Even the nicest dog in the history of mankind can have off days. It could have been due to the antlers he was wearing during Christmas '03. He didn't think they suited him, he would have preferred the red nose. Max's top ten list of annoying things:
10. Okay already, I don't mind a fire. But do they have to put the aerosol cans in it?
09. I don't mind thunder, but why does it have have to be noisy?
08. Who the hell came up with the seven dog years for every one human year. I don't remember being consulted on this. Shouldn't it be the other way around? We don't start wars.
07. My favourite hockey team has always been the Maple Leafs. Does anyone know how annoying it has been to pretend I like the Canucks? Of course the food and shelter thing comes into play here.
06. No one asked of course, no one ever does. Yes I enjoy retrieving balls, and yes I enjoy hiding them. But those little white ones with dimples in them can be awfully painful. Who asked the elderly wierd one to visit? He has hit me several times. If he actually lived here I'd be dead a long time ago.
05. I wasn't consulted on this either. Shouldn't 'pets' have rights? A pet bill of rights? We could choose who owns us. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have chosen the skinny guy. He's subject to wild mood swings. Try to get a little attention from him in the morning. Or at lunch. Hello.
04. If someone would have asked me, and we know that isn't going to happen, the silly game of throwing projectiles at a wall would be outlawed. How can I cozy up under someone's feet if they keep getting up every 45 seconds? It's rediculous.
03. Not that I was asked, but in the unlikely event that I was, I'd recommend that persons above the age of sixty should be knighted and given 12 million dollars so they could treat me with the respect and dignity I deserve.
02. It's not up me, because nobody asked, but I hear dog heaven is going to be populated by dogs. That could be boring. But maybe not. Maybe not.
01. Not an annoyance, just a muse, it's been all about me. As it should have been. I heard the skinny guy telling the weird elderly person that I can't be replaced. Of course not, are you kidding? But there will be another dog to take my place. Not for a while, but there will be. That place is meant for a dog.
I just see all these dogs in apartments in Toronto, what would they think of Kevin's? With all the space. And these people work. One thing I can't get my mind around is why own a dog if you live in an apartment. Obviously it works, but I don't get it.
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