Christmas

I'm fairly enthustiac about Christmas this year. I get it somewhat. I hear Ger and Kevin being 'grinches' but I think they like it too. I love the family get-together thing. It used be that Christmas was about family, food and frivolity. I think Coco-Cola ruined it, they brought in the cute Santa Claus more or less to the North American public and then the commercialism set in.

Thank you all for making me feel at home,

So I wear my Comfort Pioneer underwear up to Kevin's and Anita's. Why did I wear longjohns up there? I guess I wanted a heart attack. And several other layer's of clothing. It was warm. Remind me not to do that again.

I could be so wrong, but there might be a new Max. Probably not. I'd hate to see everything I predict happen. I like to be wrong once in a while. So far I've been correct in everything: I can predict the Storms. Are Storms nice? Let me think about that one. I am. But would you want to run into any of them in a dark alley. Yes I guess I would. Bad question. Would you like to have them run the United Nations? Yes. Would you trust then with your life? Yes. Are you a good writer Uncle Don? Yes, but I need encouragement. I need everyone's help. What a presumptious thing to say but I'm pretty good. Jesse from the New York Times thinks I'm okay.

My dialogue between him and me is slighty different between me and you guys. Obviously it would be, I keep abreast of the Broadway shows he reviews. I never know if you all believe me or not and the last thing I care about is if you do or not. I've got a few friends out there. What am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to dumb down? Russ from c-jay in Calgary wants to see me and have a beer. I'm smart and I'd like to show it. I really would like to show it. I don't know how I do that. I'll kill you all first . Slowly. If one adds the usual annoyances.

First of all I kill Jim, and use his bod as a something or another, I'll figure it out;
Ger is the second to go. I think he should be shot or crucified. Whatever the intense pain will be isn't intense enough.
Kevin will be shot, shot, killed, quartered and his bod will be flayed. and his bod will be displayed in a museum in complete agony.
Julie's bod will be used as a recepticle. She's cute so maybe not. I'd prefer to use her head as a bookmark but I don't think that will work. `

Anita and Tyler are very excited about Christmas, I'm pleased about that.
don

Uncle D

I thought I would change when I arrived in Creston. But I'm even more clutzy than I was in Toronto. It's too gruesome to explain. Why can't I open a coffee can and pour the coffee into a container without spilling almost all of it on the kitchen floor.

Kerri gave me a crock pot. I made a delicious meal but it's too spicy for me think. It's a cajun recipe I got off the internet. I guess have I should have got the hint when they asked for a lot of red pepper and a massive amount of ginger. It's a chicken apricot meal. It's tastes like cajun food which of course is great but my tastes buds are crying out in pain. I think I'll do beef stew next time. But what an amazing piece of cookery. I'll be using it a lot. And I bought flour. I've never bought flour in my life. It tastes so good, heartburn hotel.

So things are coming out about moi that I didn't know about. Kevin says I tend to fly off the handle when things don't go my way (e.g. doing my seat belt up). Oh yeah, I don't have much patience with seat belts. And both Anita and Kevin say I'm a poor loser. Possibly. I might throw things. But really, I don't know of anyone whom likes to lose. I just take it a little harder than most. Show me a good loser and I'll show you an idiot. When I'm 99.5 years old I'm still going to hate losing (when I'm 100 I'll mellow out).

Saw Justin and Shayna's child tonight. Cutest kid in the history of mankind. And Karri. She is so good to me. And Ger, what a nice (and certainly odd) nephew.

Uncle D's Top Ten Annoyances:

10. Slow drivers (I don't mind slow drivers that much)

09. Clerks in Overwaitea that talk while 6,000 persons are waiting in line.

08. Anita, whom says she is patient, isn't on the road. Hello. See Kevin below.

07. Kevin who will at the drop of a hat resorts to violence when confronted with slow drivers (if you have to be with him in a vehicle, batten the hatches, several times, while driving he's turned the lights off and scared me to death which he seems to enjoy, I get so angry. See guillitine instructions below). I'm putting a time bomb in his stocking which will go off when he tries to scare me again.

06. Tyler, see above altough he's a little bit better. At least he doesn't turn his headlights off in the dark.

05. Colin, see above, although Colin is a little bit better. He hasn't injured me yet. When one is with Colin be prepared for anything. He's a clutz. But he's cute clutz.

04. Guillitine instructions: Put a black head cover over head. Put a muzzle into mouth of guillitinee so the screaming doesn't disrupt the frenzied crowd. Check rope for frays. Sharpen guillitine. Drop guillitine on neck. Pick up the head and display it to the frenzied mob. Put both head and body in a box and take it to morgue. Go home to wife and have a pleasant supper.

03. Walmart, that place is not my thing, never will be.

02. Duke the dog. But he's coming around so I'm sure he will be okay.

01. Me.

Stocking stuffers:

I will buy the following:

A patridge in a pear tree: not only have I never seen a partridge, why would look for one in a pear tree? Okay I'll pass that one by.

Two turtle doves? First of all what is a turtle dove? And second of all who would want one much less two of them.

Three French hens: At least this sounds yummy, but I'm not going to France to get three of them. You are all getting a Canadian English hen and they will be alive so good luck.

Four calling birds: I hate fowl now. And anyway, if I knew what they were, I stuff them in a stocking? I hate birds.

Five golden rings: Now we are getting somewhere. Although at gold's prices now-a-days that could cost me $5,498,978.87. How about one golden ring, two silver one and and two bronze ones.

Six Geese-A-Laying: We are back to the fowl thing. If they are laying eggs that's not bad. I've had a goose egg but I wouldn't want six of them laying eggs at the same time.

Seven Swans a Swimming: I have a menagrie of fowl. You are all getting Fench hens, geese, calling birds, swans, etc. Kill them at your leisure. And when you get seven swans in your Christmas stocking don't come grousing to me.

Eight Maids a-Milking: That doesn't sound so bad. How I'll stuff eight of them in a stocking is a good question. What if they don't know how to milk? So much pressure.

Nine whom? Ladies dancing? Can the maids a milking overlap with the dancing ladies? I don't think I can get this many milking maids and dancing girls together at one time.

Ten Lords a Leaping? Hello. Whom would want ten men in a stocking? And leaping?

Eleven Pipers Piping: what else is a pickled piper who picked a porked pickled porkhock gonna do, but eleven of them? agh

Twelve Drummers Drumming: What else are drummers going do do. Presumably they should drum. Twelve seems excessive but what do I know? Drums get on my nerves very quickly. Can we have a picolo in there somewhere? Perahaps a harp? If one stuffs twelve drummers in a stocking I don't think the result will be the best.

I remember this picture being taken, I was annoyed that I was in the middle and Bob briefly quit bawling.

Yes I guess he was cute. Look at Roy and Marlene. There is handsomeness and beauty. And mom of course, egads she was beautiful.

I just spent four hours with Robin. I could see so much Storm in him (a lot of the Douville clan too of course).

This picture may be the most heartwarming of my life, thank you Ger and Ker for sending it to me.

Dear Diary (or a to do list):

Logan must be in his socking feet, I thought he was taller than me.I note that I like the colour black. I don't know why but I need the colour black around me. I went to the Bargain Shop (it could have been somewhere else) and I had choice of tan or black. I look better in black.

And then there is the cuties. If those two aren't direct descendants of Storms, I don't know who is.

I just talked to Log on the phone. Imasco Christmas party tomorrow night.

Ger phoned Kev re: me. Hello, I can look after myself although it's nice to be spoiled.

Ger picking me up on Sunday (reminder: kick someone in the crotch).

Kill Kevin at first opportunity - He can be annoying. After having lived at Kevin and Anita's place this summer I side with Anita.

Buy a sharp knife to kill any relative who sings 'O Holy Night"

Rent a guillotine for Boxing Day and use it is to behead anyone whom annoys me, which will be most of mankind.

Kill Jim. No explanation needed.

Use my new pen knife on Ger and carve a tatoo of the Sistine Chapel on his forehead.

Buy a mobile torture chamber and use it for get-away-weekends.

So, I'm going to to be renting, buying and killing. Or not.

Love you all,

Uncle d

I like this pic. Okay I look grumpy. Someone had to be grumpy in this picture. Justin, Robin, Col, Kev, Ty, Ger and Jim were all annoying me at this point in time I'm sure. I was thinking I could move to Swaheleland and be happier. Or not.

I forgot I had these pics on my computer. That was a good weekend. Note that Kevin and I worked while others relaxed. I know what Julie was thinking: Where am I? Kerry was standing on the railroad tracks waiting for a train to come by probably to catch it or get run over by it. And note Ger. He was carrying the beer cooler and I was following close behind. And let me guess what Kevin was thinking: Oh gawd, the car part is beckoning, I think I'll kill myself but first I'm going to have a lot of alcohol.

As a paid-up member of the Storm Clan (well the oldest), I hereby proclaim a proclamation. We all get a day off tomorrow. Kevin doesn't. He was a bad boy. Most of us do: What spikey-haired kid was the youngest ever to appear on the cover of Rolling Stone in 1990? And what rail route, started in 1983, made its last trip from Paris to Istanbul in 1977.

Safety hints from Uncle Don:

Are you kidding? I'm an accident waiting to happen: stay away from sharp objects, use discretion when talking to Ger; don't use Kevin as a guide; only ask Julie a question if you know the answer; and if you ask Jim a question, be patient because it's going to take a while to get the answer.

By the way, I"m overseeing the clan. You have to change your lifestyle completely. Jim is going to become an accountant, Ger is going to become a gigalo, Julie is going to manage the account of Bill Gates and Kevin will move to Kenya and manage their wildlife cemtre/

Good luck!

There are several persons who need to be on this blog: Shawn and Logan. I'm fairly good at judging persons and they are the best.

In the Storm family, I hope we don't judge. Nice kids I think. I love them and that is all I care about. The black and white photo is my tribute to.....something.

Agh, eek, and a double whammy,

Update

I'm assessing the damages: A dog has peed twice on my carpet, Col came and went, Ger and Kev talked about work, Julie and Karry arrived and Ger and Julie were annoying while me and Karry kept our heads about us. Yet Ger and Julie kept talking: "we'll go to Cuba or Mexico" Sixteen hundred times they said this.

I'm not saying that Ger and Julie aren't annoying. Well yes I am actually. They are good people until you have to spend time with them. So when I'm kicked out of here someome is going to have to look after me.

So I have set up regulations when coming over:

I can't think of any but...I know one!

Don't foreget that I'm here.

Probably won't happen

Couln't hazard a guess. There is a problem with Shawn. I want all of us to figure out what it is and stop it. He probably is the instigator but we can't have that. Nope

Hello

Well hello everyone (if anyone is still checking out the blog). I've moved to downtown Creston into a nice one bedroom apartment overlooking the beautiful Royal Canadian Legion building. Well if not beautiful, at least historic (old in other words). A lot has happened since my last blog in August. A new job, a new apartment, a new pain (I think it's in my lower thromboid cortosis area) and hi-speed internet.

Take care everyone, I love you all.

I don't write about cats. But I must mention a cat. Cody. He's not a cat really, He's a furball that shouldn't be alive. Cody: "meow" "you have a feather in your jaws and you look guilty, and what do you do out there when I go to bed" One can't wake Cody during the day. Curled up in a ball. Good though, I suppose. I didn't know cats had brains.

This cat has brains, I'm sitting and relaxing for a bit and this cat is laying next to me and giving me signals about making sure I keep the water up and the catnip at hand. Cody, you are annoying and go to hell, Cats don't listen. Has anyone noticed that?

Remember everyone my e-mail is donstorm3@yahoo.ca. Not rogers anymore.

Take care all.

uncle

She is a cutie and Jaimie seemed so nice to me. I'm not sure if that is the correct spelling of Jaimie. The cutest relative in the history of mankind. Much cuter than Jim, Ger, and Kevin. Of course that is apples and oranges.

I think Julie and Kerry are buying a house. This news from Ger. It's sounds like a great deal and a win-win situation. If they survive my hanging them from a rafter while they writhe and I use their bodies as puppets in a carnival.

I saw Bob, Robin, Laurie, Ger, Jim, Julie, and Kevin. We are getting there, it's just a matter of time before Donna, Gail and Neil are among us. And of course Leo. One thing I've noticed since I've been here last. Things have changed. It's better.

I'm fairly good at recognizing stupid persons. And you all are. In a good way. Am I the Great Grand Poobah? Yes, what would you like to do with the family, grand poobah?:

"bury them in a garden and use their body parts as fertilzer" "you can't do that uncle don" "if possible hang them all from a forklift while I make a mass grave" "uncle don, you can't do that either" "you are taking all the fun out my life, can I use them as mulch?" "depending" "on what" "the season" "the season?" "yes uncle don, mulch is good in the fall but most of the family will be busy" "

The family "gathering"

Wow. The great grand poobah got to see Laurie and Robert, Robin and Karen, Bob and Lorraine, Jim, Brenda and Jaimie, Justin and Shayna and Brant. Julie and Kerry and the boys, Dawn and Stacey and family, Ger and Kerri (albeit briefly) and many, many others. I kind of enjoy being in the background and see it all unfold. Well at least I try to be in the background but that doesn't always work.

It was kind of cold on Sunday. Guess who I shared a blanket with? Laurie's Robert, I must admit I didn't think that would ever happen. Bob, Craig, Kevin and the usual suspect (me) stayed up late. After pleading with Bob to go to bed and succeeding, I had to convince Craig to go to bed: "craig" 'yes unce don?" "go to bed" "kevin is still talking" "kevin?" "would you shut up, Craig has to go to bed, I just got Bob to bed, I'm the great, grand poobah, you have to follow my orders"

And then there is the horseshoe thing. After playing against and losing to Robin, I was depressed for several moments. But after watching Anita and Julie demolish them, I resumed my former cheery self. I won't mention any statistics but on Monday, Julie and myself were undefeated and I closed with a ringer and later that day I won darts with a double two out. And tonight I won the game of trouble against Kevin and Anita. I'm clearly on a roll.

Presumably every person in the history of mankind will want to be my partner in the future. "don?" "yes Queen Elizabeth?" "will you be my partner in bridge?" "certainly, how do you play it?" "snooker?" "yay, is that played in an arena with racquets?" "croquet?" "of course, if I can bring my putter".

I have to win once in a while. The great grand poobah has an inferiority complex which needs assuaging by winning. And I note that not one of my family is willing to do a "one for the gipper". 99.999999999999% of families would be quite willing to let the great grand poobah win. Except mine. So every victory I get is well earned.

Not that I'm complaining. I suppose. Well yes I am, you all could be a little more thoughtful of my feelings. Let me win, remember I won't be around a long time so build up my feelings of superiority towards everyone and it will a perfect match. I win, you lose. A win-win situation. And if I do happen to outlive you all, I'll make a memorial. And I'll play Taps in memorium to you all, the losers. Yay hah.

Take care you all. I love you.

I do believe that is Colin and Kevin and Tyler. It was for a dart club outing last year. I'd hate to see what they would do for a Halloween party.
So my question is, we are related to them. Can they be excommunicated from the family? Please.
So the weather looks good for the August long weekend. Tomorrow night we are putting up the tarp and tomorrow aft. I'm going to bike through Wyndel and then to Creston via the Lower Wyndel Road. Biking here is so much different than biking in Toronto. It's good but different. I'm a little out of shape at the moment but amazingly I haven't gained any weight. Today I biked up the Junction Machinery Road, I almost died...it was hot here today.
Take care everyone, and I hope I see many of you this weekend.
I don't know but this could be a good one. I don't know. Being the Great, Grand Poobah, I might use my powers to annoy and/or kill people. I'll decide at the time. If Ger keeps quiet, if Kevin doesn't chew his fingernails, if Jim doesn't exaggerate, and if Julie doesn't buzz-cut me, I should be okay.

So it was nice. I think Justin is cute. Fairly,. quite. I was analyzing, He is a storm. This is Kevin and Anita.

He's good prson,. I think he should be shot, killed and used as sometthing. He is person.

This is a pic after we'd strewn Roy's ashes into the Moyie River during the canoe trip. Just after this we hit a logjam. Which me and Kevin got through and then watched Jim and Brenda's canoe belongings float down the river. We jiggered about on the river and saved most of them but our hearts were heavy when we had to paddle up the river in order to reach the rest of the 2007 crew.

Kevin said it's only going up to 16 above on Sunday. Which means we could have one hell of a big thunderstorm on Saturday. I think God (or Roy, or Anna, or John Miller, or Marlene) are having a great time and they just want to remind us that they were pretty good too. And Bob is going to be here. And Jim and Ger and Kev and Julie. Not me. I'm packing my bags. Tuktoyuktuck is good at this time of the year. Death Valley is looking good. The Sahara Desert will be an oasis. Iceland will be my summer home.

And since I'll be the eldest Storm, I charge $5.00 for insights, $6.00 for bright ideas and $999.00 to pick my brain, hopefully with a laser and not a sledgehammer. I also get to pick the games. Four persons in a sack while I pour acid on them while beating them with a crowbar; betting on how long it will take Jim to die while swinging from a noose; having Ger's thyroid gland removed in order to use him as the 'silent talker'; having Kevin appear in proverty-stricking Ethiopia just to show them that we have skeletal persons too; and having Julie just smile. Which means we should head for the hills, mountains, whatever. High altitudes is good. Anywhere to jump from. Preferrably with a good footing. When I jump I do like to have good footing.

With some trepidation I look forward to this coming weekend. My bod is already starting to get into the cacoon stage. I'll have to look after you people. You won't let me, which I resent. If an emergency arises I'll be there: "Uncle Don, you have your head in the sand" "Who got hurt?" "you don't know the child" "is it related to me?" "No, close but not related" "is there blood?" "a little but we cleaned it up". "where am I?" "in relation to what?" "my bed" "that depends" "on what?" "how close you want your bed to be, we are in a forest and I hear coyotes" "who am I talking to?" "Roy and Anna" "oh gawd what did I do now" "we have a bone to pick" "still?" "yes, you had unfinished business when you left for all those years but now we need you to keep the family together" "I don't have the capabilities nor the resources" "you'll find a way" "no I won't" "I've just noticed lately that Kevin is annoying" "you have to get over that" "everytime Jim, Ger, Julie and Kevin can spray me with some toxic waste or even water they do, it get's annoying, although Julie doesn't do it that much, and Justin does it, Col does it, Tyler does it, Jen does it" "you'll get over it" "Anita is annoying sometimes but great"

"you will survive, Don" How?" "be yourself and let things happen, for you it usually does" "this time I will be surprised" "We'll see but thank you for loving our family as much as you do".