Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Hello......it's snowing. Do we need six feet of snow for Christmas? Although I see the forecast indicates rain for tomorrow. I guess I must be in Creston. I went to Julie's for supper last night (yummy). I go to the bank today (I had today off) and Colin walks in. And so we had coffee and drove around a bit. In some ways Creston is a little bit like heaven for me.

Although I've noticed there is some wierd people in this town. Quite a few actually. Many. And I still can't get over how nice people are. Unbelievable.

Yes, it will be a Christmas. For all of us it will be quite a gap not having Roy in attendance. I presume no one will let me die for a few years. Hello. Put me on life support if you have to. In a vegetative state if necessary. I really haven't felt that great since I turned forty-two. And that's twenty years ago. All I need to do is get through winter. Think about it. A person is sixty-two so I've had to endure sixty-two winters. Some in Creston, some in Calgary, some in Rocky Mountain House and some in Toronto. Every single one of them was bad. I think I'm a Jamaican. It got mixed up somehow. I love warmth.

Jim: "I hate hot weather, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it." Uncle D: "are you crazy, you *&&^%*&^% person. If you weren't Roy's eldest I'd kill you right now". "In what way?" "a chainsaw" "a chainsaw?" "yes and then fly both halves of your bod over the North Pole and drop both of them onto the tundra." "I don't think there is any tundra at the North Pole" "I'll find some"

"Donald?" "what God?" "Im gonna take you soon, do you have any last requests?" "yes about a million of them" "you get three and I'm being kind" "three?" "And I'm in a bad mood so make it snappy" "I'd like to collect old age pension for forty-five years" "no one has ever done that, why should I grant you that?" "because it will drive all the insurance adjusters crazy" "that would be good, your second wish?" "On my 100th birthday I would like to kill someone" "whom?" "anyone really, I'll be really cranky so it doesn't matter, anyone will do" "And your third wish?" "I'd like to fly" "where?" "anywhere" "whaddya mean anywhere?" "I want to be a bird and fly, south I guess" "you can't fly south" "what do you mean God, all birds fly south where it's warm" "Not all birds fly south" "I want to be a goose and fly in the v formation." "you can't" "why not?" "the problem being Don is that it's all booked up." "I can't fly south?" "no you can go north"

"God?" "yes Don" I don't want to collect old age pension for forty-five years" "no?" "I don't want to turn into a bird and fly south" "no?" "can I can kill someone?" "no" So you want me to stick around here for a while and keep an eye on the family?" "yes" "do I get paid for this?" "oh yes, you will get paid" "how much?" "you will find out, there is no currency in heaven" "but I'm not in heaven yet" "I haven't figured out the Storms yet, Roy, Anna and Marlene are up here making all the angels feel bettter about themselves (which they didn't need by the way)."

"How is Anna God?" "she is a little annoying" "in what way?" "Donald there is no smoking and drinking up here and Anna found the key to the fridge and she keeps complaining about the beer not being cold and she keeps butting out her cigarettes on the pure, white clouds which Mother Teresa is getting annoyed at" "and Roy? "I don't know, he's napping" "and Marlene?" "she's not bad, she's looking after the angel's kids while the angels are learning to hover" "so you don't need me for a while?" "no, look after them down there for a while, it's a little too crowded up here at the moment, we can only take so many Storms at one time" "how are Mom and Dad?" "your Mom is refereeing the annual angel food cake bake-off and your Dad is filing saws for the Late but Great Sawmill Society of the Northern Constellation" "they have sawmills up there?" "no but he made us buy a green chain and it's been noisy ever since"
"God can I give you a heads up?" "certainly" "eventually you are going to be getting Jim, Ger, Julie and Kevin" "so?" "are you sitting down?" "yes" "your life is going to be hell" "in what way?" "Jim is going to want to hunt" "hunt what?" "elk" "that is a different heaven, we don't have elk here" "and Ger is going to want to kill geese" "what's a geese, that's not my department" "and Kevin is going to want to kill cats and dogs" "there is no killing in heaven" "and Julie doesn't kill animals but she cooks them" "we don't cook up here we have take out" "and of course I'll precede them in arrving up there and I'm very impatient, in fact I fly off the handle when I have to use a can opener"
"Donald there is hell" "have you ever turned down a Storm from heaven?" "my hands are tied, I've been informed I can't" "by whom?" "oh their is a Storm on the Heavenly Board of Directors, it's really annoying but He has the final say" "you have a boss?" "it's the new chain of command" "we are doing okay down here, let's keep it this way for awhile, we are not perfect but as the Great Grand Poobah of the Storm family I will vouch for them" "okay but you have no control over them" "true" "you have none, nil, and zero control over them" "no that's true, they wouldn't follow my advice if it hit them in the head" "the point being?" "they are cute, is that enough?" "maybe just this once, have a good Christmas Donald, you deserve it"
"thanks God"