Sunday, January 28, 2007

I've posted this picture before, but I have to again. Note that evey person looks completely natural but me. Actually this is the only picture ever taken where I don't look like a zombie.
I don't know why the general public goes out of there way to be nice to me. One of the unanswerable questions that I will never get. When I got back to work to work last Tuesday, one of the supervisors said: "it's nice to have Don back". I'm so quiet I didn't think they noticed. As angst-ridden as I am, I guess I'm okay.
And I just impressed a writer for the New York Times completely. I do have my moments. I can write, oh I can write. But I have yet to figure out how to come up with an original thought. That is why I only read sci-fi, those guys have so much imagination and good writing skills too. That is the challenge for me in the years ahead. It's all up there in my brain, I just have to figure out how to unscramble it. Sorry, but everyone has underestimated me for a long time. Everyone. Actually I'm pleased with that. I don't mind that at all, I prefer that. Maybe I need B.C., perhaps. There is a clog in my brain right now and Toronto isn't doing it. Maybe when I'm surrounded by family it will be better. Creativity is an elusive thing. It doesn't just happen.
If anyone expects a normal uncle to arrive in June, you'd better stop me at the B.C./Alberta border. It's not going to happen. Probably the only thing I will have is my guitar and clothes. I think that is good thing, many others wouldn't.
As you know, I love you all. That is the most important thing in the history of mankind.

Karri sent me this picture a long time ago and the words pretty well sum me up. Completely. I don't suffer fools gladly. So far my family is within the boundary, but that could change at any moment. Will anyone notice when Kevin is missing? I'm sure Comforts Welding won't. Anita might but not for long. I'm thinking of burying his body under the pot plant, at least his nutrients will do some good. If he looks at me with raised eyebrow as I've hit the wall with my dart one more time his life is in jeopardy.


All my family is going to be normal this week as usual. I talked to Gail and she is even normal. A wee bit I was encouraged by Kevin going to the seven-eleven in Cranbrook and leaving me high and dry: 'where is he going? he doesn't care if I live or die" Most of my family would at least see me off. A wave, perhaps even a hug. A little something. Not Kevin. And do you know what his last words were? "I'll make sure you are on the bus before I leave". I'm encouraged and feel somewhat positive about the whole thing. I'm the one who has to get on the bus and planes for eighteen hours and I feel sorry for him? Kevin doesn't cope well with life. I'm going to kill him. If his death upsets you, too bad, get over it. So I'm freezing to death, waiting perphaps to get a ticket and guess who drives by at 100 miles an hour. No hug, not even a handshake? Kevin. Ger and Jim would have waited with me. I hate long goodbyes but I didn't even get a short one with Kevin, which was fine with me.