Sunday, July 30, 2006


"ger?" "yes" "I like this pic you sent me, I don't remember it being taken" "why am I not surprised about that"

A New Blog

If anyone wants to be bored to tears, I have started a new blog. It's on science fiction writing so don't expect funny. Don't expect science either, I failed science in high school. I resent that by the way. If I would have had a decent teacher I would have been okay. I had a teacher called Mr. Gautier. He was eventually fired and run out of town but, unfortunately, not before he turned me off of science.

Actually thinking about it now, some of the teachers I had at PCSS were not good. I had one great one. A Mr. Robinson (not Adam Robertson). I had him for geography. I was in the front desk and I sat rapt listening to him. Unfortunately he died one summer and I missed him a lot. The only blot on that class was when we were required to make a facsimile of a raft that Thor Hyerdahl sailed on: The Kon Tiki. Mine fell apart before I got it to school. I was in tears but Mr. Robinson was kind enough not to put it out for display.

May I continue a wee bit here? It's funny what people remember. The Vancouver Philharmonic Orchestra came to Creston once and so even the kids from the elementary school got to attend. I was sitting up in the bleachers with friends and I wondered if I would see Bobby walking in. Actually it may have been Jim and Ger. It's a long time ago. When I started at school I always got asked by the teachers: 'are you related to Roy and Marlene?' 'yes' "hmmm'

Continuing on, so I was a clutz in physical education. Why do they call it education? Hello. For a young, fairly nerdy person like me it was hell. Tumbling was really hell. Run up to a springboard and do what over that thing? A sumersault? Hello. Of course I could swim almost before I could walk. And so the very odd time we were able to swim during phys ed, I wowed them.

And I played the trumpet in the high school band. Hello. I was no good. Why I chose the trumpet I'll never know. I should have chose the tambourines. But I got to travel to Trail (where we won the music festival competition, we were on that weekend) and of course I marched in the Kimberley and Creston parades a few times. Thinking back on it, I may have been the first nerd in the history of mankind. And I may have almost been the first 'hippy'. When one is born in 1945, one is going to go through several stages.

By the way, I'm replacing Ger as one my fave people in lieu of Justin. And definitely replacing Kev in lieu of Colin. Jim I can't replace although I'd like to. Kevin took me to the airport and saw me off? Hello. And Ger was sleeping on Jim's couch when I got up Sunday morn? Hello. I sure appreciated that.

By the way, as well as new items being added, existing items will change or be deleted on this blog from week to week. If you miss it, you miss it.

Hot or what

I've never seen a hot spell like this before. Ever. It's only 30 above (49 counting humidity probably). As I always do on Sunday morning, I went out biking. That lasted about six minutes. Even I can't bike in that.

I'm imagining a conversation with Jim if he lived in Toronto: "Uncle Don?" "yes Jim" "I'm moving, bye"

David Letterman's Top Ten

Top ten reasons why Uncle Don shouldn't be allowed to live in Creston:

10. He will get lost and a major search party, costing millions of dolars, will have to be arranged.

9. Six minutes after moving to Creston he will be bored.

8. I'm there for a week and I leave Kev notes on his seat to cheer him up in the morning. If I lived there for a while, I would leave a bomb and so he wouldn't last long.

7. I'd drop in at Creston Optometric Eye Centre every day and annoy Karri.

6. I'd hitchhike to Jim's and be so unshaven, unbathed and rude.

5. When and if I was invited, I'd critizice Anita's food. That would be after I ate her delicious cabbage rolls.

4. I'd embarrass everyone by being normal.

3. I'd impress Jim with my cooking.

2. Wherever she is working, I will meet Jen for a ciggy.

1. I'll die the second day I get there because I will be too happy.

Sunday Morning Musings

Yesterday I paid $150 for a headset so I can listen to my music with clarity. I can no more afford that than fly from here to Toledo. Music is the most important part of my life so I'm not all down on myself for doing that.

This week has been a killer as far weather is concerned here in Toronto. Counting humidity over 40 every day. You think it is bad in Cranbrook Jim. Not even remotely close. I actually biked to work one day last week. I didn't collapse so I can't be in that bad shape.

Julie sent me pics. Great pictures actually. Julie seems to be the only one in the family whom realizes that I love receiving pictures. I can here it now, in unison: "we are too busy, we don't have time" I thought that excuse went out with the Edsel but I guess not. And of course the reason I like to get pics is so I can post them on the blog. I don't think though that anyone can send better pics than what Julie sent me.

I don't know if anyone noticed but I'm not really normal. I sent Bob a short e-mail telling him I was mad at him. So he sends me back an e-mail: "what did I do now?" Someone should take me behind a barn and shoot me. And I phone Kev's place just to check up on him. Not to talk, just to make sure he is okay. I assume by now you all know my quirks and if you don't you are stupid.

I must admit, even I was somewhat taken aback with the great reception I received. Certainly not when I arrived but family seemed to warm to me. Although that may not be true either. Do we really need the hiding under a tire, zooming up a side of a mountain, bickering back and forth between family members? Oh yeah, I forgot it is the Storm Clan. If possible try to be a little more creative next year. I mean really, if I've seen Col zip up a hil trying to fix his bumper once I've seen it a thousand times. And Karri falling into the river was rather passe. And Kev looking at me in the canoe all alone. For gawds sakes I said I need to take a pee as a joke because the rock wall was sheer and I assumed Kev took it as a joke. Hello. But it was boring really. And then Justin jumping off of it. I didn't even know he was up on the sheer wall. And Col doing the rope thing. If any of that was done to impress me, it did. But the problem being is that next year Justin and Col will pretty well have to drown to impress me.

Thousands of time in the past, I have pretended to be shocked by the antics of The Storm Clan, especially Kev. I'm not doing that anymore. Actually Colin did impress me. He did something (although silly and uncalled for). He forgot to let go of the rope. I would have done that
too, but unforunately The Storm Clan is getting rather conservative and so I didn't.

In some ways I want to live at Kev's but I don't want to be bored. So difficult even thinking about it. One thing that has always beem a factor in my life is that it happens. If it happens, it happens. Egad, don't underestimate me out there. Just don't do that. I underestimate me so I don't need others doing it.

Saturday, July 29, 2006


I can't get pics from Jim, Ger and Kev. Julie sent me these. Thank so much Julie. I have Max forever. That is more appreciated than you will ever imagine.

The Grand Poobah

Uncle Poobah loves this pic. This is why Uncle Poobah writes The Storm Blog and why he loves Jim, Ger, Kev and Julie so much.


Note that umbrella. Pretend I'm not here but guess who got it? tick, tick, tick, tick, ah an umbrella. tick, tick, oh i'm tired. tick, tick tick back to the deck. Hello, I'm exhausted. Look at these people. I did all the work and they have no idea. I had to dig for it and look around and wave to Terry. It was a big deal. And look at this idyllic scene. They have no idea what I went through.


This is the conversation between father and son: "dad?" "what" "you've gotta get over it" "what?" "staring at that ant that does the triple axel and why are you protecting your crotch?" "because""Dad?" "what?" "if i could explain this to you, people don't comb their hair that way anymore, they used to". "what way?" "dad how old are you?" "why?" "because you are cool, really cool".

The Gathering

Uncle Poobah won't be there next weekend. But I will expect every Storm Clan member to be there. Life is all about fun. Anyone complains about fun then they aren't a Storm. I'd give my right arm to be there so I don't want to hear any complaints. I'm sure the Storm Clan will act accordingly (subtly giving out the aura of being a little better than everyone else but pretending to be comfortable amongst the riff-faff). I've made a top ten list of do's and don't's for that weekend as a Storm Clan guideline.

ten: If possible, don't throw up in front of anyone.

Nine: When walking, try to go from point A to point B in a straight line.

Eight: This refers mainly to Kev. Don't sing around the campfire.

Seven: If in doubt, nod and say things like: absolutely, I agree, amazing, is that right?, I've noticed that.

Six: Eat a lot.

Five: Mainly referring to Ger: don't talk.

Four: Mainly referring to Jim: if you must talk about the navy, keep it under six thousand words.

Three: Mainly referring to Justin, Col, Ty and Jen and Shayna: don't attend, I mean really whom would want to (I'm kidding of course). But when you do, stick together.

Two: Mainly referring To Roy: commit suicide if possible, or have twelve thousand naps.

One: Have fun and enjoy, I know I would.

The Power of Women

I'm not sure if words can stop a war. Words can certainly start one. Words can be used to make someone happy. And they can cause someone to be so sad. And words don't have to be spoken to have an impact. And sometimes words can make someone happy, while making someone else sad. Or words can be ignored.

Case in point: "Shut the fuck up, I came 5000 kilos to hear a loon or a spotted owl or a moose. Can I have ten seconds of silence to hear silence? I don't need to hear anything, I just don't want to hear anything" Tick tock. "Uncle Don?" "yes Jen" "was that enough?" "that was one second, I hardly think so" "we'll start over" tick "uncle don?" "yes jen" not enough?" "Jen, if you would shut up then it might work". Uncle?" "yes Jen?" "you see whom I'm surrounded with?" "Storms?" "want some baby duck?"

Case in point: I look over yonder and see Jim and Brenda. Idyllic. What harm can come to me? Not possible. Hello. Who knew? Brenda, the one whom I thought would not want to harm a flea. Hello. It took a long a long time before we knew whom caused every mishap. "Kev?" "yes uncle don" "we aren't moving and neither are others but look at Brenda and Jim just powering down that river, I may have to reassess my once positive thoughts of Brenda" "you had positive thoughts about Brenda?" "Briefly"

Case in point: I'm going to go back a bit. First time I met Karri: "Uncle Don, where did you come from and why do you hate us and really, how the hell can you come back and I want to hear every moment of your life since Grade six" I was warned about Karri but I was taken aback. "uncle don?" "yes ger" "when karri gets home you are going to the Creston Optometric Eye Centre" "in my life" "you are" Of course Ger was correct in his assumption. Everything about Karri that week was fun and she took time out to make my life better. And I love her.

Case in point: Anita. Thank good gawd Neet didn't have to work that week. Anita seems to be able read my mind. When I look at Anita I'm just comfortable. The more I come down to Creston, the more I notice that Anita is happy and she has life together. Kev is a lucky man and he realizes it completely.

The Storm Clan is powered by great women. Every great clan is.

Throw No Rocks at Others

"Ger?" "yes my esteemed uncle" "I just came back from the beer store" So?" "I note the makeup of the lineup for alcohol in downtown Toronto is somewhat different than Creston" "how so?" "well, when I was in Creston I didn't notice a bag lady twitching on the floor beside me while I was waiting in line" "true, I haven't noticed that in Creston" "or the person in front of me trying to pay for his beer with a blatantly counterfeit twenty and not get arrested" "well, actually Kev tried it once years ago" "really?" "we have bag ladies too uncle don" "what!?" "but they don't twitch, ours are more sophisticated"

"Ger?" "yes?" "some of the persons in line today looked pretty wretched" "have you looked in a mirror lately?" "but really Ger it was kind of depressing to see these persons in the throes of wretchedness" "did they look happy?" "yes" "your point being?" "pretend I'm not here" "but I get your meaning uncle don, but it is not up to us to judge whether others are happy or not, for example I often look at Kev and see him in the front doing nothing but doing a good job of looking like he is doing something, and he doesn't look really happy" "he might be the heart of the front just like you are the heart of the back, Ger?" "yes?" "if Comfort left you and Kev could run that place like a fined-tuned guitar, you are both brilliant in your own way, although both of you are extraordinarily odd" "what do you mean odd uncle, we are normal"

"well yes I suppose if one thinks that someone who complains about a bad back and carries five thousand one and two ton rocks from the summit and makes a beautiful walkway is normal" "and Kev, whom Robert Louis Stevenson based his book Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde on but who got it wrong because Kev is Dr Jekyll during the day and Mr Hyde at night, is normal"

"uncle don?" "yes my esteemed nephew?" "I'm never talking to you again" "I don't blame you"

To the Doctor I go.

I actually have a Doctors appointment next Thursday. I have a number of issues with her. She hasn't seen me for a year. I've lost weight (a plus). Due to worrying (a minus). She is cute (a plus), but unfortunatley she has no idea (a minus).

"Donald" "yes" "you are still alive?" "yes, I've managed to hang on" "statistically you should be six feet under" "I resent that, can you cure me?" "of what" "my neurotisism" "your whom?" "some people think that I think the world revolves me, whereas I think I'm just clutzy"
"where does your clutziness hurt?" "everywhere" "give me a few specific examples" "yesterday I went to work without my glasses" "I meant on your body, where does it hurt?". "in my heart"
"I note that it is beating fairly regularly" "why wouldn't it, I'm a clutz, maybe I need a brain scan" "we don't do that here" "can you refer me to a Doctor?" "I am a Doctor" "A brain Doctor" "I could, but you don't qualify" "why" "because you aren't crazy" "I'm naked, I'm balancing a life of working and writing and I'm delusional and this parrot on my shoulder talks to me, and I'm not crazy?" "not in downtown Toronto or Scarborough, if you move to Mississauga they would think you are crazy"

Friday, July 28, 2006


I rather doubt that anyone want's to hear about my life but funny things happen. I happened to swerve a bit last night on my bike on the way home from having sixteen beers at a friends in Etobicoke. This car with rap music blaring from it pulls up along beside me: "Mista you fine, you cool, you drive?" "yes, I'm actually almost home, I should be walking but I'm in a hurry". "Yeh, we gots ya, we know, but you lose some skin and the mutha might worry, ya know, how miles ya got to go?". "Parliament and Wellesley Street". "We going that way, jump in, the bike there, you are and old man, what you doin' out here?" "I would have made it easily all the way the home, how are you are you guys doing, you got it cool, thanks for the lift, but I would have made it"

Thursday, July 27, 2006

A New Addition

Jim is now officially a grandpa. Brandy born a girl weighing in at 7.2 lbs.

Monday, July 24, 2006


Next year no fun allowed. This aged and decrepit body won't survive. I can survive the canoeing and staying at Kev's without a prob, it's the writing about it that is the killer. I don't think I slept this last weekend and if I ate I'd be surprised. I'm not a spring chicken anymore. Imbed that thought in your minds. Be boring for my sake if not yours.

Of course being out in Creston for just a week is probably not long enough to judge. I'm sure if I spent a week plus one minute out there I'd be be bored to tears. Maybe not. Thank you all out there. This person felt completely honoured to write about you all.

And don't worry, I've still got lots of thoughts running through my head. I'm not finished writing about that week yet. I'll probably bore all you to tears. I'm slightly worried because I'm not sure we can top that week. I sure can't imagine how.

Sunday, July 23, 2006


That was the greatest trip and the time of my life. I hear others say it was pretty good. You guys should have been me. I was expecting good. I presumed that. But great? I never presume great. I wasn't feeling that well leading up to that week. I thought to myself oh gawd lord, Ger, Kev and Jim will be impressed with me won't they when you throw up in their face upon your arrival. Jim will have to put me and Kodiak down. Boing!! I fly over the mountains and land in Cranbrook and I'm a new, old man. I feel better instantly and felt great the whole week.

Sunday Musings

I wish Tiger would smile. I would like to thank the following persons for making that week a good one: Uncle Don: what can I say. Uncle Jim: the canoe trip wouldn't have happened without him. I don't mind him really. He reminds me of my great, great, great, great, great, great, great Aunt Bea. Although Aunt Bea was a little more active. Actually a lot more active. Uncle Don loved Uncle Jim's bacon. No one can do bacon better. Aunt Brenda: the silent but deadly one. Did anyone notice that Aunt Brenda did not receive any blame for anything? Nuttin. Nil. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Shouldn't there be some blame attached? Who knew? Aunt Brenda should worry because Uncle Don is going to make Aunt Brenda's life hell next year. Cackle, cackle. Uncle Ger: there is not enough space. But I'm in a good mood so I will choose only the positive aspects of Uncle Ger (long pause). I need help here. Hello. Fill in the blanks. I've seen many grouses happier than Uncle Ger. He's not that bad really. Yes he is. Worse. He did complain about Karri-woman just a bit. A bit? Aunt Karri: There is definitely not enough space. If one actually listened to Uncle Ger one would think Aunt Karri is strange. I didn't think so. To me dangling a fish and then plopping in the water is normal. And jumping from one canoe to another. And no one else could have done this if they tried a thousand times: my glasses are safe. I have a blue ribbon attached to them so that if I drown at least my glasses will still be attached to my head. Swish, what is that noise? I wasn't even surprised. Oh yeah that is just Aunt Karri fishing and my blue glass attachments are gone. There is not enough space. So the canoe weekend is over. Whew, I survived Karri. Hello. I had a beautiful dinner at Ger and Karri's. I look forward to that more than one would ever know. "Uncle Don?" "yes Karri". "ask Anita if we could pop over tomorrow night". "really?" This is Wednesday. Actually I don't remember a thing about Thursday other than Ger grousing. Has anyone noticed other than me that he could be the funniest person alive when he's grousing about Karri? Whew, I survived Thursday with Karri. Yay. And while I have a dart in hand ready to throw I hear someone say (out loud): "we are going to have a fondue tomorrow night" hello. Thank good gawd I had Ger sitting next to me during the fondue. I'm not sure I would have been able to eat otherwise. Everything was too far away but Ger's plate was handy. One great thing about being the eldest uncle is that one can pretty well get away with anything. And of course Karri took me in hand and we went to her place of business on the Wednesday. (I'm sorry about the mishmash of time, I just type what I think). If anyone want's to get on my good side it is to fix my glasses. I think it is fate. Almost every time I've ever gone down to Creston I've pretty well had my glasses broken. Now I don't have to worry about it anymore. And yes, I was impressed when I talked to Karri on the phone at Comforts. Thank you Karri.

Uncle Kevin: I hope Kev isn't staying up at night waiting for a good review. He's lost his edge. Although when I saw him after Colin drove up the hill to fix his bumper it came back. I said to myself aah, this is going to be interesting. This may not be a boring night after all. Hello. And I completely agree with Justin. No long goodbys are permitted. So vroom Justin and Shayna and Colin and Jennifer leave. "Uncle Don?" "yes" "we know what to expect now don't we?" "oh yeah, the sons are completely in the wrong and the fathers will feel guilty" "yes, you could pretty well set your watch to this happening" Back to Uncle Kev. Is he aging? He doesn't seem to like danger any more. If he wants to canoe with me next he'd better smarten up. Although I love Jim dearly and I'm so glad he is alive and well and I bow to him always, I don't need an Aunt Bea II. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, Saturday before I left for Toronto was good. Other than Karri falling into the river, that could have been the funniest thing I've ever seen (actually every day of that week was the funniest). I'm gonna repeat myself but I can't help it. It's 5 am and I have to catch a plane in a few hours. But I didn't care about that. I cared about Jim's home. "Kev, see that building yonder?, we have to go there fairly soon" Hello. We made though and I was impressed with Kev that week (see the heading up top: musings?, well I'm musing: I've never been treated so well by so many, I can't even explain it to Bob or anyone, no one would believe it)

Aunt Anita: I love Aunt Anita. If I'm going to have a good time in Creston, Anita is a key. For me, her smile is worth a trillion dollars. I completely feel relaxed around her and I think she enjoys my company. We get along so well. Anita is the sane person in that family and gawd anyone who could put up with Kev should be given a Medal of Honour. I think I can read people and I have to in order to write. I think the world of Anita.

Have I finished describing the old persons now? That was a chore (I'm kidding).

Colin: Pretty well my favourite person in the history of mankind. All Sunday night, people were wondering if Colin would come back Monday morn. Not a single person asked me for an opinion but I tried to tell everyone that yes he would be. I may have been the only one that had 100% confidence in him. My memory isn't that great but I don't think there was a day I didn't see Colin. And I was just about to run out of Bud one time and guess who showed up with six cold ones.

Tyler: I didn't see much of Tyler that week. Except I think Sunday night. Another amazing event that no one was witness to. "Ty?" "yes Uncle Don" "the fire is going out" So while I relaxed Ty pretty well cleaned out the campground of kindling. "Ty" "yes uncle Don" "that fire is making a lot of noise, won't Karri get up and yell at us?" "she will and we will ignore her" "good plan". "Ty?" "yes Uncle Don" "the world revolves, I haven't dared to say that this weekend, but you I can tell tell that to, do you think I'm strange?"

Justin: I will only say one or two things about Justin. The weekend wouldn't have been great without him. How does one quantify greatness? Justin was there in the canoe next to me and we had to listen to you people, the second-class citizens. And Karri was to my right. Not a bad combo. Justin and Shayna were there for the fondue. I was secretly ogling Shayna, I hope that is not a prob.

I Save the Best for the Last:

Jen: I apologize for this right off the bat. So far I'm red-blooded. Baby Duck. There we go. I don't mind Jen. I think she is the cutest person in the history of mankind but I can't say that can I? (a little aside: obviously because I live in Toronto I notice this. I see the persons who work at Overwaitea and Mr. Sub and the liquor store and they are happy in Creston. They aren't happy here. People are really, really nice to me here because I'm old and decrepid. But I really notice the difference though. Every time I go to Creston, it is really a cultural shock. And the Overwaitea is a prime example. In more ways than one it is a shock to my system. If you guys care or not I don't know. But I'm ready to move out there. It's getting near the time I did that. I don't know where I will live (I will only live near Kev's but not with him). Although living in Creston would be okay I guess. I take everything back. I could live in downtown Creston. I will be able to bike. It would be tough to bike up that hill. Yes so Jen is cute.

Shayna: I envy Justin. Did I mention that Justin is great? I was completely impressed. Too bad his father is so annoying. I don't think anyone noticed (and by the way, is Creston the only place where stupid people hang out?) I wanted to hug Shayna a thousand times but I was only able to get a furtive glance in once in a while. That won't happen again, I'll do the full fledged hug next time. Justin could have introduced us but he never did.

Did I miss anyone? Life changes a lot. I don't think I will ever live in Creston really. I've got a few things going on that may work. Or mostly may not. The only way I will ever move to Creston is in a shack on Kev's property with computer hook-up. and there is no shack so I'm not too worried.

Yay hah.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Canoe Trip - Day Two

Hang on to your seatbelts on this one. I have no idea what I'm going write but I have a feeling it will be interesting. And hopefully I will edit it at some point in time.

First though, someone e-mailed me and said I was overdoing the boringness of Jim, Ger and Kev. In order to correct that, I've decided to call them Batman (Jim), The Penguin (Ger), and The Joker (Kev).

So guess what? I get up and look forward to breakfast. Of course I am fully clothed with shoes on so it doesn't take me long to get out and about. I'm starved. And guess what? The Penguin's son and The Joker's son are going to make breakfast. Batman was nowhere to be seen except when he accidently tripped over The Caped Crusader. Breakfast was delish. I don't know what Tyler and Justin did to those hash browns but they were really good. And the eggs. Breakfast is my big meal of the day and so I notice these things. Up to that point in time, Batman made my favourite breakfast of all time, but Tyler and Justin did pretty good. And I can't over-emphasize my love of coffee when camping.

Aah no driving, just get in the canoe and paddle. No motors today and the sun is shining. The Penguin is grousing around and under his breath he's complaining about something or another (something about Karri I presume). Ger is the only one I know who must have coffee, baby duck, beer, whiskey, and herbal tea at hand. At the same time. Of course what does the boring person do (I mean The Joker)? Warns me that this is going to be a treacherous voyage. For just a few minutes I ceded to his alert and I was okay and anyway my breakfast was still getting digested. And I know Batman that I should respect the river and I do but when one has The Joker with one it's tough. And Batman don't worry, The Joker is a joke. The highlight was of canoeing under that tree. That was the highlight of the canoe trip: looking at this huge tree coming at me and wondering if I can duck down enough. Yah I guess Kev isn't that bad really. A small warning: Next year will be my third time and I will be a lot more careless next year. A lot more. One bikes in Toronto every day and one loses ones fear. If The Joker can't take it, fine he'll hold me back.

Lunch. Of course having the previous years lunch that Karri and Gerry made which was the highlight of my canoe trip that year I was expecting something quite good. But Batjim put it the best and I agree. It was still okay. We are canoeing for gawds sakes. We don't need to eat like kings every meal. Maybe The Storm Clan does but really. When you guys get carried away in the evening, it's nice to have a second party to talk to: "Karri-man?" "yes Don" "is that my family getting carried away and pretty well making fools of themselves and making me wonder if I'm adopted or not?" "yes it seems to be them Don" "if I left now would they miss me?" "no, in the morning maybe Don but not now". "gawd I'm glad you are here". I really enjoy having Karri-man around. What would be ideal would be having them supply the chips and dip or something during canoe trip. Just no meals.

The afternoon. None of us wanted it to end. Did I mention The Penguin grousing? Hopefully next year Ger will realize that Karri is going to have a good time and just go with the flow. It was actually kind of nice being with The Joker that afternoon. I think Kev would agree we did well as far as canoeing that weekend. I knew what to do when. So here is the two persons who like to party the most (I think) and we come across this noise from the shore. Karri-women is going from one canoe to another. We both say "wow, I couldn't do that in a million years". And then, agh, we get to this rock bluff. And The Joker says I have to pee. Hello. This is a wall that is sheer. Oh good I'm alone in a canoe, which is not a prob. And he's standing looking at me wondering if I will take off (note: if Kev is with me next year, I'm gone, I'm gonna put some grey hairs on his head). But really, it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. To see Justin, Anita, Col, Tyler, Karri, Jen and others having a party on the shore and me and Kev saying: "let's just go by them, I don't think it's safe to go in there".

And of course we decided we should hide. The Joker wasn't content on just hiding. "Kev?" "yes" "why are we among the frogs and fronds?" "because we are hiding". "guess what, that party upriver is not going to notice that we are among the fronds, in fact I'm not sure they know they are on a river". "okay don, check it out, do you see any civilization?" "they've gone around the bend". "whom?" "civilization".

This a little bit of a highlight of my weekend. We got int0 shore and Kev jumped out and I was slightly worried about the canoe. And Shayna was there holding it for me. An angel. For me of course everything is about hoping Jen and Col and Tyler and Shayna and Justin have a good time. And they seemed to. I hope they did. I wouldn't mind canoeing next year again with The Joker. He's kinda boring but he's okay. I never thought I would say that. Some day I've got to write about Kev and Jim and Ger. They were crazy. Sitting around a suppertime table with Julie too and my Dad. Hello Dolly. It was unique. May I say this? The combination of Roy and Anna made some good kids somehow. Amazing really, they loved me right from the get-go and perhaps there are thousands of uncles as lucky as me. But I don't think so. I do what I do and hopefully live my life the way I like it and hopefuly don't annoy too many people. And to have Jim, Ger and Kev and Julie part of it is God's way of saying: "you didn't quite do it, you tried but it didn't work, good try though but even I didn't realize how annoying they would be, don't break the news to them that they are pretty well useless. I've talked to the person downstairs and he is getting ready for them, he has expanded Hell quite a bit, although he is not sure he's got room for the four of them". "Exactly God, I see where you are coming from and with me here, I take up a lot space, will they ever be allowed up to Heaven?" "Jim is on the borderline, we have a panel judging him at the moment, if he kills another elk then he is staying in Hell forever" "What about Ger God?" "I've got a migraine". "Ger should be here God, but just make sure he's not on any cloud I'm on and we can't leave Julie in hell" "why not?" "well because Heaven is boring, and it really should be spiced up" "who are you by the way, I don't need advice". "God?" "yes" "I have one more request" "this had better be good" "God, I need to bring up one more relative, his name is Kevin" "I'm familiar with him, he doesn't want to come up" "really?" "apparentely he's taken over Hell and Satan is knocking on my door to get in" "God can I go to hell?"


So I mentioned to Kev that I could eventually move out there. If and when I do, I will not be in Creston, it will in the general vicinity of Kev's. "You can't move here". "where" "here" "Kev you may be surprised to hear this but I'd pretty well kill myself before I'd live under the same roof as you and Anita". "what can it take to build me a shack with plumbing?" "plumbing?" "okay forget the plumbing, how about a bed" "a bed?" "would it work if I slept in Max's doghouse and howled at midnight?" "no" "too close?" "yes" "and you would shoot me accidently if I snored while you are naked in the morning" "possibly, yes, for sure".

And so it's a work in progress. I have to figure out how to be invisible and be very, very quiet. What's wrong with a shack with a computer hook-up somewhere on Kev's property? I'd build it of course. I could. A tree house perhaps. I really am quite a builder. I resent that Kev and Anita don't want me there, I would tend their graves quite regularly after I've slit their throats. No they are very nice people I'm sure. I could write. No probably not but gawd it would be fun driving Kev crazy. No, I guess I shouldn't move out there really. Because every single moment of my life when I'm not writing will be spent on making Kev's life hell. And that certainly came to fore at the canoe trip, what a boring person he is. And Ger: cackle, his life will take a sudden veer for the worst. And I have a lot of respect for Jim. And so it will take a little bit of planning to make sure he is comfortable when is gasping for breath while I hang him from his fingernails.

Of course I'm kidding. Everyone just gave off such good vibes that week. The canoe trip was great, but really for me it was about family and I was not disappointed.

And I must tip my hat to Colin. He was amazing. I knew this but it was nice to see again. First up, last to bed. And at Kev's he was there every day after work and even though he was broke he brought six cold Bud. And Justin and Tyler were amazing. I don't know if the boring persons (Jim, Ger and Kev) realize it but the Storm Clan is in good shape. I've met Brandy too, it would be nice if she was at the canoe trip next year.

I guess I love family. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed that.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Hi Justin

I"m doing well. Well not that bad. I enjoyed hugging you in a broad, relatively relative kind of way. I have no idea but you and Col seem to be my kind of people. Although if I must pick and choose I would choose others. You guys get me which you should completely worry about.

May I muse and/or speculate? That was silly, stupid and/or rather inane about trying to fix Colin's bumper that way. I was slightly agog but certainly not surprised. Guess what? They born you. They didn't do anything like that. Now that they are middle-aged they forget what they did. What really annoyed me was canoeing down a river with Kev whom seemed rather conservative. I'm afraid. I'm really afraid. You and Col gotta uphold the Storm Clan mystique because obviously Kev, Ger and Jim are getting too old to do that. Very disappointed in Kev. I remember when he was game for anything, in his prime he was the numero uno. But he doesn't have it any more unfortunately. It's tragic really to see a great one collapse. Be nice to him if you can Justin, pat him on the back and pretend to sympathize. And then there is Ger. Well, ignore him if you can. I've only got a few people left. I assume when I move down there you and Col will keep me remotely interested in life. Which should be interesting because you guys have no idea about life in general.

I'm kidding of course, but I am not kidding about Kev. All my life I've looked up to him and he's boring now. If my bod will allow me, I'm not finished with the thought of biking across Canada. No one should underestimate me.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Pictures of the Canoe Trip

Hopefully someone will send some to me.

Friday, July 14, 2006

My trip to Creston - Part 1


Where do I start? The beginning? My (true) version of the weekend is not going to coincide with anyone else's but Friday night was pretty good I think. I remember arriving at the camp, sitting down in a comfortable camp chair, someone handing me a beer and Ger pushing me over backwards with great force, resulting in a squashed beer can and receiving a look from Roy that conveyed to me his gratitude that he was happier than hell that he was going back to Creston that evening. Of course I was plotting revenge upon Ger instananeously but hey, revenge isn't that sweet really, I'm above that.

Ah, it was nice walking into camp with Roy. That and Ger pushing me over on the chair are the only things I remember about that evening. My back still hurts and my chiropractor says my spine should heal within the next year or two.

Saturday morning was great. Really great. Although I woke up with all my clothes including my shoes, I slept well. The first thing I thought of was coffee and food. I love the way Jim cooks bacon. Normally I like to be up for a while before I eat. Not this year. Someone could have handed me breakfast as I got out of the tent and I would have gulped it down. I can't think of anything better than drinking coffee in the morn. on a camping trip. It tastes better. And what I like about the canoe trip is that no one rushes around in the morning getting ready to canoe. A nice, leisurely pace suits me to a tee. I do feel guilty just flying out there and everything is ready. All the preparation involved. I arrive, someone hands me a beer, Ger knocks me over, eat, another beer or two, someone escorts me to my tent, and sleep. Ooh, except for the getting pushed over, that's pretty good.

Finally getting into the canoe on Saturday was exquisite. Looking around and seeing every person that I love the most around me brought a tear to my eye. But I got over that fast. The only bad thing about sitting in the front of the canoe with Kev is that I can't keep my eye on him. But as it turned my fears were unfounded. He's a little boring actually but that's probably a good thing. It was so nice to see Tyler and Justin there. Understatement of the century. And of course Shayna and Jen. And Colin. Colin is always the first one up in the morning and quite often the last one to bed while he escorts the various and sundry members of his family to bed. And Anita. She's game for anything and everything and she never complains. I love her smile. And Jim and Brenda. I think they were on the river. Well they were there in the morning so I assume they were canoeing. I did actually see them once on the first day of canoeing. Although they were far away I did recognize Jim's gut and Brenda lying on her stomach. And of course it wasn't hard to miss Ger and Karri. I just followed the sound. I was trying to listen to the flora and fauna. All I heard was Ger grumbling and the sound of Karri's fishing line swishing through the air just above my head.

The eagle was good, apparentely it was bald. I can't the remember the details of the first part of canoeing on Saturday other than things happening around me that totally amazed me. Within the first hour I had already laughed so hard that I said to myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "this isn't bad, this family get's it" "they do don't they" "this could be fun" "probably, yes I think so, I've got a crazy, loony, beautiful family". So continuing on down the Moyie, Kev and I and Ger and Kerri hook up. And Kerri catches a fish. Relatively speaking it wasn't such a small one. Well at least it was apprentely big enough for Karri to stand up, dangle it in front my face, and fall backwards into the river. I rather enjoyed the look on Karri's face as she was about to go under. I would classify it as full-fledged shock. I'm sixty. I've seen a lot of funny things. Maybe I've seen funnier things but I don't think so. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "what did we just see?" "I'm not sure, that didn't happen did it, I'm dreaming right?" "no" "I didn't think so".

First Intermission: It's 40 above here with humidity. And I'm not really too hot. I biked today but had to quit because my heart was palpatating wildly. There was a breeze. It felt like it was coming off the Sahara Desert.

So continuing on down the Moyie, we all hook up, except for the phantom canoes of Jim and Brenda and Karri-man and Loretta. Admiral Chicken Legs had the motor even though he had it in reverse most of the time. Justin was to my immediate left and Karri was to the right. Heaven. The noise coming from behind us. Din actually. I've already bought a roll of duct tape to affix over Ger's mouth for next year. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes" "what's Ger talking to Kev about?" "it's complicated but the bottom line is that he thinks it's important" "who's that singing back there?" "oh that's just Jen singing Patsy Kline doing the Beach Boys doing Dr Dre while drinking her fifth bottle of Baby Duck" "isn't she cute" "yep and she is having fun" "I don't hear any flora and fauna" "no, I came 5000 miles to hear flora and fauna and I'm in the midst of a party on water". "what do you think Shayna thinks of us?" "all I know is if I was in her shoes I'd be having seconds thoughts about the Storm Clan" "I think she is us" "me to"

Second Intermission: I don't think any other family in the world has an uncle like me. And for sure no other uncle has a family like you guys. I feel blessed. Something changed in me when I was out there this time. Sitting in the back seat of Ger's truck and seeing him and Kev talking on the way to Cranbrook was amazing. And having Ger and Karri come over to Kev's two nights in a row and having Justin there and Colin and Tyler. And Jen and Shayna. For me that is what life is all about. I guess you all figured that out by now. On the Saturday night before I left, I sat out on Kev's deck for an hour or two and just enjoyed the quietitude and peace. Where I in live in Toronto I can get that too, but it's not the same.

Aah, camp. I'm not good at details but I assume we ate. I'm sure it was good whoever made it. I'd remember it if it wasn't. I tried to keep a distance from Kev. What. The moment he's among trees he can't walk? And of course as is the norm Anita goes for a walk and ends up in bed and Kev disappears. But at least, after all these years he's learned not to go too far. And hiding under Justin's truck behind a tire? I didn't say I was I normal but even I wouldn't do that. I kind of enjoy it when there is a little conflict among the Storm Clan. To myself: "Uncle Don" "yes?" "do you see what's going on around us?" "I do" "Tyler is missing" "yes, that is a worry but what can happen, he won't freeze to death" "Kev is doing his thing but we don't worry about him at all" "nope" "remember we can't get involved because we'll break our glasses and so we'll sit here watch all the activity from afar" "exactly, we are above it all". "note that Colin and Jen have discovered Tyler in a bush and Kev has fallen down beside him" "I see that but we can't get involved" "we should help Colin and Jen shouldn't we?" "no" Plod, plod, plod, hello Kev is standing up. He's taking me with him downwards. My glasses are gone. Nobody move, ahh there they are, broken but there. "Colin" "yes Uncle Don" " "I can't possibly move, could you take me to bed first, I can't move, I don't how you are gotting me on my feet, I've lost every facility that I've ever had, why are Kev and Tyler laying here too?" "Col" "yes Uncle Don" "my feet aren't cooperating" So I get into the tent and remember I have to pee. So I get up and do that and yell to the flora and fauna: "thank you Colin and Jen" Of course they were busy taking Kev and Tyler home at the time.

I don't know when I'll do day two of the canoe trip (the greatest day in my lifetime) but I will. I just wanted to say that the Saturday night before I left B.C. was good. It could have been 5 am. And me and Kev were the last ones standing (sitting actually). From Jim's fire to his trailer is quite a rocky road. So we hang on to each other's arms as we embark on the treacherous journey to the trailer. Somewhere around the trampoline, Kev let's go of my arm and does three sommersault's and then lands on the ground and does three more. "Kev are you okay?" "yes, give me a minute and I'll be up there to help you to bed in a minute" "I'm in no rush, I can wait" "okay don, we can do it now" "are you going fall again Kev??" "no" Guess what? he does. "kev" "what" "I thought you were helping me to bed" "I am as long you aren't in any rush" "I know this is a shock but you have to stand before you can help me to bed" "uncle don where are we?" "somewhere in the bowels of Jim's trailer" "this is a big trailer" "it is isn't it" We made it. Thank you Kev for taking me to the airport. I wish I would have awoken Ger before I left but with two hours sleep I wasn't thinking too clearly. I hope you will forgive me for that Ger. And you looked so comfy.

That was the most amazing week. And no one should wonder why I devote time to the Storm Clan blog. I'm just a mouthpiece for the family. You all out there are the stars.