Saturday, July 29, 2006


I can't get pics from Jim, Ger and Kev. Julie sent me these. Thank so much Julie. I have Max forever. That is more appreciated than you will ever imagine.

The Grand Poobah

Uncle Poobah loves this pic. This is why Uncle Poobah writes The Storm Blog and why he loves Jim, Ger, Kev and Julie so much.


Note that umbrella. Pretend I'm not here but guess who got it? tick, tick, tick, tick, ah an umbrella. tick, tick, oh i'm tired. tick, tick tick back to the deck. Hello, I'm exhausted. Look at these people. I did all the work and they have no idea. I had to dig for it and look around and wave to Terry. It was a big deal. And look at this idyllic scene. They have no idea what I went through.


This is the conversation between father and son: "dad?" "what" "you've gotta get over it" "what?" "staring at that ant that does the triple axel and why are you protecting your crotch?" "because""Dad?" "what?" "if i could explain this to you, people don't comb their hair that way anymore, they used to". "what way?" "dad how old are you?" "why?" "because you are cool, really cool".

The Gathering

Uncle Poobah won't be there next weekend. But I will expect every Storm Clan member to be there. Life is all about fun. Anyone complains about fun then they aren't a Storm. I'd give my right arm to be there so I don't want to hear any complaints. I'm sure the Storm Clan will act accordingly (subtly giving out the aura of being a little better than everyone else but pretending to be comfortable amongst the riff-faff). I've made a top ten list of do's and don't's for that weekend as a Storm Clan guideline.

ten: If possible, don't throw up in front of anyone.

Nine: When walking, try to go from point A to point B in a straight line.

Eight: This refers mainly to Kev. Don't sing around the campfire.

Seven: If in doubt, nod and say things like: absolutely, I agree, amazing, is that right?, I've noticed that.

Six: Eat a lot.

Five: Mainly referring to Ger: don't talk.

Four: Mainly referring to Jim: if you must talk about the navy, keep it under six thousand words.

Three: Mainly referring to Justin, Col, Ty and Jen and Shayna: don't attend, I mean really whom would want to (I'm kidding of course). But when you do, stick together.

Two: Mainly referring To Roy: commit suicide if possible, or have twelve thousand naps.

One: Have fun and enjoy, I know I would.

The Power of Women

I'm not sure if words can stop a war. Words can certainly start one. Words can be used to make someone happy. And they can cause someone to be so sad. And words don't have to be spoken to have an impact. And sometimes words can make someone happy, while making someone else sad. Or words can be ignored.

Case in point: "Shut the fuck up, I came 5000 kilos to hear a loon or a spotted owl or a moose. Can I have ten seconds of silence to hear silence? I don't need to hear anything, I just don't want to hear anything" Tick tock. "Uncle Don?" "yes Jen" "was that enough?" "that was one second, I hardly think so" "we'll start over" tick "uncle don?" "yes jen" not enough?" "Jen, if you would shut up then it might work". Uncle?" "yes Jen?" "you see whom I'm surrounded with?" "Storms?" "want some baby duck?"

Case in point: I look over yonder and see Jim and Brenda. Idyllic. What harm can come to me? Not possible. Hello. Who knew? Brenda, the one whom I thought would not want to harm a flea. Hello. It took a long a long time before we knew whom caused every mishap. "Kev?" "yes uncle don" "we aren't moving and neither are others but look at Brenda and Jim just powering down that river, I may have to reassess my once positive thoughts of Brenda" "you had positive thoughts about Brenda?" "Briefly"

Case in point: I'm going to go back a bit. First time I met Karri: "Uncle Don, where did you come from and why do you hate us and really, how the hell can you come back and I want to hear every moment of your life since Grade six" I was warned about Karri but I was taken aback. "uncle don?" "yes ger" "when karri gets home you are going to the Creston Optometric Eye Centre" "in my life" "you are" Of course Ger was correct in his assumption. Everything about Karri that week was fun and she took time out to make my life better. And I love her.

Case in point: Anita. Thank good gawd Neet didn't have to work that week. Anita seems to be able read my mind. When I look at Anita I'm just comfortable. The more I come down to Creston, the more I notice that Anita is happy and she has life together. Kev is a lucky man and he realizes it completely.

The Storm Clan is powered by great women. Every great clan is.

Throw No Rocks at Others

"Ger?" "yes my esteemed uncle" "I just came back from the beer store" So?" "I note the makeup of the lineup for alcohol in downtown Toronto is somewhat different than Creston" "how so?" "well, when I was in Creston I didn't notice a bag lady twitching on the floor beside me while I was waiting in line" "true, I haven't noticed that in Creston" "or the person in front of me trying to pay for his beer with a blatantly counterfeit twenty and not get arrested" "well, actually Kev tried it once years ago" "really?" "we have bag ladies too uncle don" "what!?" "but they don't twitch, ours are more sophisticated"

"Ger?" "yes?" "some of the persons in line today looked pretty wretched" "have you looked in a mirror lately?" "but really Ger it was kind of depressing to see these persons in the throes of wretchedness" "did they look happy?" "yes" "your point being?" "pretend I'm not here" "but I get your meaning uncle don, but it is not up to us to judge whether others are happy or not, for example I often look at Kev and see him in the front doing nothing but doing a good job of looking like he is doing something, and he doesn't look really happy" "he might be the heart of the front just like you are the heart of the back, Ger?" "yes?" "if Comfort left you and Kev could run that place like a fined-tuned guitar, you are both brilliant in your own way, although both of you are extraordinarily odd" "what do you mean odd uncle, we are normal"

"well yes I suppose if one thinks that someone who complains about a bad back and carries five thousand one and two ton rocks from the summit and makes a beautiful walkway is normal" "and Kev, whom Robert Louis Stevenson based his book Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde on but who got it wrong because Kev is Dr Jekyll during the day and Mr Hyde at night, is normal"

"uncle don?" "yes my esteemed nephew?" "I'm never talking to you again" "I don't blame you"

To the Doctor I go.

I actually have a Doctors appointment next Thursday. I have a number of issues with her. She hasn't seen me for a year. I've lost weight (a plus). Due to worrying (a minus). She is cute (a plus), but unfortunatley she has no idea (a minus).

"Donald" "yes" "you are still alive?" "yes, I've managed to hang on" "statistically you should be six feet under" "I resent that, can you cure me?" "of what" "my neurotisism" "your whom?" "some people think that I think the world revolves me, whereas I think I'm just clutzy"
"where does your clutziness hurt?" "everywhere" "give me a few specific examples" "yesterday I went to work without my glasses" "I meant on your body, where does it hurt?". "in my heart"
"I note that it is beating fairly regularly" "why wouldn't it, I'm a clutz, maybe I need a brain scan" "we don't do that here" "can you refer me to a Doctor?" "I am a Doctor" "A brain Doctor" "I could, but you don't qualify" "why" "because you aren't crazy" "I'm naked, I'm balancing a life of working and writing and I'm delusional and this parrot on my shoulder talks to me, and I'm not crazy?" "not in downtown Toronto or Scarborough, if you move to Mississauga they would think you are crazy"