Saturday, September 02, 2006

Ger (revised)

If anyone cares to look, that landscape behind Ger is amazing. The light was perfect and it looks like a painting not a photo. I've never seen Kootenay Lake and the mountains look like that before. Which is an appropriate lead-in to wish Ger a happy birthday. A talented person who should be put away, I mean honoured.

In honour of Ger and the family I wrote the following. As I've said before, even I think I'm strange:

Which heritage your sperm doth evolve? The angelic side of your spermeth dids't evolve because a crazy swede set sail to North America and ended up in Saskatchewan. Thereby meeting a Darling person (get it?) who entwined to produce three boys and a girl. The eldest of the boys (King Roy The Twelfth) met a dasterdly family in Creston who were run out of Ireland because they couldn't run a grain mill quite right. But somehow the eldest son met the sweetest damsel (Queen Anna The Only) and they settled down into a life of bliss. Short lived, alas, James The First arrived and storm clouds arrived. A decree was bespoken and no more children would be allowed to populate the kingdom. Eek, another child was born, Gerald The Gellyroll. This child was larger than life, and caused a great deal of pain to the township far and wide. It took eight horses and a biiiig wagon to just transport the child to the potty. The call went out to the citizens of the estate. The Lord and Lady have finished with the family thingst. Eek. Her ladyness was with another child? The exhausted mid-wife trudged through the snow to deliver the cutest little bundle of pink. They named him Sir Kevin The Cute. The celebration was short-lived however when it was discovered that Sir Kevin The Cute was borne at 12:01 on Hallowed-Ween. Hello. Discussions were held around the round table. Sir Galahad suggested moving Hallowed-Ween to September fourth and calling it Labour Day in honour of the serfs. But Sir Lancelot prevailed and said to King Roy The Twelfth, what can happen? Hello. So thanks to Sir Kevin The Cute we have ten billion little Elvis impersonators knocking on doors asking for candy on October 31st.

Aah, as the bells pealed in town it was announced another childe was expected, the crowd roared: "not another boy: no more, we are done, finito, ". Hallejuhah, blessed be thy name. After the town crier lost his voice, the milkmaid turned religious, the blacksmith turned white, and the mid-wife died of exhaustion, a girl was borne to the kingdom. They named her Dame Julie in memory of Mother Julie of Gwynhennach. But Hail Mary, unlike her brothren, the youngest childe wast quiet and subdued. The townfolk rushed to praise His and her Highness for such an act of worthiness upon their village green. The air was joyous, the celebrations were raucous and Dame Julie was given a welcome fit for a very small and very poor kingdom (they couldn't even afford a moat).