Saturday, May 12, 2007

I must admit this works. I think Kev actually read my blog. I had no idea. Yay. And yes, Jesse is from the the NYT's and he is impressed with me. And Shawn has a bike, if only I can impress upon him that it is nice to bike.

the next month

Everyone in the world has problems but I wish it was July 1. I've got so many things going through my mind ger and I don't even know if I will survive. I have been in Toronto twenty-five years. I'm never going to be a rich person, never. But I think I am a blessed person, as you know, but I worry too much. And I only have to worry about me which is one good thing.

I tried to explain that to a friend last night. I couldn't. And it doesn't need explaining anyway. But from day one I could tell that I had 'special' family. How does one explain Marlene and Leo and Roy and Anna. It's pretty well a guarantee that the kids will be the cutest in the history of mankind: "mom" "what?" "jimmy is here" "yes" "roy and anna have no, nil and not one whit of knowledge about raising a child, especially one whom has his own recipe for pablum" "and marlene and leo?" "Laurie is a cutie but she's already organizing my ironing"

"donnie" "yes Mom" "kill yourself now" "now?" "now" "why?" "because they will all annoy as you approach old age" "not Robin" "yes, in spite of his big head or small body (I'm never sure which), he'll annoy you" "not Ger" "yes, in fact roy and anna fed him lard for the first three years of his life, hence tubbo" "but kevin and neil are quite cute" "do you like pain?"

There is one advantage I've got over every single person in the world. I'll walk down to the highway and hitchhike back to Toronto (while trying to avoid Kevin laying in the middle of the highway while semi's are whipping by). Okay, okay when I'm there this time, I'm there for good. "unlce don, why don't you unpack your bags, I need to wash your clothes" "here's a hanky, Anita" Anita is not the one I worry about, I think she is the cutest and nicest person in the history of mankind.

It's too late back now, but Kevin's coming home to nap is not going to work for me. I'm up at four in the morning. I'll get up at the crack of dawn and make coffee and sit out on the deck and play the radio while I read and and think about cutting the lawn. He'll need a three hour nap. I have no idea, when I come there for a week I sleep in. But I'm sure when my bod adjusts, I'm gonna be looking for work very quickly. I like reading, but (knock on wood) you are getting me at a good time. Eight months ago: not so. I'm wondering how I will aclamatize. I'm fairly uptight and I think when I get out out there I'll just want to relax and unwind for a day or two. Throw a few darts. I'll send my important stuff to bob's (computer, guitar, and a few boxes) by fedex and I can get that whenever.

I cannot imagine me being at Kevin's just relaxing for week thinking that I don't have go back to Toronto. At the moment that is beyond me. I presume it will take a long time for that knot in my chest to disappear. On the other hand, being with family could make it go away quickly: "ger?" "yes uncle don" "don't smile" "why?" "because you're blinding me and I need you to make me a trailer for my bike so I can go into town and shop, and make it look really cool" "but how can you bike up the hill uncle don?" "unlike you guys I can walk up the hill with my bike, that would unbelievably fun for me, my dream is to impress you guys and I don't know if can, I talk the talk now, I just hope I can do it this summer, it seems I have a lot of good will built up, I don't want see any of it eroded" "you don't have to impress us uncle don" "I know, I just want to feel good at the end of the day"