Thursday, May 24, 2007

uncle don?: "this had better be important" "in some complicated, insane way, I think your family loves you" "you've been drinking too much, not a chance" "they might" "I'm broke, don't have a dime to my name and if needed I'd used all my nephews' hips bones as a bridge across the tundra" "that hasn't seemed to deter them" "Hi hate neil, robin, jim, ger and kev and several others" "really" "in a cute way" "how can you hate persons persons in a cute way?" "I may be the only person in the history of makind whom can do that" "so you will have to kill one of them in order for your threats to seem plausible, whom do you choose as an example?"

"Justin?" "Justin" "I thought you loved Justin" "Well I do, but I'm thinking of his putrid, bloated bod floating upside down in and among the fronds and a grin comes to my face" "If Justin decides to flee whom would be your second choice be to kill? "It would be easy to say Colin, although I might have already used his bod on a spit at Walmart demonstrating the do's and don't of barbecuing humans, so maybe Tyler" "Tyler" "I thought you loved Tyler" "well I do but I'm thinking of using his bod as an example of how an uncle can torture family but yet receive sympathy from the rest of the world"

"you haven't mentioned Ger, uncle don" "I don't want to be overt, and I haven't yet figured out how to slice his bod up into a million pieces without it losing its charm" "uncle don?" "what" "Kevin has been egging you on lately" "a little, he gives me ideas, I need ideas" "perhaps he's giving you bad ideas" "I can't imagine how, a writer needs new ideas and if it involves torture, I can't imagine that being a bad thing"

"so uncle don, when you move to Creston and perhaps live at Kevin's, how will you cope?" "with whom" "Kevin" "he''s cute isn't he but I assume he'll buy me a large dog with huge fangs dripping with saliva whom I'll train to kill small, white, wiry humans at first sight" "that sounds like Kevin" "it's a coincidence"
"uncle don?" "oh gawd not you again, can't you leave me alone for a moment?" "remember when you were complaining about cold weather?" "maybe" "so Toronto is going to break a record today for heat and humidity and smog" "not a moment too soon" "elderly persons are being carted away in droves and I note your heart is beating at a rapid pace and if your pulse was any weaker it would be non-existant" "I love this weather" "and there is sweat coming out of your tonsils" "I had them taken out" "okay gonads, but you can't complain can you?" "Why can't Toronto ever be moderate, just once, I was freezing two days ago"