The string theory

In spite of these two dregs from society, there is a way to treat younger persons. Treat them with respect.

Even these two. Which is tough. Hello. See all the hustle and bustle in the background? They are ignoring it, yay my people. Where was I by the way? I don't see me. Shouldn't I have been somewhere in the picture?

My theory is that the first canoe trip is great. The second one is the best....and it only get's better. But of course the young persons have to deal with the old persons (like Ger and Kev). Whom are loony. Hello. No not really, seeing Col drive up that hill to try to straighten his bumper was rather exciting and everything worked out.

My theory is that a lot of work goes in to the canoe weekend. For the rest of the year one can leave, but not then, put up with the foibles of our family, sit back and enjoy it. But of course if we all did that it wouldn't be fun. Continue on. Do what you do.

And of course one of the great things about the canoe weekend was Justin. I was impressed. But the thing is don't worry about the old persons. They are crazy Hello. They need a little outing once a year. If Ger can't get annoyed at Karri and Kev can't hide under a tire at least once a year then the string will be broken. Maybe one of my fave times during the weekend was listening to Ger talk about Karri. Maybe one has to travel 5000 km's to appreciate how funny that is. And Kevin of course. And Jim. I hesitate to say anything but I must. Enjoy every moment of it. Hello. Col might have tried to impress me and he did (see pic above). My theory is: like father like son. I don't know why persons in the family have sudden urges to impress me. I wouldn't bother, the pain is worse than the gain.

Hello

I may be moving to Vancouver soon. Not sure I can take another winter in Toronto. I don't think so.

Hello

I try. But it was Cummings not Riondel where Leo had his 70th. This is Devon of course. Who is going to be 21 in June.

May I just quietly kill myself. I remember Neil when he was an annoying young person who didn't mind me too much. It doesn't seem that long ago.

I'm going to bike a lot today. Or kill myself, one of the two.

Amazing really.

A touch of class

Aah Lorraine. Lorraine loves children, dogs and, I hope, elderly persons (not mentioning any names). Lorraine is a complete pleasure to be around and she 'gets' everything that Bob and I might joke about and she is waaay ahead of us but me and Bob don't talk about that.

Bob is classy too. He's showing off his right kneecap for the camera. My eyes wanted to look at the beautiful fountain in the background (or on Bob's and Lorraine's new puppy, isn't he cute), but no, the focus is on Bob's kneecap. I'm thinking if you compare Bob's kneecaps to Kevin's kneecaps, Bob wins. I didn't mind Neil's kneecaps actually. Ger might win the nice kneecap contest though, I've seen his. They are up there.

..and a little 'touched'

I resent this pic. I was as one with the flora and fauna for a moment or two. I'm thinking this is the only chance I can away. I would have walked farther into the flora and fauna but it was rocky terrain and Kev was in a rush.

I was trying to emulate The Great Grand Poobah's: Look off into the distance and appear to know something (the pillow under my t-shirt is probably rather obvious). I had sixteen seconds to pose for this shot and it is hard to make a pillow look like a stomach so quickly. I'm hoping the Great Grand Poobah's will forgive me for this. Only The Great Grand Poobah's can look like Great Grand Poobahs.

And I was thinking at the time, which really put me out of the running for The Great Grand Poobah.

Neil

This is a picture of Neil taken this past March at Little Shovel Pass near Jasper. Neil and three friends set up a camp and Neil slept for five nights in a snow cave in -25 Celsius temperatures (I'm not making this up).

Neil is wondering what that funny-looking, hairy creature walking up the other side of the mountain is. He's thinking it's either a yeti or the snow-blindness combined with the high-altitude lack of oxygen he's experiencing.

Isn't he cute? (Neil, not the Yeti)

Leo's 70th Birthday

This and the picture below were taken at Riondel on the occasion of Leo's 70th birthday.

Lookin' good!

Neil is the one with the mustache and cute legs.

The new arrival

This a beautiful picture of Brandy and Makala.

Hi all (revised)

Kev and Anita are going to be grandparents. Clear the deck. How will they be as grandparents? Just make sure I'm not in the neighbourhood. Anita will be great, cooing to the child. I assume when Col drops off the child for the first time, Kev will pretty well go ballistic. Not in the nuclear sense of course but more of the time bomb waiting to go off sense.

Kev isn't prepared for grandparenthood is he? He could well be. But if I see that child following his grandfather around the house while Kev's trying to get his shit together and discussing what vehicle is to driven by whom, I'm going sweep him away (the child, not Kev).

The Canucks

Here's the Canuck's logo. It's nice if one is blind in one eye and can't see out of the other. Apparently the Canuck front office is going to get Ronald MacDonald to come out of retirement for the first pre-season game this season (against Detroit on October 5).

They reduced their training camp roster by seventeen players so they will take only 50 players to the main training camp in Vernon. Among the 17 was Vladimer Petrokowskoffski, who is still in Russia looking for his Visa.

Progress

So I upgraded my blog to add a few new features, but unfortunately I can't upload pictures at the moment. Oops, I just cleared my cache and what should appear? One thing I have noticed is the number on the Profile Views. When I first started the blog the number of people viewing the blog would climb very slowly, but it would move. Then I put a google search on one of my sub-blogs (google pays one for every hit), and the number on the profile views stopped. It moved once a month by one or two. Now that I've upgraded, the number of hits on the blog are going up like crazy. I don't have that many relatives to account for it.

So for privacy reasons I will be more careful in the future, to wit:

An unnamed person has a huge unnamed flora in his/her yard/acreage.

A person, who shall remain nameless, yaks/gabs/goes on a lot.

The Great Grand Supremo, but Incognito Poobah is having his/her 34th/35th/36th nap of the day.

The Great (up and coming) Grand Supremo, and also Incognito Poobah is thinking of the moose/meese he just about bagged back in '82.

Ju...oops, Jane Doe is somewhat perplexed. She is wondering about life in general and/or specifically. Or not. Ask Jane Doe not me.

A younger brother, a.k.a. Wilfrid, is having a problem with his palm pilot. The pilot in his palm is having trouble navigating.

An annoying and/or irritating nephew who grows an unnamed herb is going to cheer for The Leafs and/or The Leafs and/or The Leafs this winter.









Uncle Do..oops sidney.

Fridays

I always look forward to Fridays as far biking home from work goes. I have no idea why but there is more traffic and people behind the steering wheels are more anxious to get home and chill out. I love it because I've gotta be a little more aware and my adrenelin gets going good and I'm in a rush too. The first stretch is just autos zooming by me and they are going hell bent for leather...to get into traffic jam. Hello.

The second stretch is nothing but hills and a lot of the lanes are turning off into side streets and I have to get between the vehicles turning off and those are going straight ahead. Sometimes I get in between a bus and a gravel truck and I'm stopped at light and I think: I know one has to turn right and the other has to go straight, gee I feel small. And I'm trying to bike up a steep hill, they just have to step on the gas.

The third stretch is the most interesting by far. Up until now I was in the 'burbs more or less. Now I'm in the 'crazy' part of town: two lanes, cars parked on either side, pedestrians going hither and thither (no one pays attention to crosswalks in this part of town and mainly most all Torontonians ignore them) and so the danger is hitting a pedestrian or someone opening their car door. It's beautiful though. All along this stretch (of Ukranians, then Koreans, then Italians, then chinese, etc.) are small shops that cater to their own community. Toronto really is a big city of small communities.

The fourth stretch is a calm one (because it actually has a bike lane) but an interesting one. It's on a street called Harbord. The first part is where mainly Portugese live and then it disects Spadina which is Chinatown and then it goes through St. George St. which is all about the University of Toronto. The ivied buildings and the students milling about. And then Harbord Street runs into Queen's Park which means the Ontario legislative buildings and it gets confusing (it took me a while to figure out the best bike route through this little stretch).

And the final stretch. Disecting Bay, Yonge, Church, Jarvis, Sherbourne, and then finally Parliament Streets. It sounds like a long way, but I usually make it home in an hour. Fridays though, I get home and say: "I survived, yay, that was a lot of fun"

An Addendum

I can't help it but it was funee: So I'm watching Ger and Jim heading off to the trailer as me and Kev are talking around Jim's campfire. I'm thinkin': they are leaving us, how the hell are me and Kev going to make it up that big hill, and I gotta catch a plane in an hour or two. Four o'clock in the morn and Kev is nattering, well it may have been me. "Kev, there is no one around, we have to walk up there by ourselves". "whom?" "Your brothers left us to our own devices and I'm not confident about making it to Jim's trailer" "Hang on to me, Uncle Don, I'll show you the way" Hello. So we start off and Kev veers. "Kev where are you?" "help" "where are you?" "look for the person amidst the flora and fauna" "Kev, I feel a sense of deja-vu, didn't we go through this on the canoe trip?" "are you going to help me up, shaddup" "By the way that was an amazing feat of tumbling, did you know you could do that, I'd give you ten out of ten on that" "how much farther?" "we just started, here we go, hang on to me Kev" Veer. "I'm going to insist Jim make a firepit closer to his trailer, like in his living room, by the where are you?" "I'm checking out Brenda's landscaping up close" "How is it?" "painful".

Hello

Is there any Storm Clan member not going a have child soon? Can we have a conference? I love children but do we need them all at once? The idea of it is to spread them out a little.

Kristen/Jim and Col/Jen will have the cutest kids in the history of mankind. Which is a good thing I suppose. And Brandy (of whom I'm awaiting pics). There's other's I'm sure, I can't keep track anymore. I'm going to open a day care centre in the Kootenays/Okanagan area, I'll be rich. Hello.

I saw Kristen a summer or two ago, I've never felt more comfortable with someone in my life. And Colin. He's got me figured out. Life is happening as it should. Kev as a grandfather. That can't be a good thing. Hello. A conversation between Kev and his grandchild-to-be: "coo" "coo?" "coo" It won't be a long conversation. Hello. I'm hoping when him and Anita babysit he won't give the child any bad habits. "I'm changing your diapers, but I"m above this, I'm not a bad person, I'm watching the Discovery Channel and rhinos are humping, I'm covering your eyes". "And I have nuns coming over and they are taking you to Tibet and that may be too close". "coo" "don't argue, you'll love sipping herbal tea".

Life

David Letterman's Top Ten List of Unanswerable Questions:

10: Why do I always get in the slowest line-up at the grocery store?

09. Why are the worst drivers persons who drive for a living?

08. Why can't lightning strike in the same place twice?

07. Why is Paris Hilton in the news every day?

06. Why do I miss Pat Quinn?

05. Why do I have more confidence in nurses than doctors?

04. Why does Kev enjoy being naked, armed and dangerous at 3:45 am?

03. Why does Ger continue to be annoying?

02. Why does Jim keep putting up with Kev and Ger?

01. why the hell does the Great, Grand, Historic, Somewhat Odd If Not Crazed Uncle Don continue to think they are worthy?

Bob and Lorraine

A picture Bob sent me in January of 2005 when they were in L.A.

Ger (revised)

If anyone cares to look, that landscape behind Ger is amazing. The light was perfect and it looks like a painting not a photo. I've never seen Kootenay Lake and the mountains look like that before. Which is an appropriate lead-in to wish Ger a happy birthday. A talented person who should be put away, I mean honoured.

In honour of Ger and the family I wrote the following. As I've said before, even I think I'm strange:

Which heritage your sperm doth evolve? The angelic side of your spermeth dids't evolve because a crazy swede set sail to North America and ended up in Saskatchewan. Thereby meeting a Darling person (get it?) who entwined to produce three boys and a girl. The eldest of the boys (King Roy The Twelfth) met a dasterdly family in Creston who were run out of Ireland because they couldn't run a grain mill quite right. But somehow the eldest son met the sweetest damsel (Queen Anna The Only) and they settled down into a life of bliss. Short lived, alas, James The First arrived and storm clouds arrived. A decree was bespoken and no more children would be allowed to populate the kingdom. Eek, another child was born, Gerald The Gellyroll. This child was larger than life, and caused a great deal of pain to the township far and wide. It took eight horses and a biiiig wagon to just transport the child to the potty. The call went out to the citizens of the estate. The Lord and Lady have finished with the family thingst. Eek. Her ladyness was with another child? The exhausted mid-wife trudged through the snow to deliver the cutest little bundle of pink. They named him Sir Kevin The Cute. The celebration was short-lived however when it was discovered that Sir Kevin The Cute was borne at 12:01 on Hallowed-Ween. Hello. Discussions were held around the round table. Sir Galahad suggested moving Hallowed-Ween to September fourth and calling it Labour Day in honour of the serfs. But Sir Lancelot prevailed and said to King Roy The Twelfth, what can happen? Hello. So thanks to Sir Kevin The Cute we have ten billion little Elvis impersonators knocking on doors asking for candy on October 31st.

Aah, as the bells pealed in town it was announced another childe was expected, the crowd roared: "not another boy: no more, we are done, finito, ". Hallejuhah, blessed be thy name. After the town crier lost his voice, the milkmaid turned religious, the blacksmith turned white, and the mid-wife died of exhaustion, a girl was borne to the kingdom. They named her Dame Julie in memory of Mother Julie of Gwynhennach. But Hail Mary, unlike her brothren, the youngest childe wast quiet and subdued. The townfolk rushed to praise His and her Highness for such an act of worthiness upon their village green. The air was joyous, the celebrations were raucous and Dame Julie was given a welcome fit for a very small and very poor kingdom (they couldn't even afford a moat).

Bonnie and Clyde (revised)

I've decided there are too many pics of His Great, Grand Poobah (in waiting) on my blog. People get bored. Hello. Yussee, the Great Grand Poobah (in waiting) unfortunately has to look off in the distance and has to look like he know's something about something, that's what Grand Poobah's do (or they wouldn't be a Grand Poobah).

But Brenda, on the other hand, doesn't have to do that. Let me tell you a bit about Brenda from my observations. She is evil. Cute, but eeeeviiiiilllll. In a good way. There ain't no good way, Brenda is evil. We all fell for Brendas' evil ways, I don't think I fell for her evil innocence so much as others. I wouldn't of course. But my evil eye will shift from poor, innocent, cherubic Justin (I never thought I would write that down in my life) to Brenda. One can't take relatives at face value anymore. Justin looks like Al Capone and Brenda could be mistaken for Snow White (well maybe not, how about Bonnie of Bonnie and Clyde).

Love you Brenda
It's goes without saying I love you

An Odd Bicycle Repair Shop

I try to take my bike into Aaron's at least once a week if not sooner. Aaron's younger sister, Diptheria has a new concept of fixing bikes. Fix the owner and the bike will follow. I'm gonna argue with that?

I've never met Aaron actually. There well could be. Diptheria tells me he has expertise in chains, tattooes and know's Charles Manson personally.

And so I've gone down to the the B's in the phone book to find a new bicycle repair shop: Bibble Bratwurst's Bike Emporium.

Max in a Bad Mood

Even the nicest dog in the history of mankind can have off days. It could have been due to the antlers he was wearing during Christmas '03. He didn't think they suited him, he would have preferred the red nose. Max's top ten list of annoying things:

10. Okay already, I don't mind a fire. But do they have to put the aerosol cans in it?

09. I don't mind thunder, but why does it have have to be noisy?

08. Who the hell came up with the seven dog years for every one human year. I don't remember being consulted on this. Shouldn't it be the other way around? We don't start wars.

07. My favourite hockey team has always been the Maple Leafs. Does anyone know how annoying it has been to pretend I like the Canucks? Of course the food and shelter thing comes into play here.

06. No one asked of course, no one ever does. Yes I enjoy retrieving balls, and yes I enjoy hiding them. But those little white ones with dimples in them can be awfully painful. Who asked the elderly wierd one to visit? He has hit me several times. If he actually lived here I'd be dead a long time ago.

05. I wasn't consulted on this either. Shouldn't 'pets' have rights? A pet bill of rights? We could choose who owns us. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have chosen the skinny guy. He's subject to wild mood swings. Try to get a little attention from him in the morning. Or at lunch. Hello.

04. If someone would have asked me, and we know that isn't going to happen, the silly game of throwing projectiles at a wall would be outlawed. How can I cozy up under someone's feet if they keep getting up every 45 seconds? It's rediculous.

03. Not that I was asked, but in the unlikely event that I was, I'd recommend that persons above the age of sixty should be knighted and given 12 million dollars so they could treat me with the respect and dignity I deserve.

02. It's not up me, because nobody asked, but I hear dog heaven is going to be populated by dogs. That could be boring. But maybe not. Maybe not.

01. Not an annoyance, just a muse, it's been all about me. As it should have been. I heard the skinny guy telling the weird elderly person that I can't be replaced. Of course not, are you kidding? But there will be another dog to take my place. Not for a while, but there will be. That place is meant for a dog.

I just see all these dogs in apartments in Toronto, what would they think of Kevin's? With all the space. And these people work. One thing I can't get my mind around is why own a dog if you live in an apartment. Obviously it works, but I don't get it.

Reprobates and musings

It's rather nice to have these three reprobates as friends (as well as relatives). Not a bad thing.

When I turn sixty-three, I'm going to get crabby again. I keep thinking that biking has no influence on my life (other than the physical effort put into it). Maybe it does. For the fourth or fifth time I have put off seeing the Doctor. I don't see what good can come from it. But I will go this time. If you don't hear from me for six or seven months, it means I'm under sedation and on whatever life support systems the hospital has to offer. I've already got my hospital room picked out.

I hear Anita talk about how much time she has to spend in a room washing it down, depending on whether the person died from a communicable disease or not. Hello. They will have to torch my room. I wonder what they will do with my brain? I do not want it to be pickled (anyone who's lip even comes close to turning upward in a smile, I will come down there and drive a blunt-edged sword through their sternum).

Sci-fi

One of my passions is science-fiction. To me, that is where good writing is at. And of course it gives my mind a little exercise (which is a good thing).

And it seems sci-fi writers don't mind me. Hello. We connect. But the bad thing is I can never find enough books good sci-fi books at my local library. The bike comes in handy, I have sci-fi books out from across the GTA (greater toronto area).

Yay

We all knew Karen and Colleen are cute but Robin? In a round-a-bout, stretch ones imagination to the limit kind of way he might be. It wouldn't hurt to be blind either.

I think he's cute, The Rest of the World (TROTW) may not.

Nice

A picture of Marcel and Coleen during Marcel's graduation this last May. Today Robin and Karen are leaving for the coast to drive Coleen back to university.

Wow

Wow, Bob sent me this picture before I had a blog. Aren't Lorraine, Jen, Anita, Jen, Col, and Ty cute. As regards Bob and Roy.....they'd make great sumo wrestlers, and they look like they are from Saskatchewan. Not that their is anything wrong with that. And Kev is lying low. That is when I am afraid.

Hi

Several great sites/blogs everyone should visit:

www.bobstorm.com

and

nearlyperfectstorm.blogspot.com

I added to the don-book today. Scary. My mind has more in it than I thought. It is so nice to write about my past. Much of it is even beyond Roy because he wasn't there at the time. Interesting, I could write about the era of living on Goat River bottom for a long time. Even then I kept my mind open and observed (sub-conciounsly).

Thank you

Hi Kev

Could you get Ty or Julie to take some pictures of all you guys and send them to me. Make sure every is in it, individually and as a group. Especially you, Anita, Roy, Ty and Col and Jen. If you can, I would appreciate it.

And Ger, I need pics of Justin and you and Karri. Pics of Creston with you guys in them would be great. This is crazy but if someone could take a pic of the house that I lived in next to Centennial Park, wow. Next time I come down there, I'm going to get Roy to take me out and I'll take pictures of all the parts of Creston Valley that were important to me when I was growing up. Some of them aren't even there any more (the sawmill, the high school).

An Eulogy to Max (revised)

How to find the words to describe Max is not easy for me. I've never before had man nor beast want to follow me around and look at me with so much love and so much trust. Max did not have reservations when he loved someone, he just loved them.

A huge part of the 'life' of Kev, Anita, Col and Ty has been spent with Max and they loved every moment of being with Max.

Although Max may have had a different opinion. Has anyone spent an evening with Col, Ty, Kev and Anita watching the Vancouver Canucks?. And how many of these evenings must there have been? At the beginning Max is thinking: 'Yay hah, wow, I'm in love with these people, they are fun, they are exuberiant'. Even after a year or two Max is thinking: 'Not a prob, I'm here, I'll get fed good if go along with it, keep it cool Max and go with the flow, I'll bark at the proper time' At year three Max is thinking: 'I've gotta come up wth a hobby or I'll go crazy, chasing balls and hiding them seems appropriate, they'll think I'm a dog and it's a good excuse to get away from them for awhile". Year Four: 'I'm settling into a routine, every cat that comes near me gets killed within a day or two by the skinny guy who runs around naked at night with a rifle in hand, maybe I'll stay'. Year five: 'These two kids whom have annoyed me for so long are getting big, but the chick whom still feeds me is still nice so I'll stay'. Year six: 'I'm being ignored. I get fed but everyone is going this way and that, hello.' Year seven: 'whom is this elderly person? He seems to be nice. I like elderly persons, they call him grandpa, I call him sweet.' Year eight: 'Another elderly person. This world is getting to be worth living. But he's wierd. He talks to me in a language I can understand.' Year nine: ''here's the wierd old guy again to visit me, he's not bad, looking back on it it's been a good life, with my brown eyes and being able to bend the family at will it was okay, it was a great 'dog's' life and I had a great family (I'm getting maudlin, I didn't know dogs could get maudlin)'. Year ten: It's time.

I will miss Max. Animals aren't supposed to be people, and he wasn't a people, he was much better than that.

Our Own Woodnymph(ette)

A picture of our favourite (and only) woodnymph(ette). She doesn't like close-ups obviously and she apparently shies away from the camera.

Most woodnymph(ettes) like to cavort among the flora and fauna twenty-fours hours a day, seven days a week but ours likes to work for an eye centre during the day, and only likes to cavort on weekends and vacations.

But she makes up for it. Yay haw!!!!

The Exalted One

This is a picture of The Exalted One fly fishing. He was looking for flying fish. Jim had just spent five days camped at Next Creek communing with nature so maybe he was just looking for civilization. Who knows really.

This is an amazing picture. Jim will age won't he? He's the Storm Clan concience in some ways (of course no ways that I wanna know about). But really, we should all listen to him and follow his example (if we want to lead exceedingly boring lives).

I'm kidding of course. He's a beacon. Ah, now I 'get' this picture of The Exalted One. He is looking towards the future and is thinking: "if they follow me, they will be okay, I will lead them to good food".

Jim and Ger (I think)

I got out my magnifying glass, and it's them. This picture is them on Next Creek. So-called, I imagine because it's next to Tye. Where Ger and Kerri have a cabin, which they didn't use, but camped next to Next Creek. I think they must be next in line for the looney bin myself.

Ger (revised August 25)

I love Ger. I have to take run and a jump just to get in his truck. But not a prob.

So I get dropped off at Comforts to meet Ger for dinner. Yay. After I've somehow got into his truck he starts talking. I wanted to tell Ger about my life, but he wouldn't let me. Jabber, jabber, jabber, hello, jabber, jabber, jabber, help, jabber, jabber, I have six hours to live before I succumb to cancer, jabber, jabber, jabber. And this was before he even put the key in the ignition.

Jabber, jabber, jabber, ger take a breath, jabber, jabber, jabber: "ger" yes uncle don?" "start the truck". It was good though, it's always nice to know that I'm not the most insane member of the Storm Clan: "Justin?" "yes uncle don" "your dad is weird, well not really weird, insane, and completely out of it" "he's a virgo" "oh yeah, he's weird and insane in a good way, isn't he, I've always admired him".

So Ger left me a phone message last night wishing me a happy birthday. With the accent, I thought it was Chief Sitting Bull (speaking of b.s. and he was probably sitting down at the time).

Top Ten Perks of Turning 61

David Letterman's Top Ten List of Perks of Turning 61.

10. I no longer have to help old ladies across the street.
09. I've already learned everything the hard way.
08. No one bothers to phone me after 9 pm anymore.
07. My joints can predict the weather better than any meteorologist.
06. Spandex doesn't suit me (not that it ever did mind you).
05. I can flirt with the cute gals at work and they never take offence (this very well could be numero uno or even higher, hello). I could go on here, but suffice to say they all treat me good.
04. See above.
03. I'm finally starting to ignore those speedo-clad cyclists whom pass me on the street as I'm biking to work in the morning. And they have these stupid caps on. They are a perfect example of the lower life form. Where are they rushing to? And obviously they don't have jobs. Where do they get the money to buy their great bikes and the stupid clothes they wear? It's a good thing I'm not a cab driver because if I was, they wouldn't exist (at least not in Toronto). And they never smile. I think their spandex must be too tight. I pulled alongside one last week on Bloor: 'hi, nice day aye?' 'huh?' 'nice day' 'huh?' 'do you have a brain?' 'huh?' "it's been nice chatting with you, wherever are you going I wish you would get there'. 'duh'.
02. In my elderly age I'm finally (more or less) able to ignore my neighbours who own dogs. I'm old-fashioned, but I wouldn't mind it if there was a Max or Kodiak among them. I'm never sure who is more uppity, the dogs or the owners. It's normal in my neighbourhood for me to say: 'what breed is that?" And typically I get an answer like"it's a Sheershorn Tibitan Wimpletwit" "whom?" "it's very rare" "does it bark?" "no, not anymore" "does it sniff?" "no" "does it retrieve?" "not that I know of" "What the hell good is it then?" "I can walk it at 4:30 am" "let me get this straight, you have a Sheershorn Tibitan Wimpletwit and it doesn't bark, sniff and/or retrieve and you get up at 4:15 am to walk it?" "someone has to" "you have money to burn don't you?" "scads"
01. Having a mind that still works (knock on wood a thousand times).

The Esteemed Great Grand Poobah

The Great, Esteemed, His Highness, Grand Poobah in a contemplative mood. He's thinking: 'I've only got sixteen more days before I drink again. I'm almost over the hangover from twelve days ago.' And of course: 'why is my house moving?'. Not to mention: 'it's time for my 59th nap of the day'.

It's hard to believe a person of his stature would want to raise Jim, Ger, Kev and Julie.

(editor's note: I've been trying to upload this picture for months but it wouldn't work for some reason. I love this picture. Thank you Julie)

Hi

Not feeling so great this weekend. I will survive. I can pretty well take life as it comes but now my left leg is making it rather difficult to bike. I'm starting to feel like the person in the Monty Python movie. He's only got his head and torso left but he is still ready for the battle.

God's Country

This is a pic that Robin sent me that he took when he was quading. It continues to amaze me how beautiful that part of the world is.

Here in Toronto, I try to explain to persons at work how nice it is, but I can't do it justice. How does one tell someone that that part of B.C. is far more scenic and varied in it's geography than anywhere else. From Radium to say Riondel, one can see so many different 'kinds' of countryside.

I was impressed with the Cabot Trail, the drive from Banff to Jasper, the drive through Switzerland way back when, going through parts of Oregon and Washington state, but nothing can compare with 'God's Country'.

Relatively speaking, it is still untouched. I personally don't like to see new golf courses opening up, housing developments being built, and new businesses establishing roots (even though new jobs keep the graduating kids at home and/or going to university and then returning home to work productive lives). Let that happen elsewhere (as in the Okanagan). Why does it have to happen there?

Hello (revised)

I'm about to retire to a cave. And that may be too easily found. I just write a few words what I think and I really don't want any responses or feedback. If anyone likes this blog good. It is what I do.

I only have so much time to get everyone in it. Now I got Robin. The Douville, not the bird.

I apologize to Jim, I didn't mean to tell him he looked funny in an Aussie hat.

Presumably not a soul finds what I write interesting. I don't associate with persons who do find it interesting. Because anyone that does should be put away and I will be first one to lock them up. And throw away the keys. I'm slightly neurotic, it doesn't show when I'm out there. It's a good thing someone is. "Jim?" "have you moved in the last half hour?" "Ger?" "would you shut up" "Kev?" "why do you annoy me when you don't even do anything?"

And I'm about to turn sixty-one. Today I'm going to bike through the back alleys of the bad parts of TO, hoping to get stabbed. The problem is that when one is sixty-one, no one wants to stab one. And I'd probably run into an old friend. I can't win.

So I biked to work on Wednesday, and Thursday, and yesterday. Most normal person's would say: "yay, not a bad thing". Not me. On the way home from work (knowing I had a beer or two in the fridge), took the long way home and had to pass everyone on a bike, uphill. And I have go for a check-up next week: "hi Don, ooh you've lost weight" "it's the cancer, it's eating me up" "your heart-rate seems normal" "I've been sleeping for sixteen hours a day lately" "why did you come to see me?" "I'm trying to get on disability" "on whom?" "disability, I walk funny" "so does John Cleese" "but I got the forms for you to sign" "Donald, come back in about sixteen years and be serious then, you are a picture of health" "but I can't walk, I can bike" "exactly, have fun"

Robin

Although he can be very, very annoying, Robin isn't that bad. He look's after water, pretend's he knows something about hockey and he likes to think he has some idea about garlic. Actually he know about garlic, wow (see above pic).

Here is of him and Karen at Leo's 70th birthday party. Robin wanted to surround himself with a lot of wine bottles. He realized he is getting old too so he'd better drink up.

Karen, the nicest person in the history of mankind, somehow manages to put up with him. Of course Karen didn't see him in his early age (really early age): Gerry's body was huge and he had a small head and Robin had a big head and a small body. It all worked out, but I wondered at the time. Hello. And they both turned out to be deadbeats, so it's impossible to judge.

Actually Robin has been a good friend for a while, as well as a relative. Someone I can e-mail with no hesitation.

In usison: clap, clap, clap.

A Sunday Morning Test

I'm drinking coffee and musing about life in general and I'm thinking: can I write anything funny on the blog without having a beer in hand? Nothing is coming to me. Yawn. Well one or two occurances do come to mind.

Col walks into camp and asks: "is Tyler here?" "no" and then he walks back to the highway. Hello. That caused a bit of a stir. And of course Uncle Don, whom only visits The Storm Clan once a year, completely realizes that everything will work out and why get too excited. The family whom actually lives there year-round gets excited. "Ty's dead" "he's been run over by a semi" "I can't take a day off for the funeral" Hello. When will anyone out there realize that these things happen when The Storm Clan gets together? I can predict that winter will arrive and funny things will happen on the July first weekend. Two certainties. And it certainly doesn't hurt that Ty is somewhat odd.

To almost everyone in the world, this would not be a compliment. But I look at Ty and think: He's got a mind like me. And he's quiet. He sits back and observes the world and stores the information. He's got it all figured out. Because the rest of the family certainly doesn't. I can predict with precision the day, the time, and the second when Kev will wonder away from camp. Everyone is saying: "where's Kev? where's Anita? we should worry" Hello. Doesn't it ever occur to anyone in the family that this is a rite for them? I know it's weird but it is what they do. At least now (finally after these many years) Kev doesn't walk to the highway and lay down and wait for a semi to run over him. Even I was annoyed at that. His semi-consciousness has finally learned not to wonder too far away. I don't why Kev would hide under Justin's truck. Some things even I can't figure out.

But that's what makes the canoeing trip special. Some things one can predict but mostly not. Things happen and to this old world-weary uncle, it's a renewal of what I like best about the world. I sit back and enjoy the ride.

Damn, I guess I don't need a beer to write about family. In unison: clap, clap, clap.

Relax everyone (revised)

I will only move back to Creston if I live on Kev's property in a shack for one (1). With running water hopefully and perhaps a bed and of course a computer hook-up. And maybe a hot plate. And a toaster. A microwave oven wouldn't be bad. And a deck so I can wave to Kev and Anita as they go work in the morning. And a coffee maker. I need that.

And if Anita and Kev, once in a while, invited me to their home, or Ger and Karri invited me over, or Jim and Brenda perhaps wanted me, I probably would accept the invitation (I can't even the imagine the good food I would get). And when they tired of me, I'm not too worrried. Col, Justin and Ty will look after me. Especially Colin. Of course he'll have to borrow money from his Dad to buy the beer so he can visit me. Or maybe not. Ger and Kev sure brought up good kids.

When I fly out there annually, I'll bring one 2 by 4. In 2075, I'll have a deck.

Thank you God, it worked.

Kev

I'm not saying that Kev spends a lot of time indoors, but I've seen ghosts with more colour. And don't look at his legs.

If one blots out one's imagination, he could be cute. Maybe not. One thing he has going for him is his kneecaps.

He annoyed me. I thought I was paddling towards the unknown and quite often he wouldn't let me. Once in a while he would, but not near enough.

I wish I was kidding about this, but I'm not. I'm not participating in the canoe trip again unless I have death defying feats. Col and me, or Ty and me would have fun, but Kev (has he applied for old age benefits yet?) is perhaps over the hill. It's not his fault. One does get aged.

A great one is no more. Everyone in the Storm Clan has stories to tell about Kev. He is (sorry, was) the standard of craziness for The Storm Clan. He would do anything. If one ever said: "kev, I bet you can't ski down that" hello. Everyone followed Kev: Neil, Robin, Ger, Jim, everyone. No fear.

Not anymore alas. He eats his campbells soup, and pretends to live out life. Too bad.

Ger

Ger didn't send me a pic of himself clothed, so I have to use an oldie but goldie. Completely ignore everything about this picture except Ger sitting, patiently, in a canoe with Karri as they are starting out on Saturday morn. "honey?" "yes honeybunch?" "isn't it a beautiful day, look at that bald eagle, we will have a nice, stressless weekend won't we?" "we will, and I'm starting to fish" hello.

In unison, everyone give Ger a hand: clap, clap, clap.

Coitus Interuptus

Hello. I sometimes write without thinking. And I did that last night. Jesse Green, of the NYT, is a dear friend and he flew to Hollywood last week to interview 'personalities' for five days. And what do I do? Tell him that I'm not interested in any of it and I hope he survives that hell.

He is not happy with me. He said I'm 'unkind'. He is a great writer and I sure didn't mean to demean him. At this very moment, he is flying from L.A. to New York and he is mad at me (he was e-mailing me from his laptop in LAX, I presume). I've never been accused of being unkind before. Maybe it suits me. Where is the whip?

I do write to other writers but I really haven't paid much attention to the words that I write to them. And of course I only laud them. But with Jesse, I let my guard down and told him what I really think. Not a good idea. The Storm Blog is one of the only places I can tell it like it is.

And the most amazing thing is, I had no idea that other people even remotely care about what I write. It's kind of scary because I've got a few sci-fi writers that enjoy hearing from me. But comparing Jesse and sci-fi writers is like apples and oranges. Jesse is a friend and I hope he has forgiven me when he lands in New York.

Jim

Jim actually doesn't care if he looks 'cool' anymore obviously. What a nice picture. The up and coming Great Grand Poobah relaxing. With an Aussie hat on. I can't think of anything better, although heartburn comes to mind.

Isn't he cute? In unison, clap, clap, clap.

An Ode (revised)

All right I admit it. I enjoy being around Jim, Ger and Kev. Kill me if you will God. Always have and always will. How many uncles are as lucky as me: none. Me sitting in the back and observing Ger and Kev in the front seat while going to Cranbrook was enjoyable. Brothers? Oh yeah. Storms? Oh yeah. I didn't know how I was going to survive coming back to Toronto, I really didn't. With Ger and Kev and Jim with me on Saturday night, and Kev taking me to the airport it worked out well. Perfect actually.

I'm sure Jim, Ger and Kev have imperfections. Millions of them probably (a conservative estimate). But not to me. If nothing else, I am a good judge of people. Guess what? They are the best. Except I have a theory: "ger?" "yes kev" "if we both go up to Cranbrook, between the three of us, we should be able make sure Uncle Don get's on the plane" "true Kev, he won't be able to double back and be in Creston when we arrive back tomorrow" "exactly, you sleep on the couch and pretend you are sleeping in the morning, Jim will be on the look-out on the deck and I will see him off to the airport". "good plan"

"kev?" "yes uncle don" "I can take it from here, you don't have to carry my bags and why did you give the pilot a tip, and I can do up my own seatbelt" "I just want to make sure are safe, you know these short jaunts to Calgary can be harrowing" "I didn't know you cared"

I hope they read the above and realize that the blogs to follow are not meant in a defamatory way. Hello.

Yay hah

I think this is a great picture (ignoring moi). Finally I have Anita on The Storm Blog. That took a while, thank you Ger. Because of the peculiarties of certain members of the Storm Clan, Anita can wonder off to bed and a certain other member of the Storm Clan will wonder away (although within hearing distance) and/or hide under Justin's truck while blubbering about: "I miss you dear, please come back, I didn't mean it" An annual thing. At least.

A classic

First of all, this picture cannot be used for blackmail purposes. Some members of the esteemed Storm Clan might want to canoe because it quiets the beating heart, soothes the soul and helps them to commune with the flora and fauna.

But not this person. Hello. Not a bad thing really. Karri communed with the river which is good. And I'm sure her heart stopped beating for a moment or two. As far as her soul? Forget it.

This is what life is all about.

Jen and I

This was a deep conversation. I had asked Jen why she was holding a beer bottle cooler holder and a plastic fan. As you can see she was aghast I would ask. "Uncle Don, they both represent cool" "ah, of course, you know Jen, I didn't even know baby duck was made any more, I used to drink it when I was cool a thousand years ago although after one bottle I was usually ready to puke my guts out" "yeh, it's good isn't it, especially if it's cold" "Jen?" "yes Uncle Don" "I hope you don't now or ever will like shooters" "why would you say that?" "well, I've seen you down six or seven bottles of baby duck, how many shooters could you handle?" "fifteen" "fifteen?" "on a bad day".

Yay

"ger?" "yes" "I like this pic you sent me, I don't remember it being taken" "why am I not surprised about that"

A New Blog

If anyone wants to be bored to tears, I have started a new blog. It's on science fiction writing so don't expect funny. Don't expect science either, I failed science in high school. I resent that by the way. If I would have had a decent teacher I would have been okay. I had a teacher called Mr. Gautier. He was eventually fired and run out of town but, unfortunately, not before he turned me off of science.

Actually thinking about it now, some of the teachers I had at PCSS were not good. I had one great one. A Mr. Robinson (not Adam Robertson). I had him for geography. I was in the front desk and I sat rapt listening to him. Unfortunately he died one summer and I missed him a lot. The only blot on that class was when we were required to make a facsimile of a raft that Thor Hyerdahl sailed on: The Kon Tiki. Mine fell apart before I got it to school. I was in tears but Mr. Robinson was kind enough not to put it out for display.

May I continue a wee bit here? It's funny what people remember. The Vancouver Philharmonic Orchestra came to Creston once and so even the kids from the elementary school got to attend. I was sitting up in the bleachers with friends and I wondered if I would see Bobby walking in. Actually it may have been Jim and Ger. It's a long time ago. When I started at school I always got asked by the teachers: 'are you related to Roy and Marlene?' 'yes' "hmmm'

Continuing on, so I was a clutz in physical education. Why do they call it education? Hello. For a young, fairly nerdy person like me it was hell. Tumbling was really hell. Run up to a springboard and do what over that thing? A sumersault? Hello. Of course I could swim almost before I could walk. And so the very odd time we were able to swim during phys ed, I wowed them.

And I played the trumpet in the high school band. Hello. I was no good. Why I chose the trumpet I'll never know. I should have chose the tambourines. But I got to travel to Trail (where we won the music festival competition, we were on that weekend) and of course I marched in the Kimberley and Creston parades a few times. Thinking back on it, I may have been the first nerd in the history of mankind. And I may have almost been the first 'hippy'. When one is born in 1945, one is going to go through several stages.

By the way, I'm replacing Ger as one my fave people in lieu of Justin. And definitely replacing Kev in lieu of Colin. Jim I can't replace although I'd like to. Kevin took me to the airport and saw me off? Hello. And Ger was sleeping on Jim's couch when I got up Sunday morn? Hello. I sure appreciated that.

By the way, as well as new items being added, existing items will change or be deleted on this blog from week to week. If you miss it, you miss it.

Hot or what

I've never seen a hot spell like this before. Ever. It's only 30 above (49 counting humidity probably). As I always do on Sunday morning, I went out biking. That lasted about six minutes. Even I can't bike in that.

I'm imagining a conversation with Jim if he lived in Toronto: "Uncle Don?" "yes Jim" "I'm moving, bye"

David Letterman's Top Ten

Top ten reasons why Uncle Don shouldn't be allowed to live in Creston:

10. He will get lost and a major search party, costing millions of dolars, will have to be arranged.

9. Six minutes after moving to Creston he will be bored.

8. I'm there for a week and I leave Kev notes on his seat to cheer him up in the morning. If I lived there for a while, I would leave a bomb and so he wouldn't last long.

7. I'd drop in at Creston Optometric Eye Centre every day and annoy Karri.

6. I'd hitchhike to Jim's and be so unshaven, unbathed and rude.

5. When and if I was invited, I'd critizice Anita's food. That would be after I ate her delicious cabbage rolls.

4. I'd embarrass everyone by being normal.

3. I'd impress Jim with my cooking.

2. Wherever she is working, I will meet Jen for a ciggy.

1. I'll die the second day I get there because I will be too happy.

Sunday Morning Musings

Yesterday I paid $150 for a headset so I can listen to my music with clarity. I can no more afford that than fly from here to Toledo. Music is the most important part of my life so I'm not all down on myself for doing that.

This week has been a killer as far weather is concerned here in Toronto. Counting humidity over 40 every day. You think it is bad in Cranbrook Jim. Not even remotely close. I actually biked to work one day last week. I didn't collapse so I can't be in that bad shape.

Julie sent me pics. Great pictures actually. Julie seems to be the only one in the family whom realizes that I love receiving pictures. I can here it now, in unison: "we are too busy, we don't have time" I thought that excuse went out with the Edsel but I guess not. And of course the reason I like to get pics is so I can post them on the blog. I don't think though that anyone can send better pics than what Julie sent me.

I don't know if anyone noticed but I'm not really normal. I sent Bob a short e-mail telling him I was mad at him. So he sends me back an e-mail: "what did I do now?" Someone should take me behind a barn and shoot me. And I phone Kev's place just to check up on him. Not to talk, just to make sure he is okay. I assume by now you all know my quirks and if you don't you are stupid.

I must admit, even I was somewhat taken aback with the great reception I received. Certainly not when I arrived but family seemed to warm to me. Although that may not be true either. Do we really need the hiding under a tire, zooming up a side of a mountain, bickering back and forth between family members? Oh yeah, I forgot it is the Storm Clan. If possible try to be a little more creative next year. I mean really, if I've seen Col zip up a hil trying to fix his bumper once I've seen it a thousand times. And Karri falling into the river was rather passe. And Kev looking at me in the canoe all alone. For gawds sakes I said I need to take a pee as a joke because the rock wall was sheer and I assumed Kev took it as a joke. Hello. But it was boring really. And then Justin jumping off of it. I didn't even know he was up on the sheer wall. And Col doing the rope thing. If any of that was done to impress me, it did. But the problem being is that next year Justin and Col will pretty well have to drown to impress me.

Thousands of time in the past, I have pretended to be shocked by the antics of The Storm Clan, especially Kev. I'm not doing that anymore. Actually Colin did impress me. He did something (although silly and uncalled for). He forgot to let go of the rope. I would have done that
too, but unforunately The Storm Clan is getting rather conservative and so I didn't.

In some ways I want to live at Kev's but I don't want to be bored. So difficult even thinking about it. One thing that has always beem a factor in my life is that it happens. If it happens, it happens. Egad, don't underestimate me out there. Just don't do that. I underestimate me so I don't need others doing it.

Hi

I can't get pics from Jim, Ger and Kev. Julie sent me these. Thank so much Julie. I have Max forever. That is more appreciated than you will ever imagine.

The Grand Poobah

Uncle Poobah loves this pic. This is why Uncle Poobah writes The Storm Blog and why he loves Jim, Ger, Kev and Julie so much.

sheesh

Note that umbrella. Pretend I'm not here but guess who got it? tick, tick, tick, tick, ah an umbrella. tick, tick, oh i'm tired. tick, tick tick back to the deck. Hello, I'm exhausted. Look at these people. I did all the work and they have no idea. I had to dig for it and look around and wave to Terry. It was a big deal. And look at this idyllic scene. They have no idea what I went through.

agh

This is the conversation between father and son: "dad?" "what" "you've gotta get over it" "what?" "staring at that ant that does the triple axel and why are you protecting your crotch?" "because""Dad?" "what?" "if i could explain this to you, people don't comb their hair that way anymore, they used to". "what way?" "dad how old are you?" "why?" "because you are cool, really cool".

The Gathering

Uncle Poobah won't be there next weekend. But I will expect every Storm Clan member to be there. Life is all about fun. Anyone complains about fun then they aren't a Storm. I'd give my right arm to be there so I don't want to hear any complaints. I'm sure the Storm Clan will act accordingly (subtly giving out the aura of being a little better than everyone else but pretending to be comfortable amongst the riff-faff). I've made a top ten list of do's and don't's for that weekend as a Storm Clan guideline.

ten: If possible, don't throw up in front of anyone.

Nine: When walking, try to go from point A to point B in a straight line.

Eight: This refers mainly to Kev. Don't sing around the campfire.

Seven: If in doubt, nod and say things like: absolutely, I agree, amazing, is that right?, I've noticed that.

Six: Eat a lot.

Five: Mainly referring to Ger: don't talk.

Four: Mainly referring to Jim: if you must talk about the navy, keep it under six thousand words.

Three: Mainly referring to Justin, Col, Ty and Jen and Shayna: don't attend, I mean really whom would want to (I'm kidding of course). But when you do, stick together.

Two: Mainly referring To Roy: commit suicide if possible, or have twelve thousand naps.

One: Have fun and enjoy, I know I would.

The Power of Women

I'm not sure if words can stop a war. Words can certainly start one. Words can be used to make someone happy. And they can cause someone to be so sad. And words don't have to be spoken to have an impact. And sometimes words can make someone happy, while making someone else sad. Or words can be ignored.

Case in point: "Shut the fuck up, I came 5000 kilos to hear a loon or a spotted owl or a moose. Can I have ten seconds of silence to hear silence? I don't need to hear anything, I just don't want to hear anything" Tick tock. "Uncle Don?" "yes Jen" "was that enough?" "that was one second, I hardly think so" "we'll start over" tick "uncle don?" "yes jen" not enough?" "Jen, if you would shut up then it might work". Uncle?" "yes Jen?" "you see whom I'm surrounded with?" "Storms?" "want some baby duck?"

Case in point: I look over yonder and see Jim and Brenda. Idyllic. What harm can come to me? Not possible. Hello. Who knew? Brenda, the one whom I thought would not want to harm a flea. Hello. It took a long a long time before we knew whom caused every mishap. "Kev?" "yes uncle don" "we aren't moving and neither are others but look at Brenda and Jim just powering down that river, I may have to reassess my once positive thoughts of Brenda" "you had positive thoughts about Brenda?" "Briefly"

Case in point: I'm going to go back a bit. First time I met Karri: "Uncle Don, where did you come from and why do you hate us and really, how the hell can you come back and I want to hear every moment of your life since Grade six" I was warned about Karri but I was taken aback. "uncle don?" "yes ger" "when karri gets home you are going to the Creston Optometric Eye Centre" "in my life" "you are" Of course Ger was correct in his assumption. Everything about Karri that week was fun and she took time out to make my life better. And I love her.

Case in point: Anita. Thank good gawd Neet didn't have to work that week. Anita seems to be able read my mind. When I look at Anita I'm just comfortable. The more I come down to Creston, the more I notice that Anita is happy and she has life together. Kev is a lucky man and he realizes it completely.

The Storm Clan is powered by great women. Every great clan is.

Throw No Rocks at Others

"Ger?" "yes my esteemed uncle" "I just came back from the beer store" So?" "I note the makeup of the lineup for alcohol in downtown Toronto is somewhat different than Creston" "how so?" "well, when I was in Creston I didn't notice a bag lady twitching on the floor beside me while I was waiting in line" "true, I haven't noticed that in Creston" "or the person in front of me trying to pay for his beer with a blatantly counterfeit twenty and not get arrested" "well, actually Kev tried it once years ago" "really?" "we have bag ladies too uncle don" "what!?" "but they don't twitch, ours are more sophisticated"

"Ger?" "yes?" "some of the persons in line today looked pretty wretched" "have you looked in a mirror lately?" "but really Ger it was kind of depressing to see these persons in the throes of wretchedness" "did they look happy?" "yes" "your point being?" "pretend I'm not here" "but I get your meaning uncle don, but it is not up to us to judge whether others are happy or not, for example I often look at Kev and see him in the front doing nothing but doing a good job of looking like he is doing something, and he doesn't look really happy" "he might be the heart of the front just like you are the heart of the back, Ger?" "yes?" "if Comfort left you and Kev could run that place like a fined-tuned guitar, you are both brilliant in your own way, although both of you are extraordinarily odd" "what do you mean odd uncle, we are normal"

"well yes I suppose if one thinks that someone who complains about a bad back and carries five thousand one and two ton rocks from the summit and makes a beautiful walkway is normal" "and Kev, whom Robert Louis Stevenson based his book Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde on but who got it wrong because Kev is Dr Jekyll during the day and Mr Hyde at night, is normal"

"uncle don?" "yes my esteemed nephew?" "I'm never talking to you again" "I don't blame you"

To the Doctor I go.

I actually have a Doctors appointment next Thursday. I have a number of issues with her. She hasn't seen me for a year. I've lost weight (a plus). Due to worrying (a minus). She is cute (a plus), but unfortunatley she has no idea (a minus).

"Donald" "yes" "you are still alive?" "yes, I've managed to hang on" "statistically you should be six feet under" "I resent that, can you cure me?" "of what" "my neurotisism" "your whom?" "some people think that I think the world revolves me, whereas I think I'm just clutzy"
"where does your clutziness hurt?" "everywhere" "give me a few specific examples" "yesterday I went to work without my glasses" "I meant on your body, where does it hurt?". "in my heart"
"I note that it is beating fairly regularly" "why wouldn't it, I'm a clutz, maybe I need a brain scan" "we don't do that here" "can you refer me to a Doctor?" "I am a Doctor" "A brain Doctor" "I could, but you don't qualify" "why" "because you aren't crazy" "I'm naked, I'm balancing a life of working and writing and I'm delusional and this parrot on my shoulder talks to me, and I'm not crazy?" "not in downtown Toronto or Scarborough, if you move to Mississauga they would think you are crazy"

Hello

I rather doubt that anyone want's to hear about my life but funny things happen. I happened to swerve a bit last night on my bike on the way home from having sixteen beers at a friends in Etobicoke. This car with rap music blaring from it pulls up along beside me: "Mista you fine, you cool, you drive?" "yes, I'm actually almost home, I should be walking but I'm in a hurry". "Yeh, we gots ya, we know, but you lose some skin and the mutha might worry, ya know, how miles ya got to go?". "Parliament and Wellesley Street". "We going that way, jump in, the bike there, you are and old man, what you doin' out here?" "I would have made it easily all the way the home, how are you are you guys doing, you got it cool, thanks for the lift, but I would have made it"

A New Addition

Jim is now officially a grandpa. Brandy born a girl weighing in at 7.2 lbs.

Hello

Next year no fun allowed. This aged and decrepit body won't survive. I can survive the canoeing and staying at Kev's without a prob, it's the writing about it that is the killer. I don't think I slept this last weekend and if I ate I'd be surprised. I'm not a spring chicken anymore. Imbed that thought in your minds. Be boring for my sake if not yours.

Of course being out in Creston for just a week is probably not long enough to judge. I'm sure if I spent a week plus one minute out there I'd be be bored to tears. Maybe not. Thank you all out there. This person felt completely honoured to write about you all.

And don't worry, I've still got lots of thoughts running through my head. I'm not finished writing about that week yet. I'll probably bore all you to tears. I'm slightly worried because I'm not sure we can top that week. I sure can't imagine how.

Hi

That was the greatest trip and the time of my life. I hear others say it was pretty good. You guys should have been me. I was expecting good. I presumed that. But great? I never presume great. I wasn't feeling that well leading up to that week. I thought to myself oh gawd lord, Ger, Kev and Jim will be impressed with me won't they when you throw up in their face upon your arrival. Jim will have to put me and Kodiak down. Boing!! I fly over the mountains and land in Cranbrook and I'm a new, old man. I feel better instantly and felt great the whole week.

Sunday Musings

I wish Tiger would smile. I would like to thank the following persons for making that week a good one: Uncle Don: what can I say. Uncle Jim: the canoe trip wouldn't have happened without him. I don't mind him really. He reminds me of my great, great, great, great, great, great, great Aunt Bea. Although Aunt Bea was a little more active. Actually a lot more active. Uncle Don loved Uncle Jim's bacon. No one can do bacon better. Aunt Brenda: the silent but deadly one. Did anyone notice that Aunt Brenda did not receive any blame for anything? Nuttin. Nil. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Shouldn't there be some blame attached? Who knew? Aunt Brenda should worry because Uncle Don is going to make Aunt Brenda's life hell next year. Cackle, cackle. Uncle Ger: there is not enough space. But I'm in a good mood so I will choose only the positive aspects of Uncle Ger (long pause). I need help here. Hello. Fill in the blanks. I've seen many grouses happier than Uncle Ger. He's not that bad really. Yes he is. Worse. He did complain about Karri-woman just a bit. A bit? Aunt Karri: There is definitely not enough space. If one actually listened to Uncle Ger one would think Aunt Karri is strange. I didn't think so. To me dangling a fish and then plopping in the water is normal. And jumping from one canoe to another. And no one else could have done this if they tried a thousand times: my glasses are safe. I have a blue ribbon attached to them so that if I drown at least my glasses will still be attached to my head. Swish, what is that noise? I wasn't even surprised. Oh yeah that is just Aunt Karri fishing and my blue glass attachments are gone. There is not enough space. So the canoe weekend is over. Whew, I survived Karri. Hello. I had a beautiful dinner at Ger and Karri's. I look forward to that more than one would ever know. "Uncle Don?" "yes Karri". "ask Anita if we could pop over tomorrow night". "really?" This is Wednesday. Actually I don't remember a thing about Thursday other than Ger grousing. Has anyone noticed other than me that he could be the funniest person alive when he's grousing about Karri? Whew, I survived Thursday with Karri. Yay. And while I have a dart in hand ready to throw I hear someone say (out loud): "we are going to have a fondue tomorrow night" hello. Thank good gawd I had Ger sitting next to me during the fondue. I'm not sure I would have been able to eat otherwise. Everything was too far away but Ger's plate was handy. One great thing about being the eldest uncle is that one can pretty well get away with anything. And of course Karri took me in hand and we went to her place of business on the Wednesday. (I'm sorry about the mishmash of time, I just type what I think). If anyone want's to get on my good side it is to fix my glasses. I think it is fate. Almost every time I've ever gone down to Creston I've pretty well had my glasses broken. Now I don't have to worry about it anymore. And yes, I was impressed when I talked to Karri on the phone at Comforts. Thank you Karri.

Uncle Kevin: I hope Kev isn't staying up at night waiting for a good review. He's lost his edge. Although when I saw him after Colin drove up the hill to fix his bumper it came back. I said to myself aah, this is going to be interesting. This may not be a boring night after all. Hello. And I completely agree with Justin. No long goodbys are permitted. So vroom Justin and Shayna and Colin and Jennifer leave. "Uncle Don?" "yes" "we know what to expect now don't we?" "oh yeah, the sons are completely in the wrong and the fathers will feel guilty" "yes, you could pretty well set your watch to this happening" Back to Uncle Kev. Is he aging? He doesn't seem to like danger any more. If he wants to canoe with me next he'd better smarten up. Although I love Jim dearly and I'm so glad he is alive and well and I bow to him always, I don't need an Aunt Bea II. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, Saturday before I left for Toronto was good. Other than Karri falling into the river, that could have been the funniest thing I've ever seen (actually every day of that week was the funniest). I'm gonna repeat myself but I can't help it. It's 5 am and I have to catch a plane in a few hours. But I didn't care about that. I cared about Jim's home. "Kev, see that building yonder?, we have to go there fairly soon" Hello. We made though and I was impressed with Kev that week (see the heading up top: musings?, well I'm musing: I've never been treated so well by so many, I can't even explain it to Bob or anyone, no one would believe it)

Aunt Anita: I love Aunt Anita. If I'm going to have a good time in Creston, Anita is a key. For me, her smile is worth a trillion dollars. I completely feel relaxed around her and I think she enjoys my company. We get along so well. Anita is the sane person in that family and gawd anyone who could put up with Kev should be given a Medal of Honour. I think I can read people and I have to in order to write. I think the world of Anita.

Have I finished describing the old persons now? That was a chore (I'm kidding).

Colin: Pretty well my favourite person in the history of mankind. All Sunday night, people were wondering if Colin would come back Monday morn. Not a single person asked me for an opinion but I tried to tell everyone that yes he would be. I may have been the only one that had 100% confidence in him. My memory isn't that great but I don't think there was a day I didn't see Colin. And I was just about to run out of Bud one time and guess who showed up with six cold ones.

Tyler: I didn't see much of Tyler that week. Except I think Sunday night. Another amazing event that no one was witness to. "Ty?" "yes Uncle Don" "the fire is going out" So while I relaxed Ty pretty well cleaned out the campground of kindling. "Ty" "yes uncle Don" "that fire is making a lot of noise, won't Karri get up and yell at us?" "she will and we will ignore her" "good plan". "Ty?" "yes Uncle Don" "the world revolves, I haven't dared to say that this weekend, but you I can tell tell that to, do you think I'm strange?"

Justin: I will only say one or two things about Justin. The weekend wouldn't have been great without him. How does one quantify greatness? Justin was there in the canoe next to me and we had to listen to you people, the second-class citizens. And Karri was to my right. Not a bad combo. Justin and Shayna were there for the fondue. I was secretly ogling Shayna, I hope that is not a prob.

I Save the Best for the Last:

Jen: I apologize for this right off the bat. So far I'm red-blooded. Baby Duck. There we go. I don't mind Jen. I think she is the cutest person in the history of mankind but I can't say that can I? (a little aside: obviously because I live in Toronto I notice this. I see the persons who work at Overwaitea and Mr. Sub and the liquor store and they are happy in Creston. They aren't happy here. People are really, really nice to me here because I'm old and decrepid. But I really notice the difference though. Every time I go to Creston, it is really a cultural shock. And the Overwaitea is a prime example. In more ways than one it is a shock to my system. If you guys care or not I don't know. But I'm ready to move out there. It's getting near the time I did that. I don't know where I will live (I will only live near Kev's but not with him). Although living in Creston would be okay I guess. I take everything back. I could live in downtown Creston. I will be able to bike. It would be tough to bike up that hill. Yes so Jen is cute.

Shayna: I envy Justin. Did I mention that Justin is great? I was completely impressed. Too bad his father is so annoying. I don't think anyone noticed (and by the way, is Creston the only place where stupid people hang out?) I wanted to hug Shayna a thousand times but I was only able to get a furtive glance in once in a while. That won't happen again, I'll do the full fledged hug next time. Justin could have introduced us but he never did.

Did I miss anyone? Life changes a lot. I don't think I will ever live in Creston really. I've got a few things going on that may work. Or mostly may not. The only way I will ever move to Creston is in a shack on Kev's property with computer hook-up. and there is no shack so I'm not too worried.

Yay hah.

Canoe Trip - Day Two

Hang on to your seatbelts on this one. I have no idea what I'm going write but I have a feeling it will be interesting. And hopefully I will edit it at some point in time.

First though, someone e-mailed me and said I was overdoing the boringness of Jim, Ger and Kev. In order to correct that, I've decided to call them Batman (Jim), The Penguin (Ger), and The Joker (Kev).

So guess what? I get up and look forward to breakfast. Of course I am fully clothed with shoes on so it doesn't take me long to get out and about. I'm starved. And guess what? The Penguin's son and The Joker's son are going to make breakfast. Batman was nowhere to be seen except when he accidently tripped over The Caped Crusader. Breakfast was delish. I don't know what Tyler and Justin did to those hash browns but they were really good. And the eggs. Breakfast is my big meal of the day and so I notice these things. Up to that point in time, Batman made my favourite breakfast of all time, but Tyler and Justin did pretty good. And I can't over-emphasize my love of coffee when camping.

Aah no driving, just get in the canoe and paddle. No motors today and the sun is shining. The Penguin is grousing around and under his breath he's complaining about something or another (something about Karri I presume). Ger is the only one I know who must have coffee, baby duck, beer, whiskey, and herbal tea at hand. At the same time. Of course what does the boring person do (I mean The Joker)? Warns me that this is going to be a treacherous voyage. For just a few minutes I ceded to his alert and I was okay and anyway my breakfast was still getting digested. And I know Batman that I should respect the river and I do but when one has The Joker with one it's tough. And Batman don't worry, The Joker is a joke. The highlight was of canoeing under that tree. That was the highlight of the canoe trip: looking at this huge tree coming at me and wondering if I can duck down enough. Yah I guess Kev isn't that bad really. A small warning: Next year will be my third time and I will be a lot more careless next year. A lot more. One bikes in Toronto every day and one loses ones fear. If The Joker can't take it, fine he'll hold me back.

Lunch. Of course having the previous years lunch that Karri and Gerry made which was the highlight of my canoe trip that year I was expecting something quite good. But Batjim put it the best and I agree. It was still okay. We are canoeing for gawds sakes. We don't need to eat like kings every meal. Maybe The Storm Clan does but really. When you guys get carried away in the evening, it's nice to have a second party to talk to: "Karri-man?" "yes Don" "is that my family getting carried away and pretty well making fools of themselves and making me wonder if I'm adopted or not?" "yes it seems to be them Don" "if I left now would they miss me?" "no, in the morning maybe Don but not now". "gawd I'm glad you are here". I really enjoy having Karri-man around. What would be ideal would be having them supply the chips and dip or something during canoe trip. Just no meals.


The afternoon. None of us wanted it to end. Did I mention The Penguin grousing? Hopefully next year Ger will realize that Karri is going to have a good time and just go with the flow. It was actually kind of nice being with The Joker that afternoon. I think Kev would agree we did well as far as canoeing that weekend. I knew what to do when. So here is the two persons who like to party the most (I think) and we come across this noise from the shore. Karri-women is going from one canoe to another. We both say "wow, I couldn't do that in a million years". And then, agh, we get to this rock bluff. And The Joker says I have to pee. Hello. This is a wall that is sheer. Oh good I'm alone in a canoe, which is not a prob. And he's standing looking at me wondering if I will take off (note: if Kev is with me next year, I'm gone, I'm gonna put some grey hairs on his head). But really, it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. To see Justin, Anita, Col, Tyler, Karri, Jen and others having a party on the shore and me and Kev saying: "let's just go by them, I don't think it's safe to go in there".

And of course we decided we should hide. The Joker wasn't content on just hiding. "Kev?" "yes" "why are we among the frogs and fronds?" "because we are hiding". "guess what, that party upriver is not going to notice that we are among the fronds, in fact I'm not sure they know they are on a river". "okay don, check it out, do you see any civilization?" "they've gone around the bend". "whom?" "civilization".

This a little bit of a highlight of my weekend. We got int0 shore and Kev jumped out and I was slightly worried about the canoe. And Shayna was there holding it for me. An angel. For me of course everything is about hoping Jen and Col and Tyler and Shayna and Justin have a good time. And they seemed to. I hope they did. I wouldn't mind canoeing next year again with The Joker. He's kinda boring but he's okay. I never thought I would say that. Some day I've got to write about Kev and Jim and Ger. They were crazy. Sitting around a suppertime table with Julie too and my Dad. Hello Dolly. It was unique. May I say this? The combination of Roy and Anna made some good kids somehow. Amazing really, they loved me right from the get-go and perhaps there are thousands of uncles as lucky as me. But I don't think so. I do what I do and hopefully live my life the way I like it and hopefuly don't annoy too many people. And to have Jim, Ger and Kev and Julie part of it is God's way of saying: "you didn't quite do it, you tried but it didn't work, good try though but even I didn't realize how annoying they would be, don't break the news to them that they are pretty well useless. I've talked to the person downstairs and he is getting ready for them, he has expanded Hell quite a bit, although he is not sure he's got room for the four of them". "Exactly God, I see where you are coming from and with me here, I take up a lot space, will they ever be allowed up to Heaven?" "Jim is on the borderline, we have a panel judging him at the moment, if he kills another elk then he is staying in Hell forever" "What about Ger God?" "I've got a migraine". "Ger should be here God, but just make sure he's not on any cloud I'm on and we can't leave Julie in hell" "why not?" "well because Heaven is boring, and it really should be spiced up" "who are you by the way, I don't need advice". "God?" "yes" "I have one more request" "this had better be good" "God, I need to bring up one more relative, his name is Kevin" "I'm familiar with him, he doesn't want to come up" "really?" "apparentely he's taken over Hell and Satan is knocking on my door to get in" "God can I go to hell?"

yay

So I mentioned to Kev that I could eventually move out there. If and when I do, I will not be in Creston, it will in the general vicinity of Kev's. "You can't move here". "where" "here" "Kev you may be surprised to hear this but I'd pretty well kill myself before I'd live under the same roof as you and Anita". "what can it take to build me a shack with plumbing?" "plumbing?" "okay forget the plumbing, how about a bed" "a bed?" "would it work if I slept in Max's doghouse and howled at midnight?" "no" "too close?" "yes" "and you would shoot me accidently if I snored while you are naked in the morning" "possibly, yes, for sure".

And so it's a work in progress. I have to figure out how to be invisible and be very, very quiet. What's wrong with a shack with a computer hook-up somewhere on Kev's property? I'd build it of course. I could. A tree house perhaps. I really am quite a builder. I resent that Kev and Anita don't want me there, I would tend their graves quite regularly after I've slit their throats. No they are very nice people I'm sure. I could write. No probably not but gawd it would be fun driving Kev crazy. No, I guess I shouldn't move out there really. Because every single moment of my life when I'm not writing will be spent on making Kev's life hell. And that certainly came to fore at the canoe trip, what a boring person he is. And Ger: cackle, his life will take a sudden veer for the worst. And I have a lot of respect for Jim. And so it will take a little bit of planning to make sure he is comfortable when is gasping for breath while I hang him from his fingernails.

Of course I'm kidding. Everyone just gave off such good vibes that week. The canoe trip was great, but really for me it was about family and I was not disappointed.

And I must tip my hat to Colin. He was amazing. I knew this but it was nice to see again. First up, last to bed. And at Kev's he was there every day after work and even though he was broke he brought six cold Bud. And Justin and Tyler were amazing. I don't know if the boring persons (Jim, Ger and Kev) realize it but the Storm Clan is in good shape. I've met Brandy too, it would be nice if she was at the canoe trip next year.

I guess I love family. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed that.

Hi Justin

I"m doing well. Well not that bad. I enjoyed hugging you in a broad, relatively relative kind of way. I have no idea but you and Col seem to be my kind of people. Although if I must pick and choose I would choose others. You guys get me which you should completely worry about.

May I muse and/or speculate? That was silly, stupid and/or rather inane about trying to fix Colin's bumper that way. I was slightly agog but certainly not surprised. Guess what? They born you. They didn't do anything like that. Now that they are middle-aged they forget what they did. What really annoyed me was canoeing down a river with Kev whom seemed rather conservative. I'm afraid. I'm really afraid. You and Col gotta uphold the Storm Clan mystique because obviously Kev, Ger and Jim are getting too old to do that. Very disappointed in Kev. I remember when he was game for anything, in his prime he was the numero uno. But he doesn't have it any more unfortunately. It's tragic really to see a great one collapse. Be nice to him if you can Justin, pat him on the back and pretend to sympathize. And then there is Ger. Well, ignore him if you can. I've only got a few people left. I assume when I move down there you and Col will keep me remotely interested in life. Which should be interesting because you guys have no idea about life in general.

I'm kidding of course, but I am not kidding about Kev. All my life I've looked up to him and he's boring now. If my bod will allow me, I'm not finished with the thought of biking across Canada. No one should underestimate me.