I did not want to bring this up. But I must. This was at the time that Jim was working with Ken and Glen. And me and him skiied all the time. This little cute person moved up to Calgary. I chose that day to somehow ski without fear: "whom is that?" "your uncle" "He's rockin'" Me and Jim and Kev sat in the apres ski bar and while they played pool I basked in the feeling of contentment.

That is one day everything came together. To me, I only had it once, you get the knees and mind in sync and It's an amazing thing. I get that on my bike all the time. That is why I bike. One is on the edge and you bike along and the wind and everything is with you. Skiing is so good that way, and so is biking, at least for me. And especially in Toronto. Biking along the lakeshore is unreal. It's flat and the bike path is perfect. I grumble that Toronto doesn't do enough for cyclists but it's pretty good.

uncle don's first ski trip

Of course I could talk about my first 'ski' trip: "Marlene and Leo and Anna and Roy and assorted children, I'm so pleased to have you staying in Calgary with me but I'm not going skiing, Gail quit hanging on my leg". "we love you uncle don" "when do we leave?".

I should never have fallen for those words but I did, thank goodness, although not that day. May I add that I had never donned a pair of skis in my life while my dearest rest of the family (drotf) had several trillion times: 'uncle don this is going to be fun, don't be angst-ridden, we will look after you'. 'I need to be looked after?'

After waiting in line for skis and boots for two or three hours, oh and poles, I'm ready: 'aahh this isn't bad, my back isn't hurting that bad, and why are those chairs moving?'. "we have to sit on them to get on top of the ski hill" "what's this run called Roy?" "Strawberry" "sounds dangerous" "Leo do you love me?" "of course" "so it's the three of us on that moving chair going up to that great divide?" "yes"

So somehow I managed to get on the chair with Roy and Leo and I felt some comfort in that. In fact we chatted a little while I was trying to get comfortable: 'don, look yonder, look at that person doing the moguls" "moguls?" "bumps, gawd your stupid" "I know" "we are getting off soon so tips up" "my tips have been up since we left" "put them more up" "I can't put them more up, if I put them more up they would be touching my forehead" "By the way Roy and Leo, my life is flashing before my eyes, but I see Gail and Julie and Marlene and Robin up there and they seem happy" "of course" "I've forgotten words to the Lords Prayer" "you'll be okay".

The one great thing about ski lifts that hold three persons is that the person in the middle (moi) can usually survive: "ooh sorry Leo, I'm sorry you fell and the ski pole is imbedded in your innards. Agh Roy, I didn't mean to throw you over that cliff, you will rejoin us soon won't you"

The whole family was completely patient with me for quiet a while. Jim, Robin, Ger, Neil, and Kev stopped by for a moment or two whilst I was thinking I'm dead. Leo and Roy were somewhat less friendly having just recovered there spills. I assumed that Marlene and Anna would spend a few hours with me while I contemplated the beautiful surroundings before I moved a muscle: "we have to join our family don, and we paid for this" That was Anna. From Marlene of course I expected better: 'don, you can move' 'down?' Eventually Marlene even gave up. I was the worst fucking speciman of a skiier that ever hit the slopes. Ever. By a thousand times. Eventually two little cuties by the name of Gail and Julie showed up and got me down the hill. I could have been there until the snow melted. They took charge of me and got me down.

I don't remember anything after that, I was just so pleased to be at the bottom. It worked out well, I didn't die.

I personally think this a great, great pic. I never made it to Red Mountain. Look in the background. That is amazing. This is what life all about. As regards his guitar playing...we will see.

'We had Dad and Carol over and Karens parents and Chris and Donna and their kids. 13 around one table - lots of work, but it was a good visit with everyone. I got a really cool guitar book from Colleens boyfriend so now there's no looking back. Also, my buddy from Nelson is going to give me some help. He's an accomplished player - used to play in a band.
We went skiing over at Red Mountain in Rossland on Friday and Saturday with Colleen and her boyfriend Cody, and Marcel and his girlfriend Kyla. We had a couple of inches of new snow and sunshine all day on Friday, and then about 5 inches of fresh on Saturday and snow all day. Excellent skiing! I'll try to attach a pic.
Have a happy new year.'
Robin'

I'm slightly starting to get worried. Robin doesn't mind the Canucks (did anyone notice they went from eleventh to first place in one game?). The thing is that his midrift is getting large. I hope that's the sweater and not his rotund bod.

Of course Karen is as cute as ever. I've always noticed she has long arms. With Robin she can only get them half way around his bod.

Even though one can't see them anymore, his dimples are still there. These two are cuties.

If this isn't the cutest family in the history of mankind I don't what is. Wow.

I do hope no one is looking here for a forecast of any sort. I've got a headache. If I had to forecast something I'd say that most of my family will annoy me at some point in 2007. I've got serveral new years resolutions. The first one is I'm okay, however annoying Kevin is, I will not kill him. I will throw him over the deck and drop hot barbecue coals on him but I won't actually slit his throat. Oh yes, I will laugh at Ger's jokes even if it kills me which they may. Let's not talk about Jim. Not while his war wounds are still healing.

Give me a day or two before I give a forecast for 1997. I'm thinking about it. Obviously it won't be good. Roy phoned me and asked me phone him. I have no idea what his phone number might be. Hello, I can't remember what he looks like and I'm going remember his phone number? I don't write things down. Well I do, but I seem to throw them out almost immediately. I pretty well phone Kevin every weekend and I still have to look up his phone number. Please don't put me down, I've already done it a thousand times. I'm beloved by some in Toronto: the homeless, I don't give them money, I spout Proust to them and they usually move on.

So I parked my bike for the season. So my defences are down. So am I good at anything? Greg brought down the greatest meal in the history of mankind. Turkey with all trimmings, I've family there that loves me: thank you Greg, the stuffing and gravy and mashed potatatoes travelled well. Greg lives about three blocks from me and his Mom and Dad in the "far burbs". I think he's got the cutest mom in the history of mankind other than my own. She is Aboriginal and she was born in the same year and month as me. Can older persons be beautiful? Yes. Jean at work is my age too. She has silvery hair and she is beautiful. What is the word: Classy. When I first started at Market Probe I was afraid to approach her because of her 'statleliness" if that makes sense. Now we are so close. And she is just as forgetful as me, if not more so. We could be twins.

Next Friday morning I will do the 2007 forecast. 2007? I've got to kill myself. I was born in 1945. I'm not doing the math but agh that is a few years ago. Hello. I want to be preserved in amber. Scientists discovered fossils and plant life that formed trillions of years ago preserved in amber. Why not me? It wouldn't be bad thing. I'll actually wear a suit so I'm presentable. "Uncle Don we are not preserving you in amber" "why not?" "because you jumped off a tall building and your remains are spread around the block and your dna is lost" "I like riverbeds, I won't jump, I'll go to a riverbed and slowly rot" "you have to be near a tree" "why?" "because the sap in the tree turns into amber after a billion years" "can we speed it up a bit?" "and then the sap in the tree has to engulf your bod which take centuries, if not millenia.

I'm a weirdo, I guess you all know that by now. Take care everyone. Life isn't bad at all.

Dad's retirement from the sawmill and a picture at Christmas. These pictures would bring a tear to my eye. I miss him.

This is an amazing picture. I took this one I think (obviously). Down at the farm. One can sure tell Dawn is Bob's daughter in this picture.

Dad

Pretty classy looking guy to me. Of course I'm slightly biased. I don't think the world will ever see me and Bob putting Dad down. He had his faults of course. He might have been slightly cheap. We had to share tv dinners. And we may have had the worst lunch in the world when we went to school (toast with peanut butter). And we won't talk about his snuff. And he read the paper from front to back but yet he never talked about current events. He loved being in a car and watching the scenery go by.

And mom who was totally different. And they had a child every four or five years or so. Me and Bob could have had the strangest upbringing in the history of mankind. When we were down at the 'farm' we had to walk miles just to get to the nearest school bus stop. We must have loved Mom dearly. And it was tough on me because sometimes I didn't know where Bob was. It was confusing. I worried. Someone had to.

I'm not sure where my angst-ridden self comes from. I might have been adopted. In Pincher Creek it's easy to mix up babies: "Mrs. Storm, we have this child whom is threatening to jump off the hospital roof, would you take him?" "is he cute?" "a little" "is he pink?" "yes" "why is he threatening to jump?" "his pablum wasn't room temperature." "that's a problem?" "he thinks so".

Bobby

I talked to Bob on the phone last night. I asked him whom the baby was and he said it's got 'Bobby' written on the back of the picture. I imagine it does.

Note the forehead. There may have been cuter children in the world at that time but I can't imagine how that is possible. There was a lineup to spoil him. Marlene and Anna were particularly bad. They didn't mind me either. The mothering instincts of those two were quite evident.

"Anna is pregnant" "I hope to gawd it's a girl" "no, it's Jim" "whom?" "Jim" "Marlene is pregnant" "it's a boy right?" "no, it's Laurie" "she is fairly cute" "fairly?" "amazingly"

We forgave Marlene and Anna until Neil and Kevin were born: "cute aren't they, why are they eyeing me with that evil stare? these two persons may not turn out well. Can we drown them and get on with life?" "they are slightly cute Uncle Don" "I suppose, but note the satanic aura around them, I can dectect me being annoyed at them quite readily, they won't amount to much, in fact they may turn out to be serial killers" "Neil and Kevin?" "it could happen, the good ones are often the bad ones although there are exceptions" "they are pink and cute, how can you tell that they might be serial killers when they are still in diapers?" "I have this anate sense" "of what" "doom"

In this picture, Dad looks like the only normal person. And at least if Bob combed his hair different and took off those glasses he would almost look normal (and be the spitting image of Neil). But the person on the right is beyond help. No wonder stray cats and miscreants didn't mind him. He's not great at coping with five days off, hopefully he'll never be allowed to retire. He broke his coffee percolator on Friday and walked through rain and sleet in the darkness to the nearest Home Hardware to buy a new one. He's cold and wet and thinking: "this is better than being at work" And of course when he gets back from buying a Black and Decker "Brew N'Go" coffee maker he doesn't read the fine print: 'even if you are the stupidest person in the history of mankind, you will remove all stickers and packing material'. He didn't and it was not a tasty first cup of coffee.

Coffee is important to me. I'm not a tea person. Believe it or not I bought some herbal tea. I'm thinking no caffeine, I'll sleep better. I bought the Rosehip and Hibiscus Flowers herbal tea. Not only did I not sleep better I had the bitter taste of herbs in my mouth throughout the night. So I gave that up. I don't know why I periodically think I should improve my lifestyle. This bod of mine is beyond repair but I never give up hope. So I haven't biked for a while now. I can see old age creeping in. Not really. I'm worried that I still feel good. I don't take feeling good for granted, it's a slippery slope between feeling okay and not feeling okay. Feeling okay is better. I pulled a muscle in my back a while back. I'm over it now but it sure gave me empathy towards Bob and Ger: "don you can't sleep in the fetal position for a while" "but I like it" "not only that, you have to sleep on your back" "and whenever you move your screams will wake the neighbourhood". I survived but it was hell. I don't know if anyone cares but my bed is surrounded by books. I have seven or eight books (a conservative estimate) on the go and sixteen or seventeen New Yorker magazine articles in the midst of being read.

I'm weird. I look forward to going to bed. I read a sentence (if I'm lucky) and I fall asleep. I have read a full paragraph but it doesn't happen often. But of course I wake up every two hours so I do have time to read. I used to fret about my sleeping habits but not any more. I've been this way since I was born so why bother. Of course my sleeping habits changed once. I visited Kev and Anita once and they confined me to a camper. I wasn't allowed to sleep in the house itself. Thank gawd I brought my guitar with me, on a bus across Canada, with two earaches. It was a cultural shock and a painful one. But anyway I slept so good and I don't think I got up before noon once. And I got to see Colin and Tyler. I don't mind them. They could be my favourite persons. Everyone is my favourite persons but they aren't bad.

Except Kevin. He is annoying. If I ever move out there, he has got to go. I don't do the 'walk softly around Kevin thing'. Hello. 'Kevin will be home for lunch at any moment, we have to be quiet' Hello. May I expound? First of all he's got the easiest job in the history of mankind. And if he drank too much the night before, too bad. So he's cute. Big deal. When I move out there his life will change drastically: I'm using this couch and your soup isn't ready and I've hogtied Anita so she can't wait on you hand and foot. In fact I may kill you. Is that a prob? "no grilled cheese sandwich?""nope" "no campbells tomato soup" "nope" "no couch to have a nap on?" "nil" And when I was out there a few years ago I contributed to his being spoiled. I made him a ham and cheese sandwich which I took great care to make while Anita was working: 'how is it?' 'not bad' 'it's not great?' 'not bad' 'do you like intense pain because I'm going to stab you".

And Kev knows how to ruin my weekend: so you write only when you have beer in hand? He actually said you are a drunk and you can't write without a beer in hand. Maybe. I don't think so. I just have so much in my mind that has to get out and having a beer helps. And I have such a good time, I don't know how anyone can put me down for that. My physical life is not that great but I think perhaps you could all take a page from my book and it wouldn't be a bad thing. I have the genes of Dad and Mom in me and I think that is greatest thing in the history of mankind. We all do. Not a family member can tell me they don't feel special. We are special.

Mom

I remember this picture being taken. Still working, always working. I remember it as if it was yesterday. Down in Goat River Bottom. She had to nap so she could get back to work for the next shift. Although not in the picture, there is a blue 1958 Chevrolet Impala not far away. Me and Bob kind of loved Mom. When one has been loved by Mom, one has been loved by the best. The numero uno. Although Grandma Darling was amazing. And Marlene was unbelievable. The three of them were on a par. Watch them with children. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

Mom was the nicest person in the history of mankind. I wish I could tell you why. Some things are obvious. Honest to gawd it was tough on us. And Bob was the youngest child. To my recollection we never saw Mom that much. She was always working. But she gave me 15 cents every day in the summer to swim. She knew that was my passion. Me and Bob actually fought a lot as brothers do. We survived. I remember when Roy and Anna got married. I wanted to so bad go down for there wedding. It was tough time for me. And Gordie Wilson. And Terry, and Donna Mae. Good people. I presume they are dead by now but they sure made my life better. And Della. I enjoyed going to the Jehovah Witness gatherings. Not for a moment did I think that my soul was being saved and never will. Probably some persons like George Bush and Stephen Harper. This is where me and Bob aren't quite in sync. I don't get religion and I don't want to. Not my cup of tea to say the least. For those whom think it a is cure-all it is good thing. I don't get it but that not so bad. I'm not perfect.

Wow

That is Erling Adlebert Darling with the hat. Uncle Bert was pretty good. I do not remember seeing this picture in my life before. That is Marlene. I presume that is me and Bob. That is Nelda standing in front of Marlene. She was wierd, but okay. And as Bob has correctly pointed out, my britches were hitched pretty high. I remember thinking: I'm a nerd, I might as well look like one. I remember that tricycle. This picture of course puts to rest why Bob was spoiled. The cutest kid in the history of mankind. Even then I was thinking: "this is too idyllic, a bolt of lightning should hit us at any moment, where's my bike?, I have a headache, does anyone care?, I'm gonna climb the tallest tree and jump off it"

Uncle Don

I actually like that haircut. Those glasses have got to go.

I just have to say thank you again to Bob for sending me these pictures. Not this picture in particular but the old ones are so good. The picture with Uncle Bert in it is just beyond words. And Mom and Dad. Bob knows what I like.

I never thought the Storm Blog would amount to much. With these pictures for all to see, and with the new arrivals I think it is a good thing.

The Christmas forecast

First the good news. If you live in Denver you will have a white Christmas. Well I assume so since they've received two feet of snow. But for Canada, well maybe next year:

Toronto: Sunday will have a high of +4 with a chance of showers and Christmas Day will be sunny with a high of +3. Some golf courses are still open. I of course am thrilled. If I could control the weather I would like a dusting of snow Christmas Eve and a dusting of snow Christmas Day and then adios, see ya next year at this time. There are ski resorts within a few hours drive of Toronto and of course they can't even make snow because it is too warm. I dropped in at a cycle and ski shop last week and overheard a conversation: "my bike needs a tune-up, when can I bring it in?" "April" "April?" "our bike people are gone and our ski people are here now" "their is no snow within a thousand miles" "would you like a wax?" "on my bike?" "no, on your skis" Needless to say this ski/bike shop is not doing a roaring business.

Calgary: I'm not sure if there is snow in Calgary now but I do know on Christmas Day it will be sunny with a high of +6. Which really isn't terribly surprising I guess, it just never happened when I lived there. As far I can remember Calgarians are much more positive about the cold weather than those in Toronto. "hey Bob, nice weather aye, it's only 41 below, maybe a chinook tomorrow, how's your block heater?" "it died Neil, my battery is dead and our cat froze to death when we let it out last night but I'm pleased we have a dry cold".

Cranbrook: We have hope. Although Cranbrookians don't have a hope in hell of seeing snow on Christmas Eve with it being sunny all day with a high of -4, they could see two or three flakes of snow on Christmas Day. It's a strange world indeed. A few years ago Jim, Roy and myself go ice fishing on a gloriously sunny day in the middle of winter. It was cold but Jim had it all figured out and I enjoyed it immensly. I should have remembered that even though it's cold the sun shining off the snow can be deadly. Which it was for me: "Jim don't spend too much on crab and lobster for supper at this SuperStore, I'm starting to feel ill" "ill?" "getting there, the migraine and the shivers and shakes are starting to engulf my body" "any nausea yet Uncle Don?" "only if you count the dry heaves behind the canned goods section".

Creston: Close but no cigar. On Saturday in Creston it says snow and a high of zero. With a high of zero on Sunday with a mix of sun and clouds, there will no little wee flurries coming down in Creston on Christmas Eve. Robin and Karen might care: "yo Robin, quit with the guitar and look at the flakes of snow, they are coming down" "I"m practicing jingle bells Karen, for the kids, they will enjoy it" Which makes Ger an oddity, not because he's flakey, he is just odd: "would you quit with the decorating of the tree for a moment Karri, I need to take a pic of each stage of the progress made and by the way the hot tub has got to go, I'm having a good time aren't you".

And Kevin. If the Storms and Douvilles could control the weather (which I'm very disappointed we can't by the way), we would all want a little snow on Christmas eve and wake up to a glorious sunny Christmas with the sugar plum fairies having done their thing. Except for Kev: "oh gawd, please tell me it didn't snow overnight, okay I'll get up, I have to think about this, I'm still in one piece, all parts of my body are still attached to each other, I did it, Merry Christmas everyone"

The curmudgeon cadre club

I got this e-mail from a friend. It made my weekend because I always think I'm alone in dissing current culture. I guess I'm not.

'who the #$%# is Lindsay Lohan ? and who the #%$# cares ?
all I know is she's been in A.A. for a year ...., and she's probably ~ 17 ?
am I losing touch with popular culture ? good !
sign me up in your club Don .... "the curmudgeon cadre" ; guess I'm getting old.

greg'

How-to book

It sometimes is nice to talk to Kevin. Once or twice in one's lifetime one gets him in a good mood on the phone and he is okay. But he puts up with his uncle: "Kevin you have a deranged uncle" "I know" "he should be put away" "I know" "have you noticed he has suicidel tendencies?" "I know" "and he thinks you are annoying" "I know" "not to mention he doesn't think you are that great, in fact his expectations of you are not that high" "I know" "what is your threshold of pain?" "low" "what are your dreams?" "high" "when an uncle, whom shall remain nameless, beats you in cards and darts what will you do?" "kill" kill?" "kill" "not maim?" "kill" "can the unnamed uncle protest?" "no" "can he have a last meal?" "yes"

And of course I worry about Ger. I worry about his back. Maybe I shouldn't but I do. By the way, if anyone wants to have the three greatest persons in the history of mankind on their side, I'm writing a how-t0 book. In the remote chance you might run into them (you are walking through a jungle and Kevin/Jim/Ger should appear) this guide is for youm. I'm kind of an expert. Kind of an expert? Hello. This may not sell a lot but I think the world needs a "how-to" book on Kev/Jim/Ger.

But not today, my mind is working though. Take care everyone.

Love you all.

It's going to be 13 above tomorrow here in the big smoke. Hello. That can't be good. Oh gawd we are going to pay for this good weather in January and/or February. And today it's sunny and six above. I just got back from downtown. There are a few people. I walked by Dundas and Yonge Street and you can't actually walk, it's wall-to-wall persons. I wanted to buy a cd at HMV and it was no use. And of course it's the same in any mall in Calgary and Cranbrook. I can imagine the Overwaitea parking lot in Creston. And there is still a week to go until Christmas.

I don't work next Friday so I will do my 'christmas weather forecast' on Thursday morn. By the way I'm okay. I won't jump. I've never felt better in my life. Normally at this time of the year I'm suicidel but not this year. I've finally mellowed out. I'm sixty-one and I've mellowed out. I'm a slow learner I guess. I love listening to Christmas carols in the mall, especially with kids bawling their heads off in the background. Guess how many harried mothers I saw? 343,542. Guesss how how bawling kids I saw? 343,544. Obviously a couple of mothers dropped their kids off and then drove into Lake Ontario.

How would one like to be a Santa in a department store today? "Santa?" "yes my sweetness" "I"m growing up in a grow-op" "in a whom?" "a grow-op and my Dad knows Osama bin Laden" "whom" "Osama bin Laden and my mother works for M15, the British spy agency" "what would you like for Christmas my..ahem....sweetness?" "A BlackBerry" "I can give you boisenberries" "Santa" "yes my annoying, I mean sweet one" "I need a BlackBerry so I can access my boyfriend" "boyfriend?" "he's in Taiwan at the moment" "how old are you?"

Can anyone remember the exact time they realized the Easter Bunny and/or Santa Claus didn't exist? (don't let any young children read this) I don't either but it must have been traumatic for me. Hello. So I'm happily going along and someone says "no Easter Bunny" "no whom?" "easter bunny, nil, forget it, doesn't exist " "my chocolate rabbit and colourful eggs were there" "you really are naive aren't, no that was not the Easter Bunny whom hid them" This is late March so I've got several months to get over the depression of losing a dear friend. "mom?" when is Santa coming?" "soon dear" "can I get a bike?" "of course, Santa will bring you one" Mom was good, how she hid the gifts from me and Bob I'll never know. We go to bed and we get up and wow. To say we were excited was an understatement of all time. And of course as all parents are, she was completely pleased by our reaction. And Dad was there, that is a long, long time ago.

I remember decorating the tree, and Marlene was there too. After Mom and Marlene did the main decorating, me and Bob got to do the tinsel. It was a tradition. If there is anything I remember from those days is that both Mom and Marlene were completely happy at that time, they knew that me and Bob were going to pleased with the results and they just loved Christmas. Sometimes Mom and Marlene didn't along so well (as mothers and daughters are wont to do) but at Christmas they did.

From Uncle don:

Wow, as one may have noticed I like this family. It could be the cutest one of all time. There could be cuter persons than Gail and Donna in the history of mankind but I can't see it. There could be cuter persons than Neil and Robin, it wouldn't take much. Although I shouldn't say that. Under Neil's cute bod is a person whom likes to ski and loves the outdoors. I am so impressed with him. And Robin. For me, the nicest person in the history of mankind. And Laurie, I have to be on my toes with her, she hopefully will send me pictures and I can't wait to hug Laurie when I see her next.

And Leo. One of my favourite persons. He knows what life is all about and he is a Douville. Even though this is called a Storm blog because it's mine and I see the Storm genes (Marlene) in the picture of Gail, Donna, Robin, Laurie and Neil. But I also see the Douville family. A good combo if I've ever seen one. They've got both the Storms and Douvilles genes in them. I like that.