Friday night at last

I'm having my first beer, listening to Allison Krauss and Emmylou Harris, watching an old movie and writing on the blog......and above all relaxing. Today I biked all the way to work for the first time since last November. Surprisingly it wasn't that bad except for my derriere. I guess it's like getting used to playing the guitar again and having to break in ones fingertips, it takes a little practice. I'm sitting on a pillow at the moment. But it's nice to be 'back in the saddle again'. So nice.

"Uncle don?" "yes twin brother, uncle funk?" "you forgot to mention the near-collision at Bay and Bloor" "I was dragged for only half a block before someone noticed, not really serious" "by the way uncle don, there is conspiracy going on" "a whom?" "a conspiracy" "by whom?" "Anita" "Anita?" "how many pristine pairs of socks did you take with you to Calgary/Cranbrook/ Creston in January?" "eight or nine" "how many did you come back with?" "I came back with six lousy pairs of socks and every one of them had holes in them, and I don't wear woollen, black and or any sock that has an emblem on them" "Kev can't afford socks?" "apparently not" "and another thing Uncle Funk, I have a grey pullover that I absolutely love wearing and it's at Kevin's, I'm not unpacking when I get anywhere near Anita anymore". "she's cute uncle don" "I know but she has a crazed sense of proprietorship, she thinks everything nice belongs to Kevin" "It could be a conspiracy, or maybe not"

"Uncle don, I note you are musing about mountains, especially after seeing Neil pics and they are only geological formations that have arisen over trillions of years" "are you talking?" "and what is the big deal, they consist of rock and trees and quite often they have snow on them, you like them don't you?" "yes, long before quads and skiiing, I looked around me in awe. Even biking down to Porthill to get candy with Ron Potts and John Oleshko I always looked around" "how do you remember their names?" "

I love all the pictures I get sent, more than life itself. But no one should be surprised that I enjoy seeing Neil's pics quite a lot. "no pain, no gain" On the other hand I'd love to spend time in Mexico and Hawaii and on a cruise. I just want to get through the next five minutes. Yay.

Pictures from Neil

These are just a few of the pics from his and Devon's last back-country ski trip, March 10th to 14th from Field to Takkakkaw Falls and then to Stanley Mitchell Hut. I will post more pictures in the next few days.

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Just look at the beautiful country they were skiing through. I can't even imagine how much I would enjoy doing something like that if I could.

The old man taking it easy in the Stanley Mitchell Hut. Neil looks 'quainter' than the furniture. The stove behind Neil looks awfully comforting after a long trek.

Isn't Devon cute.

Spring?

I may have jumped the gun a bit yesterday when I biked part way to work. I didn't realize it was -15 with the windchill. And of course the windchill was blowing directly into my face. That is the first time in my lifetime that my eyeballs were cold. I couldn't pry my fingers apart until about noon. And the white spot on the end of my nose didn't return to normal colour (red) until 3pm.

E-mail from Bob

We're in New York! Cool here, but the sun's shining. We're going out today to see the city. We have a great hotel...morning breakfast, complimentary coffee, and I hear there's free wine in the evening for a couple of hours. Will update you later...we board the boat on Wednesday.

Spring arrives today

It's time to celebrate! Spring arrives this evening. I guess it was appropriate that yesterday, the last full day of winter, it snowed, there was a howling wind, and the subway broke down on my way to work because of ice on the tracks. Today is better (it couldn't be any worse) with a sunny day forecast. I'll ride my bike at least part way to work for the first time since last fall.

Why I drink beer

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do not run that risk when drinking beer (or rum, whiskey, wine or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
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WATER = Poop
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BEER = Health
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Therefore: Is it not better to drink beer and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of crap?
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There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I am doing it as a public service.

movies

There is one thing that happened that I never expected. Ted Turner has bought movies and I'm watching them on his channel. Thank you Mr. Turner because a lot of these I remember watching them when I was a little boy.

Can I say one thing. I've got Jim, Ger and Bob keeping me posted as regards Roy. I could not have survived without them. Thank you so much, it is so appreciated. I owe them and I won't forget it.

I had a rather strange work day yesterday. There may be eighty persons whom work at Market Probe during the day. Everyone was sent home at noon because of lack of work but meem. It's not because I'm special. I assumed Maria, almost the big boss, hated my guts. Apparently not as much I thought. And Joanne, my immediate supervisor and a lesser boss but a cute one, I love more than life itself. A blond with a mind. And Gord, the big boss, I talk to like he's my nephew. We get along.

And I have a new bike in apartment. I steal glances at it every so often. It's a $99 special at Canadian Tire but it is new. And the other bike is at the bike shop and Evan at the bike shop mentioned I shouldn't ride it because the frame is broken, but I rode it all last summer like that and it is a great bike. Now I have two bikes which is what I need.

As one might expect, I'm starting to waiver as regards moving to Creston this year. I have to have disability money coming in and that isn't going to happen anytime soon. I haven't even gone to a Doctor yet. I may be worthy but I hate to think of that path. And I know you are all cute but you'd get tired of me in an instant: "uncle don, why are you annoying?" "I"m just out on the deck reading the New Yorker" "don't you have place to go?" "not really" It won't work, I can tell.

Of course I'm a little pleased that ger and kev stayed at Bob's last weekend. In spite of the fact that Bob was passed out in his chair at 3am and Ger couldn't awaken him and Kev locked himself into a Foothills Hospital staff bathroom because he felt woozy and he needed time to himself and the nurses were pounding on the door. I think we have a good family, I hate to say "I told you so" but I knew this a long, long time ago. And Brandy going up to Calgary, and Julie being there for Roy. I look from afar and see good things. Roy would be pleased and he may not have realized how loved he is. Not bad aye?

Ger and Kerri's trip to Mexico

A cute couple.

Wow

It is nice here in Toronto today. Warm and sunny. Unfortunately my bike is in the bike shop getting tuned up but I did go for a walk. No wind which is the most unusual thing of all. Had a nice breakfast, one can't be in a bad mood today.

Although I came close. My neighbour has a Bich-Poo, which is a cross between a Bichon Frise and a Poodle. Cutest little thing in the world but it gnawed on my running shoe while we talked. And it wouldn't let go: "Doug?" "yes don?" "Munchkin seems to like my foot" "yes, it seems to be attracted to running shoes that are made in China, but it's cute isn't it" "how much did you pay for Munchkin?" "triple figures" "more than $99?" "much more, it really has taken a liking to you, Cynthia and I are going to the South of France in a couple of weeks would you like to look after Munchkin while we are gone?" "I'd love to, it would be an honour but I'm going to be admitting myself into the hospital and have a mini gastric bypass and I'm expecting post-nasal drip complications" "who's your physician?" "um, ah, oh Dr. Bloemfontein" "THE Dr. Bloemfontein?" "That's him, yes, it is him, you know of him?" "yes of course, he performed lipo-surgery on Cynthia"

So after I got rid of Munchkin and Doug, I walked down to the Sip and Bite for breakfast (which is near my bike shop, I had to see if my bike was being taken care of properly). The Sip and Bite is owned by two bossy Japanese sisters: Misaki and Mizuki. "Ah Mr. Storm you return for breakfast, where have you been?" "I've been busy, this and that, life marches on" "you will have our special, the Klondike Sunday Brunch?" "I think I'll have something different this time, I feel like pancakes today" "whom?" "I'll have pancakes" "Mizuki doesn't do pancakes" "a cheese omelette?" "we don't have cheese or eggs" "toast with peanut butter?" "you are having Yakisuba Noodles whether you like it or not" "can I get marmalade with it?" "no".

And then after leaving the Sip and Bite, I sat down on the bench outside my barbers to have a cigarette and soak up the sun: "Meester Storm, you don't like Luigi and me?" "I love you and Luigi, Pedro, I'll be in for a haircut next week, but please don't bring up the space/time continuum theory as a topic of discussion, it gets boring after a while" "can we talk about the fundamentals of phycological theories?" "perhaps but Luigi is rather set in his ways about giving me a bad haircut" "he's enrolled in a night-school for barbers"

Hi all,

It's warm here today (-2) relatively speaking. And not a cloud in the sky.

Yay.

I am not happy with Kevin. He let me down this time. The Storm's are supposed to be special but he makes a mockery of that thought. If I'm down there for the canoe weekend, and if Kevin is alone in the canoe with me, I'm going to drown him. Drowning is too nice a word. His lungs will fill with water and they will collapse and he will gasp for breath, and then I'm going to drown him. And after he's expired I'm going to use his body as deadweight on the front end of the canoe because I'm a better conoeist than him and I will decide where we paddle: "Kev, you are quiet, oh I forgot your dead" "We are conoeing through this maze of thistles and if you were alive you'd be frightened" "I don't see any family, do you think we are lost, Kev?" "I know you are deceased but could you at least paddle a bit?" "why are your knees so knobby, even when you are expired, your knees are knobby" "and it's your and Anita's turn to make lunch, I'm presuming it will be a good one, I'll do the mustard in your absence, you can look after the canoe while the rest of us eat" "and I've solved one thing by drowning you, we'll have enough chicken wings to go around" "and you won't have to hide behind a tire this evening" "if you were alive I would insist you walk to the highway and lay down on the dotted line and wait for a semi to run over you" "maybe I'll carry your bod to the highway, at least you aren't heavy, and have Justin, Ger and Col run over you with their trucks while we wait for a big semi carrying a full load of liquid nitrogen to appear" "and every autum, Jim and Ger and me will stop by the campsite and look for a lost body" "hello, why did we stop and look for Jen's baseball mitt when I knew it was in Colin's truck the whole time?" "Ger, why are we looking for a mitt when we all know that it is in Colin's truck?" "because we are stupid and are members of the Storm clan" "so it's a complete waste of time" "yes but we have to look" "what if we find it?" "ignore it, it's in Colin's truck" "I found Kevin's body, I guess I didn't bury deep enough in July" "oh this is where he is, I wondered, Delorus did mention that she hadn't seen Kevin for a while"

So I think I will survive, but I just don't do Kevin any more. Don't need it.

Take care everyone else.

uncle

So I don't like Kevin at the moment. He's got his reasons but none of them are very good. He will need the family soon but I guess it takes a while for him. I do apologize to Bob, because he was looking forward to seeing Kevin. It's a Storm thing and Kevin thinks he's better than us at the moment. I think we all worry about Kevin a bit, but yet he won't be one of the family.

I'm not going to be moving down there anytime soon If I have to put up with that. I talked to Logan and Ty and that was fun, but I don't do Kevin. I don't have enough energy left to tell him that he erred.

uncle

It was rather strange today: "uncle don, what is that odd feeling?" "warmth" "I don't see an icycle hanging from your nose" "it is strange to walk outside and not feel pain" "when are you going to ride your bike uncle don?" "when the twenty-four foot snowbanks disappear which could be in August" "are you going to kill yourself uncle don?" "I hadn't thought about it, should I?" "there are extenuating circumstances which behoove you to jump off a tall building" "and what are those circumstances?" "you are angst-ridden and you look pale" "I always look pale, and by the way, conciousness, you don't look that good yourself" "I won't feel pain though which is a plus" "you mean if I jump, you won't feel a thing?" "nope" "nothing?" "nil" "even if I land on my head?" "sorry"

By the way, I'm moving up to Churchill, Manitoba this summer. "where?" "Churchill" "why?" "I'm as one with polar bears" "the ice is disappearing" "I know I gotta see them soon" "when you grow up what are you going to do?" "be a star explorer" "whom?" "buddy, I mean conciousness, I've read nothing but sci-fi for the last five to seven years, I must have read a thousand books of that genre and not one of them could convince me that there isn't something after death" "why do you think that when your analytical mind knows that is not true?" "I could have not gone out west just before Marlene passed away and I so easily could have not travelled out west in January and hugged Roy" "a coincidence" "perhaps but I don't think so"

And if I may say, Francis Collins, the head of the Human Genome Project, was quoted as saying "the genetic code is the language of God" I think so, that does not mean I believe in the scriptures, I don't, but I believe in "something". I've read every article in the New Yorker and many books on comas. And I don't know. But I did play my guitar once with Max in a trailer at Kevins. His tail was wagging and I had my voice: two individuals whom had the greatest time in the history of mankind for a little while.

Weekend forecast/time change

This is a reminder to everyone in the known universe that this Sunday morning at 2am we should move our clocks ahead by one hour (as if I'm going to be up at 2am). Except if you live in Creston. I presume the people whom decide these things realized it wouldn't work in Creston. For example, can one imagine Kevin having to get up an hour earlier all of a sudden. The grumbling and teeth gnashing that would ensue. I wouldn't want to be around him for about a month after the change.

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It looks like we are going to have weather this weekend. It's -6 here in Toronto this morning so I'll only have to wear two layers of clothing to work and not six like I've had to for the past several months (it seems like an eternity). And it's actually getting up to +2 today, with highs of +6 on Saturday and Sunday. There will be celebrations on the street. This is beyond even me: In Calgary, tomorrow will +13 and sunny, Sunday will be +14 and sunny and on Monday it's getting up to +16 with nothing but sun. Well there is obviously going to be a drought on the prairies this summer. Hello. And Cranbrook is getting up to +11 over the weekend with some cloud. And Creston will have a high of +10 on Sunday but at least they can expect a shower or two. Has the Moyie River ever flooded in March? It probably will this year.

Bob's pics

Of course the most important thing it me is seeing the Thames. Although I don't read crimes stories, etc. any more, the Thames was always there. And Bob and Lorraine have shown me pictures of Jordon and so much else. Bob and Lorraine have got the world of travel sewn up. In Jordon, Lorraine somehow managed to sit at the dinner table with all the men which isn't done.

And Bob loves travelling to. I'm hoping they might e-mail me pictures and call me on the cell phone so I could do a running narrative for the National Geographic channel: "yes Lorraine?" "Bob and I are in a laberynth, we are not sure where we should turn" "have you tried left? " "we see mummys" "mummys?" "and an asp" "any sign of Elizabeth Taylor, I mean Cleopatra?" "no, but King Tut is here" "you must be in Egypt" "close, we are in the London Museum of Mummys" "I didn't know there was one" "it just opened" "are there any tombs?" thousands". to be continued.....

More Laurie's pics

I've done a few crosswords in my lifetime: what is a Hawaiian goose, or what is the state bird of Hawaii? Of course it's the Nene, but I did not know they were an endangered species.

As I reflect on the past week, I can only say agh. It was not a good one and it was obviously worse for Jim, Ger, Kev and Julie and it continues.

But if there was one bright side of the week for me was that I felt 'in the loop' even though I'm so far away. Bob was especially good at keeping me up-to-date on Roy's condition and the e-mails from Ger, Julie and Jim were appreciated so much. The one from Julie especially from the I.C.U. waiting room was especially appreciated.

Can I talk about our weather down here for a moment? We got off work early yesterday because of the weather. But I'd planned to go to our local library because I had nothing to read (other than six partially read New Yorker magazines and a few books that are also partially read but weren't turning me on much). And so I still went to the library and it was open! Manna from heaven as I didn't expect it. There was one librarian assistant still on duty and one old guy whom was probably the librarian assistant's father waiting to take her home, since they both glared at me. So I quickly picked out a few books and checked them out and prepared for the seven-block walk home. This library is located next to a huge complex of apartment buildings but I didn't see anyone walking around on the streets. "oh oh" I thought.

So I set out for home and was immediately buffeted by hurricane-force winds. And that is when I was walking with the wind. Then I had to turn against it and walk four loooong walks to get home. I actually heard two persons talking for a bit walking behind me, but I'm sure they were swept away by the wind; gawd knows where they ended up. It's the first time in my life that snow flakes actually hurt when they hit my eyeballs. And I still had a few blocks to go. "Okay, Don, there is no one around, walk backwards for a while into the wind" Obviously that didn't work since I can hardly walk forwards on good days. And the brief time I tried it, I almost walked into my next door neighbour walking her Bluetick Coonhound (rich persons and their 'dogs' don't seem to be affected by whiteouts and blizzard conditions).

But I managed to reach my gate and saw a white house in front of me: "home!" "warmth!" Except the gate was frozen shut because by then the freezing rain had started and there was two inches of ice around the catch. In despair I knocked on someone's door and they unthawed me and offered me a cognac which I drank greedily. Needless to say I went to work hungover this morn.

I might exaggerate a bit but not much.

Laurie and Robert's trip to Hawaii in January 2007

If I needed a lift in spirits (which I did), Laurie certainly provided it. It was tough to choose only three pictures of the ones I perused, but I chose these ones. I will post more in the future.
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I have never been to Hawaii but I can see it is amazing, and with the massive storm that swept through Toronto in the last few days it even looks more beautiful.

Update

From Jim:

"they had to have emergency operation yesterday as they found a blood clot, as well his swelling started up again bad, so they rushed him in. He got out of operation about 7:30 pm, seems to be stable now, again back into waiting game"

And after receiving the above e-mail, I talked to Bob and he said Roy opened his eyes a bit and squeezed Julie's hand. So there may be reason for a bit of optimism.

Update as at March 1, 5am

Julie sent me this e-mail from the I.C.U. waiting room at the Foothills Hospital:

"Dad went in for surgery about 3 pm today to remove a blood clot in the front part of his brain, which in turn will hopefully relieve some of the pressure. The sooner they can bring the swelling down, the sooner they can bring him out of the coma, and there will be less chance of developing pneumonia and other complications , because at the moment the machines are breathing for him, and so he's unable to clear his lungs completely. Of course there can be complications from surgery as well (such as infection), and there's no way of knowing just what the outcome will be. All we can do is hope and pray for the best, and I'll be letting my brothers know how the surgery went as soon as I talk to the Neurosurgeon (whom is apparently world-renowned)."

I talked to Bob later last night and the surgery is over of course and it is now 'wait-and-see'. Bob is going to visit him today at noon, so will know more later today from either Julie and/or Bob.

Update at at Dec 27 @ 11:49pm from Ger

Jim talked to the doc's and of course it's the ultimate doom and gloom scenario.They don't want any false hopes in case something doesn't work out.The swelling on the brain is still occurring and they expect it to stop in the next couple days.This is a normal thing which takes anywhere up to 4 days.After the swelling goes down and hopefully they won't have to operate to relieve the pressure,they will be able to make a better assumption on his condition.They are still doing CAT scans to ensure that the bleeding and swelling are within safe limits.They did tell Jim that full recovery is 30%.His dying is 30%,and his having some sort of brain damage was 30%.What happened to the last 10% is maybe he'll be able to play the piano later ???
Anyhow we are all hanging in there and can only pray for the best..We know he's a tough nut or else he wouldn't be a Storm

Boy I had some good friends in Calgary: Ken Fujikawa, Ron and Glen Higa, Dave Shima, Bob Fujino, and Gord The Dentist whom I can't remember the last name of. I was the only white guy to ever bowl in a Japanese league and be invited to a tournament in Lethbridge and win it. Just what they didn't want. I got hot and bowled ten strikes in a row. And of course I was the only white guy in their curling league and travelled up to Edmonton several times to curl in the Japanese Bonspiel.

And of course I went to Europe with Gord The Dentist and a friend of his in 1968 or 1969. In Amsterdam we saw Jimi Hendrix and we didn't realize what a superstar we were seeing at the time. And drove through Switzerland (which I compare to Creston) and down the Rhone River. Munich was good, the beer halls. So in Switzerland, on the spur of the moment, we decide to fly to Majorca, Spain. We are on a tight budget so we found the cheapest hotel room with a view of the Mediterrean. So me an Gord sat on the 'plaza del sol' every afternoon and and drank cheap red wine and watched the creme de la creme of European society walk by: "Gord?" "yes?" "I'm in love" "with whom?" "I can't actually choose one person but that chick batted an eyelash at me" "she's with Ari, his yaught is out on the harbour" "'I'm in love" "she is taken"

"I wan't to paint" "you can't paint, do you know anything about shades of colours?" "whom?" If you are going to be a famous painter you have be able to paint nudes with there arms extended" "like michangelo" "him to, but don't forget about Ralph" Ralph whom?" "Ralph the sistene chapal painter whom has to pee a lot" "one can't pee a lot when one is painting a mural" "Ralph did" "uncle don?" "yes my son" "you've got the weirdest mind in the history of mankind and in fact there is no one stranger than you in the universe" "that bad aye, I love family" "in fact your bod should be put away...you love family?" "I loved family before it was chic" "I must admit you have never waivered in your love for us in the last thousand years, many persons would have given up" But when I see friends I see friends. It is amazing that I stuck with you guys.


And Neil and Robin. They annoyed me to, although they are cute. It would have been so much easier on me if Marlene and Anna didn't have cute children: "marlene?" "what?" After Laurie, presumably you and Leo won't have any more cute children. I think Donna is about to be born" "whom?" "the cutest child in the history of mankind" "I thought Laurie was." Robin is about to emerge before Donna" "whom?"

So I was thinking, it's not possible to have anyone cuter than Kev, Donna and Ger (whom even then was chubby). "Marlene you can't possibly have another child" "Gail is the last one" "I presume she will be cute, I get tired of cuteness" "Gail will be a little cuter than everything you have ever seen and you will succumb to her cuteness. "I'm above that...she's cute? "yes and so is Neil. I must admit it was fun to watch pregnant people. Anna, if you have another one it will be Kevin. Can we think about this?


Robin was good. He had the biggest forehead of all time"robin, you have a big forehead" "This was before Kevin and Gail existed And Laurie was running rampant amongst the mushrooms. "you can't eat those things, they are deadly, chomp, chomp, chomp" I must admit it was fun to to watch you guys. Cute and special. I'd love to talk to Donna someday. If anyone wants to make to make feel good it would be that. Yes, I think she is more special than anyone else in the history of mankind. I don't know if Donna would ever want to talk to me, but I'd be honoured if she did.

Golfing with Ger

Although Ger looks like he is going to wrestle a steer when he steps up to the golf ball, he gets surprisingly good results: "ger?" "yes uncle don" "how did you hit that ball so good when you appeared to be ready to ride a bull bareback when you unlimbered?" "technique" "technique?" "and mind over matter" "mind over matter?" "I focus" "you focus......on what?" "the little white thingy with dimples in it" "it's a golf ball....g o l f b a l l, try to remember that".

Of course Ger is alledgedly the one with the bad back. Whenever I see him I usually ask him how his back is. Has anyone noticed that he is spryer than a spring chicken when he walks down the fairway after hitting the golf ball three hundred yards? He actually isn't pompous about it even though thoughts of breaking his knee caps with a sledgehammer cross my mind. "uncle don?" "what?" "how far is it to the green?" "two hundred and forty-one yards, use a two wood" "I don't have a two wood so I will use this trusty seven iron" "seven iron, you will be way short of the green" Boink, soar, plop, and roll six inches from the cup: "ger?" "yes uncle don?" "it's a good thing the death penalty has been abolished in Canada, if we were in Texas I'd have you hung from a rafter and watch you writhe, there is a law in physics that says it is not possible to hit a seven iron that far, Newton was wrong I guess, and so much for Einstein's theory although your time/space continuum is definitely warped"

Has anyone noticed but me that Ger is sneaky on the green. He pretends to check out the contour of the green: "ger?" "yes uncle don" "you've got six inches, tap the &*^(% ball in the hole" "I have to take note of the swale" "how can you have a swale when you are within six inches of the hole, do you enjoy excruciating pain?"

And so of course I'm fuming when we are walking to the next hole. A water hole. It ain't the Pacific Ocean but it looks like it to me. "Time for the long clubs Ger, we have to drive over that vast expanse of water" "time for my seven iron" "your whom?" "okay maybe my five iron" "your whom?" Not only does Ger hit the ball over the water, he lands in the fairway. "ger?" "yes uncle don" "I have a pounding headache and my knees feel weak and I feel nauseous" Plop, plop, plop, plop. Four of my balls land in the water. "ger?" "yes uncle don" "I'm out of golfballs" "would you like to borrow one of mine?" "I'd like to string you up and have army ants eat your eyeballs out but yes please"

But I managed to beat him by one stroke. And this was only at Canyon Meadows but it was a delight for me. I also partnered with Ger at Kokanee Springs once. We are competitive and don't like to lose. Why would one play any game if one doesn't want to win badly?

Update

Roy was flown from Cranbrook to Calgary overnight. Not sure which hospital. I will keep this site updated as I get info.

As at 12:37 pm, Sunday. Bob visited Roy at the Foothills Hospital and he is more optomistic about Roy's condition than he was before. Dawn is optomistic too which is encouraging. He has movement in all limbs which is a good sign. At the moment it's a 'wait-and-see' stance by the doctors on whether they will operate in the future. Bob and Lo will visit Roy again this afternoon.

Golfing with Kevin

I kind of enjoy golf. I've even been told by a few that I can swing a club with flair. And after hitting the ball it's enjoyable to walk down the first fairway, maybe not to heaven but at least to hell.

Off the Tee:

Kevin, I'm sorry your name comes up first in my memory. If one does golf with Kevin, wear body armour. And of course as we all know the safest place to stand when one is golfing with Kevin is in front of him. I actually stood behind him once thinking: this spot should be okay. So he hit the ball and it went plink, plinck, plink, plink, plink and then finally it hit me on back of head. It didn't hurt because the ball was travelling quite slow by then but it was quite a shock.

First Hint: If one must golf with Kevin, have 19 beer in the clubhouse beforehand.


In the Fairway:

If Kevin hits a good shot on the fairway (which almost never happens) say "wow". For at least fifteen seconds he'll feel good. If he doesn't (the norm) be prepared for a three wood coming your way at speed. And yes he is trying to kill you as well as trying to break his three wood. And above all don't try to talk him into using a five iron, he thinks he's Tiger Woods: "Kev" "what!!!!!" "it's only a hundred yards to the green" "really, I don't have my glasses with me" "use a quiet wedge, the wind is with you" "I'm using a five iron and hitting it hard" "zooooom" "Kevin?" "yes" "your Titleist DM2 has landed in the club pro's cheese omelet up on the patio and he hasn't noticed that he is going to chip his tooth on a very hard boiled egg" "uncle don don't look, pretend we are golfing" "I thought we were golfing, use your ^$%$^% quiet wedge this time"

Second Hint: If one must golf with Kevin, don't let him choose his own clubs.

In the Bunker:

This could be the most annoying part of Kevin's golf game. Kevin rakes the sand trap before he steps in it" "Kevin?" "what" "now that you've made the sand trap pretty I hope you will hit a good shot" "of course.....whiff" "you didn't hit anything including a ball or sand" "do you want this sand wedge wrapped around your neck or just the pointy end of it sticking out of your gall bladder?" "try again but this time aim for the ball" "whoossh" "I see something white, it's beautiful, it's.... going into the lake.

Third Hint: If one must golf with Kevin, go to a course without sand.....or fairways....or water...or greens for that matter.

In the Lake:

99.99% of the population don't know the extent to which Storms won't take a two shot penalty for an unplayable lie : "Kev?" "mmft" "is your scuba gear airtight?" "mmft" "rembember it's a Titliest Dm2" "mmft" "how is the breathing apparatus?" "mmft" "what iron do you want?" "mmft" "a nine iron, yes of course, good choice, there is a camera crew here and they want to catch you in slow-mo although I imagine slo-mo is all you can do. Get a fish while you are down there, I'll want some sushi later.

Fourth hint: If one must golf with Kevin, take breathing apparatus.

On the Green:

"Kevin?" "what" "that is my Titliest Dm5 you are about to hit" "where is my Dm2?" "you drilled it from the water , it went in the hole, that is the most amazing golf shot I've ever seen, you will be on ESPN" "what did I get in this hole?" "nineteen, but still that is quite amazing, ESPN has decided to put you on both their Fishing for Sushi and Golfing Without Pain programs, you'll be famous"

Fifth and last hint: If one must golf with Kevin, take a jug of whisky, pain killers, a fish net, a lot of golf balls and prepare to have fun. I enjoy it.

Recap:

I once golfed with Jim in Saskatoon and he got a hole-in-one. The golf ball never left the ground, it went merrily on it's way, me and Ken Fujikawa watched it slowly wend it's way down the fairway, up the green and into the cup. Hello. And Ger is actually a pretty good golfer. He doesn't get many points for style but the ball does seem to respond. My next golf installment will be about Ger. There is intrigue and pain involved which is not surprising.

I'm worried about Creston: "uncle don?" "what, I need a nap" "the lawn needs cutting" "by the way where is the highway?" "down that-a-way" "I'm not well" "why not uncle don?" "it's only my third day in Creston and I'm ready to keel over" "you came from Toronto and you are ready to keel over already?" "it's the high altitude" "Toronto and Creston are about the same altitude actually". "it's the bugs, I'm being eaten alive". "the misquitoes died off with the frost last weekend". "my lymph nodes are acting up again" "you had them removed remember" I presume Kevin will be a slave driver, at least I hope he is. Not in a remote chance will I listen to him of course.

One thing sticks in my mind and I wasn't there. Roy and Kevin being timekeepers at a hockey game. Kevin was quite young so the onus was on Roy to keep time. I could tell you from six hundred and fifty-three thousand miles away that that isn't going to work out too well, there will be problems. And there was. Everytime I hear the story from Kevin, I roll around on the floor laughing because it is a classic event in the Storm history. I love stories where one tries so hard but doesn't quite succeed. That is me so much. I could tell a thousand stories about me and my exploits and it is refreshing to hear about others.

One thing I noticed about myself is that it took me a little while to come around after I'd been away for so long as regards blending in to the Storm/Creston way of thinking. I've got it now. Okay it only took me a couple of seconds, for others it would have taken years. Being around Ger and Kev for me is quite special because they are crazy. It drives me crazy at work. There are about four or five stand-up comedians at work whom haven't quite made it yet. I've gone to see them all at comedy clubs because they are friends. The one that could be a super-star does his own material and it's pathetic, but I'm never going to tell him that.

Watching John Miller was a treat for me, not necessarily what he said the way he said it: his eyes would light up and whatever he said you knew was going to be really funny. Anna had a sharp mind in her prime, I've never enjoyed talking to someone so much as her. Anna got me more than anyone else who has ever lived. By quite a bit actually. Anna almost knew what I was going to say on the phone. Several times I got off the phone with Anna and said: "whew, I just met my match" as sweat was running down my brow.

Weekend forecast

Many Torontonians thought winter might be over early this week when it was so mild. Not the pessimistic moi of course. And so yesterday it snowed harder in a half period than I've ever seen it snow before in my lifetime. There were snowballs coming down, not flakes. The gods were having fun and throwing snowballs at us, I presume. And this morning it's -8 with gale-force winds which probably makes it -49 with the windchill. But tomorrow it will get up to -1 and be sunny all day.

Calgary looks nice with mostly clear skies and highs of around zero for the weekend. In Cranbrook it will be mild with a high of +5 for Sunday but with rain or snow showers. And Creston will also be mild with highs of around +5 and rain showers. The snow must be disappearing fast in Creston.

Yahoo!

It's +3 this morning. Finally. I survived. Now we just need the snow to disappear so I can think about biking.

An e-mail received from Jimmy:

"Don't worry I know you're a weirdo, you will get here, and we may find a way to spread your booze-soaked ashes into the river,we will wait until last day as your ashes will go into the States, and no one will suspect such a deeveeoouuusss crime, any last will and testiments should be done now, but fear not there will be no pain, it will appear as a boating accident, being that is was an accident you got into the canoe with Kevin, yes hopefully everyone gets to say their goodbyes, love Jim, the accidental murderous bastard."

Booze-soaked ashes? I resent that. Slightly pickled perhaps.

Spring skiing

Among the best times in my life, spring skiing was right up there. I wasn't that great in powder so skiing in April and May (and even in June at Sunshine) was enjoyable for me. The sun, no jacket, the babes (forgive me). Hello.

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I remember skiing at Marmot Basin in May one year and it was truly amazing. The ski area itself wasn't particularly great but the weather made up for it.

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We all remember Lake Louise. All ski areas are larger now I bet, but back in the 1970's, Lake Louise had so much variety. Once one got off the first chairlift, one could go anywhere, the back and/or the front. There was a run in the back that was so long and it had every type of terrain one wanted. I really enjoyed Switzer, although I didn't ski it very often. I especially had a good time in the beer stube, I always found it funner (no such word, I don't care) to ski in the States as far as the relaxation after skiing goes, they seemed to have a better grasp of what skiiers want after a hard day on the slopes. I've never skiied in Vermont or Quebec but I bet their apres skiing is world class.

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I can't ski anymore but golf is okay, if not better. Golf is similar to skiing in that one is on one's own. People who put down golf don't get life. They should be shot, tethered and then tarred. The feathers come later. To be trite, someone said 'golf is a good walk ruined'. Perhaps if one is golfing with Ger, but normally it's the thrill of getting 'good wood' on the ball and watching the golf ball take a beautiful, long arc into a......trap. Does any one know that I am the worst golfer in the history of mankind in bunkers? When my cleated feet are on green grass I'm okay, I have some characteristics of the humanoid species. My cleats hit the sand: "hi, ack, iron?, pin? ack, ack, scratch, ack?" Once I was in a trap and someone had to force feed me because I broke down and bawled amidst the sand. My dignity was kept intact, or at least partially hidden because everyone was looking for lost balls. They knew what to expect.

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I have been known in the past to be somewhat competitive. I think I'm over that now. No not really, that competitive spirit is just lying dormant at the moment, ready to break out. Most of my family is either so nice and/or not as good as me so it's not a prob (I'm going to regret saying that, I know). Ger could be a problem. Two virgos. I still remember every shot I made at Canyon Meadows to beat Ger with a made putt on the last hole. I golf with Ger and I'm aware, a lot of fun. I am always aware but you know, I gotta beat Ger.

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Some year we should rent the Canyon Meadows (I hope it is still there) course for a day on a long weekend and have a family tourney. And on that course everyone can participate. Roy and Leo would be the Great, Most Honourable Poobahs, which means they would have to buy the trophy. And we'd have a prize for the cutest grand and great grand nephews and nieces whom made a putt, which I would award of course. How many are there? I'd better start saving my money now.

Ger

I've probably mentioned this a thousand times and I will continue to do so: "do we really have to take Ger to the lake Anna?" "yes, he will be okay, he won't fuss" "okay" "he's fussing, can we kill him now, I'm getting ill" "quiet, I'll change his diapers the moment we stop, I can't do it now, the car would tilt" "Yay we are here, let's swim" trod, trod, trod, Anna is taking Ger to the water's edge while he was bawling. Plop. Although the level of the lake rose by an inch there was quietude. Ger looked around and was pleased with life at that moment. The silence was deafening. All that was heard from Ger for the rest of the day was the odd "goo goo".

Weekend weather forecast

Well, that was quite a week weather-wise in Southern Ontario. Monday and Tuesday could have been the coldest days in the history of mankind. Wednesday I woke up to a lot of snow and a blizzard which lastest all day (I was a happy camper that day). And yesterday was sunny but colder than the dark side of Pluto. Today it's getting up to -4 and by Monday it is supposed to be +1, with rain and +3 forecast for Tuesday. Yay.

But whippee-effing-do, Calgary is going to be +10 and sunny on Sunday. Hello. And Cranbrook is going to be +8 and sunny on Saturday and today in Creston it's going to be +7 and sunny. What the hell? Something's wrong here. And even in Winnipeg it's going to be +4 on Sunday. When it's warmer in Winnipeg than where I live, I know I'm doomed. Where's my noose? (I'm going to have it engraved with my initials on it) Where's a rafter?

Kara's graduation pic from last year

I remember my grad pic. I wasn't quite as cute as Kara, or Neil for that matter. We won't talk about Kim.

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Graduating was different in 1964. The music was different, I'm not sure the Beach Boys had arrived on the scene yet.

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Roger Williams, my best friend, picked me up at my house next to Centennial Park (before it was Centennial Park) in his 1949 black Chevy.

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"Rog?" "yes Don?" "we are nerds (I can't remember what the word for nerd was then) and we are going to West Creston and drink all night before we graduate?" "we have to, it's the custom" "but our graduating class is composed of all snobs but us" "we have to make an appearance" It worked out, in fact that was one of the most enjoyable times I've ever had. One realized that probably one would never see a lot of them again and it was easy to bond, at least for that night. The subsequent rites and fests of the actual graduation ceremonies were important but having that get together of only the grads was nice.

This is a picture of Kara in South Dakota and Keegan in Yellowstone Park when the family was on a camping trip last summer. Cool.

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It is amazing what one can find on the Internet. I live in the only white building in this picture, on the second floor. All the houses on this street are Victorian and it's very quiet. Six trillion dogs but I've never yet heard one bark. I guess dogs that cost an arm and a leg don't bark. And the other picture is taken at Riverdale Park which is only a few blocks from where I live. And I live smack dab in downtown Toronto. Five or six blocks from Bay Street. In Riverdale Park is the Riverdale Farm which has all the farm animals one could want to see. One can wander around the place for free and check out the horses, pigs, llamas, cows, chickens, etc. And it's never crowded, even in the summer. And it's a five minute walk from my place. Maybe ten for me.

I've lived in this general area for over twenty-five years and I wouldn't live anywhere else in Toronto. I live a block from Parliament Street which is kind of similar to Creston's Canyon Street. Even the buildings are similar. One gets to know the local merchants and it has quite a small-town atmosphere about it. This area is called Cabbagetown and I do believe it is one of the oldest areas in all of Canada. One unique thing about Cabbagetown is that it has both the poorest and wealthiest people living in it. Three blocks from where I live, there is a huge, ugly apartment complex where a lot of immigrants live. But it works more or less. I'm not afraid of walking down the street over there at 2am. Of course, I've never tested the theory out, since I'm in bed by 9pm. And of course there are gangs and violence erupts sometimes, but it's not that bad. My library is in St. Jametown which is where the ugly apartment complexes are and it is also a community centre and it works. They have a gym there and I see all these kids having fun. They are loud but they are having fun. Maybe my glasses are too rose-coloured but I kind of think that having that library/community centre in the middle of the poorest section of town is a good idea.

However, what is the population of Toronto? Three or four or five million? It gets tiresome just to live here, I have nothing to complain about but it's closing in on me. I need to see real mountains, not like Banff, but those that surround Creston. I remember living at Dad's when I was growing up and thinking: "I love those mountains, they aren't too imposing, they suit me" Even then I was strange.

One could ask: "how good will uncle don be at living in Creston?" A question that begs for an answer. He has no idea. He won't unpack for the first couple of months. And almost everyone will annoy him he assumes. What's the tallest building in Creston? Whatever it is he will be jumping off it. He hopes it will be tall enough so that pain won't be involved when he lands. Do you know what uncle don wants more than anything? I'm going to regret this. BBQ'ing on Kev and Anita's deck surrounded by family. Not my family, Lindsay Lohan's family.

I sometimes wonder if you all ever get me. Perhaps everyone at work comes to me to finish their crosswords. The truth is that I have spent so much time doing them, nothing to do with brains. I have a different kind of brain that's all. Roy and Me are similar (I'm the nice one who doesn't need a nap every five minutes). Roy is more overt than I am in his quest for quietude. Bob needs his solitude. And I definitely do. But all three of us need family. I'm slightly beyond that but maybe not. This Storm Blog is probably the proof of the pudding that I need family too.

And of course ger comes into the fore again. Being with Roy and Justin and Shawna and Karri was quite nice.

And of course when I move out there, things will change: "uncle don, you are quite annoying, we didn't know that before you moved here" "I haven't uttered a word yet" "and we've decided that you can't gaze into the sunset" "can I breathe?" "see, it's all about you" "ger?" "what?" "I'm going to spread your body parts across southern B.C. and sever your head from your bod and then look at your brain under a miscroscope and analyze it for life formation" "what will you do with Jim's brain?" "I'm glad you asked, do you think he'll notice when his head is missing?" "probably not" "I'll put his head in a shrine" "a jitsui shrine?" "whatever, it will be in a shrine" "what about Kev?" "whom?" "Kev" "you mean the person who is going to cry out in agony while I transplant his liver to his left inner ear drum?" "that would be the one" "I'm hoping his screams won't wake up the neighbours"

"Uncle Don, why are you carrying that noose around?" "I'm looking for a rafter to hang myself from" "why?" "to kill myself" "why do you want to kill yourself?" "because it's February and I find fault with everything and everybody" "everybody?" "yes, If Mother Teresa was alive I'd give her a piece of my mind" "anyone else your annoyed at?" "my family" "I thought you loved your family" "normally but even they can be annoying in the last few weeks of February" "even Gail?" "maybe not Gail, although if she lost her curling game, then maybe even her" "Donna?" "okay Donna is exempt from my ire" "Robin?" "he's exempt" "Kevin?" "exempt" "Ger" "exempt" "I thought you were mad at your family" "Well maybe not, but I am getting tired of this cold weather and I think my bod needs warmth" "do you miss biking?" "perhaps....a little bit" "uncle don, remember that day in May last year when there was no wind, there was not a cloud in the sky and the birds were chirping and you felt alive and you wanted to hug the world?" "yes" "it'll never happen again, I see a rafter yonder"

"I think I told Jimmy that I'm never going canoeing in my lifetime or anyone else's" "he understands that you tend to go insane at this time of year" "I told him that his body is going to be strung from the mountaintops" "he understands" "and I think I mentioned he's not the greatest cook in the world" "you went overboard uncle don" "do you think he'll forgive me?" "this could take a while". "I didn't mean it"

"you know uncle don, several (if not all) of your nieces and nephews think you are crazy" "yay, they don't know the half of it, I'm a lot more crazy than they realize" "you keep it well hidden" "I must" "I think they detect something" "they are on to me?" "perhaps" "I like to be mysterious" "mysterious?" "a touch above it all" "are you crazy?" "someone has to be" "in Creston, that's not going to work baby" "it will be a challenge" "hello, uncle don meet ger" "I said it would be a challenge". "uncle don meet kevin" "a challenge is good" "uncle don meet jim" "it's not insurmountable" "uncle don meet justin" "okay so I'll be swept up in the maelstrom". "I'll retain my dignity somehow" "Tyler will pass you a toke and you will eventually accept it and make a fool of yourself for quite some time" "will my dignity be intact?" "no, not even close." "hmm, I have to think about this, I have the Storm clan dignity to uphold, so I must be careful" "within a month when you move out there I guarantee you, you will be strumming your guitar and singing to a tree" "where will my dignity be?" "lost" "kaput" "gonzo" "invisible" "no, I'm above that, ger will look after me" "whom?" "ger" "perhaps" "jim?" "perhaps" "kev" "perhaps" "I will need someone to look after me a little, just a wee touch" "and where are you going?" "Creston" "good luck".

Of course I'm kidding about all the above. I've spent thirty years in downtown Toronto, I should be okay. That is a long time, I've got a lot of memories.

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I got these pics off the crestonvalley.com website. These are, of course, pictures of Canyon Street, circa 1950. One can see Mawson's sign, amazing really. I would have been five at the time, in Grade One I presume. That is a Studebaker, a very strange looking car indeed, even then. I notice the telephone poles going up main street, I don't remember them at all. Approximately, Roy would have fifteen or sixteen, Marlene would have been ten and Bob would have one.
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My focus at the time was trying to survive my first year in school while getting used to a new addition to the family. A cute one, but nevertheless, a new one. Everyone else's focus was on Bob. I was washed up when I was five. I could have ran away from home and no one would have noticed. I think I had my bags packed once or twice or three times but having only just learned about Dick and Jane and Spot, my vision of the outside world was rather limited so I didn't know where I should run off to.

Based on my observations at the time, I quickly learned how to fake illness: "I'm not well" "what Donny?" "I feel convulsions coming on, in fact I may not survive for more than another twenty-four hours". "don't worry Donny, as soon as me and Anna change Bobby's diapers we'll come to your aid". So that didn't work. Thank goodness I had a back-up plan: "I'm going to tell Mom on you, it can't be good, whatever it is, she'll make you take me to a movie uptown" And she did.

There was a period of time there where, before television, it was a 'golden age' of playing games inside and outside. Marlene and Roy's friends from the neighbourhood were there and Anna and Leo I'm sure. No boredom it seemed to me. But of course Roy would know more than I. I have only these 'snatches' of memories from back then and I hold them dear and I wasn't very old at the time.

I would think that someone from the Storm/Douville clan should get every ounce of information from Roy and Leo that they can about the past, somehow. That is what we are, that is why we are the way we are. We lost Marlene too soon, so we lost so much. So much. And Anna, the memories she had that are lost forever. I'm just so proud of the family, but if we don't honour our past, maybe we aren't worthy after all.

Of course, no one will ever know my past. If you asked, I wouldn't tell: 'uncle don, we have a school project and we want to know about your past life" "a whom?" "a school project" "what do you want to know?" "how many times were you mugged in Vancouver in the early '80's?" "twice" "did you actually see Jimi Hendrix in Amsterdam?" "yes" "what was the street like in Toronto when you arrived from the west in the early 1980's?" "not bad" "did you go through one harrowing experience after another?" "perhaps" "would you go through it again?" "What?!!??", probably.

Weekend weather forecast

I'm not looking it up. It's *))%##@ cold and windy here in Toronto and warmer everywhere else. Are we happy now?

Wednesday morning

Wow, the Leafs and the Canucks won last night. Looking good. And the Leafs are doing it on the road and Sundin is playing well. And the Canucks defeated Edmonton (yay!) with Daniel Sedin getting a career-high three goals and two assists and Henrik Sedin adding four assists. That's what I like to see when I read the hockey summaries in the morning. Way to go teams.
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And Mike Vernon's jersey was retired last night. I remember him very well, he was the goalie when Calgary won the Stanley Cup in 1989 and Calgary was the first and only visiting team to hoist the Stanley Cup in Montreal. Good memories.

So why do I care that Kevin caught a fish? Hello. So I'm down there and Kevin says "my brothers don't love me" "whom?" "my brothers, they don't love me" "why?" "I wasn't invited on their fishing trip" "they have assumed you'd want to spend the last weekend with me" "but they didn't ask" "so maybe you should kill them and me too while your at it and gawd you are spoiled" "whom?" "youm, Ger takes you out on a special trip just so your ego won't be bruised and you catch fish, and what size is your neck, I'm purchasing a noose" "a whom?" "a noose, one of those things that wrap around your neck and you slowly, and hopefully painfully die from" "Moi?" "vous, and then when you are still writhing I'm going to wrap your body in swadling clothes and put you on a raft and set fire to it, we'll have a moment of silence, believe me it will only be a moment".

You had to get on the blog. If I would have known the background on this, the pic of you and fish would not have been on the blog. Jim was fishing two days and no pics of him. You go out for an hour and you're on the blog. With dolly's. "what size is your ankle?" "why?" "because I want to drag you beneath a boat across Kootenay Lake and back" "I'm not spoiled" "true, true, I know, what size is your forehead, a dart is going to be entering it very shortly".

It will be a coincidence when Kevin dies the moment I arrive in Creston. I wouldn't attach any blame to me. Although I'll volunteer to make his lunch. I phoned Comforts yeserday. I had to hear Delorus. I'm repeating myself I know but bear with me. "this is uncle don calling from toronto, is Ger and/or Kevin there?" in my most officious tone. I didn't want to talk to them and I didn't but I did hear a squeal and a dropping of the phone. Please don't tell her I did this on purpose, but I had to.

If one can't have a little fun why bother. We only have so much time on this planet. I hope I can bring some levity to Creston. I'm very serious but I have my moments. I've never yet figured out why people like me. Even at work, as I mentioned before, someone said "gawd its nice to have Don back". I don't get it and I mean that truly, I don't. I'm not complaining. I have never changed, I'm just me. If people like me more now, it's because they've changed.

I'm starting to notice my age though. At Market Probe there is so many young people. They are all nice, but some of the things they come out with make me cringe because they haven't lived life yet. I don't know if it's like this in Calgary, Cranbrook and Creston but so many people in Toronto seem to be so driven by the current fads, the current movies, the current teck stuff. Human nature, although I do slightly keep track of current authors. Actually I kind of do keep current otherwise I wouldn't have anything to talk about at work. I've never been able to shake the being crabby in the morning thing. And I'm not even that crabby, I just don't want to talk to anyone in the morn. I can be cynical but normally the glass is half full for me.

By the way, the Leafs beat the Senators in a shoot-out last night. Ask me if I'm happy. And let me see here, oops the Flames beat the Nucks, I'm glad I didn't phone Kevin. Take care everyone, thank you all for being so good to me. I've got my ass in gear I think, tomorrow I go to the doctor and we will see what happens there: "you've got six months to live" "great, I thought it was a couple of weeks, whew". I have to come home from work to get my cane before I go to the doctor. I don't have to pretend I'm on death's doorstep, I'm often nauseous, six or seven times a day I get dizzy, and the headaches, but it doesn't hurt to look like I'm about to pass away at any moment. Using a cane is actually quite funny, both of my legs are bad, which one should I choose to limp on. Two crutches would be more appropriate, maybe I won't bother taking a cane. He'll probably notice I can't walk. I do some funny things. So I buy these shoes at Goodwill and little do I suspect they are steel toed. Until I get to the airport and set off every alarm in Terminal One. And by the time I got to Calgary, I was dragging my ass because I couldn't lift my feet anymore. Thank good gawd Bob had some extra shoes, which are now my favourite ones. How I've survived this long I'll never know. And I bike down Bloor Street everyday to work (except in winter), the most dangerous place to bike in Canada. But I was heartened to hear about the exploits of other Storm Clan members when I was out there for a week. At least I'm not completely alone in my clutziness and dizziness and stupidity and brainlessness (okay I'm done).

Take care everyone. Love you all. Without you all I couldn't nor would I want to survive.

Probably no one knows how good this picture makes me feel. And it's not the fish. I got a smile a mile wide at the moment. Of course I'm supposed to impressed with the fish, I'm not. I'm impressed with the persons holding them. Although probably the fish have more brains. I would presume so. The fishes are stupid to be caught one must admit, but the fishers are even more stupid trying to impress me. Sorry, it doesn't work. I know I should be impressed but I'm not, show me a bike or something that doesn't need gasoline to be powered by, then I will be impressed.

You see baby's, get mad at me all you want. I don't care, but I'm coming out there to write and bike. Don't I sound huffy. I will do anything, but really if I don't do those two things then I don't exist. I don't do otherwise. Perhaps I need Creston to do it. I don't know. I just don't know. But I just don't get it now, just to sip a coffee and watch Kev go to work will inspire me as I'm looking at the flowers Anita will plant. In others words I have to be spoiled completely, which, when you think about it, should be the way it happens.

The life is strange dept.

I have a friend who writes plays for children. He has been fairly successful at it and he's moving up in the world as far as being a writer, performer, stage director, etc. Last year he handed me a rough draft of something and I did a few edits on it, nothing consequential, I was timid in my edits, being the first time I'd done something like that.

So now he's adapted Hans Christian Anderson's 'The Snow Queen' to a more modern approach (no I've never read any Hans Christian Anderson myself, nor do I intend to). He handed me his first daft today and said 'edit please'. Hello. Moi, what do I know? I can't identify with children, I'm sixty-one. So I got on the subway, opened the manuscript and was enthralled and started making edits immediately. I said to myself: 'this will be fun, I can change a few lines here and there to capture the children's imagination even more'.

Nothing to do with my nine nieces and nephews of course, when they were little. Some of them were inquisitive, some were awe-inspiring, some hurt my fragile bod a little, but gawd they were all cute. And if I may digress I a bit, they wouldn't forget what Marlene and Leo and Roy and Anna went through to provide the best possible home-life for their kids in spite of a lot of obstacles. In my humble opinion, Roy and Leo are heroes to me for many reasons. One of the main ones is that they are still alive.

Weekend weather forecast

Whatever is it, let's not complain. We could live in Winnipeg.

It's February. It's a short month. We will survive. Some people like winter. I envy them. I don't think Jim minds winter since I hear him complain about the heat all the time. And Neil enjoy winter. But of course as we all know, they aren't of the human species so I guess it's not surprising.

This pic from Ger is posted so the rest of us can draw a little comfort in the knowledge that spring is not that far away.

Ger's family pics

I guess I don't mind this pic. Not bad really. I just wish I could look more in tune with life. Note how every else looks so natural. Colin is quite cute.

Ger's fishing pics

A picture taken at Kuskanook in the morning when Jim, Ger and Rocky went fishing (Jan. 20/21), plus pictures of Kevin and Ger and Rocky and Ger with fish. Of course I'm quite pleased to see Kevin with a dolly. A tear might come to my eye actually. Thank you Ger. Thank you.

I've posted this picture before, but I have to again. Note that evey person looks completely natural but me. Actually this is the only picture ever taken where I don't look like a zombie.

I don't know why the general public goes out of there way to be nice to me. One of the unanswerable questions that I will never get. When I got back to work to work last Tuesday, one of the supervisors said: "it's nice to have Don back". I'm so quiet I didn't think they noticed. As angst-ridden as I am, I guess I'm okay.

And I just impressed a writer for the New York Times completely. I do have my moments. I can write, oh I can write. But I have yet to figure out how to come up with an original thought. That is why I only read sci-fi, those guys have so much imagination and good writing skills too. That is the challenge for me in the years ahead. It's all up there in my brain, I just have to figure out how to unscramble it. Sorry, but everyone has underestimated me for a long time. Everyone. Actually I'm pleased with that. I don't mind that at all, I prefer that. Maybe I need B.C., perhaps. There is a clog in my brain right now and Toronto isn't doing it. Maybe when I'm surrounded by family it will be better. Creativity is an elusive thing. It doesn't just happen.

If anyone expects a normal uncle to arrive in June, you'd better stop me at the B.C./Alberta border. It's not going to happen. Probably the only thing I will have is my guitar and clothes. I think that is good thing, many others wouldn't.

As you know, I love you all. That is the most important thing in the history of mankind.

Karri sent me this picture a long time ago and the words pretty well sum me up. Completely. I don't suffer fools gladly. So far my family is within the boundary, but that could change at any moment. Will anyone notice when Kevin is missing? I'm sure Comforts Welding won't. Anita might but not for long. I'm thinking of burying his body under the pot plant, at least his nutrients will do some good. If he looks at me with raised eyebrow as I've hit the wall with my dart one more time his life is in jeopardy.

Prediction

All my family is going to be normal this week as usual. I talked to Gail and she is even normal. A wee bit I was encouraged by Kevin going to the seven-eleven in Cranbrook and leaving me high and dry: 'where is he going? he doesn't care if I live or die" Most of my family would at least see me off. A wave, perhaps even a hug. A little something. Not Kevin. And do you know what his last words were? "I'll make sure you are on the bus before I leave". I'm encouraged and feel somewhat positive about the whole thing. I'm the one who has to get on the bus and planes for eighteen hours and I feel sorry for him? Kevin doesn't cope well with life. I'm going to kill him. If his death upsets you, too bad, get over it. So I'm freezing to death, waiting perphaps to get a ticket and guess who drives by at 100 miles an hour. No hug, not even a handshake? Kevin. Ger and Jim would have waited with me. I hate long goodbyes but I didn't even get a short one with Kevin, which was fine with me.

I felt a little renewed this week. I'm pretty sure it wasn't because I was with family for a week, I think it was the Budweiser. Oh I imagine it was being with family if one insists.
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Spending time with Bob and Lorraine is so enjoyable. They make me feel so comfortable instantly even though I don't see them often. Travelling up to Bob and Lorraine's 'summer estate' and back was amazing for me because I saw the country roads again that I used to travel over so much when I worked for HBOG. This may be over-dramatizing it a bit, but after all, the Storm family has a lot of history in Saskatchewan and Lorraine grew up in Saskatchewan, so the lure of the prairies can running pretty deep. It certainly does with me. Bob and Lorraine have got it exactly right, a condo just outside of Calgary, spend a lot of time by the lake in the summer and travel wherever they want to in their motor home. And Bob is getting the travel bug. And not just within Canada. My heart warms.

And Jim wasn't bad. I had a pretty good time at Jim's upon my arrival in Cranbrook. Ignore the fact that he offered me licorice after I opened my first beer when I arrived at his and Brenda's abode. no canapes? crackers and cheese? a peanut butter and jam sandwich? licorice. I wasn't hungry actually, I'd eaten twelve or thirteen hours before so I was okay. And of course I suggested this: let's eat on the road, that didn't work out, I won't go into the gory details, suffice to say we had a great meal at Grannies. Before I went to bathroom I said to Jim: "I'll have whatever you have". He ordered one egg with the bacon and eggs. I'm so hungry I could eat my utensils and he orders one egg? But spending those hours with Jim when I arrived in Cranbrook was special. You know that the oldest nephew and me are going to have a good time talking about just about everything in the history of mankind (we've been through it). In my little brain, I was thinking, well Jim expect's to go to bed at 4am. I'll let him go to bed at 4:05am, as long as he knows I rule in my humble way.


After Grannies me and Jim stopped at Comforts. To see Gerald. That was rather a nice thing. Not to see Ger, but to experience the whole welding experience. I've always thought I was as one with a welding torch and I love those helmets welders wear. Although it was nice to see Ger. Looking at the array of Ger's creations at the shop, I was thinking to myself: maybe I should be nicer to Ger, he's going to be famous. But after a quick calculation I realized that is not a prob. I loved him the most when he a very large baby, other than Roy and Anna. Everyone loved Ger, he was a little cranky too. Oh probably, aye, aye, aye. He was special. And at Ger and Karri's, sitting with Roy and Justin and Shayna (with a baby on the way) was a delight to me.

Now you have to remember I'm sixty-one. That is old, elderly, past my prime by several years. So I get to Roys' place and Julie, Logan, and Shaun (and Tyler) along with Miles (who I didn't know) are there. No one can tell me I wasn't pleased to see Logan, who I hadn't seen for quite a while and Shaun, who I'd never seen in my lifetime. It was good.

When I was around the table at Kevin's watching Ger (be funny) do his thing and with Robin and Karen on each side of me, I was fairly happy. Probably in my glory. It's not me, it's nothing to do with me, you guys are the special ones, I just observe. Hello: I observe, I don't get involved.

I really miss Donna and Gail. Other than Roy and Leo, I guess I'm the last one left who has seen you all in diapers (actually I think Bob has too). It wasn't a pretty sight. I talked to Gail last night, I'm a writer and she charmed me. Not easy to do. Of course I remember Gail in a different light: She's pooped again? Marlene you just changed her diapers, will you survive? Laurie and Robin and Neil are running around, perhaps I could change Gail's diapers. Marlene was the greatest Mother in the history of mankind in my opinion.

Anna was there too. I guarantee you they no idea at the time though on raising a family. None, nil. I could have given them directions on motherhood at that time and I was twelve. Mom somehow put up with Roy and Anna and Marlene and Leo, of which she should be awarded a medal: "mom, I"m tired, I'm going to bed" "good Donny, me too" Oops its saturday night, here come the kids from Porthill. I loved it. And then you guys arrived on the scene. Wow, it was nice. Mom loved every moment of it.

Weekend weather forecast

This morning in Toronto it's -16, but with the windchill it's -92. I'm not looking to see what the forecast is for the weekend, I'll get depressed.

For the wimps in Calgary, today is getting up to -6 and on Sunday the high will be -1, without a cloud in the sky all weekend. Isn't this supposed to be January? Hello. And for my fair-weather friends in B.C., Cranbrook will get up to 0 today and up to -5 both Saturday and Sunday, also with sunny weather. And Creston: plus 2 today and all the way down to -1 on Saturday and Sunday with sunny skies of course. Why couldn't it have been like this when I was there? Even the weather gods are against me.

Northern Norway

Here are two of six pictures Arne Ulriksen sent me yesterday of Northern Norway. I met him at the airport in Toronto when I was flying to Calgary and he was coming from Saskatoon and going back home to Norway. I can see why.

I'm back in Toronto, yippee (hello). That was an enjoyable week seeing everyone. It was fairly uneventful which is a good thing (although I'll probably be able to come up with a few highlights this friday). Lorraine, Bob and I had a snack and a beer at Cheers Pub at the airport in Calgary before I left for Toronto. Wow it felt good to crawl into bed at 2am Monday morning. The subway was working at that time of the day, although I did have to walk home from the subway.

Later

The baby and friends