And Laurie, I have to be on my toes with her, she hopefully will send me pictures and I can't wait to hug Laurie when I see her next.

And Leo. One of my favourite persons. He knows what life is all about and he is a Douville. Even though this is called a Storm blog because it's mine and I see the Storm genes (Marlene) in the picture of Gail, Donna, Robin, Laurie and Neil. But I also see the Douville family. A good combo if I've ever seen one. They've got both the Storms and Douvilles genes in them. I like that.

Desserts

Until I started to bike to work I didn't really realize that I enjoyed sweets quite as much I do. I became accustomed to eating energy bars at work this summer because I just got so hungry even though I ate fairly big breakfasts. Then I thought who needs energy bars, let's just buy twinkies, what is the difference? Then I thought why not buy a chocolate cake and take a slice to work each day? I became addicted.

Which is fine and dandy when I'm biking to work, but I haven't been for the last week. Yes I've retired the bike for the winter. Even though it's December 15th, I feel kind of guilty not biking to work. But the short days get to me a little bit, and the rear brake on my bike broke and so I said: "Don?" "yes?" "it's time" "for what?" "to use the subway for a few months" "really, just give me another week, I'll go slow, a brake isn't that important, I'll get it fixed soon" "it's time" And so last Friday night I brought the bike inside and parked it in the basement, a dark, dingy basement I might add, for the winter. Not to be melodramatic but it was a sad, long walk up the three flights of stairs to my apt. from the basement while eating a Coffee Crisp chocolate bar (I didn't know coffee could be crisp). Oh, I could take it out occasionally, weather permitting, I suppose but I'm not a part-time cyclist anymore. I've tasted the adreneline rush of flowing with the Toronto traffic every day and biking through a local park on a Saturday or Sunday, although good, is above me: I'm a bike snob now. Well after 18 near-death experiences this summer while biking (not counting the two that only would have maimed me) I figure I can be a snob at something.

Back to the sweets. So I noticed this week even though my energy expended is much lower, my lust for confectionery items is still as is. For a thousand years I never even thought of buying a single dessert item on my weekly trip to the grocery store. Now it's almost half and half: "aah a pork cutlet, a tomato, a head of lettuce, a cucumber, a bulb of garlic (hi Robin), a bagel, and a loaf of 100% whole wheat bread (sometimes I get 60% whole wheat when I'm depressed)" "Uncle Don, I know you get more than that" "but it doesn't read funny, so shuddup" So off to the sweet tooth areas. Some diabolical person has put all my faves all around the store, not in just one aisle. I find them. The bakery: this could be my favourite area: "Don you are salivating and embarrassing me" "you are me" "I'm your good you" "How can you be my good me if you don't like boston cream donuts and honey crullers?"

Moving on to the chocolate bar section: "don, you aren't biking for a few months, you are going to have do some situps or you are going to weigh two hundreds pounds by April, or run on the spot or do deep knee bends while you are flexing your abs" "I have abs?" "if one looks closely I see abs" "what are they" "I'm not sure but you should flex them" "In other words by the time April rolls around I'll be a fat slob" "more or less" "good".

This is what I go through. Hello. Even though I'm angst-ridden from head to toe, I'm fairly in a good 'place' right now. And guess what? I bought a fruit cake. I love fruit cake. Have I mentioned I'm wierd?

Weekend forecast

For Toronto, tomorrow will reach +6 with a chance of showers and Sunday will reach +9 with a chance of showers (I can't believe this mild weather). Calgary looks nice for the Christmas shopping crowds. Saturday will reach -4 and Sunday will get up to -7. There will not be a cloud in the sky for the whole weekend.

Cranbrook will be nice too. Saturday will be Sunny all day and will get up to -1, and Sunday will be sunny with a few clouds and it will get up to -5. A cooling trend, Brenda must be mad at Jim. For Saturday, Creston will reach +2 with sun and clouds and for Sunday, the high will be -1 with a chance of flurries.

For all those whom are travelling to the British Virgin Islands, it will be +26 both days and sunny with the tradewinds coming from the south.

December 08, 2006: the twenty-sixth anniversity of John Lennon's death.

Weekend forecast

For Toronto, Saturday will be cloudy with a high of plus two and on Sunday it will get up to plus seven and it will be sunny. Looking good for Calgary: Saturday will see a high of nothing with a mix of sun and cloud and Sunday will see a high of plux six, also with a mix of sun and cloud.

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Moving on to Beautiful B.C., Cranbrook will reach minus four on Saturday and will be cloudy and Sunday there will be periods of snow and reach minus two. Creston will reach nil both Saturday and Sunday with possible showers and/or snow occurring both days. Environment Canada doesn't mention this but I forecast a Storm front, I mean Jim, will be moving into Creston for the weekend.

The canoe trip in a parallel universe

Of course Germain took this pic, which is why it is fuzzy. That is Lydia Bunwich and Karl Coleman on the far left of the picture. Them of whom bought a new canoe which wanted to keep a distance from the rest of the 'canoeists' (using the term tremendously loosely). Why are they dressed in black in the middle of summer? At least they are wearing shorts. To their immediate left is the twins: Kranky and Dinky Whiteskin of the Semiold tribe. Although their tribal traditions date back thousands of years, Kranky and Dinky were cast out of the tribe because they couldn't stand being out in the sun (not a good thing since the chieftan was Roycoma, The Sun God).

Next to Kranky and Dinky is the noted seer Kassandra Gerulcer. She must be, she saw her life flash before her eyes just before she plopped into the river. Kassandra also enjoys angling, not for fish but for blue eyeglass straps. Kassandra is also the only person I know who can tap dance in a canoe. And then there is Coolhand Bud and his sexy moll Jezabel Babyduck. Great people but have you noticed they have a tendency to tipple when they are in a canoe? Not topple, tipple. Although if they tipple too much they will topple. But they never topple they just tipple, it's Coolhand and Jezabel.

Moving on to Babs Jokester and Jasper Stillwater, Jr., they were the veterans. Of what I have no idea, possibly being boring. Although Babs did her best to fool Dinky. And Jasper, lets just say I wouldn't want to be lost in the middle of Banff with him, the town of Banff, not the park, gawd forbid. A highlight of course was Jeremiah Strawhatson and Shalome Cuteinksy. Jeremiah made a good breakfast although I made sure I wasn't the first one to start eating (Jeremiah's father, Germain would have poisoned me I'm sure) and Shalome was checking us out. Obviously, somehow, incredibly, beyond comprehension, and wow, Jeremiah and Shalome are having a baby. I have a name picked out if anyone is asking: John or Jane Doe.

And last but definitely not the least: Anastasia Goodheart and her son Tecumseh. Kranky Whiteskin married Anastasia Goodheart and so Tecumseh's full name is Tecumseh Whiteskin-Goodheart. Anastasia has royalty in her blood and Kranky also has ROYalty in his blood. And with Coolhand Bud as his brother and Roy The Sun God as his grandfather and Germain and Dinky as his uncles..oh and Jeremiah as his cousin, Tecumseh should be happy.

(Editor's note: Uncle Don would normally delete the above but he'll leave for now)

I really like this picture. Karri in a quiet moment. Of course Ger is irritated beyond belief behind the camera: 'the mountains aren't lit up enough, that's a poor excuse for a fire, my back hurts, did we bring the Tums? It's still a nice pic.

Look at this pic at your peril. If you are blinded by the light coming off Bob's forehead it's not my fault. This picture was taken in England. In a pub I assume. Lorraine captured the essence of Bob.