New pics from Bob - the kids

Yay, I can post pics again (I needed to delete my cache which I found out from reading the Google blog forum). If Theo isn't the cutest kid in the history of mankind I don't know who is. But of course so are Zack and Olivia.

Anyone whom wants to send me the cd U218Singles for Christmas one maym. I'd like that. It's amazing how quickly Kev agreed that I shouldn't come down for Christmas. Did he really need to whoop it up with his hand over the phone? If the Storm Blog even survives December 25th it will be a miracle. I wouldn't think so. It gets a little tougher to be alone at this time of year as I get older. I should be so used to it by now.

This weekend I talked to Ger, Bob and Kev. It was totally my pleasure to do so.

Just when I assumed my family had forsaken me and had forgotten that I ever existed, someone sends me something to post. Just under the wire: I'm on top of this tall building and I'm ready to jump. As I'm about to jump my cell phone rings, "Uncle don?" "what, you've interrupted my flow" 'neil sent you a picture of him amidst the mountains" "Is he cute before I jump?" "he likes to live on the edge a bit" "Okay I'll look at them"

Back to the tall building and ready to go: "uncle don, ger sent you pics". "am I in any of them?" "several" "only several, I'm jumping" "but the main pics are of youm" "meem?" "the good ones" Okay I'll delay jumping for a day or two".

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Three days later: 'grumble, sheesh these stairs are getting tough to climb, I'm not getting any younger, grumble, they won't let me take the elevator anymore because of an insurance clause, grumble, I must do an analysis to find out the height/pain/splat ratio, maybe I can find a medium tall building. Although the little cars and little people look inviting': "uncle don?" "what now, I'm not taking calls" "it's Bob" "Bob whom?" "yourm brotherm" "hi don how are you doing?" "I'm okay although my back is acting up and the vertigo is getting to me, what is the viscosity of pavement?" "it doesn't give much, I suggest you land on a hay wagon as it's going by" "I don't see any at the moment" "By the way Don why do you want to jump from a tall building?" "no one loves me, I'm angst-ridden and I'm getting up there in age" "I've got pics for you to see" "How many?" "Enough to last you for at two weeks, if not more" "Thank good gawd, I need to get away from climbing stairs for awhile"

"after our talk i checked the blog out.Good job,as always!!!! As i scrolled the previous journals i read the one with my Grandmother --Grace Storm. It is really easy to forget the most terrific people in this world.I remember her just like it was yesterday-(yes i know it sounds like a cliche ) But she was truly an amazing woman -- the homemade ice cream, and just the overall love that she showed us was unforgettable--i miss her ..She would be proud to see how well her 3 boys have turned out,and that family is and always will be # 1..The fact is Marlene and Grandma were cloned.I miss my Aunt too..
Gotta go ---to emotional----love ya ----your mother loves you too and we know that she still guides us!!"

Thank you Ger,

Me and Bob need the above I think. Mom had a great impact on me and Bob even though she didn't live too long.

The weather today wasn't that bad. For December 1st it was okay. Although I'm the oldest person at Market Probe, there are a few whom aren't that much younger than me. And they are all originally from Saskatchewan or Manitoba and have lived in Toronto for a long time. They like to discuss the weather especially when it's worse out west than here in Toronto: "did you see Winnipeg, 39 below with the wind chill, but it's a dry cold" "Saskatoon was 42 below yesterday which beats your 39 below" "Hah, my aunt in Estevan e-mailed me and mentioned that it was 42 below at 4:30 am"

So even though I don't enjoy the actual job at Market Probe it's a good place to work as far as the people. For example, I've got a Tyler sitting behind me. He's 23, a part-time comedian and he chews snuff 'from his hockey days'. He can be annoying because he wants to try his every new joke out on me. And Amanda sitting to my left. She looks likes she's 30 and she's got three grown kids and she is great to talk to. And Stephen who occupies the cubicle to my right. He's gotta be close to sixty, dresses in black, has the deepest voice I've ever heard and usually wears his hair in a pigtail. I pass my copies of the New Yorker to him after I've read them. And of course Derek, whom maybe, just maybe is about ready to be able to leave Market Probe and make it as an actor or director full-time. And Ben who is in Windsor this weekend at comedy clubs just to get his name out there but who has to work at Market Probe to survive, Canada is a small market. And even at sixty-one I completely identify with them and they know that. But of course I don't have the sense of urgency they have because my time has passed for writing but I can at least be on the same wave length as them

My preference is to be in Creston but I may get annoyed at you all very quickly. Think speed of light: "Robin, you are having your great exalted uncle pick garlic?" "are you talking, get back to work, work is money, you are slow, you don't get it do you, I'm never going to take on old uncles again, their work ethic is good but their production is way down". Clomp, clomp, clomp from the flat's up the highway to Comforts. "hi kevin, how are you, you are cute, Robin fired me". "Robin fired you?" "my quota was down on picking garlic, do you have a job for me?" "what are you good at?" "nuthin" "I'll call ger from the back and we'll assess you, by the way you smell like garlic". "okay here were go, do you weld?" "nope" "can you lift heavy objects?" "nope". Clomp, clomp, clomp to the highway to catch a ride to Jim's. "hi Jimmy, you are amazingly cute, wow, did I tell you that you are not a bad person if you could control your sudden attacks of ego?" "Yes" "is Mr Tire looking to hire?" "we can hire person whom are familiar with tires" "is that the criteria?" "yes" Clomp, clomp, clomp. I don't seem to fit in anywhere.

December 01, 2006

A picture to cheer us all up on this first day of December. It's not even officially winter yet! Ack. In Toronto this morning we've got sleet, a howling wind and ice-covered sidewalks. If I somehow manage to walk to my bus stop without breaking my neck it will be a miracle. I hope their are some little old ladies out there to help me walk across the street.

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On the bright side, in Calgary and Cranbrook, it's going all the way up to minus eight, and in Creston it's going to be minus three with some sun....get out your shorts and the suntan lotion.

It's only getting up eight above today, 17 above tomorrow and 13 above Thursday.

Woe is me.

not bad aye, not bad at all

Believe it or not Ger is happier than hell. It's a little hard to tell of course. How would you like to wake up to being Ger in the morn? "ger?" "how many persons are you going to kill today?" "Ger?" "Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin are on the phone asking for tips on how to be happy"


And then their is Jim. "jim?" "yes" "why is your cap on backwards?" "are you talking?" "pretty well every Storm person in the history of mankind looks up to you and your not fishing?" "why are you talking?" "in fact people come from far and wide to see you fish" "I wish you would shut up" "so these 125 Japanese tourists are expecting something to happen...as in catching a fish"

I'm not alone

Bob reminded me that Mom passed away forty years ago today. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. If anyone would like to send me memories or pictures of Mom this is where I will post them.

This from Ger on December 01:

"hey there sunshine----after our talk i checked the blog out.Good job,as always!!!! As i scrolled the previous journals i read the one with my Grandmother --Grace Storm. It is really easy to forget the most terrific people in this world.I remember her just like it was yesterday-(yes i know it sounds like a cliche ) But she was truly an amazing woman -- the homemade ice cream, and just the overall love that she showed us was unforgettable--i miss her ..She would be proud to see how well her 3 boys have turned out,and that family is and always will be # 1..The fact is Marlene and Grandma were cloned.I miss my Aunt too..
Gotta go ---to emotional----love ya ----your mother loves you too and we know that she still guides us!!"

Wow, thank you Ger.

Even I have to admit this blog is coming together. I had no idea.

By the way Robin and Karen are going over to Nelson for a RDCK (whatever that stands for, Rapid Ducks on the Creek in the Kootenays?, well you guys know) banquet. He is going to receive a 20-year service recognition award. Clap, clap, clap, clap from the family to our Robin.

And he is learning to play the guitar. I wouldn't sit around any campfires with him in the next six or seven years. I can see Robin doing John Denver.....'country roads, take me home, west virginia'. Make it ten or twelve years before you sit around a campfire with him, and that may be too soon.

Thank you all for sending me stuff, this blog will only be as good as you make it.

News from SFU

Burnaby, B.C. – After a shaky start on Friday night the Simon Fraser University Clan women’s volleyball team came back to defeat the University of Winnipeg Wesmen 3-1 (26-24, 25-22, 20-25, 25-20). The Clan improve to 2-5 on the season while the Wesmen fall to 1-7. In the first game the Wesmen jumped out to an early lead of 10-4, but kills by Gillian Church (North Vancouver, B.C.), Colleen Douville (Creston, B.C.), and Jennifer Northrup (Surrey, B.C.) brought the score to a tie at 11.
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The two teams traded points and the score was tied six times during the course of the game. Finally with both teams tied at 24, the Clan took the game with kills by Krystyna Adams (Richmond, B.C.) and Sarah McNeil (Prince George, B.C.). In second game the Clan stepped onto the floor with greater confidence and better execution. Although the game saw the score tied six times, after the ten-point mark the Clan managed to stay a few steps ahead of the Wesmen to end the game 25-22.
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Douville had six of her match high 13 kills in the second game. In the third game the Clan let the Wesmen get away from them by having six errors on the attack while the Wesmen’s Nicola Dirks got her grove-on in the air with seven of her match high 17 kills coming in this game. SFU came out for the fourth game more aggressive above the net with blocks from McNeil, Northrup and Keri Philip (Qualicum Beach, B.C.), and 14 Clan kills. The Clan were able to dominate the game, staying ahead from the fourth point and finishing the game 25-20. “We were a little nervous in the first set,” admits Clan setter Philip, “But once we got a flow going we were able to stay ahead to pull out the win. Unfortunately we lost our focus in the third set, but we showed poise by coming back with confidence in the fourth. This year our team is playing much more competitively, and we are having more fun, and when we have fun we play well.”
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Douville led SFU with 13 kills, while Philip had 48 set assists. Northrup led the Clan with 22 digs. For Winnipeg, Dirks led the way with 17 kills, while Courtney Desaulniers had 38 set assists. Shanti Plett added 20 digs for the Wesmen.

Hi

I talked to Kev recently and he said: "I read through the blog and you put me down all the time" "true" "why?" "I don't know, probably because you have no idea about life in general and your outlook on life is askew" "mine?" "yours?" "me'm" "you'm, although you aren't all bad, there has to be one crabby person in every family and you've overtaken me in that regard so now I can be nice, pleasant and work on my sparkling personality" "sparkling?" "what's wrong with sparkling?" "I've never thought of you as sparkling" "under this veneer of stoicism there is a sparkle, although I may kill every bone in your bod if you don't shut up"

I could write about politics. I could write about my job. I could write about the Dow Jones Industrial Average. All so very boring to most.

I could also write about Jesse of the NYT who takes me seriously when I sound even more angst-ridden and jewish than he does. It's not a long stretch for me for some reason. We have a lot in common I think and he is one with whom I can identify with in some small way.

I could write about biking which I've done to death, but tonight was special. Biking home on November 24 and watching the sky turn from an azur blue, to dark blue to darkness while weaving in and out of traffic was sort of special for a Torontonian who is used to sleet at this time of year.

I could write about why I am such a soft touch. I'm not really but I must look like one. I'm getting better. It takes me an extraordinary amount of time to figure this out, it seems I was born to take everyone at face value to my chagrin so many times. I have no regrets, my heart was in the right place even though my head wasn't perhaps.

And above all I could write my family. And I do. That is what fun is all about. It is rediculous isn't it? Unfortunately I'm so old, I think Jim is fairly cute, not really. Can you imagine what I might think of Gail: "gail, you are fairly cute" "uncle don, I'm not that good" "in my wizened years you seem to be up there in cuteness, and Donna is right up there too". "uncle don, we can't be cute anymore, we're over thirty". "huh?" "we are over thirty, we can't be cute anymore, those days are past, long gone". "you look cute to me" "Uncle Don, quit with the cute, we've had kids, raised a family, struggled with jobs" "But you are cute, can I say that?" "I guess so"

A weather update

Not to make anyone jealous this Friday morn, but I'm biking to work today and it's going to be sunny with a high of plus eight and tomorrow it is going to be sunny with a high of plus 11. Ahem, Calgary will have a high of minus 14 today with periods of snow tonight; Cranbrook will have a high of plus one, but with a few flurries and going down to a low of minus 15 tonight; and Creston is going all the way up to plus three today with a chance of rain showers or flurries, but on Monday the high is forecast to be minus 14.

All together now: Aaaaaaawwwwwww, poor baby's.

Theophilus Benjamin Storm

Theo is seven months old now.

A London pub. Looks pretty quaint and cozy to me.

A famous London landmark. Well, if it isn't, it should be.

Lorraine definitely not standing next to Bob in London.

The bed and breakfast hotel Bob and Lorraine stayed at in London.

More pics from Bob/Lorraine's trip to Poland and England

One of the highlights of my life was spending time with Neil and Kev in Calgary. I didn't mind it. It wasn't a bad thing. Hello. They treated me good. Those two are kind of special in my mind. All of my family is of course, but they were funnee.

I've gone through some pictures that I have been sent over the years. From Bob, Anna, Marlene, Aunt Gladys, Ger; some good ones. some really good ones. I will get them scanned and post them.

I was going to say life is good. Hello. I hate it when I think that. I'm in pain. Not at this particular moment but I will be soon I'm sure. I feel something coming on: the flu, a migraine and/or various tropical diseases even though I haven't been to the tropics. They find me. Why did I bring that up, now I have a headache. My back is recovering (thank you Bob for asking) and did I mention I have no circulation in my upper and lower limbs? Why is it that I feel not bad now but 99999999.99% of the time I don't feel that great. Don't be surprised at any time to receive a phone call from Toronto: "Your uncle is on the verge of dying and he may not pull through" "should we rush down there?" "I wouldn't rush, take your time" "will he survive?" "it depends" "on what?" "he doesn't think you love him enough and he might jump from a tall building or hang himself from a rafter" "how is his pulse?" "It's flickering, it comes and goes". "should we worry about uncle don?" "he's not going to keel over in the next six minutes, but eventually you will have to spread his ashes over his favourite bike path"

"How long has he got" "it depends really, if everyone cooks him good food and slowly, ever so slowly nurses him back to health over an extended period of time (don't forget the coddling), he can have amazing recuperative powers".

I love these pics. This is a Storm Clan member (not mentioning any names) whom is, if not already the Great Grand Poobah Upcoming Soon To Be, is getting there, his gaze into oblivion is the best I've seen yet. And he's in London. He may have a leg up on the rest of us grand poobahs.

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We are amateurs: Jim gazes into space from a boat, Ger does it from a duck blind, Kev does it from a round table, I do it when I'm sitting on the can but Bob travels to London. Bob obviously took notes from The Great Grand Poobah Of All Time (Roy) whom only gazes into space when he is smoking a pipe and looking out the window as his homestead is moving down the highway at 65 kliks an hour.

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Seriously though Bob looks good. Doesn't he? Wow. Especially his huge forehead. One could try to kick a field goal from one end of it and not hit the end zone. I'm kidding of course, he's a cutie.

I will be posting more pics of Bob and Lorraine in the future. They bought a new trailer. And they just got back from England and Poland. Hello. Boy did I make some wrong moves in life.

from Poland

These are just three of the great pics that Bob took from Poland that I chose to highlight. Note that Lorraine is in everyone of them. Not a coincidence.

I was considering not showing these pics that Bob took at the Auschwitz-Birkenau Memorial and Museum in Oswiecim, Poland on my blog. For only a second. I had the opportunity to see another concentration camp when I visited Munich Germany many years ago and I just couldn't bring myself to go. These are just three pics to remind us all that life is precious..so very precious.

A wee short note

I wasn't able to bike today, a Friday. For every reason known to mankind: the weather, my back, and lacking brakes on my bike (which hopefully I will get fixed this weekend). But I still feel like a lazy, good for nothing person. Can a sixty-one year old white male be angst ridden and anorexic? I'm thinking of the exercise regime I will start any day now: push-ups (unfortunately I've got the weakest arms in the history of mankind so that's out); running-on-the spot (unfortunately I can't run on the go much less run on the spot); skip rope (I can't find a single store in Toronto that stocks skipping ropes); hang myself from a rafter (it's an option); sit-ups (this is the one, they'll keep my washboard stomach from looking like a wash basin stomach).

I read an article in the New York Times on the Okanagan Valley weeks ago. As is my habit sometimes I like to praise persons for work well done, and so I looked up the Okanagan Valley Tourist Board and sent them a congratulatory e-mail on their good work. As it happened the person who responded to me was Deanna who grew up in Cranbrook. I have an open invitation to stop in anytime when I'm out there and she'll give me a guided tour of Kelowna. I just sent her another e-mail which may prompt her to adopt me....can a sixty-one year old white male be adopted?

from Neil

Spectacular pics of Rae Glacier in the Kananaskis. That is Neil skiing in the top pic.

I see blue sky....ooh, that's what it looks like.

from Ger

A pic from the hot tub of the (presumably) first snowfall.

We haven't had snow yet in T.O. It's just been overcast for 9,000 days in a row...snow would be a relief.

A hodgepodge

- I live in a yuppie neighbourhood. All the couples who live in my neighbourhood are in their thirties and are lawyers and accountants who are on their way to being CE.O.s. There are very few kids on my street. Today, on the way to the store, I was following two women whom were walking their Swiss Border Dachhounds: "my ex is friends with my current husband, Claude, they get along well". "really, my ex is an Aries and he can't stand Chad whom is a Leo." I immediately got a headache and felt nauseous.

- A Christmas tree was put up in the lobby at work last Wednesday. If I had anything to do with anything I would ban Christmas decorations until at least December 15th.

- If I was marooned on an island, I wouldn't want to be rescued by Madonna.

- The CFL finals. The best of memories sitting in McMahon Stadium in the coldest of weather.

- Actually if I was marooned on an island I wouldn't want be marooned with Jim, Ger or Kev: Jim: "Uncle Don did I tell you about the time I.." "Sixteen hundred times" "what about the time I.." "two thousand and twelve times" "And remember..." "you're talking" "but.." "just be quiet and climb that tree and get us some coconuts" Ger: "Uncle Don I'm going cut down that coconut tree and make it into a semi-detached bungalow." "where are you going to get the shale for the spiral staircase?" "you have to swim out to that reef." "That's twelve miles away, I'm not that good a swimmer" "Flipper will help you carry the shale back." Kev: "Uncle Don have you seen my shotgun?" "your who'm?" "my shotgun" "you mean that thing with a hair trigger?" "Uh huh" "are you in a good mood today?" "not particularly." "um, well you see a shark attacked us while you slept and I used it to fend off impending doom" "I'm going a make a shotgun out of that coconut tree" "good idea, great idea, amazingly great idea, take your time"

- As I may have mentioned, I pulled a muscle in my back. That is pain. I had to take three days off work. Who cares. The thing is, it was more comfortable for me to sit, trying to lay down and sleep was impossible. And at sixy-one, one's sleep patterns are more or less defined: "ten o-clock, time for bed." "I can't move." "You have to go to bed." "Just this once can I not move?" "okay I'll go to bed, ach, ouch, gad, aah" "that wasn't so bad was it?" "now what do I do?" "sleep" "sleep?, I'm in complete &(%^ pain and I'm supposed to sleep, I've never been more awake in my life, and I can't sleep on my back, I just can't do that, I have to be in a fetal position" "you know if I wasn't your concience I would move on to someone else, gawd you are a baby." "okay here goes, I'm astir, moving to lay on my left side (my fave), do you think my screaming will wake up the neighbourhood?" "think positively in between the searing pain, at least you are not angst-ridden at the moment"

- When I finally do move out to Creston, there will be many, many things I will miss about Toronto. It is the greatest city in the world I think. But I don't think I should have decided to come to Creston at Christmas. It's going to kill me coming back. But when Anita yells at me from across the table when I'm talking to Kev on the phone "Uncle Don, come home for Christmas", one can hardly refuse. It wasn't that bad the last time. I don't know how I do it actually. I guess I must have some inner strength that I don't know about and only use for moments like those. It is not easy, I tell you that one.

- Okay I will do this once. Only for unbiased purposes mind you. Jim is okay. If one was going to write a history of the world he might not be included. But he should be. There is a person whom I respect. He's not bad. And Ger. He is angst-ridden too and I find that so endearing. And Kev is the one whom understands me and there is not that many persons around who do.

- Perhaps I shouldn't be invited anywhere. Last Sunday morn I set myself on fire. This won't make Kev happy but yes I did. Why am I billowing in smoke? Oh, my robe is on fire. Thankfully I was able to put the fire out before it spread. 99.99% of the time l lead a normal life. It's that .01% that is a problem. I completely think I'm a victim of circumstance.

- Agh. guess what? I was talking to Col and he either got bored with me or hung up because Kev wanted him to. I going to spend money that I can't afford coming out there? I don't think so. I'm not good at climbing stairs. Especially after a few beer. I've never seen Kev's upper floors. Hello: I couldn't climb those sober. I bike to Etobicoke and back every day and have survived near-death experiences but I can't climb Kev's stairs. Once, and only once, I did take the stairs down. "watch the step Uncle Don there is one missing". "one what?" "step". "why is every step wobbly, if I fall I'll sue you". By the way this is where me and Anita snuggle" "yay, if I'm not upstairs within sixteen seconds I'm going to kill myself". "you don't like it?" "it seems kind of dark" "you don't like what Anita has done to it, she'll kill you when she finds that out". "Dark in a good way" If I lived there I would keep the deck and torch the house. If I somehow had money and was Kevin, I'd make that place into the greatest place of all time. Sitting around the table and throwing darts doesn't do it.

I don't understand why Col hangs up me. So I look around and wonder if I'm an asshole. All my life I've had to dumb down. I completely get tired of pretending I'm stupid. Actually maybe I am.

Sunday morning musings with coffee

I must admit, it's nice to be able to pick up the phone and talk to Kev with his new attitude towards me. I try not to take advantage of it although I woke him up yesterday morning. I'm always up at five a.m .so phoning him at nine was quite an achievement in patience for me. And I talked to Ger. Geez that was nice. If there was something I could do about not phoning them I would do it. Only because I don't want to seem like a pest. But there is nothing I can do about it. On Friday during the working day I say: "no phoning family this weekend". And of course after six beer I have to. Oh well, I could be a serial killer. Or a porn star (well you never know, it could happen). So I guess loving my family is not so bad.

And I have pics of Bob and Lorrraine's trip to England and Poland to post this week. And I talked to Karri-man and Loretta. And beloved Anita. I didn't talk to Jim, Col, and Ty but they know I love them. Why would anyone care? I'm annoying. I'm sure. I think 61 is too young to hate Mondays. I have a problem with Mondays. You guys are all so young so you wouldn't get it. An old like me just drags his ass getting up monday morn. I wrore the below sober so don't expect much. And I love classical music. I think I'm good. I really do. I have to prove it to you.



it may look like I am calm, cool and collected, but I'm actually a roiling cauldren. The hammer, by the way, is the greatest invention of all time. If I can't open something (a bottle, a can, and/or a carton) almost immediately, I take a hammer to it. A child's-proof bottle of dino vitamins is child's play to me. Whack! It's open. Not that I take kid's vitamins, I take one-a-day vitamins for those over 50. I presume when one is 49, one can't handle the molybdutti. Why isn't there vitamins for those over 60? The bottle would be wrapped in a noose and contain arsenic.

So Environment Canada has come out with statistics. Toronto had less hours of sunshine this fall than any other year in recorded history. Thank gawd, I now have a reason for my inexplicable urge to jump off the nearest tall building. If it wasn't for my acrophobia (fear of heights) and agliophobia (fear of pain) I would have been deceased a long time ago. I also suffer from brontophobia (fear of thunder and lightning), febriphobia (fear of fever), ophidiophobia (fear of snakes) motorphobia (fear of cars) and jimophobia (fear of jim).

So I phoned Kev and asked him "for Jim's phone number: "I can't give it you" "why?" "it's secret" "what's a secret?" "why I can't give it you" "he doesn't want to talk to me, I understand" "no, he thinks you should remember it by now" "I still look up yours, I'm not good with numbers" "but he doesn't want to talk to you" "that is a relief, good, I don't mind" "what, you should mind uncle don". "why would I mind, I wouldn't particularly want to talk to me either, and it took you years to understand that talking to me on the phone is not worst thing in the world, and why are you being nice to me, I don't like it, when you are nice to me that means you are plotting something". "me'm?" "you'm" "I just talked to Ger and he was nice to me too. "He'm?" "he'm, so I've been through it all, I've seen everything worth seeing so it's hardly worth mentioning that you aren't going to surprise me, the only one so far has been Kev". May I mention this one more time. To see Roy's home coming in and picking me up was more than amazing. Roy didn't look happy, but Bob and Lorraine and I were completely shocked. And going back to Creston was so amazing. And God made sure we had a flat so we had to stop and see Jim. And I think we played mini-golf. Impossible to top that one. I was in the co-pilot's seat and I turned around and there was everyone I loved. That one is impossible to top.

I have one other actually. Being with Ger and Kev taking me to Cranbrook. It was brothers together whom felt comfortable with each other. That wasn't a bad experience. I felt completely honoured. Last summer was rediculous for me. I'm a normal person whom should be treated with respect but that's it. Although it is nice to be treated special I must admit. I don't deserve it. Of course when I actually move to Creston it will be different: from Jim: Now that I've got you ice fishing and you have no where to go I'm going to talk about my last hunting expedition for twelve hours straight. from Ger: I'm going to build the Great Wall of China and you have to help me carry the rocks down from the summit. from Kev: if you're sitting on the deck in the morning contemplating life and utter a sound, I'm going to shoot you. In fact if you blink you are dead. In fact If you don't throw that dart now you are dead. You don't have to explain to us why the trajectory has to be like an arc. And we are never playing Trivial Persuit. And start walking towards town and the bus station, you are a threat to mankind.

A warning

On the outside, it may look like I am calm, cool and collected, but I'm actually a roiling cauldren. The hammer, by the way, is the greatest invention of all time. If I can't open something (a bottle, a can, and/or a carton) almost immediately, I take a hammer to it. A child's-proof bottle of dino vitamins is child's play to me. Whack! It's open. Not that I take kid's vitamins, I take one-a-day vitamins for those over 50. I presume when one is 49, one can't handle the molybdutti. Why isn't there vitamins for those over 60? The bottle would be wrapped in a noose and contain arsenic.

So Environment Canada has come out with statistics. Toronto had less hours of sunshine this fall than any other year in recorded history. Thank gawd, I now have a reason for my inexplicable urge to jump off the nearest tall building. If it wasn't for my acrophobia (fear of heights) and agliophobia (fear of pain) I would have been deceased a long time ago. I also suffer from brontophobia (fear of thunder and lightning), febriphobia (fear of fever), ophidiophobia (fear of snakes) motorphobia (fear of cars) and jimophobia (fear of jim).

So I phoned Kev and asked him "for Jim's phone number: "I can't give it you" "why?" "it's secret" "what's a secret?" "why I can't give it you" "he doesn't want to talk to me, I understand" "no, he thinks you should remember it by now" "I still look up yours, I'm not good with numbers" "but he doesn't want to talk to you" "that is a relief, good, I don't mind" "what, you should mind uncle don". "why would I mind, I wouldn't particularly want to talk to me either, and it took you years to understand that talking to me on the phone is not worst thing in the world, and why are you being nice to me, I don't like it, when you are nice to me that means you are plotting something". "me'm?" "you'm" "I just talked to Ger and he was nice to me too. "He'm?" "he'm, so I've been through it all, I've seen everything worth seeing so it's hardly worth mentioning that you aren't going to surprise me, the only one so far has been Kev". May I mention this one more time. To see Roy's home coming in and picking me up was more than amazing. Roy didn't look happy, but Bob and Lorraine and I were completely shocked. And going back to Creston was so amazing. And God made sure we had a flat so we had to stop and see Jim. And I think we played mini-golf. Impossible to top that one. I was in the co-pilot's seat and I turned around and there was everyone I loved. That one is impossible to top.

I have one other actually. Being with Ger and Kev taking me to Cranbrook. It was brothers together whom felt comfortable with each other. But none of you have any idea about me. Nil. You three are too tame for me. I'm better than you guys by a thousand times. You guys wouldn't do what I do in a trillion years. 'no pain, no gain': Jim, Kev, Ger and Rob are not up to my standards. You guys can do all you want but you will never, ever be up to me. You have no idea about me, I guarantee you there. I'm so much better than you will ever realize.

Monday morning I'm going to be hitting the road again. And you guys will just jump in the truck and go to work: "no pain, no gain" Just be careful. To me you all seem to be indistructable but if I ever lost one of you I'd have to kill myself.

A day in the life...

I must admit sometimes I'm a trifle tired when I get home from work. As in today....

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4:45-6:20 am: get up, start coffee perking, shower, drink coffee while reading my favourite newspaper websites for the news, make breakfast (this morning consisting of hash browns, scrambled eggs, toast with marmelade, and sliced tomatoes), make my lunch (consisting of a bagel with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and a pickle) and then make my first major decision of the day. What to wear to work. When biking to work in November in Toronto it's all about the weather. Is it raining now? If not will it be raining when I bike home? Should I wear two pairs of gloves or just one? And it goes on and on, but today there was no rain forecast so it wasn't quite such a major decision. But I did wear the wrong pair of gloves because it was colder than I thought. I forget to check out the ^$$^)(&$% wind chill.

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6:21-7:35 am: bike to work. This of course is normally my fave time of the day. But this morning I was starting work an hour earlier because we are busy and so I had to make the second major decision of the day: take a route to work I hate, but which take less time, or the one with less traffic but takes fifteen minutes longer. I took the shorter route but grumbled under my breath something about: 'when am I gonna stop and smell the roses?'.

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8:00-4:00 pm: During this period of time I made the third through tenth major decisions of the day. Should I eat the energy bar on my first break or the slice of pound cake? Should I work until five and make a little extra money? And of course, being Friday, I had extra major decisions to make. If I do my grocery shopping tonight I don't have to do it tomorrow. If I go to my usual drug store tonight and buy the ibuprofin and vitamin pills tonight I don't have to do it tomorrow (by the way why does everything run out at the same time?). But I survived my hated job for another week at least.

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4:00-5:05 pm: The wind was with me I guess. Friday biking home is the one day I clear my head and just enjoy it.

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5:06-5:27 pm: grocery shop. I've shopped at this particular Food Basics for a long time. Pretty well got it down except my bank card never works in the slot. Well, I can't make it work, they have no prob making it work. I seethe for at least a minute after I've bought groceries there, wondering why I don't have the touch (don't I lead a wonderfully exciting life?). Take groceries home and lock up my bike up for the 75th time today.

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5:28-5:51 pm: Slowly walk up the stairs and take my backpack and bike helmet off and collapse. And remember it's Friday. Who cares about one-a-day vitamins? Who cares about a back ache? It's beer time!

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5:52-6:00 pm: Hippity-hop down the stairs, unlock the bike lock, jump on the bike and hit the beer store and am back in eight minutes (could be a record).

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It was nice to receive this e-mail from Ger: 'well unc of the funk,i just spent the last hour reviewing the Stormblog and what you have written in the last 6 months..Let me tell you that my stomach hurts from laughing and i think that your writing is awesome!!! Thanks for having a website that we can look at and review what's happening in little old Creston that's being written by our uncle in Toronto--how bizarre is that?' Great to hear, but I can't seem to find any editor out there that wants to publish anything I have to say. I don't look that hard because I don't have time.

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Recently the New York Times wrote a great article on the Okanagan: 'a hidden treasure' type thing. I looked up the tourism board for the Okanagan and sent them an e-mail congratulating them on their success. Got a great e-mail back from whomever at the tourism board and thanking me for making their day. I have no idea what my role in life is supposed to be. The point being is I like to make people feel good about themselves (except my family, they don't listen).

I feel like I'm going through hell right now, I really do, but I imagine everyone goes through the same thing when they are sixty-one. I have to figure out a way to get to Roy and Leo's zaniness (and happiness it seems to me) without actually being zany and happy. Zany is not the correct word, but when I talk to Leo, I feel younger. I haven't talked to Roy for months but I can't imagine him being much different.

They are the two that I think we should be completely pleased about and thank gawd they are still with us.

Yay.

from Ger

Well it finally happened ---yahooooo----grandfatherdom here i come!!!!! I just got home from Kamloops,mother and baby are fine. Here's pic's of Lane Walter Tozer..The newest addition to the Storm family

from Robin

We were just up in Calgary, I went to Lethbridge to play oldtimers hockey (I bet you can't believe I'm an oldtimer), and Karen went to Calgary to see Colleen play against U of C. We got blown out early so I went up with a buddy to catch the volleyball game last night. Karen and Colleen were surprised to see me. Colleen led her team in kills. We drove home today and Colleen flew back to Vancouver. Marcel was up in Kamloops for the weekend playing volleyball tourny.

I was just e-mailing Jim and something hit me. An idea. Really and truly I go through hell. But I may have one of the greatest senses of humour in the history of mankind. Perhaps that is why I'm on this earth. It's not that difficult when you have relatives like mine. Hello. I can tell a funny story about every single one my relatives. Every single one. I haven't even come close yet to writing my memories down, but they are stored up my brain and they will be written some day. I've really, really tried to write serious stuff. It's beyond me. I see the good and funny side of everything. And I tell you, I've probably done more silly stuff that any person in the history of mankind. Not that I wanted to. It just seems to happen. Those memories will never be written. First of all not a soul would believe them and second of all I'd be put away for the rest of my life.

Thank you Kev for talking to me, thank you Bob for e-mailing me I'm looking forward to receiving more pics. Thank you Ger and Justin for being strange. And everyone else. You keep me alive and well. I can't ask for much more than that. Hugs and kisses to you all.

It seems this is the only picture I've got of Kevin and Anita's place. So blot out the people pictured in the foreground and imagine how nice it is to visit them coming from downtown Toronto. I love visiting Bob and Lorraine and they have such a nice corner lot, it's amazing. And Jim and Brenda have the best location in Cranbrook I think. When I'm in Cranbrook that is where I want to be. And of course Ger and Karri have the most extraordinary backyard and location possible in town. I love it and I feel so comfortable there. But that is civilization. .

When I come out there for a week I don't want civilization. I'm in the midst of it every day of my life and Kev's place is there where there is no civilization. In fact I'm not sure there are life forms. I can remember that place and it looked like a hillbilly heaven. Anita has done the most amazing job. And Kev of course with the help of Roy on the house and the boys I'm sure. How many persons like perfection? Not me. I'm sixty-one, hopefully that gives me a little bit of credibility. I feel at home in many places, I'm not that hard to please, but when I walk into Anita's home I feel at home. I notice that too with Bob and Lorraine and Jim and Brenda and Ger and Karri (no one is ever going to accuse me of favouritsm). If someone was going to put a shotgun to my head and ask where would I like to spend the last evening of my life before my brains were splattered across the wall, I might say Kevin and Anita's, although I'd certainly consider other relatives too:

I might not consider Ger though. Can you imagine? "hi Ger" "whom are youm?" "your uncle, remember the only person in the history of mankind who can actually put up with you and who thinks you are cute and kind of funny, I'm living with you for the rest of your life" "what day is this?" "the first day"

And then there Jim of whom I'd have to set some perameters before I moved in: "don't talk about the Navy, or anything actually" "what about my hunting experiences?" "above all not that that" "quad trips?" "nope" "fishing expeditions?" "boring" "climbing the highest mountain with a grizzly after me?" "yawn" "using my expertise in cooking a great meal" "now your talking"

We all know Kev is perfect of course. I presume so: "Kev?" "what?" "far be it for me to criticize you since you've lived here for thirty years or so, but may I ask why you are naked and carrying a shotgun around the house?" "I'm looking for noisy rodunts" "Kev, it's cold out and rodunts don't like the cold and now that you mention it maybe they do, I'll keep a chart and track them from day to day, and if I can find a trend then.....why are you pointing that shotgun at me?"

This is either a mirage or Justin is walking across the Gobi Desert dressed like a guerrilla carrying an Uzi. I couldn't tell you where he might be headed but if he's on his way to pick up a dead duck, it doesn't seem quite worth it to me.

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Not having duck-hunted myself, and knowing Roy, Jim, Ger, and Kev I've always assumed that it involved, more or less, shooting towards the flock of ducks, watching one of them fall from the sky, having a dog retrieve said dead duck and then resuming the party. I know Ger perhaps takes duck hunting a touch more serious than others might but to send his only begotten son off to retrieve a dead duck that fell a mile and a half away, across a bleak Martian landscape seems rather heartless to me.

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"Dad, I have to what?" "go get that dead duck" "why me?" "do you see a Golden Retreiver around?" "no" "guess what?" "I haven't had lunch yet Dad and besides when I get back I won't look like a poster boy from Field and Stream" "Son, sometimes one has to sacrifice for the good of...........whatever" "What are you going to do while I'm trudging across that vast plain on an empty stomach?" "catch a few rays" "catch a few rays?" "and keep an eye out for oncoming flocks of ducks of course"

Ger

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Is it my imagination or does Ger look unhappy in the above pic. Although he is cute when he's angry I know why he's mad. Only I would know this of course: I'm going kill Uncle Don the next time I see him. Why am I wearing these stupid clothes. Am I handsome enough honey? Let's take a break here. A question: whom want's to duck hunt with Ger, raise your hands. Justin raise your hand, your the son. Anyone else? Well Ger it's you and Justin, I'm tremendously surprised that not a soul on this earth and no species within 15 light years away want's to hunt duck with you. I'm shocked.

October 30

So it's Kev's birthday on Monday. He thinks there should be a national holiday in his honour but I explained to him that he's not quite that renowned. He was born in 1960, which brings back memories to me. Coincidentally or not, 1960 was the year that Alfred Hitchcock's film Psycho was released, in my opinion THE scariest movie of all time. And Patsy Cline released 'I Fall to Pieces', one of my favourite songs of all time. John F. Kennedy was elected president, and the Pittsburgh Pirates beat the dreaded New York Yankees which I remember as if it was yesterday.

And so Kev asked me if I remembered the day he was born. I had to say I didn't. Hello, every time I turned around their was another new arrival. "Mom?" "yes Donnie" "who's having a kid today, Marlene or Anna?" "Anna" "when is Marlene due?" "any day now" "so we've got James and Gerald, I presume they are going to call this one Kevin" "how did you guess?" "instinct, and I bet the next one will be called Julie" "what if it's a boy?" "then it will be Julius" "let's hope and pray it's a girl". "Mom, Kevin will be the youngest son and he will have to put up with two older, rambunctious brothers, will he be able to hold his own?" "I have a feeling he will". I'm afraid to do the arithmetic, I really am. Kevin is going to be forty-six? Where's the noose? Jim and Ger will be fifty in a few years? Where's the rafter to hang the noose from? Sorry, I can't allow that to happen. Bob seems to me to be about forty-two tops.

On Jim's fiftieth birthday in a few years we are going to have to do something special (no, not commit mass suicide). An outdoorsy thing. It will be spring so I'll only need to bring the woollen socks, woollen underwear, woollen scarves, and woollen mittens for you three. Kev can suppy the generator so that the heart defibulator, self-contained breathing apparatus and e.e.g. diagnostics can be administered to you guys on a moments notice. And Ger can supply the flatbed truck that is big enough to hold three wheel chairs, the above-mentioned medical equipment, a M.A.S.H. unit, an ambulance, and six cases of Ex-lax. Since it will be Jim's birthday he won't have to bring anything. And he will forget that it is his birthday anyway.

Scorpios: "one shouldn't take Scorpios lightly....there's no fluff or chatter about Scorpios...the curiosity of Scorpios is immeasurable...they have keen sense of intuition...they are in the ultimate control of their destiny..some may find them overbearing and self-destructive but that is the beauty of the Scorpio..fearless, Scorpios rarely lose, they just keep on going...but they are complex and secretive....it's best not to bet against a Scorpio." I couldn't have said it better, have a great birthday Kev.

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And Kristin is going to be a Mommy any day now. I'm awaiting with bated breath receiving pics from Ger on the new arrival. If I was any more more great I'd be a stupendous uncle.

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(editor's note: uncle don thanks Kev for being a good sport and promises he will also pick on Ger and Jim on their next birthday. And anyone else that comes to mind.)

Darwin

I don't like it when Kev acts dumb. It means something is afoot if I come down there at Christmas, or he actually he is dumb. Fifty-fifty. I can do the math. And I know he not dumb. And Jim is capable of coming up with annoying things to do to me if I come down there for a week. And I haven't even mentioned Ger yet. Perhaps I made the mistake of treating them with too much respect and they will try to get back at me and do something silly. I'm thinking of Charles Darwin, imagine it: "hi Jim" "huh?" "do you have any comments on Darwin's "orgins of the species of man?" "huh?" Well let's ask Ger: "what's your take on 'the tendency of species to form varieties?"" "it's a good idea". We'll ask this cute person here, Kev is it? Do you think the "perpetuation of varieties and species" includes you three? "in which species are you talking about?" "you'm" "me'm?" "you three must be a species" "sorry, we came from Roy and Anna and they came from a distant planet in another solar system". "ah, that explains everything".

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(editor's note: uncle don knows he is going to pay for the above. He will try to stay away from Ger when Ger has a welding torch in hand)

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Little known facts about Uncle Don:

He can be crabby in the morning. Which makes no sense. Dad was happy in the morn, Mom too, Marlene, Roy and Bob , no prob. I get up 5 am and one would think by the time I arrive at work at 8 am I'd be over it. Not so.

He is a creature of habit during the work week. It must be a tremendous shock to everyone but yes I am. You could add up all the other creatures of habit in the world, multiply that by two, add a million, and you still wouldn't be a creature of habit like me.

He is afraid of doctors. True, but I'm afraid they are going to tell me I'm healthy. I couldn't take it, because I'm know I'm not and they'll think it's all in the mind. And when I kick the bucket in six or seven months they'll say: "oops, I guess I was wrong". Could happen.

He is afraid of flying. As I get older, less and less. Being in a cylinder hurtling through the air has never been my my idea of fun. I've flown in small planes of every type working for HBOG and Dome and they weren't fun either. Especially when the pilot kissed the earth when he landed.

He remembers almost everyone that has been nice to him over the years (excluding family). And that includes a Finnish chick in Majorca, Spain to a person on acid in Rocky Mtn House to someone who drove me across Canada in a VW and took me fishing on his father's boat out of Yarmouth, Nova Scotia and maybe (the most precious of all) being with homeless person's like me and living the experience. My family can debate it all they want, but it was an amazing experience.

He forgets completely who hasn't to nice to him. There has been a thousand but I can't remember one of them.





05. He remembers family.

Most people, upon reaching puberty, don't change that much over the years. Let me dispel a myth: it can happen. Now that I'm over it, I can await with glee to see how the rest of the family copes with turning sixty. Now that I'm sixty-one I'm just permanently despondent, not suicidal any more.

When one is sixty-one, one can look at the bright side of life: in the middle ages, people only lived to be forty at most. I'm looking forward to receiving my first old-age pension cheque in four years. I'm going to use it to buy a noose and hang myself from a rafter.

No one who reads this blog realizes how important letter-writing was at one time. I remember receiving letters from Mom and Marlene. And they were good writers. If anyone is wondering where I get my ability to write from, you don't have to go too far. I was so tremendously homesick in Calgary for a while there and Mom and Marlene's letters were a godsend. Same writing style and the same sentiments. So this blog is just me carrying on the tradition and hopefully writing stuff that they would approve of.

Bob

from bob: We're back on Tuesday afternoon...we're having a great time. The first week was in Poland, saw Auchwitz and Berkinow (depressing) and Kracow (very beautiful). It reminds me a bit of the 50's in Creston, not everything is paved yet, although the main roads are, and except for the vehicles, etc. People still ride bicycles quite a bit, and each town and city has a town square with shops all around, very beautiful.

And we've been in London for a few days now...saw "Les Mis" at the Queens theatre (awesome), its been playing here for 20 years. Saw Big Ben, the Pallace, the London Eye, etc. We're taking a tour bus around the city today to see anything we missed. Its raining now and then but not too bad. We're in this bed & breakfast which is very nice.

We've taken a few hundred pic's, I'll go through them when we get back and send some to you.

When Bob sends me pics you will see them to. I could be wrong but I think "my" family want's to see them to. I assume that.

Anita

If anyone wants me to be in a good mood, take a pic of Anita without me. Anita is a special person. When you are friend of Anita, you are a special friend indeed.

I presume I love the Storm family and I am one of them. We are all too busy, and Kevin thinks he his too (even though we all know isn't) . Anita has completey made me feel comfortable out there.

I couldn't feel comfortable with just anyone. I'm pretty sure Anita couldn't either. I feel comfortable with everyone but it's nice to have someone whom thinks the same as I do. Odd. Persons are probably thinking: What? I think Anita and Kev know I sat out there in the rain and couldn't force myself to go bed.

I presume I'm a fairly smart person. So I'm hoping that Bob will forgive me if I spent time at Kevin's at Christmas. Not that i'm doing it. If it happened. You've got the best family and friends in the history of mankind and so do I: Jim, Ger and Kev.

Jimmy

We can all think of a thousand stories. May I just bring up one?" "jim, I'm going to inventory something, somewhere, do you want to come?" "okay" So I had to find this remote wellhead somewhere. I thought I could make it. Of course it was raining. As my job as as inventory accountant I was well used to get used to getting stuck, but this was a challenge. Stuck, well we have to walk back. We walked for a long way and finally found a farm. I think I got Jim to go ask them if they could help us. Think the movie Deliverance. But we got this tractor to pull us out. It worked. We got the car unstuck and continued on our way and found a major highway. And then we had a flat tire and the spare tire was flat. "Jim, go knock on that door over yonder and ask them if we can use the phone to call CAA". He did and we was rebuffed. So after walking for miles and getting a pull from a tractor in the middle of nowhere, here we were standing on Highway #2 and a thousand cars going by and nobody would stop to help us. Finally someone did, but I've never been so discouraged about mankind as I was that day.

Uncle Don's top ten list of thing's he loves about Jim:

10. If one add's up the trillion pluses and the trillion minuses, Jim ends up being a plus (using creative accounting).

09. He once made me a big martini (chilled and the perfect amount of vermouth).

08. He's cute (if one is blind in one eye and can't see out of the other).

07. This is getting difficult, it was easy to do the top ten for Kev and Ger because they are tremendously annoying, but Jim is actually kind of nice, in an annoying kind of way. Okay I got it: He takes after Roy.

06. Not that that is a problem mind you: "where are we Kev and Ger?" "uncle don, we are talking to Jim and Roy, in the middle of boredom heaven" "is that a good thing?" "it is a good a good thing if you are on speed"

05. "can Jim last a day without a nap?" "are you kidding, he can't last an hour without a nap" "how does he nap at work?" " he finds ways"

04. "so I can't put anything on the blog that might annoy persons, and I love Jim, how do put it delicatley that he's boring?" "tell him he's stupid, annoying and doesn't have a brain" "Ger I can't do that, he'll be annoyed at me" "but the delicate sounds so much better then". "okay".

03. Why am I spending more time on Jim than Ger and Kev. Because I might hurt his fragile ego. Can we talk about this? You can talk to anyone in the history of the Storms/Douvilles and I don't think anyone would describe Jim as having a fragile ego. Tip: don't bring up his navy days. If you do then be prepared for hell. And if he get's talking about submarines, head for the hills.

02. I'm kidding of course Jim. We all look up to you. With respect. You can dodder too if you must.

01. Maybe Jim is the most special one of all time, maybe.

Wow

For sure everyone in Creston will recognize this picture. Ger took it during Justin's and his recent goose hunting trip. What a picture! When I first looked at it, I thought: 'that looks like geese walking along the shore there'. Of course it isn't I presume, although stranger things have happened in the Storm Clan.

Top ten things (out of order I'm sure) I love about Ger:

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10. I'm not going to be bored in his presence.

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09. He likes beer too.

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08. He's a typical virgo, angst, doubt and looks inward like crazy. That's my boy!

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07. He can sing like a lark and knows the words.

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06. He's the funniest person in the history of mankind when he's explaining to me Karri's canoe exploits and trying to talk me into canoing with her next year in the back of a van.

.05. Am I halfway there?: Ger's not perfect: Hello. He's a Storm. If one used a yardstick to measure Storm's, Ger would be on one end of it. The other end would be boredom, and that is not my thing.

.04. I feel comfortable around Ger. I don't get many opporunities to be with him and it is a special thing when I do.

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03. I'm feeling uncomfortable talking about Ger like this. Because I'm sure he would be. No he wouldn't. I'm slightly biased of course, but no, he's not bad. I wouldn't put him in the category of 'great". He's up there.

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02. He's got two of the greatest kids of history of mankind; and

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01. And he is the special of the special, maybe.

Field and Stream

This picture looks like one out of Field and Stream magazine. But it can't be, that's our Justin. Amazing, amazing pic Ger! I should just stop here and publish this without further comment.

Ha! Not much chance of that happening.

Justin looks like he just stepped out of an Eddie Bauer catalogue. I had the odd idea that there was a touch of deprivation involved in goose hunting. The tent you see there is just to keep the booze hidden from the geese overhead, Ger and Justin actually slept on 20 inch thick foamies in the back of Ger's truck.

"Dad" "yes Justin?" "why do I have pose to for this picture, I wanna shoot some geese?" "be patient my son, I need the perfect light"

On writing and other things

So I'm in sitting in front of the computer and I'm poised to write something brilliant. If not brilliant, at least remotely interesting. I've got the tv on football, I'm listening to bluegrass music, my coffee is at hand, and my mind is totally and completely blank. Writer's block? I've got thinking block.

I'm looking out my window and I see my bike locked to the fence and it looks so lonely. The poor thing, it needs me to ride it. But then no writing. Now I'm looking at my guitar. It looks lonely too, it needs strumming, but then no writing. Now I see people walking around outside. They look happy, why wouldn't they be, they are outside. I need a walk, but then no writing. Now I'm looking at Ger's work of art hanging on the wall. The intricacy of it, I'm not writing.

I'm thinking of Robin's garlic crop. He planted 350 lbs. of it yesterday and he's sold most of it already. Sean and Aimee (Gail's two youngest) helped him plant the garlic. I should write an article on garlic. Unfortunately I know nothing about garlic so it would be a short one.

I seem to know a lot about everything that is boring and very little about anything that is interesting. I could write a book about biking in Toronto but everyone would doze off while reading the prologue. I could write a book about Kevin and me canoeing but if you've been in a canoe with him lately you know how boring that would be. I could write a cookbook with Jim on the art of cooking big game properly. Unfortunately he's still trying to find some. I could write about Roy and his naps, but I'd fall asleep.

I almost never get nostalgic, but I do look back with fondness on my first ski trip, to Sunshine Village with family. "Okay Uncle Don you'll be okay, you've got Roy and Leo on either side of you on this triple chair, you won't get hurt". "Okay". I ended up being okay except I sent both Roy and Leo off into a snowbank when we got off the chair. At that point in time it was every man for himself and I guess I needed a lot of elbow room. Gail and Julie were the only ones who had enough patience to get me down the Strawberry run.

The above isn't a pic of my bike although I can see the benefits of having one like it. The uzi would definitely come in handy. Did anyone watch the Loafs and Flames last night? Boy did Mats look good. I did not know that he has scored more OT goals than anyone else. I took the time to e-mail the Edmonton Eskimo front office to give condolences to them for missing the playoffs for the first time in gawd knows how long. I actually remember Hugh Campbell playing football. And I went to Stampede Wrestling. To see Sweet Daddy Siki. I enjoyed it completely. I also remember sitting in The Highlander with Glen Higa, Ken, and Bob Fujino.

But it's impossible for a person to be treated any better than from Jim and Ger on a canoe trip. I try not to think about it, and Justin, and Colin. And everyone. Anita, Karri-women, Brenda. Ty. Jen, Shawna. You will note that Kev's name is missing. He doesn't treat me with the respect I deserve. I have some theories on this:

Uncle Don's Top Ten Theories on Kev:

10. He thinks he should be #1 which isn't going to happen when I'm around.

09. Other than him being able to tally dart scores, I can't see why he exists.

08. He loves to hide under Justin's truck at least once a year.

07. He gets every quip I say and that is not an easy thing to do. One has to be really strange to do that.

06. His renowned reputation of hatred towards cats is unfounded. He loves cats as long as they don't do anything.

05. His kneecaps should be put in a hall of fame. And his legs. Hello.

04. He could be smarter than all of us put together (and so could Ger). I have really intelligent relatives. And Julie. And everyone, amazing really.

03. Well maybe not. I didn't start out this blog way back when using the Beverly Hillbillies as examples for no reason.

02. If he going is going to want to canoe with me, he'd better crank it up. I know we went where others didn't go. That is not even close to being enough.

01. The Storms/Douvilles are special. I think Kev is special among the special. Maybe.

The Uncle Don brain

I wrote this: "I'm thinking at the moment. Possibly Kev is the only person I would phone from across Canada to try cheer up. Everyone thinks they can do is job. I know this, I've never seen a more intelligent person. If I know Kevin, everything is completely under control. And when I see Ger. I see complete brilliance". I don't mean it. Are you kidding?

First of all, I phoned Kev at work because it doesn't cost me dime and so why not and as regards Ger's brilliance: he's cute, he's loud, and he is annoying. Brilliant he isn't. He might be, I hope I didn't let the cat out of the bag.

I have a tip for future uncle's: Do not go anywhere near Jim, Ger and Kev. You will be ignored completely and if you have a brain, try to keep it hidden because it will be compleletly useless around them.

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For those Storm/Douvilles that have one (the majority of us), the pic denotes the parts of brain that are important. So if any one of us goes crazy we'll have a name for it. My personal favourite is the temporal lobe. That's where my sudden urges to hug nieces comes from. And don't forget the occipital lobe. That where I get the impulsive urge to kill Kev and rid mankind of an annoying person.

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The Primary Visual Area of my brain is not that great. It's not bad, but I presume that's where I get the urge to carry a chainsaw and look for persons to decapitate. Thank goodness my visual area isn't that great.

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But I've got the Somatic Sensory Cortex to fall back on. "Ah" i say. My spandex goes good with my Cortex. They have to match or there could be problems.

And finally there is the Frontal Lobe. That is where my love of family comes from. That is my favourite lobe.

the neighbourhood

Once in a great while a do attend a neighbourhood event. Last weekend the 99th Great Sackville/Wellesley Fall Fair and Dog Show was held. It wasn't my idea but the neighbour asked me if I would judge the pickles. I mentioned to him that I knew nothing about pickles other than they came from cucumbers. "they do? well then you are an expert, be at Riverside Park at noon tomorrow"

I live in an up-scale neighbourhood so I assumed pickles wouldn't be too important in the scheme of things. In fact I presumed their would one or two pickles, or maybe three, I would have to judge. So I was taken somewhat aback when I walked into the park and saw a sign on the biggest tent which read: The Pickle Palace. Oh oh.

I meekly walked up to someone sitting behind a table and said: "I'm the pickle judge". "whom?" "the pickle judge". "do you have credentials?" "er, no my neighbour asked me to show up at this time and judge the pickles". "what do you know pickles?" "they were once cucumbers and they come in jars?" "ah you are an expert, here's your judge badge, and the mickey of vodka you will need to get through it ". "I don't need a mickey of vodka" "trust me, just trust me you will".

I love a slice of pickle with my grilled cheese sandwich. And perhaps with a hamburger. Booth #1: :Ah, you have pickles, where are they from?" "my balcony" "ah, you haven't travelled a long a way" "let me taste one, mmh, very good" Booth #2: "how are you?" "my pickles are peppered" "peppered?" "your local?" "no I'm from Pitquane" "so you have Pitquane pickled peppers?" "they will knock your socks off" "I"m sure, I'll taste one". Booth #3: "are these pickled peppers? "no, these are peppered pickles". "by the way what is the difference between a pickled pepper and a peppered pickle?" "I have no idea but taste one, you are the judge" (vodka drink #1). Booth #4: "why are these called potent peppered pickles?" "because my pappy pete picked them" "that doesn't explain the potent" "taste them" (hork, cough, cough, vodka drink #2) Booth #5: "ah petite petter pickers" "no these are small peckered pickles, judge, taste one" "ah delicate but yet poignant" "aren't they, they are pickled testicle's of porcupines" (hack, hork, cough, barf, vodka slurp #3) Booth #6: "do you have a pickle, I love pickles, I'd date a pickle" "I have pickles" "these are petite pickles" " "I have a sudden urge to eat, can I eat them all and give you the blue ribbon?" "aren't they good, they are petite pickled penguins pads (Vodka finish it up #4). "who are you?" "Patricia" "do you have a drink Patricia?" "no but I have a pickle" "you win"

Mondays

I actually got a chuckle out of Kev this morn at 7:30 am (your time). He works Saturday. Poor baby.

For me it's a constant dread of Monday mornings. So almost all the time I don't bother. I've worked more monday's than almost anyone. I'm proud of that. When I do work Monday's this is how look.

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Editors note: Uncle Don has got up many Monday's and just couldn't do it. He has the worst job in the history of mankind and on Monday's it just doesn't work.