Uncle don's top ten trite sayings

I hope I don't sound too cynical below but being a virgo and being angst-ridden I'm sure you will all forgive me.

10. "you only live once". I actually used this not that long ago on someone. They felt better for two and a half seconds.

09. "a bird in hand is better than two in the bush". If it's pigeons I'll take two in the bush anytime.

08. "save it for a rainy day". Some persons latch onto that concept. I'm not one of them.

07. "sticks and stones can break my bones.....". Wouldst it be that simple. Words can be a lot more painful.

06. "giving is better than receiving". Well, if I had to choose one, I'd pick receiving.

05. "nothing ventured, nothing gained". Hello. Isn't that fairly obvious to anyone with half a brain.

04. "the early bird get's the worm". Personally, I haven't developed a taste for worms yet so I'll let the early birds have them.

03. "where there is a will there a way". I'd like to kill the person who came up with this saying. One needs a lotta luck and determination and will. None of which I particularly have.

02. "a friend in need is a friend indeed". This makes a little sense.

01. "absence makes the heart grown fonder". Amen

Nice

I hope there is a writer in one of the new Storms. Has anywone noticed but me that all new Storm baby's appear completely shocked when they are little. Except in Ger's case. We were all shocked at him. Ta da.

Hey

It is not a bad thing to care about family. 99.99% of the time I'm ignored but it is that .01% of the time I live for. The Storm's/Douville's are completely special. Odd but special. Bob and Lorraine are off to England and Poland on Tuesday for two weeks. I'm pretty sure no one realizes how hard I work on weekends to make a dollar or two on writing and so the Storm blog is a good change for me.

Kevin will hate this but I consider him one of the great persons of all time. Other than morning and lunch and pretty well all the time before and after. The poor baby. Hello: "we have to be quiet during lunch hour because Kev's home and he needs his soup and nap" Hello, the rest of world doesn't need a soup and nap, why does he? Because he is feeding the pigs. He doesn't have any pigs. I know Uncle Don but he has to feed them.

"What else is ascue with Kev neet?" "He likes to get up naked and eat at 3 am" "thus the soup and nap later on in the day?" "yes" "it would be so easy to smother him in his sleep wouldn't it, especially around 12:15"

And Kevin writes down our score before we throw the darts. That annoys me. If one has any sense of rules, do not go to Kevins. Cribbage should not be tinkered with but he does. Although I'm not very good at card games. I think I have a brain but apparently not when it comes card games. But thank God Kevin adapts to my low level of thinking: "yes uncle don you can play that card but try to remember this is darts we are playing". And it is nice to see Ger and Justin together. I'm not sure if anyone appreciates them as much as me. Of course anyone that does 'get' them is loony and crazy and mixed-up and should be put away for 25 years minimum. And should have their head examined.

I talked to Anita on Friday. She said something that made my head spin. I have dreams and maybe some of them will come true. I actually blubbered (hopefully I hid it well) when I was on the canoe trip because I was so happy to be around family. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to have a Storm/Douville reunion although I woudn't survive, I'd have to be carried off in a stretcher. Think about it: me surrounded by Donna, Gail, Laurie, Robin and Neil and Leo, and Bob and Lorraine and Dawn and Craig and Derek and Jim, Ger, Julie, Kevin and Roy. And Colin, Ty, Justin, and Kristin and all the rest of the family. And if one thinks about it, if everyone showed up, that would be quite a crowd. I talked to Leo on Friday and he cheered me up so much.

I really like to be off the radar screen in life but I find it so difficult to do so when it comes to family. I imagine you all know that by now. I like my beer, I like my biking, I like my family, and above all I like writing.

Neil

This is Kara. Isn't she cute.

I certainly have probs with Neil. He's okay but really he's not that great. I personally wouldn't tell anyone that he is great. I'm not sure Neil is even okay. With a lot of self-improvement Neil could attain okay status. But he's got to work on his mustache. It needs work.

Bob's mustache is not bad, Ger's is plausible. Uncle Don's is just coming into it's own. But the Storm/Douville handbook does say that the youngest male child must have a mustache so it's not really Neil's fault.

Has anyone else noticed that communication with Kev is better face-to-face? And even then it's not good. If you can't see him at all it's perfect. I was thinking next year I should be in the back of the canoe due to being much smarter and being able to take him down treacherous waters. But then I would have to see him. Front is good.

So this is the opening salvo (and I kind of wish I was kidding): of course I'll enjoy the family and the party. If anyone wants to go on a whitewater weekend sign me me up.

Not to say I don't enjoy the Moyie, having the family together is good (especially when Kev hides and Justin and Col drive off in a fit and everyone gets annoyed, it's all a rerun to me). And really to put Karri-man and Loretta down. I personally liked what they brought out. I think they get it more than us.

But that's us, I wouldn't have it any other way. It's all perfect to me. Completely. But I remember one time I was taking inventory west of Caroline Alberta at about six in the morning. And I saw a deer just when the sun was arising. I turned the radio off and watched and listened for about an hour.

When I am at Kev's and Anita's that is the way I feel. I feel at home.

Yay

One knows when things are happening when I talk to Leo. What a delight that was. I hope Leo won't mind me mentioning that him and Carol are moving into a lovely place overlooking the valley. This weekend he is moving with Robin's help and the whole family I'm sure. And I also promised Leo that when I'm down there next I will see him. I will do that.

A post mortem

"psst, Dad I didn't know deer could climb trees". "Neither did Uncle Jim obviously". "I thought Uncle Jim was the 'great white hunter'". "He is when he hunts alone".

"So Dad we are hiding behind this bush and the deer is looking at us for assistance". "It is a quandry isn't it?" "Dad, that is the ugliest-looking deer I've ever seen, maybe we should shoot it". "True but then it would fall on Uncle Jim and his ego would be bruised". "Only his ego" "mainly".

"What's Uncle Jim looking at Dad?" "Lunch, he's worried about a possum eating his cabbage rolls, beaf stew and chicken pot pies" "Dad, we have eaten pretty good haven't we" "Oh yeah, walk over slowly to the campfire, stir the stew and complain about the taste, Uncle Jim will come running".

The Toronto Maple Loafs

It's going to be a looong season for the Leafs. The Sens beat the Leafs on opening night 4-1. Is it too early to worry? Nah.

Yay

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing life's gristle,
Don't grumble, Give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best.
And...Always look on the bright side of life.

Always look on the light side of life.
if life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle.
That's the thing.
And...Always look on the bright side of life.
Always look on the right side of life,
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin. Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.So,
...Always look on the bright side of death,
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of shit, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And...Always look on the bright side of life.

Kevin

I sometimes thinks its just me whom would like to kill Kev. Apparently not:

"I may have to kill kevin while we are out there cause you and i both know he is going to do something to deserve it, so if and when you hear from me again it may be kevins funeral, it may be a slow and agonizing death just for my pleasure, so take care and talk at ya later, james"

I feel so much better now. Even his brother has these sudden urges. I thought it was last week they were going hunting but I guess it's this week. For me, burying Kev's body would be the highlight of my life. I think I'm kidding. I think I am. I must be kidding. Aren't I?

More kneecaps

I have to get in the running for the Kneecap of the Year Award so here is mine. The deadline for entries is October 31st. The front runners at the moment are Donna and Bob with Leo and Roy tied for a distant third.

Knees

Now of course Leo is showing off his kneecaps. I don't know what it is about the Storm/Douville family. Ooh and so are Donna and Gail. Donna is being a little more blatant about it.

Hello

I'm so glad there is a two and three hour time difference between here and Alberta and B.C. I woke up early and was drinking coffee and couldn't think anything remotely nice to say about my relatives. So I wrote that you were all kinda cute but annoying, brain-dead, and wouldn't have a clue about life. But as I was unlocking my bike to go out and about I realized I was wrong. I rushed up to the computer and deleted the "kinda cute".

Ta da.

Flowers

I like flowers. Tomorrow is October 1. Goodbye flowers, fun and frivolity. The only highlight I can see this month is Thanksgiving Day. Oh and Kevin's birthday. If I had to choose a number representing how old he is going to be I would pick 17, which means Bob would be about 22, Neil would be 16 and I would be 29.

I don't know why I think of a Elvis bobbing head doll when I think of Kevin. If at all possible, try to make his life hell on his birthday. If one person could do that I would bestow on him/her the Medal of Achievement For Making Kevin's Life Hell, which I just I had minted.

Jen

I think everyone should meet her. I really do. She lost her baby and so Kev won't be a grandfather quite yet.

But she is my hero.

My field of dreams

I loved the story and movie of A Field of Dreams. Who wouldn't. In a corn field. This picture could be Jacques Plante and Gump Worseley in goal with Rocket Richard, Turk Broda, Eddie Shore, Doug Bentley, and Lester Patrick playing. I'm thinking it could be.

editor's note: I'm thinking I'll be writing a column on this pic as soon as I get my head around what I want to say. Obviously with the mountains in the background the Storm/Douvilles will be in the picture. And none of it will be true. I don't think. We will see.

From the latest Hockey News

2006-07 Vancouver Canucks Preview
By Matt Canamucio, NHL Editor

The Vancouver Canucks had a glaring need, and they took care of it.

The night before the NHL Entry Draft, Canucks GM Dave Nonis pulled the trigger on a deal that acquired goaltender Roberto Luongo and defenseman Lukas Krajicek from Florida in exchange for controversial winger Todd Bertuzzi, goaltender Alex Auld and defenseman Bryan Allen.

The Canucks' issues in net appear to be over for the time being, as Luongo then signed a four-year, $27 million contract with the club.

In getting Luongo, Vancouver didn't just make a feeble attempt to fix the netminding issues. The club acquired a guy who is one of the few goalies in the NHL you can truly call elite.

In dealing Bertuzzi, the Canucks, while they lost a tremendous offensive weapon, did themselves and the player a favor by separating from the distraction that still lingered from something that happened 2 1/2 years ago.

Of course, the moves hardly ended with this trade. Head coach Marc Crawford was replaced by Alain Vigneault, defenseman Ed Jovanovski and winger Anson Carter left via free agency and a number of other players were replaced.

A season ago the Canucks finished with 92 points, but failed to make the playoffs in the highly-competitive Western Conference. The team was slammed by injuries, especially on defense, and that ultimately proved to be what kept it out of the postseason.

Now, the roster has been shaken up and 05-06 is history. The goaltending upgrade was made at the offense's expense, so it's now a matter if that formula can work or not.

FORWARDS - Bertuzzi's departure leaves a gaping hole on the right side of the top line, but captain Markus Naslund still skates on the left side. Naslund and Bertuzzi developed quite a chemistry in recent years, at one point forming the league's most dangerous duo. Naslund has tallied at least 30 goals in each of the last five seasons, but hasn't reached 40 since bagging 48 in 2002-03. Can he get back to being a 100-point player without a physical force like Bertuzzi on his line?

Playmaker Brendan Morrison has been the resident center on the top line, and he is typically good for between 35 and 45 assists per year. As for who will replace Bertuzzi on the right side, it looks like it will be feisty agitator Matt Cooke. Cooke has been a third-line guy who scores goals in the teens, but he did fill in for Bertuzzi when he was suspended for his attack on Steve Moore back in 2004.

Twins Daniel and Henrik Sedin both finally broke out of their shells with 70- point seasons last year, and they will again anchor the second line. The hope is that newcomer Jan Bulis, who scored 20 goals for Montreal last season, can be consistent enough to be their regular right wing.

Keep an eye on former first-round pick Ryan Kesler, who was signed to an offer sheet by Philadelphia this summer. The Canucks matched the one-year, $1.9 million deal and re-signed him. Kesler was a 30-goal guy in the AHL during the lockout, but managed only 10 tallies and 13 assists in 82 games for the Canucks last season.

DEFENSE - With Jovanovski gone the team lost a bona fied anchor. Nonis signed the hard-hitting Willie Mitchell during free agency, and Mattias Ohlund and Sami Salo return.

Overall, this is a very thin group, which would spell disaster if injuries hit like they did last season. Last March, Nonis was forced to obtain players like Keith Carney, Sean Brown and Eric Weinrich, and none of them are back.

An x-factor in this group is Krajicek, who was a first-round pick back in 2001. He has been pegged for stardom since that time, but hasn't lived up to the billing. The flash and skill he showed as a junior player hasn't revealed itself on the NHL level, and last season was his first as somewhat of a regular player. In 67 games for the Panthers in 05-06 he managed two goals and 14 assists and was a plus-1.

GOALTENDING - Luongo is coming from a situation in Florida where he was peppered with around 35 shots -- or more -- on a regular basis. In 75 games last season he finished 35-30-9 with a 2.97 goals-against average and .914 save percentage.

Even with the losses of key defensemen, it's very doubtful that Luongo will see as many pucks as he did with the Panthers.

If he stays healthy, which has never been a problem, Luongo should post another 65-70-appearance season. Mika Noronen, who was acquired from Buffalo at the trade deadline, decided to play overseas instead of being a rarely-used backup, so veteran Wade Flaherty will likely be the understudy.

WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE - The Canucks turned over a decent portion of their roster, but will it work? Luongo was the upgrade of all upgrades, but, as he proved in Florida a stud goaltender cannot carry a team to the playoffs all by himself.

Now, instead of having questions in goal the team has questions up front and on defense. How those questions are answered will determine whether or not the Canucks will again be outside the playoff field, or whether they can squeeze in as a seventh or eighth seed.

Hi

Thank you all for reading this blog. I must say I'm impressed that you would take the time. I do a lot of deleting because I get carried away. But when an uncle has a wierd mind and relatives like you it's tough not to get carried away. Every one of you is special to me. I've got two brothers and one brother-in-law who are the greatest persons in the history of mankind and nine nephews and nieces whom are hmm, what is the word, unique. Kevin could be slightly more unique than anyone else on this planet but I shouldn't single him out. And I'm pretty sure you all would agree with me.

Take care and have a good week everyone. Life is short so make the best of it. When I bike to work in the morn I will be thinking of each and every one of you. That makes my day.

The Ryder Cup

Darren Clarke lost his wife to cancer a short time ago. Watching the Europeans win the cup and seeing Mr. Clarke crying on his caddy's shoulder was heartwarming to say the least.

I worry

I'm not terribly impressed with Jim, Kevin and Colin going hunting for a week but I would assume there will be a few laughs had during that week. As long as there is no wildlife killed then how bad can it be? If there is don't tell me. In fact if Kev actually killed something I wouldn't talk to him for 25 years. Jim, well he still has that hunter instinct. The Neanderthals had it and it's tough to let it go I guess. And why Colin is going hunting I'm not sure. Colin is going to kill something? If he accidently did, I wouldn't talk to him for a hundred years (if he lives that long).

But I shouldn't worry. Hello. I should probably worry more about them accidently killing each other. I presume Kevin will be naked for the week and out hunting at 3am. I've never seen him carry a gun with clothes on in the daylight, I hope it isn't too nippy. I shouldn't worry too much though, Jim's e-mail to me:

"Actually it is kevin, colin and I hunting for a week, next week actually. Staying in a travel trailer, hot tub, granny made up cabbage rolls, beef stew, chicken pot pies, etc, should be good!"

Let's get together here: remember the days when Jim would go out alone and spend 12 days sitting in one spot while waiting for a deer to appear? And now he's got a hot tub, travel trailer and cabbage rolls? What happened to our fearless hunter? I'm an old fashioned person and a hunting trip should entail a little bit of deprivation. But not with Jim anymore apparently. If I ever cross the Gobi Desert I want Jim with me. I assume by the end of the week the deer will be in the hot tub and the three muskateers will be lost somewhere in the woods.

If I ever go on a hunting trip there are two persons whom I wouldn't want with me: Kevin and Colin. One can assume that the wildlife are dancing around and clapping their hooves with glee knowing those two persons are on the way to their forest.

The week from Colin's perspective:

Day one: "Gee Dad this is fun, when do we get to leave?" "Shaddup and keep loading the gear. How many rocket launchers have you uncrated?" "one" "throw it in the trunk" "then there will be no room for the Wiser's". "forget the rocket launcher, the grenade launcher will have to do, did you remember our swimming trunks for the hot tub, and don't forget the sour cream for the cabbage rolls, and above all don't forget the wine glasses, oh yeah and the camoflauge outerwear and your Bud" "I think I'm going to have fun roughing it Dad and to think we are going hunting with a famous hunter like Uncle Jim" "exactly, have we got room for an E-Z Boy?"

Day two: "Dad?" "yes" "I don't see Uncle Jim, it's 5am, can he be out hunting already?" "possibly, he does like to reconoiter" "Dad isn't that a nice deer over there, a six pointer I would say, why is he not afraid of us?" "he knows we aren't going to shoot him, but if that was a cat I could shoot it" "we are on a deer hunting trip aren't we Dad?" "yes" "that is a deer" "true" "but we aren't going to shoot it?" "are you crazy or something?" "I'm confused"

Day three: "Dad?" "yes" Uncle Jim has been sitting behind that bush since we told him Chuck the Six Pointer was in camp and he hasn't moved since" "ignore him, turn up the temp on the hot tub and pass me another chicken pot pie" "what if Chuck appears and Jim shoots him?" "what are the chances of that?" "remote"

Day four: "Dad" "yes" "do you like eating deer?" "no, it's too gamey for me" "Chuck agrees with you" "where is he by the way I haven't seen Chuck or Jim for a few days" "I'm not sure, Uncle Jim said something about tracking spoors and Chuck has gone to the high country for a few days to visit his friends, the bighorn sheep" "I miss Chuck"

Day five: "Dad" "yes" "I think we have to hunt for Uncle Jim" "we are parked in a paved parking lot for gawds sakes, six miles from Cranbrook, no one can get lost, he'll show up, the Wiser's is running low, maybe we should visit Brenda, Jim will never notice we are gone, he's got the spoor thing to worry about"

Last day: "Dad" "yes" "we gotta do this next year, we'll invite Uncle Don" "Uncle Don doesn't do hunting" "aah, well, I forgot about that"