Sunday, February 04, 2007

So why do I care that Kevin caught a fish? Hello. So I'm down there and Kevin says "my brothers don't love me" "whom?" "my brothers, they don't love me" "why?" "I wasn't invited on their fishing trip" "they have assumed you'd want to spend the last weekend with me" "but they didn't ask" "so maybe you should kill them and me too while your at it and gawd you are spoiled" "whom?" "youm, Ger takes you out on a special trip just so your ego won't be bruised and you catch fish, and what size is your neck, I'm purchasing a noose" "a whom?" "a noose, one of those things that wrap around your neck and you slowly, and hopefully painfully die from" "Moi?" "vous, and then when you are still writhing I'm going to wrap your body in swadling clothes and put you on a raft and set fire to it, we'll have a moment of silence, believe me it will only be a moment".

You had to get on the blog. If I would have known the background on this, the pic of you and fish would not have been on the blog. Jim was fishing two days and no pics of him. You go out for an hour and you're on the blog. With dolly's. "what size is your ankle?" "why?" "because I want to drag you beneath a boat across Kootenay Lake and back" "I'm not spoiled" "true, true, I know, what size is your forehead, a dart is going to be entering it very shortly".

It will be a coincidence when Kevin dies the moment I arrive in Creston. I wouldn't attach any blame to me. Although I'll volunteer to make his lunch. I phoned Comforts yeserday. I had to hear Delorus. I'm repeating myself I know but bear with me. "this is uncle don calling from toronto, is Ger and/or Kevin there?" in my most officious tone. I didn't want to talk to them and I didn't but I did hear a squeal and a dropping of the phone. Please don't tell her I did this on purpose, but I had to.

If one can't have a little fun why bother. We only have so much time on this planet. I hope I can bring some levity to Creston. I'm very serious but I have my moments. I've never yet figured out why people like me. Even at work, as I mentioned before, someone said "gawd its nice to have Don back". I don't get it and I mean that truly, I don't. I'm not complaining. I have never changed, I'm just me. If people like me more now, it's because they've changed.

I'm starting to notice my age though. At Market Probe there is so many young people. They are all nice, but some of the things they come out with make me cringe because they haven't lived life yet. I don't know if it's like this in Calgary, Cranbrook and Creston but so many people in Toronto seem to be so driven by the current fads, the current movies, the current teck stuff. Human nature, although I do slightly keep track of current authors. Actually I kind of do keep current otherwise I wouldn't have anything to talk about at work. I've never been able to shake the being crabby in the morning thing. And I'm not even that crabby, I just don't want to talk to anyone in the morn. I can be cynical but normally the glass is half full for me.

By the way, the Leafs beat the Senators in a shoot-out last night. Ask me if I'm happy. And let me see here, oops the Flames beat the Nucks, I'm glad I didn't phone Kevin. Take care everyone, thank you all for being so good to me. I've got my ass in gear I think, tomorrow I go to the doctor and we will see what happens there: "you've got six months to live" "great, I thought it was a couple of weeks, whew". I have to come home from work to get my cane before I go to the doctor. I don't have to pretend I'm on death's doorstep, I'm often nauseous, six or seven times a day I get dizzy, and the headaches, but it doesn't hurt to look like I'm about to pass away at any moment. Using a cane is actually quite funny, both of my legs are bad, which one should I choose to limp on. Two crutches would be more appropriate, maybe I won't bother taking a cane. He'll probably notice I can't walk. I do some funny things. So I buy these shoes at Goodwill and little do I suspect they are steel toed. Until I get to the airport and set off every alarm in Terminal One. And by the time I got to Calgary, I was dragging my ass because I couldn't lift my feet anymore. Thank good gawd Bob had some extra shoes, which are now my favourite ones. How I've survived this long I'll never know. And I bike down Bloor Street everyday to work (except in winter), the most dangerous place to bike in Canada. But I was heartened to hear about the exploits of other Storm Clan members when I was out there for a week. At least I'm not completely alone in my clutziness and dizziness and stupidity and brainlessness (okay I'm done).

Take care everyone. Love you all. Without you all I couldn't nor would I want to survive.